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Last Updated: Friday, 12 November 2004, 17:11 GMT
Caption Competition 225
Ralf Schumacher
This week's caption competition features Formula One's Ralf Schumacher driving a different sort of car.

The German, who has recently signed to drive for Toyota, was in London on a promotional visit and found time to play with some toy cars.

He had a disappointing 2004 season which again saw his brother Michael claim the Drivers' Championship.

So what did you think is going through Ralf's mind as he plays with his cars?

This week's comedy genius is Mark Alexander from Penarth, Wales who conjured up this witty one-liner:

Ralf smiled as he prepared to use his high-pressure shower on the next Ferrari he saw

Nice one Mark! The BBC goody bag is on its way!

A new cap comp will be published on Monday.

SAY WHAT YOU SEE

Ralf wonders how long it will be before anyone notices he's a wax work
Tom Prothero, England

Michael's love for his brother is shown by his gift of a Scalextric set for him to play with in the shower
Clare Bear, Llandough, Wales

OUR FAVOURITE
Ralf smiled as he prepared to use his high-pressure shower on the next Ferrari he saw
Mark Alexander, Penarth, Wales
Honey, I shrunk the car!
Jo, Australia

Ralf always dreamt of being big in Formula One.
Mark Tiernan, England

Martin Brundle's job looks safe for now as Ralf opts to begin his commentating career at the Scalextric world champs.
Darren Scoffield, England

Schumacher, head and shoulders above everyone else at Grand Prix. No change there then!!
Andrew Kenworthy, Nottingham, England

Ralf phones Max Mosley with his idea on how to make F1 cheaper.
Andrew Kenworthy, Nottingham, England

I've been at Williams for five years, and this is the best leaving present they could come up
Russell Greeno, UK

Slow down guys, have you seen the size of that policeman and his speed gun?
Anthony Fisher, Weston Super Mare, UK

Ralf's fixation on beating his brother at something finally forces the "men in white coats" to come for him.
Mike Seaborne, Canada

Once his elbow hit the table, Ralf's joy soon turned to horror as he realised he had crushed several thousand tiny spectators.
Jack, UK

It was only after the photo-shoot when Ralf realised that he had no legs.
Jack, UK

Ralf grins sheepishly as he tries to remember which car he's controlling.
TUM, France

Ralf enjoys the cheerleading demonstration taking place behind the Caption Competition photographer
Bobby Ryder, Solihull

Ralf seems happy as he recreates an unlikely scenario... look! Not a Ferrari in sight!
Rupert Wilson, UK

Officials were worried yesterday when a 50ft Schumacher turned up to watch the grand prix.
The Wingnut, Cardiff, Wales

Turn round Ralf, an invisible man is nicking your shirt!
Mark Nichols, UK

Ralf hoped no-one would notice that his car was actually the one parked at the side of the track.
Rob Henderson, Co. Durham, UK

Ralf seemed to be winning his arm wrestling competition with a telephone
Alex, England

Ralf models the new "John Kerry" chin
Ribrash, Merseyside

Ralf phones Bernie to stress that size doesn't matter
Nigel, Cambridge

Ralf puts on a brave face, as his drive for next year is revealed.
Peter N, Ashford, UK

Ralf must have been a little confused when he turned up for work at Toys'R'Us by mistake
Marc Alexander, Penarth, Wales

Ralf smiled as he prepared to use his high-pressure shower on the next Ferrari he saw
Marc Alexander, Penarth, Wales

At least one F1 driver was pleased to see the British Grande Prix back on the racing schedule - even in a reduced form.
Mark Arnold, UK

Not only does Ralph take toy cars in the shower with him he forgets to undress!!
Nick Brett, UK

Mmm, little slots in the road to keep the car in the right place - could work for me!
Kathryn Knight, Birmingham, U.K.

Ralf confiscated the shower from his brother so that no-one can say how good Michael is in the wet.
Ollie B, UK

At least one F1 driver was pleased to see the British Grande Prix back on the racing schedule - even in a reduced form.
Mark Arnold, UK

Michael may be the best driver, but do you see a giant statue of him anywhere??
Owen Davies, Wales

Schumacher caught on the phone whilst driving
Steve S, Scotter, UK

I know I just phoned for a mini-cab, but this is ridiculous.
Marc Alexander, Penarth, Wales

As Ralf played merrily the men in the white coats gathered behind
Huw Williams, Wales

Ralf interupts his serious Toyota testing session to take a telephone call.
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England

After his appearance on the Generation Game, Ralf shows off his plunder..Watch, Mobile Phone, Racing Set. Didn't he do well!
Tony Fearon, N Ireland

Ralf had enjoyed the pleasing crunch as he carelessly stepped on the model of his brother's car
Marc Alexander, Penarth, Wales

Despite his beaming smile, Ralf is gutted about coming third in the "Michael Schumacher look-alike Contest".
James Atkinson, Sheffield, UK

Ralf soon realised the telephone receiver he was holding served little purpose in Scalectrix
Martin Theobald, England

Ralf entertains the children by crushing a Michael doll with his left hand.
Graham, Scotland

PUN FUN

The Fit Controller!
AKA, Dorset, UK

Ralf puts the Toy back into Toyota
Alex, England

OUR FAVOURITE
'The car in front ain't a Toyota. It's a Ferrari, yet again!'
Rich Baker, Grimsby, UK
Formula Five Thousandths
Adrian Wade, Canada

"The car in front ain't a Toyota. It's a Ferrari, yet again!"
Rick Baker, Grimsby, UK

Ralf tells his brother about the BBC goody bag "don't bother, it's the pits"
Jim Cochrane, England

"No Ralf, it's F1 not Fone!"
Alex, England

This is much easier, I should of signed for TOY-ota ages ago!
Gary Nock, England

Same old story, whenever I press Button, I come off!
Malcolm, England

Ralf CARn't be bothered to stand up properly
Hemita, England

Formula one pound fifty
Peter Fosse, Australia

Ralf tries to be a giant in the sport.
Jason Kilby, UK

Ralf loses track of things
Hemita, England

The new Toy's R'alf store opening ceremony
Ollie B, UK

The scalextric championship was going well until someone Ralfed all over the track.
Mark Tiernan, England

In a show of family unity (and for old time's sake) Ralph forces Damien Hill's car onto the carpet..
Nick Brett, UK

Hey Michael! Maybe we should give up racing and go back to making shoes.
Graham, Scotland

Ralf forces a smile as he discovers his contract isn't with Toyota but with Toys R Us.
Graham, Scotland

Ralf is spotted calling his lawyers after realising that it's 'Toys or 2' that he was signed up for next season
Keith Holmes, Liverpool

SUR-REALLY GREAT

It wasn't quite the modelling career that Ralf had in mind
Nick B, London

Toyota try out their new crash test dummy
Alex, England

OUR FAVOURITE
The Japanese weren't hugely enthused with Godzilla's makeover
Alex, England
Little Ralphie aged 6 had eaten too many Shredded Wheat for breakfast.
David Martin, Brighton, England

Ralf was overjoyed to see the flea circus version of Formula One.
Mr Henman, England

Gulliver was most miffed when Ralf showed up with his Lilliputian Grand Prix drivers
Sam Hill, UK

Ralf gets ready to sing my way at the Eurovision Grand Prix.
Andrew Kenworthy, Nottingham, England

The Japanese weren't hugely enthused with Godzilla's makeover
Alex, England

Giant Schumacher presides over Lilliput Grand Prix
Andrew Kenworthy, Nottingham, England

Monte Carlo's novelty-sized Ralf Schumacher proves a hit with the fans.
Nick Bryans, Brighton and Hove, England

Ralf realised the impact of the growth steroids he had taken had gone too far..
Dave Harrington-Wright, Wales

Ralf phones Michael to reveal the results of his voodoo car testing!
Steve S, Scotter, UK

Toyota demonstrate their sophisticated technological advances in F1 testing to an impressed Ralf S.
Jon Turner, England

Lilliput grand prix attracts big name.
Steve, UK

Ralph joins the family Taxi business: "Michael, Mrs Smith wants picking up for her hospital appointment"
Brian Barnard, UK

Elves struggle to keep up production for giant Schumacher
Eamon Goodfellow, UK

Ralf realises that his hormone therapy has got out of control!
George Baxter, England

I don't think you are taking this seriously Mr Bond. Look what happened to the last three agents M sent against me! (manic laugh)
Mark Arnold, UK

Ralf finds that arm-wrestling a Dalek while driving is not so easy!
Mal Walker, Australia

A filing blunder in the fax room finds Ralph Wiggum attending a supermodel's champagne pool party whilst Ralph Schumacher¿
Peter Fosse, Australia

Higher gasoline price causes major downsizing at Formula One.
Adrian Wade, Canada

Hello, it's Ralph Schumacher here reporting from the Lilliput Grand Prix".
Sandra Goodson, UK

Ralf grinned as he realised that now he could finally beat his brother - after using his super duper shrinking machine!
Steven, England

Having given up on racing, Ralf tries to become a children's watch model.
Stephen Tucker, USA

Ralf "accidentally" put his Formula One competitors on a hot wash and shrunk them.
Mark Tiernan, England

He's swallowed the fourth car - he thinks he's signed for Toyeater!
Nick B, London

Even the growth hormones couldnt elevate Ralf to the god of Formula One.
Jon Hunt, Ely, Cambs

Gulliver is in attendance for the latest grand prix
Keith Holmes, Liverpool

Giant invades Silverstone!
Steve S, Scotter, UK

Schumacher is lucky to escape with minor burns when he foolishly tries to create wet weather conditions by turning the shower on to the track.
Gerry Slawson, UK

Ralf demonstrates next year's car that complies with the strict new FIA guidelines.
James Atkinson, Sheffield, UK

TOTALLY TOPICAL TASTE

This was obviously not a REAL Formula 1 race as 3 cars could be seen in the same frame!
Lorrie Lorimer, Texas, USA

Max Mosely finally wins his battle to reduce performance of F1 cars.
Adrian Parker, Italy

OUR FAVOURITE
Ralf is dismayed to find Bernie Ecclestone even has a stake in his Scalextric set
Clare Bear, Llandough, Wales
The downsize of Silverstone is almost complete
Nick Bryans, Brighton and Hove, England

The British Grand Prix is saved!
Phil Overton, UK

Nope, no one ever passes anyone here either
Paul Turner, Maryland, USA

Ralf wonders why he's last... and then notices he's driving David Coulthard's car.
Matty, England

Ralf used the phone to pay three lots of congestion charge
Nick B, London

"Hello, Mr Ecclestone? Are you sure this is the right place for the replacement British Grand Prix?"
Jim Cochrane, England

Ralph depicts Silverstone post Eccleston - end of the road, end of the line and yet another long face.
Howard Barnes, Wales

Things were going well until Bernie Ecclestone condemned the facilities
Huw Williams, Wales

Silverstone finds a way to comply with Bernie's requirements.
Bob Watson, Ware, England

Big brother wins with big cars: perhaps little brother can win with little cars!
John Higgins, Halesowen, West Midlands

First CCTV pictures of Jacques Santini leaving Spurs after training on Thursday.
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England

Ralf finds it easier to stay in one piece this way!
Bob Watson, Ware, England

Ralf is dismayed to find Bernie Ecclestone even has a stake in his Scalextric set
Clare Bear, Llandough, Wales

Ralf found a way he could carry on driving and not damaging himself
Martin Theobald, England

At last, a track where I can overtake.
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England

MISCELLANEOUS

Cars!? I've been using this thing to call my mum...
Mark Nichols, Chalfont St. Peter, England

Whilst most families prefer Monopoly, Christmas at the Schumacher's was even more predictable...
Raymond Li, Manchester, UK

OUR FAVOURITE
Mummy said I'm to win this one
Andy Stuart, Scotland
Now that I have hatched my evil plan to shrink the other cars, all I need is a bigger car with a bigger engine and the WORLD TITLE is MINE - ALL MINE, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!
Alex Naher, UK

A new low cost format is introduced for Saturday Qualifying.
Mark Newbold, UK

I can't believe they talked me into doing this, everyone will be making jokes about me on some website
Christophe C, Hitchin, England

Ralf smiles devilishly as the race comes to an end, knowing he's got the only working controller.
D. Renwick, Scotland

Hey Mum, Michael won't let me win again.
Scott McFarlane, Scotland

Ralf chuckled as the 0898Voodoo message made Michael's car spin off
Peter Fosse, Australia

Ralf discovered that toy car racing is very realistic as he had to view the rear ends of three cars on the home straight.
Matthew Loxham, Sheffield, England

As a condition of his signing for them Toyota insist Ralf goes back to basics...
Woody, Notts

Bernie arrived minutes later to OK the London plans, which were on a 1:1 scale.
Rick Baker, Grimsby, UK

Right, Michael's nowhere to be seen, surely I've got a chance of winning this one?
Stephen Catt, United Kingdom

Ralf takes Montoya's number off speed-dial.
Sarah L, UK

Ralf had scoured London to find a Scalextric set without any red cars
Clare Bear, Llandough, Wales

Hey, Michael, that cloud formation behind us looks just like your brother!
Clare Bear, Llandough, Wales

Ralf smiles, just before he learns he'll be driving the team Micra
Rob Falconer, Wales

The limitations of Ralf's laisé faire practice sessions are exposed by an undercover photographer.
Andy Simpson, UK

(in the style of Murray Walker) LOOK AT THAT! JUST LOOK AT THAT! a Schumacher brother genuinely smiling
Tony Higgins, Stockton-on-tees, England

Seconds later the daredevil camera man lost several front teeth in a collision with Ralf's car
James Tomlinson, Barnsley, UK

Roughly translated, "Schumacher" means: man who plays with little cars.
Stephen Tucker, USA

Ralf tries the new Silverstone simulator programme.
Bob Watson, Ware, England

Ralf was still waiting for his hands free carphone.
Ribrash, Merseyside

Mummy said I'm to win this one
Andy Stuart, Scotland

Ralph denies that all the F1 technology means that modern day drivers need less skill.
Kris Powell, UK

"Breaker, Breaker, this is the bandit. We got a large grinning German on our tail!"
Anthony Fisher, WSM, UK

No Mr Bond, I expect you to DIE.
Stephen Bliss, England

What does your mobile phone say about you?
Mark Tiernan, England

I... I'm sorry.... I'm lost in his eyes...
Stephen Tucker, USA

Ralf laughs as he suddenly realises that his name actually means "Cobblers" in English.
Tariq Sheikh, Essex

Just out of shot, brother Michael's car was about to lap them.
Ollie B, UK

Formula 1's 3 car plan goes barmy!
Luke Stanton, Shropshire

Hey boys, what's German for Va va voom ?
Sharon, Poole, Dorset

Not pictured: Michael's car, having already finished.
Stephen Tucker, USA

Michael had already finished 5 minutes ago and had moved on to the Kerplunk set.
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England

As parking proved a nightmare at the Scalectrix Circuit, Ralf phones Bernie and tells him to move it to Hot Wheels
Jim Cochrane, England

A toy car with a model of my brother in? We couldn't even get his head in a full-sized car.
Rob Falconer, Wales

Hah! It's not so hard to win this when Michael isn't here...
Matthew Taylor, England

Jah, I know there are only three cars on the track. I hit a Smartie and spun out on the first corner...
Alex Lees, Scotland

"Look! One hand!"
Thomas Patterson, England

.....at least if I race our Michael with these and he's winning, I can switch the track off and take my cars home!
Don, England

Ralph has his first practice lap at the new British Grand Prix circuit!!
Simon White, UK

If only it were this easy, I would stand a chance then!
Phil Lindoe, UK

CAP COMP CLASSICS

Sorry guys, I don't think Big Bird made it into this shot.
Stephen Tucker, USA

Leslie Nielsen finds his least obtrusive disguise yet.
Stephen Tucker, USA

OUR FAVOURITE
Unbeknownst to Ralf, Big Bird has just swooped and made off with the ice cream cone that was in his left hand!
Tony Fearon, N Ireland
Ralf can't contain his smile any longer as he sees Big Bird sneaking up behind the Cap Comp photographer
Keith Holmes, Liverpool

"OK, OK, Which silly blighter put the super glue on my elbows?"
Anthony Fisher, WSM, UK

Who superglued my mouth into this cheesy grin then?
Mark Nichols, UK

It turns out Henry was warning Niemi about a possible attack by giant racing drivers.
Mark Tiernan, England

Ralf makes light of the fact he's superglued his elbow to the table again.
James Atkinson, Sheffield, UK

Unbeknownst to Ralf, Big Bird has just swooped and made off with the ice cream cone that was in his left hand!
Tony Fearon, N Ireland

Who put superglue on this control pad?
Tony Fearon, N Ireland

Superglue strikes again as celebrity auctioneer takes telephone bid at toy auction.
Gavin, England

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

A little kid watching says 'Mummy, Mummy, look it's John Kerry!'
Luke Stanton, Shropshire

Hey, this is great fun. They can let Mel Smith do the next series of Restoration.
Marc Alexander, Penarth, Wales

OUR FAVOURITE
A little kid watching says 'Mummy, Mummy, look it's John Kerry!'
Luke Stanton, Shropshire
Bill Frindall put down the razor and admired his new look.
Jack, UK

Griff Rhys-Jones was passionate in his plans to restore the old Brooklands racing track
Marc Alexander, Penarth, Wales

Michael smiled in vain as he tried to come to terms with the new rule changes designed to restrict Ferrari's monopoly of the sport"
Rob Simpkind, England

Scalextric find out that they've picked Gryff Rhys Jones instead of Ralf for the demonstartion.
bob watson, ware england

Evidence was stacking up proving Ralf Schumacher is Griff Rhys Jones's secret love child.
James Atkinson, Sheffield, UK

Griff Rhys-Jones regrets that the photograph is too small to contain his playing partner Mel Smith
Tony Fearon, N Ireland

God found Formula one an enjoyable viewing
Martin Theobald, England

REGULARS' BANTER

Ralf cardboard cut out placed on Si's yacht to attract visitors
Bob Watson, Ware, England

Schumacher receives phone call from Cap Comp judges to advise him that he is this week's guinea pig.
Andrew Kenworthy, Nottingham, England

OUR FAVOURITE
When this week's goody bag is three cars short, I think we have a prime suspect
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England
Ralf: "And next week I'll show you my model of Si Griffin's yacht!"
J.M.T., UK

"Go boys, make for Si's yacht!"
Mark Nichols, UK

Si Griffin gets Ralf to do a running commentary of the latest race to his yacht
Keith Holmes, Liverpool

An evil grin from Ralf as the cars head towards the hapless Cap Comp photographer tied to the track
Phil Kirkham, Bracknell

When this weeks goody bag is three cars short, I think we have a prime suspect.
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England




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