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Last Updated: Sunday, 9 March, 2003, 17:56 GMT
Caption Competition 138
South Africa skipper Shaun Pollock realises his error

South Africa captain Shaun Pollock admitted his side got their sums wrong as the Duckworth-Lewis system saw them crash out of the World Cup.

The host nation, needing a win, missed out on a place in the Super Sixes by a single run after a torrential downpour brought their match with Sri Lanka in Durban to a premature end.

This week's winner is Gareth Lewis who kept in mind that brevity is the soul of wit:

"Pollocks!" is this week's pithy winner.


See below for the best of the rest.


Alan Donald's retirement speech reflected his international career, as it went on for just a bit longer than it should have.
Richard Day, Singapore

Waldorf & Stadler were less than impressed at having a third member in their box for The Return of the Muppets.
Piers Taker, Singapore

The South Africans look on as Gerry Slawson gives a recital of his caption comp entries.
Richard Day, Singapore

The South Africans were disappointed that their dressing room was not to be fitted with the new turbo-charged bidet.
Piers Taker, Singapore

They tried hard but the South Africans couldn't quite master the action for Auld Lang Syne.
Richard Day, Singapore

The South Africans had loos fitted with a view of the pitch ready for their batsmen preparing to face Shoaib Akhtar.
Piers Taker, Singapore

"At least you three agree with my sums...."
David W, UK

The entire South African Cricket Team were sent to their locker room to think about what they'd done.
Alex Rose, UK

Never mind the Pollocks, here's the sacked Proteas.
Ed, UK

Shaun reflects on a poor performance in the last caption contest.
Richard Pasco, Uk

Shaun Pollock: "I think I got it wrong, what do you three think?'
Richard Mills, England

Sum of all fears.
Wahid Hussain, England

Pollock's face 'sums' it up as South Africa crash out in the first round.
Wahid Hussain, England

We've less math brains down in A-fri-ca.....
John Lewis, Finland

Losing was bad enough - but finding that the Changing Rooms team had installed a sloping floor was the last straw.
Shaun Uff, England

When Shaun finally counted to one hundred he realised his team mates were as bad at hide-and-seek as they are at maths.
James Vincent, U.K

Shaun Pollock wonders when his Kenyan passport application form will arrive.
Jonathan, UK

After forgetting their mascots, not even Bob Holness could cheer up the teams on the new series of Blockbusters.
Chris Snow, UK

The Caption Competition panel takes a break from judging the latest entries.
Ed, UK

The Sri Lankan team's 'giant human abacus' failed to raise a smile on the South African balcony.
Martin Mills, England

The recording studio staff show their usual appreciation as Posh Spice records yet another single.
Neal Berridge, UK

That evening the boys were fixated to an episode of Coronation St... in the hope that Vera and Jack would have the answers to the real Duckworth Lewis system.
Steve, Noosa, Australia

Pollock and co are decidedly unimpressed with this week's Cap Comp entries.
Ed, UK

Shaun Pollock reflects on his "Why Does it Always Rain on Me" CD.
Jonathan, UK

"Hmmm", thinks Shaun. "None of my family are here, so why on earth are they chanting 'what a load of Pollocks'...?"
Ed, UK

Cricket really is the most boring game in the world.
Graham, Scotland

South Africans rue their lack of knowledge of TV Soaps, and Weatherfield in particular, as the Duckworth system robs them of their 'Coronation'.
Andy Sweet, Atherstone, UK

The three boys have just received their Higher Maths results: failed -failed - failed.
David Murray, Scotland

Don't be too depressed - Howard Wilkinson will be your next coach!
Jonathan, UK

Somebody apparently forgot to tell Pollock that a bit of rain never hurt anybody... before.
Joep Meddens, UK

Just one boycott away from the Super Six...it's so unfair.
Joep Meddens, UK

Staring at the flooded pitch, Shaun ponders whether to take up synchronised swimming, but soon realises he is one move behind the rest.
Richard Morris, Scotland

The Caption Competition panel were difficult to please!
Rob Morris, UK

Sums you win, sums you lose!
Bert B, England

"It's not about the winning, it's the taking part...right guys??"
David W, UK

"Do you think it is safe to take my box off yet lads...?"
David W, UK

The "back of the bus" boys lost their street cred when they realised their vehicle was made of bricks.
Neal Berridge, UK

On reflection, Pollock realises that Ernie Els was not the best person to ask for advice on whether to go for par or one-over par.
Mark Newbold, UK

Pollocks!
Gareth Lewis, UK

Hear no press reporters, see no press reporters, speak to no press reporters.
Jonathan Williams, UK

Looks like rain...
Gareth Lewis, UK

Streaking was beginning to lose its shock value.
Ed, UK

As punishment Pollock has to sit and watch while the other kids get to go out and play.
Michael Eaton, England

"I thought it meant if you get a duck's worth you lose."
Richard Webber, England

Things could have been so different if we didn't have to include two dwarfs in the side....
Simon, England

"How am I supposed to get the counting right, when some joker has superglued my fingers to my face, and my elbows to the windowsill???
Jon Spreckley, England

Hearing "run run run a runaway" being belted out on the PA was not helping.
Peter A, UK

"At least when Hanse was in charge we had an excuse for losing."
Mike Holland, UK

The realisation that South Africa have done no better than England painfully sinks in.
Mike Holland, UK

Santa isn't coming is he lads.
Neil Gibbs, Wales

If only they knew that meeting Paul McKenna would have side affects.
James McGrath, England

They still didn't notice that the rest of the team were in the bar
James McGrath, England

The three wise monkeys add a fourth message to their teaching: Hear no evil; Speak no evil; See no evil; ALL: Duckworth-Lewis is EVIL!
Pete Lee, Cumbria, UK

Oh Pollocks! That's why you study maths at school.
Dan Hawkins, England

Shaun: "See, it's easy! You just slot the new head back into place!" Shaun's team mates sulk when they realise that he had an 'adding head' all along!
Melissa, England

Pollock: "I ask you, who would trust a counting system part-developed by Vera and Jack, especially after they were conned by that scoundrel Richard?"
Ajay, UK

Why does it always rain on me? Even when the sun is shining, I can't escape a hiding.
Michael O'Connor, England

"Guess I can kiss goodbye to that Casio sponsorship deal..."
David W, UK

Channel 4's directors were unsettled by the utter failure of Big Brother: Eliminated Cricket Teams.
Andy, Nottm, UK

As feminists gather outside, the decision to remove the female cast from The Royle Family proves a questionable decision.
Andy, Nottm, UK

Pollock: "Look you two it says here that someone DOES win the Readers' Digest prize draw. Sit tight, it could be us."
Andy, Nottm, UK

It was a daring move by their old headmaster, right in the middle of the World Cup, but the terrible trio's outstanding school detentions had caught up with them.
Andy, Nottm, UK

The Shania Twain World Tour 03 didn't prove to be such a big hit as originally thought
Eric the Eel, Equatorial Guinea

Pollock soon realised that 'sorry' was not good enough as the airtight chamber began to fill with poison gas...
David W, UK

After running out of fingers on his own hands, the others flatly refused to allow use of theirs.
Warren O'Brien, United Kingdom

The look on Sean's face said it all. South Africa were now the cricketing equal of England.
Garry Waddell, U.K.

South Africa's new batsmen, Wun Run-Shai, enters the field while a worried SA camp look on...
Andrew McArthur, Taiwan

Cricket bat, $400. Cricket pads, $150. Gloves, $100. Learning to use a calculator correctly, PRICELESS!
Keiren Murphy, Australia

Looking back, Shaun decided that taking advice from Jack and Vera Duckworth had not been such a good idea.
Mark Mullaly, UK

Thank goodness for this one-way window!!
Alan Evans, Canada

The South African cricket haka lacked a certain something.
Graham, Edinburgh

All too late, Pollock realises that Duckworth-Lewis is a scoring system and not the names of the two guys next to him.
Steve Voller, United Kingdom

And to think I laughed at those marketing guys trying to sell us the bats with a built-in calculator...
Phil Roberts, U.S.A.

To make matters worse for Shaun Pollock, Duckworth and Lewis were in the dressing room dancing.
Sarah L, UK

Pollock: "Is 2007 a leap year or a non-leap year?"
Ravi Reddy, India

Pollock doesn't even care when the team's dwarf mascot was flattened by Ntini's elbow.
Sarah L, UK

With the news that their captain wouldn't be picked for the next match because of his error, South Africa dropped a Pollock.
Gerry Slawson, UK

Even an impromptu routine from the pygmy Cossack duo fails to lift Shaun from the doldrums.
Ed, UK

Pollock: "I don't care if the masseuse hasn't turned up yet - I'm not rubbing your backs for you."
Ed, UK

All I said was isn't it ironic that an anagram of Sri Lanka was... laks rain
Alan Baxter, UK

Do you really think they will throw us to the lions in the game reserve?
David Murray, Scotland

Paul Gascoigne, Dwight Yorke and John Terry show their emotions as they are forced to watch the cricket World Cup instead of playing in the Champions League.
J Greene, England

Pollock is unimpressed by either finalist in the South African Knobbliest Elbows competition.
Diana Dewar, Canada

Welcome to the South African happy hour!!!!
OD, England

It never rains but it Boers.
Martin Welbourne, UK

Cameras, cameras zooming in, who's the reddest of us all?
Jisha George, Thailand

I was always stumped by maths at school...
Bart, UK

Ntini to Pollock: If I got that wrong I would've slit my throat.

Pollock to Ntini: Why do you think I'm holding my head like this?
Jerry Richards, England

Shaun Pollock has the host nation cheering when he finally manages to catch something. Unfortunately it was only his head!
Neil Nicholson, Bradford, UK

The losers rue their defeat in the three wise monkey competition.
Guy Dog, UK, UK

Now I've gone and super glued my hands to my face.
Fiona Waterworth, United Kingdom

My maths teacher always told me I was Pollocks at maths!
Will, England

Well, look on the bright side. At least Allan didn't get run out.
Chris Jackson, England

It was the last time they hired a box at Anfield.
Chris Snow, UK

While counting his chickens, Pollock realises he's got too many ducks.
Andrew Simpson, UK

Times tables never held any interest for Shaun or his friends.
Evan Bridges, UK

Has anybody got a calculator?
David Murray, Scotland

Under the Duckworth-Lewis system, the South Africans were certainly Donald ducked.
David Murray, Scotland

Shaun has to prop his jaw up to hide his disbelief - Kenya and Zimbabwe in the Super Six?
Mike, UK

Yes, yes, I am a Pollock.
Richard Pasco, UK

Being given detention for getting their sums wrong was a little harsh, felt Shaun.
Steve Godrich, UK

Ntini to Pollock: Didn't your grade four teacher tell you to carry the one?
Andrew Givoni, Australia

"I don't know were we went wrong, lets see one plus one is three ....Doh!"
Damien White, N.Ireland

Cheer up, Shaun! With a face like that you'll never bowl a maiden over....
John Lewis, Finland

Three green bottlers hanging on the wall.
James, UK

Typical, I always get a seat behind a post.
Laurence, England





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