Caption Competition 218

This week's cap comp features Ryder Cup team captains Hal Sutton and Bernhard Langer greeting each other at the Ryder Cup opening ceremony.

Each player from Europe and the United States was introduced to the hillside crowd while Europe's captain Bernhard Langer and opposite number Hal Sutton both made speeches promoting goodwill.

But what do you think is going through their minds as the team captains greet each other?

This week's winning caption is:

And, for every avid collector of golf books, a splendid pair of matching golf captain bookends

Well done to Nick Fowler from the UK! A BBC goody bag is on its way to you!

A new cap comp will be published on Monday.

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SAY WHAT YOU SEE

If you're happy and you know it, raise your hand...
Stephen Tucker, USA

Both: "Talk to the hand, coz da face ain't LISTENIN!"
John Lewis, Finland

OUR FAVOURITE The waiters at Oakland Hills prove hard to attract Anthony Hart, Middlesbrough

Bernhard and Hal put their bids in to be the first driver on the giant scalextric track just behind them.
Chris Halliwell, Leyland, Lancashire

So, if we can't get our bracelets disentangled, we'll have to play together all day
Nick Fowler, UK

Hands up who knows how many golfers it takes to change a light bulb?
Nick Fowler, UK

The Ryder Cup becomes an unlikely setting for the World High-Five Championships
John, Motherwell, Scotland

Things get a little Nazi at Ryder Cup 2004.
Richard Goodwin, Australia

I see what you were saying about this invisible tree, a real hazard on the golf course.
Peter Honniball, Lincolnshire

Hal and Bernhard were lucky not to have lost their legs after some villain tried them to the railway tracks, as this aerial photograph demonstrates.
Nick Fowler, UK

A team effort always works best, as Hal and Bernhard combine forces against an irritating mosquito.
Nick Fowler, UK

OK, you let go of your balloon first then...
Nick, UK

Shortly after this picture was taken the mike stand left in a huff complaining about the smell.
Dave Bright, Kent

Ok the person who reaches the top of the photo frame first will win the Ryder Cup!
Ryan Johnstone, Brighton, UK

Embarrassment all round as Ryder Cup captains attend a function wearing identical arm-gestures.
Mark Tiernan, England

The question of "Is that hair real?" was proving too much for the fairplay couple, to walk away from!!
Dave Smith, Bridge, Kent

Old habits die hard say the two former Arsenal centre halves
Tony Higgins, Stockton-on-Tees, UK

The high five was brought to an abrupt end, after the captains failed to notice the glass wall.
Jon Hunt, Ely, Cambs

Langer and Sutton show how tall and thin the super model they met last night was.
Mike Goudge, West Texas, USA

Prior to the Ryder Cup Langer and Sutton engage in Nose Picking contest and show the results on raised hands, Sutton won as his clearly visible nasal wastage stuck to the back of his hand, a real double bogie.
Mike Goudge, West Texas, USA

International Yo-Yo thief strikes again.
Richard Wilkinson, UK

Bernhard & Hal perform their Singing Armpit Showpiece at the Ryder Cup opening Ceremony
Sharon Beale, Poole, Dorset

Sutton and Langer secretly audition for the re-make of Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased)
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England

Anything you can do, I can do better
Nick, Tamworth, Staffs, UK

Hey, who put this pane of glass between us?
Nick Fowler, UK

In a goodwill mission by the captains, they do a Morecambe and Wise tribute to finish off the speeches!
John, Motherwell, Scotland

Langer: My perm in the 70s used to be this high.
Darren Farr, England

Hands up if you want to win the Ryder Cup! Hands up higher if you are going to win it!
Bean, Scotland

Like so many of the American golfers' putts, Hal missed Bernhard's hand!
Simon White, UK

Final prep for the hokey cokey at Oaklands
Andy Dunne, Ireland

Closing stages of the annual "Simon Says" tournament
Joseph Haig, UK

"Hands up those with seven-figure earnings this year!"
Sunny Mak, Middlesex

The waiters at Oakland Hills prove hard to attract
Anthony Hart, Middlesbrough

Hal's high-five was well-executed, but unfortunately for him it was a par four
Phil, UK

'He's my imaginary friend. not yours, and he's this big'
Don, Over here

Not only did Bernhard win the Ryder Cup, the Americans tossed in the Presidential election as well
Paul Turner, Maryland, USA

My new putter should be about this long...
Mark Horwood, Addlestone, UK

It looked a lot easier when Morcambe and Wise did it all those years ago.
Tony Fearon, N.Ireland

Both captains are keen to show that they fear nothing in the underarm sweat patch test.
Stuart Cavanagh, Apsley, UK

Thats why I can't play now, my bad shoulder means I can't lift my arm as high as this any more.
Don, England

Sorry, but it's a borrowed suit, I daren't lift my arm any higher
Nick Fowler, UK

Hal and Bernhard's rendition of S Club 7's 'Reach for the Stars' was far from the only highlight of this Ryder Cup.
Alan Marchant, London

Hi-Five!
Luke Stanton, Shropshire

'Aren't we supposed to use BOTH hands for pat-a-cake?'
Sunny Mak, Middlesex

The tournament commences with the traditional 'Battle of the Deodorants'
Nick Fowler, UK

PUN FUN

Bernhard Langer shows that the Europeans are a cuff above the rest.
Tariq Sheikh, Essex

Bernhard and Hal agree that S CLUB 7 are the best by singing Reach for the PARS.
Chris Halliwell, Leyland, Lancashire

OUR FAVOURITE Hal: You should change your haircut. Bernhard: I'll mullet over Mark Tiernan, England

Aha! Now I have the upper hand!
Andrew Wade, Canada

Hal, lest old acquaintances be forgot - Auld Langer Signs in.
S McDonald, Ireland

Putt it this way Hal your team will driver you to distraction this weekend!
Bob Watson, Ware, Hertfordshire

High fünf!
Dave Regan, Southport

Sutton: European? You're-a-peein'! Get it? Langer (under his breath): Jerk.
Stephen Tucker, USA

The European team was better armed to win the match.
Stephen Tucker, USA

Queue the music... "Hans Over America"
Adrian Wade, Canada

So Bernhard how did you captain so well? Well Hal I was just taking the Mick (elson)
Bob Watson, Ware, Hertfordshire

Sieg Hal! Ha Ha
Bob Watson, Ware, Hertfordshire

Bernhard: No Hal, you mis-heard. I said your team are the pits. Not can I see your pits.
Alan Marchant, London

"Go on Bernhard, Heil that cab."
Anthony Hart, Middlesbrough

"Hands?"
"No, it's Bernhard actually.."
Adrian Wade, Canada

"I come in peace, but I left the peace pipe at home!"
Sunny Mak, Middlesex

"Agreed, we'll have some tea shortly Bernhard, but could you please bring the cups, because we haven't won any lately!"
John, Motherwell, Scotland

"We agreed then Hal, the cup we've been battling for was named after that Steve fella off the telly!"
John, Motherwell, Scotland

Hal: You should change your haircut. Bernhard: I'll mullet over
Mark Tiernan, England

Hal: "What's that on your napper, you old slapper ?"
Bernie: "Top perm, you fat worm."
Richard Wilkinson, UK

SUR-REALLY GREAT

And, for every avid collector of golf books, a splendid pair of matching golf captain bookends
Nick Fowler, UK

Langer successfully blocks Sutton's abysmal attempt at an Austin Powers style 'Judo Chop'
Alex, UK

OUR FAVOURITE And, for every avid collector of golf books, a splendid pair of matching golf captain bookends Nick Fowler, UK

Langer and Sutton audition for roles in Thunderbirds II
Phil Kirkham, Bracknell

And it's slaps all round as Frau Langer passes the Daz Doorstep Challenge.
Richard Wilkinson, UK

Golfing captains greet each other after lengthy tube journey.
S McDonald, Ireland

Hal and Bernhard embarrassed to have forgotten their cigarette lighters at Elton John concert
Graeme, Hexham

Nothing within the rules of golf prevented use of hypnotic cuff-links...
Adrian Wade, Canada

Weightwatchers UK found initial design problems with their helium cuff-links...
Adrian Wade, Canada

The first annual Germanic-American Pole Dancing contest got off to a terrible start when it was discovered that the pole had been set up for Midgets.
Dave Bright, Kent

As a last minute gesture of goodwill, Hal donates his newly acquired Shirley Temple inflatable dolly at the closing ceremony.
Richard Wilkinson, UK

Langer and Sutton try and out-do each other at the annual mime artists convention.
Tariq Sheikh, Essex

Langer and Sutton both pledge their loyalty to the Freemasons before the Ryder Cup
Craig Warner, Brit in the USA

And the award for the best Superman impression goes to...
Howard Warren, UK

Golfers attend Trekkie convention but can't quite get that Vulcan greeting down.
Mike Goudge, West Texas, USA

I'm a little teapot, short and stout, here's my handle and here's my spout
Gareth Davies, Blaenavon

White King takes Black Queen in the dramatic closing stages of the Chess Ryder Cup.
**No humans were harmed in the making of this caption**
Stuart Cavanagh, Apsley, UK

Sutton and Langer to star in Thunderbirds sequel.
Derek Lyttle, Scotland

The final of the Basil Fawlty look-a-like competition was at a tense stage has contenders re-enact the 'don't mention the war' scene
Ryan Johnstone, Brighton, UK

Stalemate in the Ryder cup captains' "paper, scissors, stone" competition.
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England

Victoria Beckham sneaks in between Hal and Bernhard in a sleak black number
Jim Cochrane, Portsmouth

... And as the lights go up, Hal is delighted to have scored at the annual USPGA Grab-a-Granny night.
Richard Wilkinson, UK

"How!"
"How!"
"I am Chief of the Chokes-a-lot tribe"
Stuart Cavanagh, Apsley,UK

Hal and Bernie are so used to meeting each other on the Circle line, they always assume their adopted stance.
Sunny Mak, Middlesex

The annual worst-haircut-of-the-year award was declared a tie, with both winners sharing a state of the art stand-up shaver.
Sunny Mak, Middlesex

The smelly armpit final was reaching a tense conclusion
Dave Richman, UK

" I was so SURE he was gonna go for stone"
Sunny Mak, Middlesex

Hal Sutton, Bernard Langer and Victoria Beckham pose for a photograph.
Howard Warren, UK

The joint winners of the finger nail painting competition acknowledge the crowd.
Anthony Hart, Middlesbrough

"I'm a little tea pot..."
Stuart Cavanagh, Apsley,UK

Bernie: "...Okay invading Poland, double or quits."
Richard Wilkinson, UK

Bernhard and Hal are so busy with their 'high fives' that they fail to notice Victoria Beckham.
Gavin, Wales

TOTALLY TOPICAL TASTE

On hearing the news that Barry Davies is retiring from Match of the Day, even the foreigners are moved to saluting a sports broadcasting great.
John, Motherwell, Scotland

Bernhard was still feeling embarrassed after hearing Jonathan Ross' impression of him on 'They Think It's All Over.'
Nick Fowler, UK

OUR FAVOURITE The Punch and Judy puppeteers are exposed as Hurricane Ivan blows away their booth Stu, Scottish Borders

The captains were sadly unaware that Winona had taken her cup and gone home.
Phil, Japan

BBC announce new Come Dancing couple
Phil Kirkham, Bracknell

Hal Sutton salutes Des O'Connor by having his hairstyle done like his upon hearing the news that Des is a daddy once again!
John, Motherwell, Scotland

Optimistic of the death of his team, Hal is already dressed for the funeral!
Dave Regan, Southport

The Punch and Judy puppeteers are exposed as Hurricane Ivan blows away their booth...
Stu, Scottish Borders

Hands up who thinks Beckham sucks at taking penalties...!!
Craig Warner, Brit in the USA

After a dramatic defeat Hal Sutton tries to get Langer to pledge allegiance to the American Flag and obtain US citizenship for the next encounter
Craig Warner, Brit in the USA

"I'm telling you, Bernie, the water from Hurricane Ivan was THIS high." "Really, Hal? I thought it was THAT high..."
Paul Turner, Maryland, USA

Bernhard: "Nice black suit Hal. In mourning for your team's demise already?"
Iain Farmer, Worcester

Langer leads the Americans a merry old dance....
Michael Edwards, Leeds

Hands up those who think Europe will walk the competition.
Keith Holmes, Liverpool

Sutton: "Bad hair, bad jacket, bad team...."
Langer: "Overweight, overconfident, game over...."
Neil, South Yorkshire

Bernhard waves goodbye to Detroit as Hal waves goodbye to the Ryder Cup.
Tony, Dorset

"Listen Hal, it`s the sound of one hand clapping."
Anthony Hart, Middlesbrough

Bernie: "Hello Hal."
Hal: "Bye-bye Ryder Cup."
Richard Wilkinson, UK

And this is how much better we'll be after just the first day.
Bob Watson, Ware, Hertfordshire

"Hands up all those who think that the USA will get thrashed in the Ryder Cup?"
Rob Outterson, York, UK

Langer: "This is what we are going to give you - a good spanking"
Martin Rose, Newcastle, England

Bernie: "Hands up all those with a Ryder Cup."
Hal: "...er, sorry."
Richard Wilkinson, UK

MISCELLANEOUS

Langer: "No I want to do the pirouette, you lead"
Paul Lea, Brighton

I, Hal Sutton, do solemnly swear that neither I nor my team will rub your faces in the dirt to celebrate the inevitable golfing victory of the good ol' US of A...
Mick, Cambridge, UK

OUR FAVOURITE Langer: No I want to do the pirouette, you lead. Paul Lea, Brighton

It was later revealed that both hands were negatively charged.
Reshad Sergeant, Oxford

Peace! Welcome to earth
Buddy Holly, N Ireland

Ve vill slap you down like zis!
Bob Watson, Ware, Hertfordshire

Just in time, Langer spotted the novelty buzzer in the palm of Sutton's hand...
Adrian Wade, Canada

The Lynx Effect.
Tariq Sheikh, Essex

New magnetic cufflinks have a few teething problems.
Tariq Sheikh, Essex

......aaand lower. Well done Hal, next week lunges!
Nick Bryans, Brighton and Hove, England

Hands, knees and bumps a daisy!
Stephen Logan, Oldham

Yep - he grabbed the hairspray instead of the deodorant as well!!
Kendra, South Wales

Hal and Bernhard try to create the worlds first cosmic golf ball
Ryan Johnstone, Brighton, UK

I told you not to wear that jacket, see how much the sweat shows up more than mine
Ady, Leeds

The BBC Sport "Spot the Ball" competition was still far too easy
Neal Berridge, Nottingham

"I told ya Tiger Woods' girlfriend would give you her number! Nice one man!"
Toby, Surrey, England

"Oh yeah, well my dad is this tall...so there!"
Stuart Cavanagh, Apsley, UK

No no no. you put your right hand in, your right hand out!
Jeremy Ambrose, Leeds

"Can't we just shake hands like everyone else?"
Oli Hope, Guildford

Bernhard:"No you idiot! You put your LEFT hand in..."
John Lewis, Finland

Gee Bernhard, I'm not sure if this Morris dancing will really catch on over here
Andy Dunne, Ireland

Hal: So much for that 'Lynx effect' rubbish!
Alan Marchant, London

Sutton hadn't realised that Langer had been up early, down at the winner's enclosure reserving the prime spot with his towel.
Gavin, England

They would soon regret having their celebrations on the airport runway
Martin Theobald, Milton Keynes

Bruce Forsyth: "Will it be higher or lower than ten ?" Contestant: "Higher." Brucie: " 9 and a half... oh bad luck, it's lower."
Richard Wilkinson, UK

'Hal, smells like you've got plenty of anti perspirant on. Hope it can handle 72 hours of sweat!'
Colin Russell, UK

Langer sings: I did it my way...
Hal sings: Regrets, I had a few but then again, too many to mention
Bob Watson, Ware, England

Little did Sutton know that this would be the American's last high five of the week
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England

Hal says "I am a member of the fashion police, and I'm afraid that jacket will have to go!"
Tony Fearon, N.Ireland

Quick guys, come in and tickle him now so I can make a get-away with the cup
Matt Cooper, Suffolk

"Steady Bernhard, I did make the challenge, but even I won't go as high as that for a game of arm-wrestling!"
John, Motherwell, Scotland

Cowboy Vs Mullet. Europe Vs America. you say tomato....
Martin Theobald, Milton Keynes

Links by LYNX....the new deodorant for golfers everywhere
Huw Williams, Wales

Langer: "Ah Herr Sutton, I see you too use Rightguard."
Max, UK

'Down a bit Bernhard. It's hard to stretch wearing this girdle'
Colin Russell, UK

CAP COMP CLASSICS

Hal: Wow Bernard, I never realised how much fun double team YMCA could be!
Martin Cobbold, Suffolk

Scientists have now developed a superglue that can work on objects even seven inches apart
Nick Fowler, UK

OUR FAVOURITE Both captains were pleased to see they were not the only one to have fallen for the glue/deodorant switch joke 28forever, Canterbury

Both captains were pleased to see they were not the only one to have fallen for the glue/deodorant switch joke.
28forever, Canterbury

Is that a drop of rain I felt,or is Big Bird hovering again?
Tony Fearon, N.Ireland

Yet another attempt to perform the YMCA ends in failure.
Rob Outterson, York, UK

Sutton and Langer careful not to make contact in case some joker has put superglue on their hands.
Mitesh Shah, UK

Get out of it, Bernhard,I'm too long in the tooth to fall for the old superglue on the hand trick!
Tony Fearon, N.Ireland

The YMCA transcends rivalry!
Sarah L, UK

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

Crikey!! Monty really has lost weight!
Dave Bright, Kent

Bush & Kerry vote yes to 'smacking' being introduced into this year's student games.
Richard Wilkinson, UK

OUR FAVOURITE Jan Molby and Barry Manilow celebrate their new Ryder Cup captaincy roles Andy Brimelow, Widnes

Hal did anyone tell you that you look like Fred Flintstone...Well you sure did pick the pairings like him too
Bob Watson, Ware, Hertfordshire

A star-struck Hal Sutton was heard to say "Wow! Put it there! You're that guy who starred in Blow Dry; Alan Rickman, right? Can I have your autograph?!"
Jason, San Diego

Phil Mickelson and Sergio Garcia regret taking the so called 'anti-ageing' pills.
Steve S, Scotter, UK

Jan Molby and Barry Manilow celebrate their new Ryder Cup captaincy roles
Andy Brimelow, Widnes

The Chas and Dave reunion gig just wasn't the same without their beards
Tony Fearon, N.Ireland

Robert Key can't quite believe exactly how high the bouncers were in David Gower's day.
Richard Wilkinson, UK

The 'Morris Dancers' rehearse before putting their costumes on.
Mark Horwood, Addlestone, UK

Blair and Prescott agree.It would be a good party without Gordon Brown!
Tony Fearon, N.Ireland

REGULARS' BANTER

Hal and Bernhard's celebrations were short lived, when it was pointed out to them that it's called 'The Caption' not captain competition.
Steve S, Scotter, UK

Hands up of you've sent in loads of captions that haven't been printed.
Mark Tiernan, England

OUR FAVOURITE Hal and Bernhard's celebrations were short-lived, when it was pointed out to them that it's called 'the caption' not 'captain' competition. Steve S, Scotter, UK

OK lads...hands up who thinks that no matter how hard they try or how many entries they put in they will never win this cap comp thing"
Stuart Cavanagh, Apsley,UK

Hands up who wants to win the goody bag?
Jim Cochrane, Portsmouth

Sutton and Langer celebrate finally getting out of last week's caption pile up!
Tony Fearon, N.Ireland

"I can't believe that you actually made the last caption competition board!"
Toby, Surrey, England

"... Put your hand up if you reckon Richard Wilkinson has a snowball's chance of winning a goody bag."
Richard Wilkinson, UK