Caption Competition 183

Formula One world champion Michael Schumacher takes to the slopes in Italy.

German racing legend Schumacher travelled to Madonna di Campiglio to hit the slopes with Brazilian team-mate Rubens Barrichello.

Michael, who attended a traditional meeting with journalists in the northern resort, found time to participate in a slalom run, trendily clad in Ferrari colours and a fetching balaclava.

We asked you for a comedy caption to fit the action - and this week's victorious japester is cap comp legend Gerry Slawson, with this fine effort:

It was only on close scrutiny that people realised just how good the Schumachers' Christmas cake really was.

Well done Gerry! The goody bag is yours.

A new cap comp will be published at 1600GMT on Monday.

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Say what you see

Schumacher is put in the shade by the extreme-sports stilts-skier behind him Si Griffin, UK

Resort staff had to ask both Mr Schumacher and Mr Barrichello to check out of the hotel as their highly amusing new 'Knock and Run' game was disturbing the other guests...
Tom Copeland, Brum, England

Starring in the re-make of the 'War of the Worlds' ..Shumacher perfects his down hill skiing chase scene
Mike D, Perth, Australia

Schumacher almost fooled everyone with this but on closer inspection he is actually seen here falling off the ski lift.
Andy, Highworth

The new Colombian president's PR stunt on the legalization of cocaine was a disaster.
Danny, Canterbury

He's on $25m a year but even he looks stupid in ski gear!
Will Stoner, Rugby School

Extremely cold Italian temperatures shown by iceberg forming on Michael's right glove.
Will Stoner, Rugby School

The black shoe polish on the binoculars trick worked a treat on Michael.
Keith Holmes, Liverpool, UK

While on holiday, Michael Schumacher gets an arrow through the back.
Gary Sparrow, London

The future's bright, the balaclava's orange
Chris Jackson, England

Michael began to suspect foul play as the other drivers replaced his ski goggles with a cunningly disguised blindfold.
Ben Dunbar, N. England

Cheeky Schuey is caught cheating when the slalom gates are found attached to his skis
Andrew Simpson, uk

Schumacher grunted in pain after stabbing himself with his ski pole
Will, Canada

The ultimate sportsman has been made useing stem cells from Michael Schumacher, Edgar Davids, Alan Baxter and a Tangerine
Michael Mabbitt, Baldock

Michael regretted putting his white ski hat in with his orange underpants on a boil wash.
Nick Pont, Harefield, Middx

Michael's head was suddenly downgraded to orange alert.
Nick Pont, Harefield, Middx

Schumacher is put in the shade by the extreme-sports stilts-skier behind him.
Si Griffin, UK

Reuben was right: this is much easier if you glue the slalom poles to your skis
Stuart, Germany

The Thunderbird 'Schumacher action figure'Was a real hit!
David Aindow, Biberach, germany

Schumacher proved too heavy for the baby bouncer.
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England

I've got to go fast. Some nutter is chucking spears at me......OUCH!!!!!
Jonny s, York

Michael Schumacher did very well considering he was on crutches
Rob Falconer, Wales

Ferrari's new car looked ridiculous but appeared ideal for the conditions.
Nick B, london

This sport isn't a friendly as mine. I've just overtaken Robin Hood and look what he's done.
Raphus cucullatus, Mauritius

The crowd noticed he wasn't as good as skier, as driver. He appeared to be trying to go up the slope.
Raphus cucullatus, Mauritius

At it's unvieling, the 2004 Ferrari surprised some people.
Rob Outterson, York, UK

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Lookalikes

Edgar Davids flees Turin on a pair of skis bound for Barcelona Duncan MacDonnell, Genoa

Wishing to get away from it all, Michael sends Ralf out instead to fool the photographers
Matt H, Imperial College London

Eddie the Eagle wanted one last jump
Patrick Aubrey, Fleet

Ze names Bond-James Bond
Mike, Durham

Ali G gets out of DA HOUSE and leaves the STAINES MASSIVE well behind.
Chris Halliwell, Leyland, Lancashire

Schumacher and Barichello were very happy to be offered roles in the next Bond film, but Michael insisted on his being 001 and Rubens 002.
Rob Falconer, Wales

Michael admits to auditioning for Daredevil 2.
Lee Gardner, Carlisle

The new choice for James Bond took everyone by surprise.
Howard Warren, UK

Mr Magoo enters the downhill
Michelle Rayner, Manchester

Biggles jets in for a spot of Skiing.
David Aindow, Biberach, Germany

The witness protection scheme had failed the Lone Ranger.
Hywel G, Machen

Olive dreamed of life after `On the Buses`
Hywel G, Machen

Edgar Davids flees Turin on a pair of skis bound for Barcelona.
Duncan MacDonnell, Genoa

Michael Schumacher tries to ski incognito, cunningly disguised as Michael Caine
Clare Daniele, UK

And all because the lady loves Milk Tray
Rob Outterson, York, UK

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Pun Fun

Snow Schu Martin Mills, Morpeth

No Michael! That was the reporter from the Jewish Chronical saying "shalom", not a drunk hack telling you to go skiing.
Nick B, London

Michael puts his orange boxers on his head having misheard the BBC's invitation to appear on "Ski's Undies".
Nick B, london

When they said I could start at Madonna's peaks and work my way to the bottom, this isn't what I had in mind.
Dodo, Liverpool

Snow Schu.
Martin Mills, Morpeth

Even when skiing, Michael just had to have his lucky gear lever with him.
Derek Crane, UK

Michael trudges slowly beside a discarded board in his quest to climb to the peak.
Andrew Wade, Canada

Michael misheard the Jaguar Team invite him to 'av-a-lunch...
Adrian Wade, Canada, usually

It was a very 'tire'ing day for Michael.
Andrew Wade, Canada

Ferrarski
Andy T, UK

"Alp!"
Derek Crane, UK

The rather effeminate balaclava was later explained by the fact that Michael had misunderstood the term drag-lift.
Rob Falconer, Wales

After travelling the world with Formula 1, Michael officially became a Slalom Globetrotter.
Slug, Liverpool

Is it a Bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Schuperman
Mark Newbold, UK

I miss not being able to change gear; I'd lose the hat for starters.
Slug, Liverpool

When going downhill it's important to be in the right gear.
Anita Holden, Manchester

Michael had clearly lost the Battle of Balaclava.
Rob Falconer, Wales

Schumacher would have done a better run if he'd changed gear.
Roger Woodcock, Mansfield

The skis the limit for Schumi.
Stephen Tucker, USA

Schumacher's dyslexia finally caught up with him - Now he's doing ALPS rather than LAPS.
Adrian Wade, Canada

And here comes Michael Schumacher on skis, closely followed by Rubens tobogganing on his Barri-cello...
Adrian Wade, Canada

Schumi was used to dealing with difficult Moguls.
Martin Mills, Morpeth

Michael's obsession with pole positions had reached new proportions.
Nick Pont, Harefield, Middx

"It's Snow Joke" said Michael. "I think we may be in for a bad spell of weather"...
Bruce of the Jungle, D.R. Congo

Having descended to the pits in F1, Schumacher hits the heights skiing.
Si Griffin, UK

After his latest World Championship win, Schumacher annouces his plans to even up the competition! He must be taking the Piste!
David Aindow, Biberach, germany

Balaclava to snowpants: I'll go on a-head while you bring up the rear...
Adrian Wade, Canada

New Air Italia Express Check-in fails test as first passenger misses his gate...
Adrian Wade, Canada

Michael apparently only knows how to be in TOP GEAR when he is in a F1 car.
Chris Halliwell, Leyland Lancs

Suddenly, Schumacher lost control, and, as usual, crashed into the Hill
Derek Crane, UK

Schumacher was taking the piste with that orange balaclava.
Duncan MacDonnell, Genoa

Michael thinks: "Maybe I should become a Doctor, no I think maybe a Policeman, or perhaps a Lawyer?" Michael was careering downhill.
Martin Mills, Morpeth

As usual Michael Schumacher is in pole position!
Phil Graham, Worcester Park, UK

After meeting the press Schumacher sloped off.
Nick B, london

Michael seems to have found the Formula for successful skiing..
roger woodcock, mansfield

Schumacher's piste off
Curl, BARNET

Schumacher looking for a piste stop
Curly, BARNET

Schumacher slopes off for a bit of alternative sport...
roger woodcock, mansfield

Michael is left out in the cold.
Si Griffin, UK

Schumacher's career goes downhill.
Si Griffin, UK

With his new-found skill schumacher says the ski's the limit..
roger woodcock, mansfield

schumacher takes pole position, as usual..
Roger woodcock, mansfield

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Sur-really great

It was only on close scrutiny that people realised just how good the Schumachers Christmas cake really was Gerry Slawson, UK

At the start of the race Rolph Harris asked Michael to take his Xylophone to the bottom of the hill.
Steve Woodrow, N.Ireland

Michael tries DayGlo pole dancing in an effort to shake off his "boring" image
Phil Graham, Worcester Park, UK

The Eskimo wondered who the clown was on his roof.
Raphus cucullatus, Mauritius

Michael's over-sized feet came in very handy when skiing.
Raphus cucullatus, Mauritius

It was only on close scrutiny that people realised just how good the Schumachers Christmas cake really was.
Gerry Slawson, UK

This picture is upside down. It clearly shows the blood rushing to Michael's head during a complicated arial manoever
Phil Graham, Worcester Park, UK

The remote control Schumachers were ready for the skiing season
Patrick Aubrey, Fleet

What the picture doesn't show you is a giant Yeti trying to catch him with a red fork.
Andy, Blantyre

The German invention of the invisible dog-sled is given its first test-drive.
Ben Dunbar, N. England

Where's me ostrich?
Luke Pebody, Cambridge

Carrot, being chased by energizer bunny...
Adrian Wade, Canada, usually

{Schumacher thinks}Perhaps I shouldn't have eaten all those genetically modified carrots...
Adrian Wade, Canada, usually

The first ever skiing marionette is given a dry run.
Stephen Merriott, Staffordshire

Little did Schumi know that the slalom gat was actually a timewarp that had taken him back to Agincourt.
Will Stoner, Rugby School

The unsuspecting Schumacher is pursued by a giant flamingo.
Si Griffin, UK

Stanislaw Grumman took one from the witches as the armoured polar bears sounded the retreat.
Steve Buttercase, St Ives, Cambs

Michael's theory of shared consciousness had occurred to him while skiing, and he hoped to come up with a similar revelation for next year's Monza prize for philosophy.
Martin Mills, Morpeth

If I don't find that portaloo soon I don't know what I'll do!!
Samantha Martin, Buckinghamshire

Shouldnt of eaten that cheese!
Helen Walker, Derbyshire

Even the lakes have got slopes in Wales, commented Dai `The Hat` Davies.....when the Welsh champion water skier was asked why one leg was shorter than the other.
Hywel G, Machen

Damon Hill's archery lessons were beginning to reap results.
James Wiffen, Chelmsford, Essex

Michael Schumacher often enjoyed skiing through perpetual nothingness.
James Wiffen, Chelmsford, Essex

Michael's new invisible car caused a stir
Ian Davies, London

One of the few remaining Italian Red Indians scored a direct hit with his arrow.
Rob Falconer, Wales

World first - Belisha beacon installed on Italian slopes
Phil Graham, Worcester Park, UK

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh," screamed Schumacher under the impression there were no photographers around
Derek Crane, UK

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Regulars' banter

Schumacher was spurred on by the crowds, unaware that they were in fact cheering for Stephen Tucker of the USA's having won the BBC Sport Caption Compeition at long last Rob Falconer, Wales

Well, Clare, maybe I'll try to win as often as Schumi... wins Olympic skiing.
Stephen Tucker, USA

Now that I've won a Cap Comp, will Si let me on his yacht?
Stephen Tucker, USA

The 'Cap Comp' Editor claimed he couldn't announce the winner on Saturday due to technical difficulties. Picture of Editor, Saturday, 3.00pm.
Raphus cucullatus, Mauritius

Si Griffin's yacht even had it's own ski hill
Will, Canada

After having won the Cap Comp, Stephen Tucker wears the goody bag as a hat as he skis
Will, Canada

Despite the glory being last weeks caption subject, Fordham could not resist throwing a dart at this weeks subject.
Dave Richman, Bracknell

And all becasue Steven Tucker loved the caption competion!
David Aindow, Biberach, germany

Cap comp judges flee on ski's as angry mob chases them for ridiculous delays
Andy, Blantyre

Can I just applaud the BBC Sport Caption Compeition judges for awarding a prize to Stephen Tucker of the USA, if only to shut him up!
Clare Daniele, UK

They've sent Schumi to deliver my goodybag!
Stephen Tucker, USA

Thank goodness I'm retired because this is becoming bl..dy addictive!....
roger woodcock, mansfield

Schumacher was spurred on by the crowds, unaware that they were in fact cheering for Stephen Tucker of the USA's having won the BBC Sport Caption Compeition at long last.
Rob Falconer, Wales

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Totally topical taste

News that I'm a Celebrity... was starting reached Michael and he races to his TV Andy, Blantyre

"Shrimper" makes a clean getaway after mugging QPR 4-0...
Adrian Wade, Canada, usually

I'm a celebrity ski me out of here.
Ben Dunbar, N. England

Due to the postponement of their fixture, the Italian rugby team allow Michael to practice on their pitch.
Mike Bolton, Bristol

Colin Calderwood, Northampton Town Manager, gets in that slippery slope practice, as his team prepares to face Manchester UTD.
Rob Morris, UK

Instead of doing the 'two for one' deal, specsavers are now throwing in a free holiday.
Danny, Canterbury

See even the German army fails to provide the appropriate equipment for its troops as well.
Ben Dunbar, N. England

News that I'm a Celebrity... was starting reached Michael and he races to his TV.
Andy, Blantyre

Geoff Hoon unveils new kit for British Army but faces immediate criticism from Iraq based troops.
Steve Buttercase, St Ives, Cambs

John Leslie tries to get away from the oncoming press.
Andy, Blantyre

Martin Johnson having retired from Rugby takes up another sport.
Ben Dunbar, N. England

Suzanna and Trinny are embarassed for you Michael, as fetching as you may think it is, a bright orange balaclava is so 1980's!
Johnny, Northern Ireland

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Miscellaneous

If you listen really carefully ...you can hear Schumacher making 'brooommm ...brooooommm' noises Mike D, Perth, Australia

Schumi just had to be first ... which is why Rubens was later found tied to his chair-lift.
Derek Crane, UK

Memo to self: Never choose rubber ski poles...
Adrian Wade, Canada

What you can't see from here is the huge target on Schumi's back.
Stephen Tucker, USA

Never one to miss a sure-fire money spinner - Stelios uses Michael Schumacher to launch Easy-Ski.
Gerry Slawson, UK

Better frozen boogers than frozen brakes.
Andrew Wade, Canada

F1 on K2 on BBC3 at 4 'til 5 with 6 times World Champion.
Slug, Liverpool

Traffic Cone man shows the way to beat the highland road works.
I.Brown, UK

If you listen really carefully ...you can hear Schumacher making 'brooommm ...brooooommm' noises.
Mike D, Perth, Australia

At the top of the slope, Schumacher had fallen for the old 'ink on the binoculars' gag.
Mark Newbold, UK

When driving, Schumacher's always in top gear. When skiing, he's in crap gear.
Derek Crane, UK

Michael looks for the board telling him how many more laps are left.
Roger Woodcock, Mansfield

Goggles: £35. Orange balaclava: £15. Ferrari jacket: £80. Making Schumacher look a complete twonk and then taking his picture: priceless.
Ed Duffy, UK

"Ferrari have gone just a bit far with the streamlining of their new car" says Michael.
Rita Keylock, Exeter

It's another day at the Wacky Races for Mick Dastardly.
Sarah L, UK

Whilst playing hide and seek with Rubens, Michael's idea of hiding behind a slalom pole was most unsuccessful!
Johnny, Northern Ireland

Skis by Burton, gloves by Reusch, jacket by Ferrari by way of Marlboro, hat by Tango.
Ben Dunbar, N. England

Put my weight on the downhill ski he says, right. There's NO BRAKES RUBENS YOU B**TARD!!!!
Jason, San Diego, CA

Is Schumi German or Pole-ish?
Stephen Tucker, USA

Although he had a box of chocolates Michael's costume had let him down.
Jason Kilby, BRITHDIR, S Wales

What's Schumacher in English? Cobblers!
Rob Falconer, Wales

Schumi does the Tomba Samba.
Stephen Tucker, USA

Schumi plays Picabo with his mates.
Stephen Tucker, USA

If I was James Bond I'd get a fast car !
Gary Daggers, Hillingdon

Although he was enjoying his time on the piste, the flipside of his charity job-swap with Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards was beginning to worry Michael
Steven Bradbury, Worthing, West Sussex

A photo taken barely seconds before Schumacher falls into the line of beginners
Patrick Aubrey, Fleet

Michael learned an important lesson; never tell the instructor you're a world champion and he's useless before he has taught you how to stop.
Raphus cucullatus, Mauritius

Herman Maier came first in the 'Pin the tail on the Schumacher' competition.
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England

Wedding cake decorations were getting incredibly lifelike
Neal Berridge, UK

I know i agreed to a pay cut but this is taking the Michael.
Andy, Blantyre

The meeting was attended by a German and two Poles.
Phil, Japan

His competition had quietly switched his normal eyewear with beer goggles. Hilarity ensued.
Andrew Wade, Canada

They've even covered his ski jacket in sponsor logos.
Will Stoner, Rugby School

Mark Weber's assertion that it will all be downhill for Ferrari this season, seems to have been misunderstood.
Peter Nixon, Ashford, UK

At last Michael Schumacher finds a sport where swerving suddenly from side to side is allowed!
Phil Graham, Worcester Park, UK

Ever-loyal, Schumacher only skiied on the red runs
Rob Falconer, Wales

Michael was more than worried when it was revealed to him that Eddie 'The Eagle' Edwards was his counterpart on Celebrity Job Swap.
Steve S, Scotter,UK

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Cap comp classics

Michael mistakes Big Birds legs for the slalom poles Bruce of the Jungle, D.R. Congo

Wait until he gets to the end and discovers the superglue in the footholes...
Matt H, Imperial College London

Schumacher executes a cool 180 but is still no match for Andy Fordham!
Phil Graham, Worcester Park, UK

After being scoffed at by the BBC sports pages, Andy Forham's trainer soon whipped him into shape..
Tom Copeland, Brum, England

That ski hat was the first sign that Michael was taking the 'Big Bird' taunts to heart...
Tom Copeland, Brum, England

Michael was unaware of the squashed Opal Fruit on his head.
Neill, UK

Collecting the 50 Tango can ring-pulls finally paid off.
James Wiffen, Chelmsford, Essex

You know when you've been Tango'd!
Darren, Billericay

Big Bird cleverly disguises himself as Michael Schumacher but accidentally superglues himself to some skis while stood on a very snowy hill. Leslie Nielson is knocking about somewhere as well.
Simon Hodgson, England

Michael "half-tangoed" Schumacher
Huw Williams, Wales

Andy 'The Viking' Fordham's final arrow finds its mark
Curly, BARNET

Michael mistakes Big Birds legs for the slalom poles.
Bruce of the Jungle, D.R. Congo

Unfortunately, Michael had learnt to ski using Leslie Nielsen's new video "Skiing My Way."
Rob Falconer, Wales

"Ach, who superglued ze flag to myself"
Rob Outterson, York, UK

Big Bird attmepts to disguise himself with an orange balaclava during a skiing break from Cap Comp.
Chris A, Houston, Texas

Wo sind die Briten ich von der Weise hinausschieben kann?
Rob Falconer, Wales

Suddenly Michael's head started to change colour, as he slowly metamorphosed into Big Bird
Rob Falconer, Wales

Oh come in, this is going too far. Supergluing poles to my hands and skis to my feet is fine but then to cap it all putting flour all over the racetrack is just too much.
Chris A, Houston, Texas

You know when you've been Tangoed!
Andie Gilmour, Matlock

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Piste-stop

Half-way down the slopes, Schumacher pulled in under a tree and his team changed his skis and wiped his goggles in under four seconds flat Rob Falconer, Wales

And he still beat the Minardis
Matt H, Imperial College London

Where's the pit stop, time for a balaclava change
Jessica Fisher, Canvey Island

And Schumacher appears to be in trouble here! There're clouds of smoke billowing from his rear and there's a long trail of oil down the mountain behind him.
Rob Falconer, Wales

After skidding for the sixth time on his first outing, Schumacher called for the safety car!
Rob Bloodworth

Michael on his skiing holiday paid for by one J. Button of Monaco and England.
Ben Dunbar, N. England

F1 2004 Season Rule Change #1,763: Piste Stops
Darren, Billericay

Not for the first time Michael found himself weaving all over a Hill
Alan Baxter, UK

As per normal Michael was the only one in sight.
Nick Pont, Harefield, Middx

Everything was going well, unitl Murray Walker commented that Michael was in the lead
Patrick Aubrey, Fleet

Arrows target Schumacher for Formula 1 comeback.
Duncan MacDonnell, Genoa

The nev venue for the Austrian Grand Prix had all the drivers trying to work out what tyres to use
Patrick Aubrey, Fleet

'Break a leg', shouted the other drivers with extra enthusiasm. They were always wishing Michael good luck.
Raphus cucullatus, Mauritius

Team orders determined that Barichello was not in shot.
Chris White, Welwyn Garden City, England

Michael finds time for a jaunt on the slopes while waiting for the F1 race to finish.
Andy, Blantyre

To give the other guys a chance, Michael will be competing on skis during the 2004 F1 championships
John Lewis, Finland

And it's no surprise to see the red flag out in these conditions. But what's this? Schumacher's carrying on!
Rich Van Noorden, Cambridge

No suspensions to control your ride on this slope, mate!!
John, Motherwell

What do you mean there's no traction control?
Stu, Scottish Borders

As the British Grand Prix gets underway Silverstone officials regret not gritting the track!
Chris Jackson, England

In the all new Antarctica Grand Prix the Formula One cars looked quite different!
Chris Jackson, England

2004 World Drivers Championship and once again Schumacher takes the piste.
Mark Sibley, Ipswich, uk

Rubens had been ordered to let Michael come first. Again.
Martin Mills, Morpeth

Bernie Ecclestone introduces further new rules to F1 to stop Schumacher winning again.
Darren, Billericay

Not pictured: Barrichello waiting further down the course to let Schumacher overtake.
Ed Duffy, UK

Michael was setting a record time until he stopped half way to have his skis changed.
Nick B, london

FIA announce radical rule changes for the forthcoming season in order to ensure a closer championship
Mark Sibley, Ipswich, uk

Where's the challenge? Being in front, on my own without anyone anywhere near me. That's enough about formula one; I must concentrate on my skiing.
Raphus cucullatus, Mauritius

Towards the end of the piste, Barichello had to slow down a little to let Schumacher pass
Rob Falconer, Wales

Half-way down the slopes, Schumacher pulled in under a tree and his team changed his skis and wiped his goggles in under four seconds flat.
Rob Falconer, Wales

Michael looses valuable time on his slalom run when he comes in for an unscheduled pit stop..
roger woodcock, mansfield