England football legend Paul Gascoigne gets intimate with Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson in Faro, Portugal.
Gazza played for Fergie's international all-star side against Luis Figo's star-studded Portuguese outfit in a charity match.
And the cheeky Geordie looked in fine fettle while risking the Fergie 'hairdryer' treatment.
Is Gazza trying to earn himself one last crack at the big time? What do you think he's up to behind Sir Alex's back?
This weeks winner....... cue emphatic drumroll.......comes from Darren Farr in England with this witty litttle gem.
Oh come on boss - I'm Boston to get on
Congratulations to you - send us your address and we will send you a BBC Sport goody bag.
A new cap comp will be published on Monday.
SAY WHAT YOU SEE
After sitting down, Gazza realised he'd worn his suit blazer on the inside again!
Ollie B, Southampton
Sir Alex was relieved that he'd agreed to have a glass security screen fitted behind him
Rob Falconer, France temporarily
Sir Alex tried to ignore him, but the loony on the bus always sat next to him
Rob Falconer, France temporarily
Fergie taken hostage after telling Gazza how bad his beard looked.
Bean, Scotland
Paul discovers where Alex keeps his gum when he's not chewing it.
Jack, London, UK
Gazza notices a kebab stuck to Fergie's head.
Jack,
London, UK
Fergie sports his new epaulette
Nick B,
London
Fergie goes for the 'gangsta' look with the massive earring in his left ear!
Stuart, Fareham, UK
Alex almost smiled as the fans' boobs rubbed on his back... until he turned around and saw whose they were!
Stephen Tod, Rochdale, Lancs.
'...aye, I might be stinkin' drunk but at least I'm not the one with a nose like Rudolph eh?'
Stephen Tod, Rochdale, Lancs.
In the new "Football Legend" card set, Gazza and Sir Alex are dismayed to find they warrant only half-a-card each
Rob Falconer,
France temporarily
'That stupid Geordie is pulling facing behind my back again ain`t he?'
Adi, Hong Kong
Unlikely duo audition for the role of Zaphod Beeblebrox in the new Hitchhiker's Guide movie.
Simon, Hitchin
Sir Alex didn't look quite so pleased when he realised he had to spend another £3 on passport photos.
Reshad Sergeant, London
Gazza attempts to blow over a cardboard cutout of Fergie.
Bradley Pintches, USA
Two heads aren't always better than one.
Stephen Tucker,
USA
Gazza goes Mike Tyson on Sir Alex.
Stephen Tucker,
USA
The passport photo-booth was not as secure as Sir Alex would have wished.
Gerry Slawson, UK
Gazza shows he is still world class by making the best pass of the day to Sir Alex.
RD, Liverpool
Gazza failed to realise the waxwork of Sir Alex, wasn't gonna give him a game, now matter how much he played up.
Rob Wood, Warrington, UK
Failing to impress Fergie on the pitch, Gazza figures his surprise Mick Jagger impression will overwhelm him
Paul Turner, Maryland, USA
Gazza aims to prove once and for all that it IS a wig.
Darren Farr, England
Mmmm, I'll eat your other Polo ear ring in a minute.
Alan J Heath,
Pitmedden, Scotland
Gazza pulls a face behind Fergie's back, failing to realise they are in front of a mirror.
Mark Tiernan, England
Following Gazza's Geordie kiss, Fergie can't hide a quick grin before unleashing a 'Glasgow kiss'!
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England
Fergie sits in Gazza's lap causing him to wince!!
Simon Manning,
England
Gazza tries to wind up Fergie as he has his passport photo taken!!
Simon Manning,
England
Air conditioning breaks down during Man Utd's tour of the USA, but the eager American fans step in to offer assistance
Craig Warner, Brit in the USA
Obviously Sucking up to Alex didn't help, so Gazza tries blowing instead
Craig Warner, Brit in the USA
The psychologists were worried by Gazza's new ear fetish.
Neill, Carshalton, UK
Fergie shows no remorse as his latest boot kicking tantrum leaves ex international with severely swollen mouth and no teeth!
Tony Fearon, N Ireland
Fergie look-a-like gives the game away by smiling.
Darren Farr,
England
PUN FUN
Alex thought he's signed a sponsorship deal with PG TIPS...not PG TWITS
Maria Wells, Bracknell
"Ferg on the Tyne is all mine all mine, Ferg on the Tyne is all mine!"
Mark Tomkins, Stonehouse
The filming of a key scene in the remake of Gazzablanca:
You know's how to whistle don't you?.... You just put your lips together and blow mate..
Ollie B, Southampton
Boss & Pecks...?
Richard Wilkinson,
Leighton Buzzard
Howay, Alex man... wanna see me Gaza Strip? Ah've had one of them Brazilians like!
Stephen Tod,
Rochdale, Lancs.
To get ahead, Butt moved to Tyneside: to get a head-butt, Fergie stood in front of Gazza.
Phil,
Japan
I think we have a Gazza leak
Rob Falconer,
France temporarily
Gazza has a stud in his ear, Sir Alex has a clown in his!
Phil, Japan
Gizza Kissa Gazza!
Loz,
England
Loony Toon
Nick B,
London
Hair today....Goon
tomorrow.
Richard Wilkinson,
Leighton Buzzard
That's it Alex, sell Butt and sign Kiss.
Rob Wood,
Warrington UK
Sir Alex: That's Faro nuff, Paul!
Adrian Wade,
Canada
"Ruud! Ruud!" says Paul after Fergie declines to read Gazza's new book.
Matt Jarvis, Peterborough
In the interests of a healthy diet, Fergie changed the chip on his shoulder for a (has) bean.
Marcel Berenblut, UK
Gazza starts new career as a kiss-a-gram.
Darren Farr,
England
Fergie was clearly enjoying being man marked.
Chris White,
Welwyn Garden City, England
SUR-REALLY GREAT
His "stupid-haircut" senses tingling, Sir Alex prepares the infamous boot for yet another victim.
Jack, London, UK
a fiver says i can suck his wig off
gareth davies,
blaenafon
Gazza carefully inspects head-jack before unplugging Sir Alex from The Matrix...
Adrian Wade, Canada
Alex Ferguson's future in television journalism at the BBC seems assured after passing the "doing a live cross without being put off by the raving lunatic" test.
Shane, Australia
The love child Errol Flynn always denied having with Doris the turtle is spotted inside Madame Tussaud's
Andy Simpson, UK
Sir Alex tries out his new ear wax vac
Rob Falconer,
France temporarily
It's 'Blind Date' gone wrong.
Sarah L,
UK
 |
OUR FAVOURITE
As Alex posed for the camera Paul tried to suck the toupee off his head
Joseph Hughes,
Leicester, UK
|
The Alex Ferguson cardboard cut-out once again shines, resulting in Gary Linekar being dropped from the Walkers Crisps contract.
Ian Green, Welwyn
Sir Alex to undergo surgery for removal of ugly growth on right shoulder
John Lewis, Finland
As Gazza settled into his new role as Fergie's personal ear wax remover, the Scots finally had their revenge for Euro 96.
Martin Mills, Morpeth
The little angel on Sir Alex's left shoulder had already given up the unequal fight
Rob Falconer,
France temporarily
Fergie is sure going to be surprised when he sees who the bibbly blonde Contestant no 3 on Blind Date really is!
Andy Dunne, Ireland
Sir Alex's personal ear-hair trimmer gets to work.
Stephen Tucker,
USA
Having just washed his hair, Paul needed the hairdryer.
Mark Newbold, UK
Ferguson was clearly unimpressed by Gazza's claims that he could balance a caterpillar on his top lip!
Steve S, Scotter, UK
Always the trend setter, Sir Alex displays his new Paul Gascoigne ruck-sack.
Gerry Slawson, UK
Gazza will do anything to be part of Premiership soccer again, So he interviews for the job of Alex's personal Hairdryer
Craig Warner, Brit in the USA
The fish yearns for the fishbowl.
Andrew Wade,
Canada
Fergie knew that the ventriloquist's dummy he'd picked up on the cheap, reminded him of someone.
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England
Glasgow zoo should never have allowed the monkeys so much freedom!
Stephen Tod, Rochdale, England
TOTALLY TOPICAL TASTE
As filming for Spiderman 3 begins, Spiderman's evil enemies are revealed.
Suzi, Scotland
Gazza: 'You might think Arsenal and Chelsea are your only threats, but Boston are waiting in the wings...' Fergie tries to keep a straight face at Gazza's atempts at mind games.
Rob Henderson, Co. Durham, UK
New rumour of manager's affair rocks footballing world!
Darren Farr, England [i.e. cheap postage for the Goody Bag ;-)]
Gazza's true feelings for "chicken" Fergie emerge when the new Sport Celebrity Big Brother chains them together.
Lennie,
Petersfield
On seeing Faria Alam enter the stadium, Fergie & Gazza put on their best smiles.
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England
The Boston Strangler sniffs out his next victim.
Ronald Gland,
N Ireland
"Sir Alex, you look smug but I bet you haven't got an invitation to the Boston Tea Party!"
Steve Surridge, Puckeridge, Ware, Herts
On securing his appointment as the new Boston supremo, Gazza tried to suck some of Fergie's managerial know-how out through the back of his head.
Mark Tiernan, England
Gazza: C'mon Alex, just one kiss. No-one will find out. Sven does it all the time!!
Simon, UK
... an' then ... this is the best bit ... ah got me penknife oot an' loosened up the turf roond the penalty spot!
Rhod, UK
After losing to Bayern Munich, Gazza soothes Alex's heart with a rendition of his favourite lullabies.
Craig Warner,
Brit in the USA
JP McManus's last desperate bid to unseat Fergie, by having Gazza sing Fog on the Tyne in his ear all day long, looks doomed to fail!
Tony Fearon, N Ireland
"Och that's great Faria"
Bean,
Scotland
Despite his veneered smile, Sir Alex was wondering whether the player he paid £7m for really was Alan Smith.
Mark Palmer, Hull
Fergie tries to jump on the "affair" bandwagon.
Bean,
Scotland
Gazza whispers, "Right boss, I've started that rumour about Viera, who do you want me to unsettle next?"
Stu, Scottish Borders
Fergie smirks as he's whispered to about Chelsea tying with Oxford 1-1
Craig Warner, Brit in the USA
Fergie is thankful for the offer but says to Gazza: "I don't need your services during the Olympics Paul!"
Matt Jarvis, Peterborough
Sir Alex: Now now Gazza I've told u once and I will tell you again! I'm not like Sven I don't do affairs!
Liam Stiles, Somerset
Pssst, wanna buy a video, 'Star War 3: Revenge of the Sith'?
Alan J Heath, Pitmedden, Scotland
Gazza: I read you want to sign the New Gazza...you've obviously heard about my new healthy lifestyle and fitness regime.
Fergie: I was thinking of Rooney you muppet.
Mark Tiernan,
England
MISCELLANEOUS
Reporter: You look great for a 63-year old!
Fergie: Thanks.
Reporter: I was talking to Gazza.
mark tiernan,
england
"Wear a quiet black-and-white tie and wait in the stadium," the dating agency had told Sir Alex
Rob Falconer, France temporarily
Gazza is thrilled to win the Rooney lookalike competition, but Fergie is shocked to come second.
Gavin, Wales
It was the first and only time that Sir Alex would share a box on Celebrity Squares...
Adrian Wade, Canada
Alex Ferguson's new shampoo seems to be having the desired effect.
Thomas Bryant, Guildford
A devastated Fergie is united with the son he never knew he had.
Gavin, Wales
Suddenly, Sir Alex could sense a distinct smell of port in the air
Rob Falconer, France temporarily
Sir Alex feels the stale air of England
Sharmaine Kruijver,
Australia
Fergie gets the last laugh as he grabs Gazza by the short and curlies....
Craig Warner, Brit In the USA
Fergie in love-child shock!
Rob Morris,
UK
Fergie is alarmed to meet the doctor who'll be examining his piles.
Gavin,
Wales.
Sir Alex began to recognise the strange whispering voices he had been hearing on the phone
Rob Falconer, France temporarily
Can I borrow your razor, Sir Alex?
Rob Falconer,
France temporarily
Akex: "Didn't Vinnie already teach you a lesson about this kind of behaviour?"
Jason, USA
It's true then - the Devil DOES work for Sir Alex.
Sarah L,
UK
Gazza and Fergie re-enact the Voeller/Rikaard incident at the 1990 World Cup.
Bean, Scotland
'I don't want to smell your breath Gazza, I believe you, you haven't had a drink in hours, but you still can't play on my team.'
Roger Pintches, USA
Gazza says "I won't kiss if you won't tell"
Brian, Reading
A Mars a day, helps you smirk, jest and...generally annoy the hell out of Manchester Utd's manager!
Tony Fearon, N Ireland
You should see where Gazza's hands are...
Stephen Tucker,
USA
Gazza was sure he'd seen the club bus-driver somewhere before.
Gerry Slawson, UK
The Crimewatch photo fit showed a motley pair of criminals
Martin Theobald, Milton Keynes
Something for the weekend sir?
Nick B,
London
Gazza froze instantly, as Sir Alex let go one of his infamous silent-but-deadly farts...
Nikos Koudas, Greece
Belly's gonna get you!
Harry,
UK
Fergie finally learnt something from Vinny Jones, and slowly twisted his tight grip on Gazza.
Tom,
Herts, UK
Sorry, Gazza, you can baby talk to me all you want, but you still won't get a contract.
Paul Turner, Maryland, USA
G`zza job!!
HywelG,
Machen, Wales
Only a few more pounds to lose, and I'll be the third singer in BROS.
Lee Jennings, West Sussex
C'mon Alex, I want to give you a Glasgow kiss...
Michael,
England
Gazza was not going to move until Fergie had played the Dentist's chair game.
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England
Gazza secures a new job as the devil sitting on Sir Alex's shoulder.
Rory, Hawick
The subtitles team know they have a tough day ahead, when they hear who is being interviewed that day.
Andrew, London
The voices in Fergie's head sounded strangely like Gazza.
James Wiffen, Chelmsford, Essex
The queue for people waiting to become England's manager just got longer...
Adrian Wade, Canada
"Psst...gissa job"
Ian Reeves,
Ipswich, UK
"Ooh sir...best players in the world, having you as their manager...ooh suit you sir...ooh suit you!"
Neil, Sheffield
You can kiss your chances of the league goodbye Fergie
Mike O'Leary, Leeds
Fergie knew that his new Eau de Kebab aftershave was a winner!
Philip Allinson, Wanstead, UK
Fergie realises Vinny Jones knew the right way to deal with Gazza
Martin Theobald
Poker-faced Fergie gives Gazza a touch of the Vinnie Jones treatment.
Simon, Hitchin
Manchester Utd's security attempts to keep wayward fans out of official team photographs prove totally ineffective!
Tony Fearon, N Ireland
Gazza: Cochi cochi coo!
Luke Stanton,
Shropshire
I know where you live!
Roger Davis,
Bristol
"I'll even play in goal if you want"
Mark Horwood,
Byfleet, Surrey
Fergie smiles as he re-inacts the Vinny Jones Grab.
Gary Walker,
UK
"Look Fergie, I'm sorry I choose Spurs over United, but that was ages ago, so let's kiss and make up eh?"
Ryan Johnstone, Brighton, UK
CAP COMP CLASSICS
Yet again a mascot appears in the BBC Sport cap comp. Sir Alex poses with Big Berk.
Rob Falconer, France temporarily
Leslie Nielsen and Big Bird in their oddest costumes yet.
Stephen Tucker, USA
Sir Alex smirks to himself, waiting for Gazza to realize he's been superglued in that pose.
Stephen Tucker, USA
The latest entry into Synchronised Managing flops.
Stephen Tucker,
USA
|
OUR FAVOURITE
A scene from Leslie Nielsen's new video, "Gazza and Me"
Rob Falconer, France temporarily
|
Leslie Nielsen look-a-like contest ends in farce.
Darren Farr,
England
The things you see when you don't have a tube of superglue handy!
Phil,
Japan
MISTAKEN IDENTITY
when Sir Alex asked for a blond with good legs he didn't quite get what he expected
Paul, Essex
At the Buffy lookalike comp. Gazza and Sir Alex don't make the shortlist for Giles and Spike.
Reshad Sergeant, London
The FA funded version of "The Silence of the Lambs" starring Gascoigne as Hannibal Lecter was proving to be an instant success.
Jack,
London, UK
Disaster strikes as in a drunken rage, Gazza mistakes Fergie's toupee for a pint of lager.
Jack, London, UK
That revoltingly ugly Euro 2004 mascot, Kinas, makes a return to the BBC Sport cap comp pages
Rob Falconer, France temporarily
Despite bleaching his hair Gazza fails to convince Sir Alex to give him a game by pretending he was really Alan Smith.
Reshad Sergeant, London
George Peppard from the A-Team meets Gazza from the Z-Team
Rob Falconer, France temporarily
"...and so England kissed Euro 2004 goodbye."
"Excellent! Your cheque's in the post, Mr. Meier."
Ed Duffy,
UK
Gazza teams up with the Lord Charles ventriloquist dummy and tries out his new act.
RD,
Liverpool
The Hood taunts Jeff Tracy in the new Thunderbirds movie.
RD, Liverpool
Abel Xavier makes a welcome return to English football by kissing up to Sir Alex.
Adam, Burton
Gazza's deteriorating eyesight catches up with him as he mistakes Sir Alex for Jordan.
Rory, Hawick
Fergie couldn't help but imagine how the stress and strain of life in Madrid would affect Beck's looks
Harry, UK
As a result of some horrific side effects, David Beckham assures Sir Alex that he is planning to cut out the hormone replacement therapy
John Lewis,
Finland
Only their mother can tell them apart. (Well, it worked last week)
Joseph Haig, UK
I bet Rod Hull never had this much fun with Emu.
Chris Bushby,
London
Sir Alex criticises FIFA as Cristiano Ronaldo shows the strain of playing too many games...
Stuart Stratford, UK
The big ape behind, can't believe his luck, when he saw the big nit in front.
Josie Jones, England
REGULARS' BANTER
You really have to kiss butt to get on the good ship Griffin these days!
Sarah L, UK
The things Gazza will do to get on Si's yacht.
Stephen Tucker,
USA
Fergie can't hide his smug expression as he gets first sight of the mascot chosen for this weeks cap comp picture.
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England
Look Guv, you've been in this Caption Competition so many times that no-one can think of any entries!
Adrian Wade, Canada, usually...
BBC sport deny allegations of bribery in their caption comp, despite evidence presented by their own photographer
Ryan Johnstone,
Brighton, UK
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