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Monday, 3 May 2004, 13:06 GMT 14:06 UK

Caption Competition 198

Ian Poulter puts a football

This week's caption competition features eccentric English golfer Ian Poulter.

Here we see him taking time out to improve his putting using a football before the rain-delayed final round of the Italian Open.

Poulter is well known for raising eyebrows with his unusual clothing and hairstyles, so it's no surprise to see him practising in a strange way too.

Has the moisture in Milan finally got to this talented man or is there a method to his madness?

Congratulations to Adrian Wade from Canada , the new proud owner of a BBC goody bag! His winning caption was:

Royal Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Golf Balls introduces new crash helmet

A new cap comp will be published on Monday.


SAY WHAT YOU SEE

"Humorous? I just find Ian ruddy irritating," said the golfer in the background taking out his rifle case.
Rob Falconer, Wales

Ian keeps his favourite putter safe by attaching it to his nipple clamp
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

OUR FAVOURITE
" Poulter was so annoyed with his wife for putting a red sock in with his trouser wash that he packed the wrong balls "
Nick Locke, Somerset

Golfer shrinks in heavy rain!
Toby Donaldson, UK

Poulter annoys cameraman by getting in the way of his photoshoot for a sportswear catalogue.
Steve York, England

Poulter - the only player on the circuit to use a surgically-attached putter.
Max, UK

Poulter refuses to play until the ball is detached from his playing partner's foot.
Stephen Merriott, England

Ian has to wear a special hat while his opponent checks the crowd for nits.
Peter T Bromley, UK

No, no, no, Ian, the cap goes on top of the wig, not vice versa
Nick Fowler, UK

Poulter was so annoyed with his wife for putting a red sock in with his trouser wash that he packed the wrong balls.
Nick Locke, Somerset

Poulter had to remain motionless until the eggs had hatched from the birds' nest on his head
Dan, UK

At the local insanity competition the three main contestants are 1)man who plays golf with a football 2)(bottom left) man who rides an invisible horse and 3) man wearing blue shirt whilst leaning on invisible desk
Mr Flibble, South Pole

Ian Poulter starts a new trend of wearing cricket whites while playing golf.
James Hunt, U.K.

Man in blue shirt: "Ahh! So that's why they call him Silver Balls."
Martin Mills, Morpeth

New Daz... Makes your whites whiter and your balls bigger
James Kilkenny, Hull, UK

Everyone on the golf course is entranced by Ian Poulter and his over-size ball. Except that is, two bystanders in green coats who were playing with this cake-looking object
Little Bear, England

Man in blue shirt attempts to put dirty hankie into right trouser pocket of spectator.
Super Skim Ox, Highworth

Unfortunately, the irritating station ident logo prevented TV viewers from seeing if the putt went in.
Ed Duffy, UK

"The Aston Villa scout (see right) was impressed by Poulter's ball control, but wasn't sure he had quite grasped the concept."
Colin Starkey, London, UK

There's always somebody who causes a long queue on the crazy golf
Dave Regan, Southport

Ian Poulter fails to realise some funny person's cut a hole in the top of his cap
Lucky Jack Aubrey, France

Onlookers look bemused at Poulter's pink trousers, oh the football as well.
Andy, Blantyre

This is why they play "Spot the Ball", not "Stripe the Ball".
Stephen Tucker, USA

Poulter would do anything to draw attention away from his pink trousers!
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England

And the award 4 most useless hedge goes to the one behind Ian Poulter
Liam Stiles, Japan

To slow the ball down they have put velcro around them.
Keith Holmes, Liverpool

New lens on the Cap Comp Camera needs to be re-focused as it makes the nearest object look huge
Keith Holmes, Liverpool

The guy in blue - "Yeah, I'm off to the doctors later to have this huge boil removed from my left foot."
Jonny, York, UK

Ian mistakenly plays with top of lampost he had nicked the night before during a drunken ramble around Milan
Curly, Barnet, UK

Ian, a loyal Millwall supporter, turns away from the bloke in the West Ham shirt behind him.
Neill, Carshalton, Surrey

Eccentrically dressed man plays with eccentrically sized ball in front of eccentrically small crowd
Matt H, Imperial College, London

It may look odd but he's never lost one in the rough.
RD, Liverpool

Forget Poulter, the man to the left is using a child's head as a golf club cover!
Stephen Tucker, USA

Honey, I Shrunk the Foursome.
Stephen Tucker, USA

PUN FUN

"Miss-Ian Impossible"
(Mr. Phelps, this ball will self-destruct in 10 seconds...)
Adrian Wade, Canada

Poulter obviously has an inflated idea of his own golfing skills.....
John Lewis, Finland

OUR FAVOURITE
" Giant chicken egg found on golf course but Poultery denies fowl play "
Martin Mills, Morpeth

Ian looks serious, but his playing partners were tickled pink...
Jack Savage, England

Poulter's pleated pink pants please putting pals.
Stephen Tucker, USA

You need big balls to wear pink trousers!
Colin Russell, Isle of Man

It's always the same. Get a crowd of onlookers and I make a big balls up
Martin Hextall, England

I've asked him repeatedly to just pick up the football and remove it from the green but he just keeps putting it off.
RD, Liverpool

Goalf!
Phil, Japan

Inflation hits more than the prize money
Mike Cornes, Leeds, UK

Ian crosses a Golf Club with a Football and gets a Club Foot.
Chris Halliwell, Leyland, Lancashire

"Look," I said, "Put it this way we might as well play football not I could putt a Mitre football"
Super Skim Ox, Highworth

One caddie to the other, has Ian got 2 pairs of pants on? Yes in case he gets a Hole-in-One.
Chris Halliwell, Leyland, Lancashire

Man in blue shirt: We enjoy our football coaching sessions. In fact, I Tord him to use that Grip.
Super Skim Ox, Highworth

Complete and putter nonsense!
Nick B, London

I said "put the ball in the goal, not Putt the ball in the goal."
Rob Wood, U.K.

The new inflatable balls were fine until you got a hole in one.
Phil, Japan

"It's too big for a chicken's egg. It must be a goose's egg," said Ian, an expert on Poulter-y
Nick Fowler, UK

Poulter foots a puttball
Matt H, Imperial College, London

Poulter brings a whole new meaning to "crazy golf"!!
Mat Dexter, England

Giant chicken egg found on golf course but Poultery denies fowl play.
Martin Mills, Morpeth

Golf for the less 'fore'tunate.
Andrew Wade, Canada

Man in blue shirt: "I don't care if he does win, it'll only be a Poultery amount."
Martin Mills, Morpeth

Poultery In Motion
Adrian Wade, Canada, usually...

Man in blue shirt: "Eccentric clothes perhaps, but you've got to admire his balls."
Martin Mills, Morpeth

Another caddie's job goes as he mis-hears fourballs for footballs
Jim Cochrane, England

A Birdie? No... when it hatches I'll have an Eagle...
Adrian Wade, Canada

It takes big balls to putt with a long putter!
Mark Gillespie, USA

If you think my putting's odd, you should see my driving!
Adrian Wade, Canada

Goal in one!!
Darren Lethem, England

Suddenly balls of all shapes and sizes were flying everywhere. Ian suspected a Poulter-geist.
Rob Falconer, Cymru

SUR-REALLY GREAT

Poulter uses putter and gravity to prove Einstein's theory that space and time are slightly warped by presence of large spherical objects...
Adrian Wade, Canada

Ian Poulter was later arrested at the scene for the brutal murder and decapitation of Right Said Fred.
Matt Wells, England

OUR FAVOURITE
" Royal Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Golf Balls introduces new crash helmet "
Adrian Wade, Canada

World tunnelling champion resurfaces on putting green by mistake.
Steve York, England

Star Wars film fans are disappointed to find the Death star is no bigger than a football.
Chris Halliwell, Leyland, Lancashire

Society for the Protection of Armadillos to investigate recent events at Italian Open
Huw Williams, Wales

Record size Hailstones hamper Ian while he is putting.
Chris Halliwell, Leyland, Lancashire

"A rare species - the 'Silver backed blue-cross tortoise' was spotted at the Italian Open"
David Dibb, UK

You think the Royal Mail has problems? The Easter Bunny's running a month late in Italy.
Clare Falconer, Llandough

International Red (or should it be black?) Cross food parcel is blown way off course
Martin Hextall, England

Winning putt cruelly stopped by invading miniature spacecraft
Philip Jordan, England

International outrage as forgetful golfer improvises with an armadillo
Martin Hextall, England

Ian Poulter used as giant golf club by giants in giant game of golf
Philip Jordan, England

Play interrupted as Colin Montgomerie's glass eye falls out
Philip Jordan, England

Ian Poulter is officially revealed as the patron of the Society of Visually Impaired Golfers
Richard White, UK

Tiny Tim kicks the ball away in disgust as the Annual Pixie Football Match is ruined by Poulter walking onto the pitch.
Nick Locke, Somerset

Poulter tries to defend Planet Earth with his putter as little aliens leave their spaceship
Nick Locke, Somerset

Poulter is lucky to get his putt away moments before an Android's head lands in his path...
Steve York, England

A passing patriotic Finnish tortoise interrupts Poulter's putting practise.
RD, Liverpool

The BFG steps up to take his shot
Matt C, Chester, England

Soon after crash landing, the Lilliputians' balloon ran into further trouble.
Simon, Hitchin

Moments after striking the cross pearl, Poulter was confronted by an extremely angry giant oyster...
Adrian Wade, Canada

Royal Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Golf Balls introduces new crash helmet.
Adrian Wade, Canada

The Lilliput entry for Round the World in a Balloon had crash landed in an unfortunate location.
Gareth Lewis, UK

Ian froze as the big brother of his usual golf ball squared up to him.
Gareth Lewis, UK

Gulliver loved to interfere in the Lilliput Gladiators Atlasphere event.
Gareth Lewis, UK

Following beach football & beach volleyball; Poulter introduced the prototype for beach golf. Swimwear is optional but silly clothes essential!
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England

Software company admits major bug in latest version of their golf game for PC.
Martin Mills, Morpeth

Disguised as metallic hot cross buns, the alien invasion was doomed to failure.
Martin Mills, Morpeth

Criticism that Ian Poulter's mind was not 100% on the game proved accurate as he is spotted putting a grey-striped albino armadillo.
James Wiffen, Chelmsford, Essex

After the Italian Open, The European PGA announced it will be testing players balls for performance enhancing drugs.
Jason, USA

Unfortunately, they weren't playing with oversized holes as well.
Matt H, Imperial College London

TOTALLY TOPICAL TASTE

Richard Branson fails yet again to cross the Atlantic as his balloon mysteriously deflates over Italy
Rob Falconer, Wales

Sepp Blatter uses Ian Poulter as his guinea pig for a new way to settle draws in football matches.
Jack Davies, Wales

OUR FAVOURITE
" After Sepp Blatter is laughed out of the FIFA, he decides to concentrate on other sports. In golf's case, he decides that it is too easy to putt "
TS Neville, Rugby, UK

The mystery of where that football landed which Diana Ross kicked at the opening ceremony of USA 1994 is finally solved.
Steve S, Scotter, UK

Even though Ian only putted the football it still managed to get under Oliver Khan's despairing dive.
Chris Halliwell, Leyland, Lancashire

Lost British Mars Probe found on practice green at Italian Open
Huw Williams, Wales

Following the Formula-1 shake up the PGA introduce radical new changes including larger balls, smaller golfers, and the banning of all electronic aids...
Tom Copeland, Brum

"We can still win the Champions League," Says Ranieri as Crespo's latest shot lands in Italy
Mark Tiernan, England

As Tiger Woods continues to struggle to win, his new tactics seem a little far fetched
TS Neville, Rugby, UK

PGA officials have at last found a way of cutting down golfer's driving distance.
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England

The ball from Beckham's penalty miss, against Turkey, finally lands.
RD, Liverpool

Adequate steps had been taken to ensure that Poulter's ball wouldn't sink if he decided to throw it in the water again.
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England

After Disney's record low sales they resort back to old crowd pleaser 'Hunny, I shrunk the...' movies, starting with '...golfers'
TS Neville, Rugby, UK

Mars Beagle Probe finally turns up - in Milan!!
Derek Lyttle, Scotland

An attempt to solve a congested sporting calendar proves too much at the F.A. Open at Cardiff!
Damo, UK

Ranieri made another surprise substitution.
Gareth Lewis, UK

After Sepp Blatter is laughed out of FIFA, he decides to concentrate on other sports. In golfs case he decides that it is too easy to putt.
TS Neville, Rugby, UK

After being relegated, Alan Smith immediately takes up his new career.
RD, Liverpool

Tournament begins on time as magic golf ball soaks up rain
Philip Jordan, England

Leeds star Alan Smith wastes no time finding a new club.
Ronald Gland, N Ireland

MISCELLANEOUS

"You're right mate, his bum does look big in those trousers!"
Derek Lyttle, Scotland

The Cyberman - weak with laughter at Poulter's get up- failed to notice the putter whizzing towards his head until it was too late..."
John Ecru, Chichester

OUR FAVOURITE
" Despite being twice the size of everybody else, Ian was still too small to play with Pavarotti's golf set "
Rob Falconer, Wales

Inside every golf ball is a football trying to get out!
Liam Stiles, Brazil

Ian's worn stilts ever since a mole ran up his trouser-leg
Nick Fowler, UK

I bet no-one can see my trousers now, especially if I draw attention with Colin's stress management ball
Will Tuft, UK

Tournament disrupted by hamster invasion.
Toby, UK

And for round two Tiger Woods and Ernie Els play volleyball with a cricket ball
Philip Jordan, England

Poulter: '...And that, my friends, is why outdoor curling will never catch on.'
Rob Henderson, Co Durham, UK

Look, tell the girl in the low-cut dress to move on or I'll never get my equipment the right size
Rob Falconer, Wales

Augusta finds a novel way to curb the rising number of below-par scores: balls that are too big for the holes!
Richard White, UK

Poulter ponders a swing at Monty's cake.
Gavin, Wales

Player in blue says to his caddy "I bet he drinks Carling Black Label!"
David Dibb, UK

Beckham maybe be 'Goldenballs', Poulter could only manage 'Silverballs'
James Hunt, UK

Poulter tries to cover up the real reason why he never wins tournaments; he says the ball is too big for the holes.
James Hunt, U.K.

After failing at golf, Poulter tries his hand at the less than known sport of golfball
Wellbelove, Lipsville

"He should have gone to Specsavers"
Martin Rose, Newcastle, England

You should let Poulter have your bib, as he is the one who is dribbling.
RD, Liverpool

Uefa investigate claims that the new Euro 2004 balls are too light, after ball kicked in Oporto lands in Milan.
Mark Tiernan, England

Giant golfers may grow old, but they never lose their balls.
Ronald Gland, N Ireland

Ian Poulter, not as rich as Beckham, has to settle for silver balls
Simon, UK

Poulter looks on in amazement as he now realises that he should have listened to the person who told him that sitting on the wet grass for too long can make your balls swell up.
Simon, UK

Ian was trying out the new spectator friendly golf balls!!
Simon White, UK

Ian's pet hamster was not to keen on Ian bringing him to the Italian Open!!
Simon White, UK

Forget "Golden Ball's" just call me "Big Balls".
Simon White, UK

Poulter's Pink Putting Machine ignores the disdainful looks from the 'real' golfers.
Dan, England

Miniature Golf took on a whole new meaning when the PLAYERS were shrunk...
Dan, England

I'm Jake the peg (diddle-diddle-diddle dee)
with my extra leg (diddle-diddle-diddle dee)
whenever I putt my swollen ball,
it never goes into the hole...
Dan, UK

We'll have to wait hours for him. On that scale, the fairway'll be 20 miles long.
Clare Falconer, Llandough

Ian Poulter's hamster proved to be a poor choice of caddy.
Peter H, UK

Man in blue shirt: "No I don't think those trousers go with that top"
Super Skim Ox, Highworth

Please Sir can we have our ball back?
Rich, Eng-er-land

The spectators may have been amused, but the hamster in the ball certainly wasn't...
Bruce of the Jungle, D.R. Congo

Poulter gets a piece of landing gear embedded in his chest from an alien spaceship that has just crash landed.
Roger Pintches, CA, USA

Poulter was beginning to think that he might have played the wrong ball out of the sand.
Simon, Hitchin

Despite being twice the size of everybody else, Ian was still too small to play with Pavarotti's golf set
Rob Falconer, Wales

AC Milan are asking if they can have their ball back
Nick Fowler, UK

World short sighted croquet tournament ends in chaos when the oversize balls bounce back off the hoops.
Nick B, London

Nike have mixed up their orders. Elsewhere, the Arsenal squad are confused as to why their balls for next season have shrunken dramtically.
Nick Locke, Somerset

Crazy Golf round to decide Milan open after rain caused abandonment.
Matthew Emson, UK, Birmingham

Ian Poulter cannot believe his eyes when a football falls from the sky. The force is so great that when the ball lands on the caddy's head, he's pressed down in the ground.
Eva, Sweden

The sadist! There's a gerbil in there!
Andrew Wade, Canada

"Such an unusual style."
"The giant ball?"
"No, the pogo stick."
Andrew Wade, Canada

What hasn't been spotted yet is that it's a modified snooker cue he's using, multi talented indeed
Andy, Blantyre

I thought the doctor was joking when he said my sight was a bit dodgy.
Hemita, England

Take me to you leader board golfer asks Alien....
Don Hale, England

Oh no, Colin Montgomerie's been dropping hot-cross buns all over the course.
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

Ian's new glasses clearly wasn't workin today
Liam Stiles, Japan

Forget Poulter - his poor caddie's got to carry 25 of these in the bag...
Les Linyard, UK

Poulter struggles in his latest attempt at the world record for keepie-uppie.
John, Motherwell, Scotland

"I swear the holes were bigger in my day"
Adam Race, England

Someone tell Ian that multisport stars don't play them at the same time!
Stephen Tucker, USA

Spot The Ball goes horribly wrong again
Matt H, Imperial College, London

Sure, it's easy to putt, but try to drive it off the tee!
Stephen Tucker, USA

CAP COMP CLASSICS

As Ian gets on with the Italian Open, back home Bobby Robson plans something quite outrageous in the hope of being the star of Cap Comp 199
Rob Falconer, Wales

Those who thought Bobby Robson hadn't made it into the Cap Comp this week will be reassured to see the top of his hair as he stands behind Ian Poulter
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

OUR FAVOURITE
" After Bobby Robson's recent efforts, Poulter now decides to give Victoria Beckham a dance lesson "
Jim Cochrane, England

Ian had hidden all his favourite Opal Fruits - the red ones - in his trouser pocket, and now the heat of the sun had melted them and made his trousers go pink
Rob Falconer, Wales

At last, Big Bird finds a final resting place on Ian Poulter's head
Phil, England

If I can putt an egg this size, I'll get a Big Birdie...
Adrian Wade, Canada

Big Bird lays an egg in the path of Ian Poulter's putt
Derek Lyttle, Scotland

After Bobby Robson's recent efforts, Poulter now decides to give Victoria Beckham a dance lesson
Jim Cochrane, England

Rare "Big Bird" egg found on putting green.
Simon, Hitchin

What? No one's cracked the one about Ian aiming for a Big Birdie on every hole?
Tom Copeland, Brum

Practical joker Leslie Nielsen had been at it again!
Nick Fowler, UK

Hey, everything looks so big! What did you put in those Opal Fruits you gave me?
Nick Fowler, UK

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

Is that Ronnie Corbett playing with Ian in the Pro-Am?
Chris Halliwell, Leyland, Lancashire

Ian 'Putter' Poulter is distraught that someone has superimposed Jeremy Clarkson's face onto his body
Honk Kong Fuey, Hong Kong (Drr)

OUR FAVOURITE
" Jesper Gronkjaer quits football for pastures fresh and new "
Neill, Carshalton, Surrey

After Johnny 5 getting in on the act last week, 101 from Terrahawks is muscling in on the action.
Super Skim Ox, Highworth

Jesper Gronkjaer quits football for pastures fresh and new.
Neill, Carshalton, Surrey

Shane Warne takes time out from failing drug tests to enter the Italian Open.
James Hunt, U.K.

Beckham suddenly becomes Silverballs!
Tony Fearon, N Ireland

Harry Potter (back left) casts a spell to enlarge the ball and keep it from going in the hole.
Stephen Tucker, USA

Famous celebrity golfer Ronnie Corbett had often thought about having clubs and balls specially-adjusted for his height
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

The Hobbits really struggled with the crazy golf.
Neill, Carshalton, Surrey

REGULARS' BANTER

Partygoers on Si Griffin's yacht take time out to make use of his on-deck putting green.
James Hunt, UK

Two items seen in last week's goody bag: an extra long golf club and a silver football. Unfortunately the goody bag ended up with this guy.
James Hunt, UK

OUR FAVOURITE
" Ian Poulter realises that the only way to get ahead in golf is to do something wacky enough to catch the BBC Sport Caption Competition editors "
Nick Fowler, UK

Ian tests out the Griffin putting green.
Sarah L, UK

Ask that John Lewis of Finland for a ball, and you find out just how patriotic he is.
Rob Falconer, Wales

With all this talk of Si Griffin's yacht, we are forced to notice that the great man has been absent for quite some time... an unfortunate meeting with Bouncer perhaps?
Tom Copeland, Brum

OK - We already know he's got a yacht and a steamroller, but can Si Griffin stop showing off with his new golf course?
Matt H, Imperial College, London

The golf on the nine hole course is interrupted by a football from the 5 a side pitch on the back of Si's Yaucht
Andy, Blantyre

Who said the contents of this week's goody bag wouldn't be fun?
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England

Ian Poulter realises that the only way to get ahead in golf is to do something wacky enough to catch the BBC Sport Caption Competition editors
Nick Fowler, UK

Cap Comp Judges can't decide which came first... The Poultery or the egg?
Adrian Wade, Canada




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