Birthday presents fit for a prince

The Prince of Wales is celebrating his 60th birthday in style.

Amid the parties at Buckingham Palace and Highgrove - and comedy performances from Robin Williams, John Cleese and Rowan Atkinson at an event for the Prince's Trust charity - the prince could be forgiven for forgetting some of his birthday presents.

Particularly as the Duchess of Cornwall has promised to give her husband 60 individually wrapped gifts.

But fear not. Determined to avoid a social faux pas, the prince has told the Today programme how he intends to remember his royal presents.

(Royal fans may find it helpful to read the list to the rhythm of that Billie Joel song, We Didn't Start The Fire.)

Fishing Rod, whiskey, smart tie, biscuits,
Walking boots, racehorse, the Goon Show on CD.
Poetry, Shakespeare, houseplant from Ikea,
X-Box, Pair of Heelys, Russell Brand's biography.

Castle - yes another, Harrods vouchers from one's mother,
Balloon ride, rally driving, a day trip to the poor.
Waving lessons, hat, scarf, FA cup tickets - second half,
And I conjecture architecture to replace an eyesore.

I'd like an end to global warming and something to stop me yawning,
Whenever I have to visit factories in the North.
A monogrammed golden trowel, a Royal wedding tea towel,

The prince is the longest-waiting heir in British history

And eco friendly light bulbs from sustainable wood of course.

A remote controlled Dutchy Original,
The public hanging of Nicholas Witchell,
Or how about a DVD of The Man Who Would Be King?
Chocolate orange, Argyll jumpers, anything from Anne Summers,
The Dangerous Book for Princes and an iPod whatsit thing.

These are my birthday presents.
Wrapped in half an acre,
Of recycled paper.

These are my birthday presents.
Wrapped in half an acre,
Of recycled paper.

Absolutely charming I have to tell you.

Happy Birthday to Me.

Written by Jon Holmes, presenter of Listen Against on BBC Radio 4 and read by comedian and impressionist Jon Culshaw.