Caption Competition 166

Tim Henman encourages Greg Rusedski during Great Britain's Davis Cup tie with Morocco.

Rusedski found it tough going in the Casablanca heat as he took on Younes El Aynaoui in a five-set thriller on Friday.

With the British team already trailing 1-0 after Henman's earlier defeat to Hicham Arazi, the pressure was on.

This week's winner came from Mike Goudge who quipped:

Henman cries out in dismay as Rusedski mistakes Tim's autographed pair of Pavarotti's underpants for his towel.

Well done Mike, the goody bag is on its way to you.

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Pun fun

BEST IN CATEGORY Tim: "I can't believe you Greg, it's like Henry Cooper all over again. Greg: "Who's Henry Cooper?" "Tim: "Oh just another guy who thought he had clay beaten in the fourth." Andy, Highworth

Rudeski leaves in tears with his towel, having misunderstood Tim's instructions as to what to bring to cement the brick wall.
Rob Falconer, Wales

Greg mount-ied a challenge but to Tim's dismay he just can-a-do it.
Ben, Surrey

After yet another poor display, Tim finally loses his rag, only to find Greg running off with it.
Dan, Rochester

No 'love' lost as Tim shouts at Greg for wiping 'duece' on his new towel.
Alex Hutchinson, Cleethorpes

Tim: "I can't believe you Greg, it's like Henry Cooper all over again.
Greg: "Who's Henry Cooper?" "Tim: "Oh just another guy who thought he had clay beaten in the fourth."
Andy, Highworth

Will you please Finnish them off? I'm getting Luxem-bored.
Stephen Tucker, USA

Latest Hollywood block buster 'Two Men and a Cry Baby'
Mike Goudge, U.K.

New bawls please!
Nick, London

Tim is disgusted when Greg cannot control his towel movement.
Stephen Tucker, USA

"Greg let's forget about this washing powder rivalry. Go out and Surf big and Finish him off, get yourself in the Comfort zone, be Bold and beat him with your Arial power. He'll soon be crying Omo if you catch my Dreft."
Andy, Highworth

Look, will you get off the damn PC because nobody finds you funny.
Andy's wife, Highworth

Greg auditions for a role in the Morocco Horror Show.
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

Tim: "On your bike Greg" Greg: "I can't, he's won all the Raleighs!"
Andy, Highworth

Casa-blanket !
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

"Oi, Tim, stop making that racquet!"
Kevin Thornton, Staffordshire, England

The very elusive Moroccon Swallow served up a number two on poor Rusedski. Henman sensed foul play!
Ali Evans, Australia

Greg, R - U - Sad - ski?
Adrian Wade, Canada

Tim knew... Even though Greg no longer played tennis for Peanuts, he still wanted to be 'Linus' judge and towel holder.
Adrian Wade, Canada

Greg hid the grimace on his face with the towel and pretended he hadn't heard Tim's 'Don't throw in the towel' gag.
Martin Mills, Morpeth

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Say what you see

BEST IN CATEGORY Tim questioned the timeliness of Greg's Michael Jackson impression Adrian Wade, Canada

"Oi! Greg! This guy has a tree growing out of his head!"
Patrick Aubrey, Fleet, UK

Greg is inconsolable as he realises that they've all turned up to the fancy dress party as tennis players.
Raymond Li, Manchester

Even with Ginger Spice in the background, Greg couldn't be motivated.
Gareth Lewis, UK

Greg hides his face in embarrassment as Tim and Alex start campaigning for the National Front.
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

GB team are baffled. Alex is holding Greg's cue case whilst they wait for Steve Davis.
Andy, Highworth

"Give me your hand! Let me take him on in the ring!"
JiunSi, Malaysia

Britain may be rubbish at tennis but Tim shows that we still lead the world at goldfish impersonation.
Naomi, York

There goes the mystery man who failed to show for the podium last week.
Stephen Tucker, USA

Despite the use of a hovercraft, Greg still can't move across the court that quick.
James Atkinson, Sheffield, UK

Rusedski gets embarrassed as Henman causes a racket.
Ian Brown, North Staffs, UK

Alex watches as Tim gets excited, having successfully gotten Greg to wear his "Fart Man" shirt instead of "Great Britain".
Stephen Tucker, USA

In true bulldog spirit, Greg refused to throw in the towel.
Anirban Mukhopadhyay, New York

Greg hides his face in embarrassment as he is unable to tell Tim what Younes El Aynaoui is an anagram of.
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

Henman's abuse about Canada not wanting him finally gets to Greg.
Ben Dunbar, Rochdale, UK

Now Greg count to a 100 while we go and hide and no peeping
Chris Butler, Bolton

No wonder we're doing badly - there's only me, you, and this Olympic swimmer.
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

Members of the public abuse cap comp judge (right) for using a 14 kbps fax modem to update the cap comp page.
John Lewis, Finland

With security beefed up at football matches, English Hooligans try out the tennis.
Mike D, Perth, Australia

Greg was lost for a diplomatic way to approach the subject of halitosis with his team-mate.
Kevin Thornton, Staffordshire, England

Tim questioned the timeliness of Greg's Michael Jackson impression.
Adrian Wade, Canada, usually

Tim realised his career in tennis was going no where and used spare moments to practice his opera.
Rob, Wycombe

An impassioned Henman attempts to cure Rusedski of his career-damaging security blanket fixation.
Max, UK

The LTA deny that bullying is rife in the British camp.
Tim Taylor, Wimbledon, UK

Tim: "Greg, put your towel back around your waist!"
Stephen Tucker, USA

Thank you for the use of your handkerchief Mr Manilow.
Steve Robson, Noosa, Aus

Tim tries Alex Ferguson's infamous 'Hair dryer' treatment on Greg, but fails to get the distance right.
Martin Mills, Morpeth

Good grief - we're doomed - he's trying to get inspiration from a Man City shirt.
Naomi, York

For some strange reason, no-one felt like singing with Tim.
Stephen Tucker, USA

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Miscellaneous

BEST IN CATEGORY Henman cries out in dismay as Rusedski mistakes Tim's autographed pair of Pavarotti's underpants for his towel Mike Goudge, UK

Younes El Aynaoui ? Why can't they have good English names like Rudeski?
Rob Falconer, Wales

Greg! If you play with that towel in front of your eyes you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but soon and for the rest of your life.
Steve, uk

Stiff up lip chap, remember your ranked one hundred and twentieth in the world.
Joseph Yturralde, Albuquerque, NM

Tim helpfully pointed out that Greg's good-luck headband would finally need replacing.
Phil, Japan

Greg struggles with the Countdown conundrum until he realises that it's simply Younes El Aynaoui's name on the scorebaord.
Raymond Li, Manchester

It's OK Greg, I thought your caption was good. Never mind the caption comp judges, what do they know!
GMcD, Livingston

Greg was found within seconds at the Great Britain camp's hide and seek competition.
Alex, UK

Henman (singing): "I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles. Ma-meeee."
Darren Farr, Billericay, England

Greg's little game of peek-a-boo leaves his team-mates very unimpressed.
Simon Hodgson, Chesterfield, England

Tim again decides to throw in the towel, however this time Greg's attached to it!
Dave Richman, Bracknell

Tim shows Greg the expression he plans to use if he ever wins anything.
Greg, Belgium

Moroccan customs officials are surprised when they catch someone trying to smuggle grass INTO the country.
Ben Dunbar, Rochdale, UK

Tim: "Why don't you use a tissue like everyone else and stop borrowing my towel?!"
Derek Lyttle, Coatbridge

Henman cries out in dismay as Rusedski mistakes Tim's autographed pair of Pavarotti's underpants for his towel.
Mike Goudge, U.K.

Rusedski the prankster hides his smile as Henman discovers the drawing pins on his chair when he sat down.
Mike Goudge, U.K.

Greg: "Why don't you just talk to the towel Tim, cause the face ain't listening!"
Ali Evans, Australia

Oi, thats my comfort blanket.
Andy G, UK

Tim wishes his tag tennis dream had come true.
Andy Dunne, Ireland

BBC Sport's "Spot the Cucumber" contest was trickier than usual.
Neal Berridge, UK

After his recent success in washing powder commercials, Tim pleads with Greg not to put the blue towel in with his whites.
Rob, UK

Caption Competition judge hides his face in shame after publishing the same caption twice.
Ian Davies, london

It was at this moment Alex's decision to defect was cemented.
Stephen Tucker, USA

Greg covers his face in shame as it is at long last revealed that it was his naked rear that adorned all those 60s posters.
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

Greg leaves in tears when he learns that Tim wants his chum Alex to play the Ingrid Bergman role.
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

It was far worse for me, Greg. At least no-one could cheer on someone with a name like Younes El Aynaoui.
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with us, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life
Martin Welbourne, Warwick

Sorry, Tim, but I always cry at the end of Casablanca ...
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

Tim "BURRRPP" Greg "How embarrassing, we're on telly too"
Bruce of the Jungle, D.R. Congo

Tim vows never to lend Greg a towel again after discovering it had been washed along with a pair of blue socks
Alex Hutchinson, Cleethorpes

Look on the bright side - we both got to play three matches that's more than we get a Wimbledon
Geoff Dagger, Blackburn, UK

Big GB towel says " Don't throw in the Greg."
Andy, Highworth

Greg wipes away his tears when Tim says he doesn't want to play with him any more, he's got a new best friend.
Nick Bonsall, Edinburgh

Greg way overdid the advertising for Febreze.
Neill, UK

Henman seems visibly shocked as a freak cut to the head proves just how British Greg Rusedski is.
Mark Brunning, Essex

Greg grabbed something to muffle the stench. Tim's digestive system had yet to adapt to spicy Moroccan cuisine.
Martin Mills, Morpeth

"Give us an O...and what does that spell..M O R O C C O".
Mike D, Perth, Australia

Greg was hurt by Tim comments that his matches took less time than the caption board does to update.
Rob, Wycombe UK

"Boo...go home loser..."
David W, West London

Tim just realises that Greg could win as Paul Gascoigne on a celebrity 'Stars In Their Eyes'!
John, Motherwell

"It's alright Greg, you can manage that post-match interview without me."
John, Motherwell

Greg! Put Ms. Kournikova's dressing gown down and get on with the game!
Adrian Wade, Canada

Gregarious Greg and Timorous Tim change roles for the afternoon.
Jeremy Dallyn, Finland

Rusedski: Mmmmmm, so soft...
Ollie B, Southampton

Casablanca heat: "Play it again Greg!"
Jeremy Dallyn, Finland

Moments after the Moroccan began serving onions...
Adrian Wade, Canada (4.45 a.m.)

Of all the courts in all the world, he had to lose in Casablanca.
Max, UK

Greg in deep thought, thinks he should have stayed a Canadian.
Julia Brown, UK

The remake of classic TV comedy "The Goodies" looked rubbish.
Neal Berridge, UK

"Greg - don't use the towel - I'm sure you'd do better with a racket."
Naomi, York

"Stuff national pride. There's a goody bag at stake!"
Sarah L, UK

Rusedski thinking: I wonder if Canada will still take me.
Joseph Haig, UK

Henman "Of all the tennis courts; in all the world, you had to play on mine"
Mike Goudge, U.K.

Come on Greg, you're 33 years old - you don't need to take your comfort blanket on court any more.
Naomi, York

Okay I admit it. It was my blue boxers that went in the wash with your white towel.
Howard Barnes, South Wales

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Cap comp classics

BEST IN CATEGORY Clown to the left, joker to the right, stuck in the middle with (super) glue Stephen Tucker, USA

'O pal, you Fru it"
Curly, Barnet

Much to Tim's disappointment, Greg had fallen for Arazi's 'superglue on the towel' trick again
Joanathan Stevens, Herts, UK

Greg broke down when Tim revealed he'd superglued Greg's Opal Fruits to Leslie Neilsen.
Phil, Japan

Greg is visibly upset at the number of almost identical superglue jokes on display in the classics section.
Greg, Belgium

Wow,Greg. I knew that superglue idea would work-you're actually playing better!
Mark Nichols, UK

It's no good Greg - they've asked Sir Bobby and Leslie Neilsen to play in the Davis Cup team for next year.
Naomi, York

As Greg has another good sniff, Tim tells him that superglue is also good for sticking things together
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

Tim pregunta a Greg adónde lo ponen las frutas del ópalo. Greg oculta su cara en una toalla y se escapa a la aislamiento del yate del Si Griffin.
John Lewis, Finland

Greg gets upset when he realises that his superglue joke has left his friends forever joined at the wrist
Kosta, Sheffield

Greg falls for the old superglue in towel ruse-(edski!)
Curly, Barnet

Clown to the left, joker to the right, stuck in the middle with (super) glue.
Stephen Tucker, USA

Hey Grey, have you seen my superglue? I think I put it down on one of the towels.
Joseph Haig, Uk

"...I can't Tim, it's stuck."
Sarah L, UK

Unfortunately, there was nothing anyone could do when Greg discovered he had superglue on his towel.
Neill, UK

Two Brits give Greg some support when Arazi takes the lead in the stone, paper, scissors tournament.
Neill, UK

Greg is on the receiving end of a Schumi upper-cut.
Sarah L, UK

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Totally topical taste

BEST IN CATEGORY Greg thought Tim was simply deluding himself. No matter what Tim tried, he couldn't persuade Greg that Den was still alive Martin Mills, Morpeth

Greg goes in for a kiss to find that David Blaine has magiced his intended away, leaving only her blue dress.
Ian Davies, London

Posh finally catches up with Becks after that night on the town.
Ben Dunbar, Rochdale, UK

Greg, a staunch Gooner, is upset by Tim's joke: "'ere, Greg, what do you call an Arsenal player in a suit and tie? The accused."
John Lewis, Finland

Greg prepares for his next Davis Cup tie by tucking into a Luxem-burger.
Garry Waddell, UK

Greg goes into shock over what from his past might be revealed in Alastair Campbell's diaries.
Kevin Thornton, Staffordshire, England

Alistair Campbell is distressed as the Lord Hutton turns nasty.
Ian Davies, London

"Hide all you like, Ruud, I can still see it's you" shouts Martin Keown (left)
Ian Davies, London

Tim: "Greg, give Mystic Meg her crystal ball cover back , oh and she said something about losing on Monday but I said don't be silly we're not playing Monday.
Andy, Highworth

Cheer up Glenn, you can manage at Reading.
Ben Dunbar, Rochdale, UK

Glenn Hoddle didn't take his sacking too well.
Neill, UK

Greg thought Tim was simply deluding himself. No matter what Tim tried, he couldn't persuade Greg that Den was still alive.
Martin Mills, Morpeth

Following his team's appalling behaviour at Old Trafford, Arsene Wenger was quoted as saying "I didn't actually see the incident because I left my seat at the final whistle with a large blue towel over my face."
John Lewis, Finland

Henman abuses Greg for being the only person on the planet not to be linked with the Spurs' manager job
Ben Dunbar, Rochdale, UK

Keown and Van Nistelrooy resume their conflict on the tennis court.
Ben Dunbar, Rochdale, UK

Glenn Hoddle's world misery tour continues...
David W, West London

Following his impression of a baboon at the final whistle in the Man U v Arsenal game, Martin Keown escapes from Old Trafford with a blue towel over his face.
John Lewis, Finland

Ginger Spice's recent immense weight-gain blamed for distracting Rudedski during crucial game.
David W, West London

I don't think Tim knew the last night at the Proms was last week.
Sarah L, UK

Henman: 'Don't get upset, you can have my fan to cheer you!'
Ian Brown, Stoke on Trent, UK

Greg, Greg, it was only a by-election!
Adrian Wade, Canada

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Fan-tastic

BEST IN CATEGORY Tim moves to stop the irate fan attacking Greg from behind Simon, Kent

Greg says an emotional farewell to his last fan.
Phil Graham, Worcester Park, Surrey, UK

The despair was clear to be seen as Greg acknowledged the extreme persistence of the fan that had been stalking him all year.
James Wiffen, Chelmsford, Essex

Look Greg, how was I to know it was your fan. Now stop crying, take it back and I'll by another one.
Daniel Ward, Eastbourne, UK

Tim moves to stop the irate fan attacking Greg from behind.
Simon, Kent

Henman's use of an electrical appliance for his "We're your biggest fans" cry got the response it deserved from Rusedski.
Phil, Japan

Greg, when I said we needed more fans...
Naomi, York

Greg covers his face to hide his giggles as the new Dyson high-power fan falls into Tim's lap.
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

'Don't worry Greg at least your fan's here to support you' says Tim, pointing with right hand.
Mark Abbott, London

Henman: 'Don't get upset, you can have my fan to cheer you!'
Ian Brown, Stoke on Trent, UK

Greg uses a towel to hide the laughter after handcuffing Tim to an unsuspecting fan.
Patrick Aubrey, Fleet, UK

Henmans hopes of having children dashed after freak fan accident.
Mike Goudge, U.K.

Greg looks away as Tim gets his hand stuck in the fan again.
Stephen Tucker, USA

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Mistaken Identity

BEST IN CATEGORY Roy Walker tries to calm Tim down, whilst Greg is having difficulty in identifying exactly what Mr. Chips is doing Raymond Li, Manchester

Tim fumed at his manners but Greg couldn't stop laughing at Gerard Houllier's swimming goggles.
Steve Buttercase, St Ives, Cambs

Ian Beale was distraught after being voted the 'Person Most People would like to see leave a soap' in the Radio Times.
Neill, UK

Roy Walker tries to calm Tim down, whilst Greg is having difficulty in identifying exactly what Mr. Chips is doing.
Raymond Li, Manchester

Handy Andy hid his face in shame at the mess he'd made of Tim's new conservatory, whilst Tommy from 'Groundforce' looked on.
Raymond Li, Manchester

Greg fails to hide his disappointment as Gerard Houllier slides in beside Tim to cement his place as Britain's highest ranking tennis pro.
Alex Hutchinson, Cleethorpes

Tim joined in with the rest of the country in cheering on Paula.
Polly, UK

Moroccan under-secretary for turnips: "I wish people would stop mistaking me for Alex Bogdanovic!"
Martin Mills, Morpeth

Alex Bogdanovic: I wish people would stop calling me "the bloke in the middle" and "Tim Henman's friend".
Joseph Haig, UK

Two hecklers boo Michael Barrymore off stage after his awful gigs.
Neill, UK

"Come on Greg! I've brought Phil Thompson all this way to cheer you on!"
Max, UK

Is it Tim Henman? Is it Simon Cowell? There's no need to decide.
Sarah L, UK

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Sur-really great

BEST IN CATEGORY Minutes later, all three were crushed by the Giant Jimmy Saville rolling towards them Graham, Glasgow

Distraught, Greg Rusedski throws up into Cliff Richard's favourite jacket.
Rob Falconer, Wales

As Greg remembered the ghastly smell Tim reminded him that he should never have kissed that camel. "I thought it was my reflection," pleaded Greg. Clearly the heat had got to him.
Nick Pont, Harefield, Middx

Evidence from the signing of the WW2 German Surrender Treaty shows that the British and Nazi commanders loved the sport of tennis very much.
JiunSi, Malaysia

Rusedski shows the pressure as he blows his eyes by mistake.
Ben, Surrey

This is a scene from low budget British version of the movie 'Alien' where a towel-shaped alien attaches itself to the face of the ship's captain as one of his crew members screams feebly in the background.
Mike Goudge, U.K.

Tim attempts to encourage Tim with a quick rendition of "Flash, AH, AH"
Stuart Cavanagh, Apsley, U.K

Rusedski suddenly realised why he was losing. He was turning into an elephant. Quickly, he hid his trunk with a towel.
Andy Bradshaw, London

Environmentalists blame GM crops as a cotton towel grows a humanoid tumour.
Kevin Thornton, Staffordshire, England

Greg finishes drying his face with his towel after using the patented Henman Automatic hand and face drier
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

Greg had had enough. He grabbed the appropriate equipment for surviving the jump to hyperspace and hitched a lift on a passing Vogon ship.
Martin Mills, Morpeth

Tim reminds Greg that Nietzche's "The Birth of Tragedy" points the finger at Socratic morality, dialectic and the satisfaction and serenity of the theoretical man.
John Lewis, Finland

Even revealing that Britain have a coach with an extra set of eyes on top of his head failed to distract the Moroccans.
Martin Mills, Morpeth

Greg's brave attempts at resuscitation were, unfortunately, in vain, and the Smurf died in his arms.
Graham, Glasgow

The alien transformed itself into a fluffy towel and attacked Greg, trying to suffocate him.
Kevin Thornton, Staffordshire, England

Thoughts of a towel:"and to think that with better luck I could be being used by Anna Kournikova in the shower now"
kevin thornton, Staffordshire, England

After losing face in GB's Davis Cup tournament, Rusedski tries to hold the replacement in place with a towel.
John Lewis, Finland

Tim has to shout advice to Greg due to the noise of Greg's hovercraft.
Ollie B, Southampton

Minutes later, all three were crushed by the Giant Jimmy Saville rolling towards them.
Graham, Glasgow

While Rusedski turned to face Henman and was hit at the back of the head with a ball gone astray, his eyeball popped out and flew clear accross court lodging in Henmans throat. Rusedski is then pictured covering his open socket while Henman tries to cough up the ocular projectile. (Evil Dead inspired caption)
Mike Goudge, U.K.

No! Stop! That's the chloroform towel!
Stephen Tucker, USA

Rusedski's tasteless Elephant Man impersonation had Henman fuming.
Mike D, Perth, Australia

Late for his game, Tim shouts to Greg to hurry, as he moors his new stand up propeller jet ski.
Ian Brown, UK

Greg was trying to hide his relationship with Casper the Friendly Ghost's thinner sister.
Neal Berridge, UK

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Regulars' banter

BEST IN CATEGORY I've tried running John Lewis of Finland's comments of my captions through Babelfish, and I still can't work out what he means Kevin Thornton, Staffs

Last-minute reprieve from the executioner's sword for Mike Goudge because someone noticed that all his captions are actually extremely funny.
John Lewis, Finland

Thanks, John Lewis. Maybe they only showed the Maxwell House advert in Finland. Either way, I only watch BBC 1 and 2.
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

I've tried running John Lewis of Finland's comments of my captions through Babelfish, and I still can't work out what he means.
Kevin Thornton, Staffordshire, England

Oh, come on Greg is it my fault that Clare Falconer preferred me to you?
Don Hale, Stockport

That's it, I'm captioned out, just end it for me now, if I keep going the drivel will just keep getting worse, seek out the Lord High Captioneer Si Griffin and have him put me to the sword, it is the only merciful thing to do.
Mike Goudge, U.K.

"Never mind Greg, I'm sure your caption will be there when they finally get round to updating it"
kevin thornton, Staffordshire, England

Hi Clare, it was a Maxwell House ad. If you remember the ad, the caption is quite funny.
John Lewis, Finland

Kevin Thornton of Staffs walks away in despair after trying to incorporate the verb "to use" in the passive voice, the continuous aspect and as a subjunctive conditional, all in the same caption.
John Lewis, Finland

You feel like giving up, Greg ? How do you think Stephen Tucker feels?
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

Don't fret so, Greg. None of us remember the coffee ad in last week's caption.
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

Greg sobs as Tim tells him that Si Griffin has been abducted by aliens, who had been writing his captions for the last few weeks anyway
Clare Falconer, Llandough, Wales

"For crying out loud, WHERE are the Falconer entries this week, Greg?"
Naomi, York

Stephen Tucker was so upset when Naomi won the cap comp, and never really recovered.
Neill, UK

Naomi's clever attempt to disillusion other cap compers with the contents of the BBC goodie bag, and thus nab a second yacht for herself, almost worked.
Martin Mills, Morpeth

The Caption Competition judge tried in vain to apologise for his tardiness last week but the regulars were having none of it.
Joseph Haig, UK

The Brits cannot hide their disappointment when a female failed to repeat the Cap Comp title.
Stephen Tucker, USA

No Naomi, the goody bag contains signed photographs of Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden and Bill Oddie.
Joseph Haig, UK

Hey Tucker, stop fussing - the goody bag only contains a compendium of Martin Mills' 100 best captions.
Naomi, York