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Monday, 21 October, 2002, 15:58 GMT 16:58 UK
Caption competition winner 118
A dejected David Seaman plucks the ball from the net after Macedonia's opener against England.
But whose caption came out on top this week?
England were expected to beat Macedonia - but just 11 minutes into the action, a goal scored direct from a corner put the visitors in the lead. The goal was reminiscent of Ronaldinho's looping World Cup free-kick, which sailed over the hapless Seaman's head. This week's winner was Roger Brent of the UK, who weighed in with this witty wonder: Gepetto looked on in horror from the stands as he realised his new puppet was not as mobile as Pinocchio... Well done Roger, you goody bag is on its way. See below for this week's second and third-placed captions - plus the best of the rest.
Second place: Gerry Slawson, UK
Third place: Ed, UK
The best of the rest:
Campbell to Woodgate: "Playing in a rubbish team with a rubbish keeper and wearing a white shirt...it's like being back at Spurs!!"
Seaman at sea!
The new Ronald McDonald cleverly manoevures camera's gaze towards "Golden Arches".
Mental note to myself: "remember to jump for ball next time". Also forgotten against Brazil....
Woodgate to Campbell: "Are you sure he's not Scottish?"
"He's trying to copy the McDonalds logo. Raising his left arm will be easy but how's he going to get the middle bit down to the ground?"
Another ageing seaman consigned to the murky depths.
Seaman's rapidly-failing eyesight becomes embarrassingly apparent as he attempts to single out Danny Mills for the blame for Macedonia's opener.
Campbell and Woodgate celebrate an important victory in the "pin the ponytail on the 'donkey' contest!
No, no, you misheard me; I said he used to be the pillar of the side.
Seaman drops a corner, drops his head, and may soon drop the in-the-way ponytail!
Seaman: "I think I've done my back in, lads".
Campbell: "How did you do that?"
Seaman: "Durin' the war...."
I said oops up over your head, I said ooops up over your head.
Oops up over your head I said oops up over your head.
All at Seaman.
Campbell to Woodgate: "Tell Dave it's a football."
Look, with a name like mine how can you expect me to have clean sheets?
11 minutes into the game and Seaman was still doing his warm-up.
England's manager has finally accepted using a three-foot high dwarf as goalkeeper was an experiment doomed to failure.
On BBC2, soft porn in Tipping the Velvet. Meanwhile on BBC1, Seaman all over the place...
It's a well-known fact people get shorter as they get older.
Sol: "Hey Woody, now you see why Arsene is always on the lookout for quality strikers. Because with this guy in goal we HAVE to outscore the opposition."
Seaman's old Jedi mind trick fails to pull the ball towards him, AGAIN.
Seaman's playing days were in danger of becoming a PONY TALE! (Pony and trap; rhyming slang).
"They promised me that this new matchball would have a bell fitted in it."
On one side the ball reads, "...and you know you are"
Another goal buried at the Sea of scoring opportunities.
Make your minds up you two, which one of you is going to cover this corner... What do you mean my reactions are getting slower?
David demonstrates the difference between an Able Seaman and a Gunner...
Don't just stand there lads - come and give me hand.
Well that's another beauty for the calamity keeper video when it comes out!
Seaman, filled with intrigue, finally decides to find out what leather on glove feels like.
Seaman: "I think I need a new job!" Sol Campbell: "Why don't you become a referee, you're already blind and don't keep your eyes on the game."
Campbell: "For goodness sake Danny, Seaman's playing like a pensioner. This is no time to sit in the crowd picking your nose!"
Seaman didn't find any of the Cap Comp entries funny as most of them went over his head.
Seamen consoled the spherical bee which, for the second time in 3 weeks, had returned to find its hive completely empty.
"Ah, so this is what they call a football!"
"Oops, I did it again..."
David decided not to waste his money entering the "spot the ball" competition.
"I looked up, lads, and this huge hailstone dropped from the sky."
We all thought Seaman's concentration would improve as soon as Ulrika stopped jumping up and down beside the goal.
Seaman: "Look lads, I didn't see the ball coming, I was too busy wondering how between the pair of you you've got five legs."
Gepetto looked on in horror from the stands as he realised his new Puppet was not as mobile as Pinocchio...
"Look lads, it's autographed by Nayim and Ronaldhino!"
Seaman's inability to adjust his jock-strap correctly left his ball control somewhat lacking.
Sol: "No Jonathan, the answer is 'Groucho, Chico, Harpo and Seamo'."
Ah, I can see this one, it's below eye level!
"If I hear any one more gag about lobbing Seaman, I'm quitting!"
With Campbell and Woodgate still to go, a freak goal interrupts a highly charged game of Twister.
Perhaps more worrying than Seaman's blunder was the fact that Woodgate and Campbell had five legs between them.
The David Seaman puppet fails to live up to expectations.
The lead weights in Seaman's boots had worked - as the evil cackling Paul Robinson looked on...
Campbell: He never did this when I was at Spurs.
Woodgate: No, you had Ian Walker for that!
Hello, my name's David, nice of you to drop in...
"I say! Sol, how did you manage to win the Double with him between the sticks?"
As bad as this Seaman is, he could always rely on finding at least one thing in his net!
Upset by the crowd's reaction, Seaman carries out his threat and does indeed take his ball back and go home.
Campbell: "I told you we should play rush keeper"
"He's your mate, you tell him he's rubbish!"
As a last resort, Seaman tries a death ray zap on the ball.
"Sol, is this the thing I am supposed to catch"?
Perhaps the boxing gloves were a mistake after all...
McDonalds are delighted as their search for a replacement for Ronald comes to an end. Introducing, "The Three Ron's", minus the wig and dungarees, but equally as silly in their England kit!
"At least I don't have to move my feet much to collect this ball..."
Sol: "Don't worry Dave, if you need a new job there's always McDonalds!"
Peter Enckelman takes some pressure off with his new David Seaman mask and wig set...
The Macedonian Supporters are so surprised by the early goal they forgot to finish their banner behind the goal.
So what you're saying is, this round white thing MUST NOT go in the net behind me... I think I have got it now.
Just as well I have those photos of Sven and Ulrika or I would never get a game...
Sol: "It could be worse, I could be back at Spurs."
Sol to Jonathan: "You're laughing mate - I have to play with him every bloody week..."
Nope, still can't reach it.
At least I'll only be up against a 16-year-old on Saturday.
Ow..... my back.....
Since his eyesight went, David found that the new giant sized golf balls were really helping him find his wayward tee shots.
Seaman hopes his Macedonian ancestry wasn't too obvious.
Sol Campbell: "Don't worry David, I'll gift them the second goal to take some flack away from you."
Seaman regrets buying these cheap divers' boots from the market.
Campbell: Is that the best you've got Dave? I'll show you how to gift them a goal!
Seaman stoops to stop another shot from that oh-so-troubling yellow McDonalds spider...
Sol suddenly noticed Sven had swapped Dave with Nancy.
Sit! Stay! Roll over! Good ball.
It's not netball David, you can move your feet.
At set pieces, how many more times is Seaman going to fall for the old "hey David your shoelace is undone" trick?
Seaman: "Oh no not again. Soon I will have to buy a house next to Graham Taylor!"
Experimenting in a quiet moment, Seaman discovers that his mail-order magnetic glove was a rip-off.
New chicken-wire fencing protected the terrified crowd from Seaman's missed saves.
New fertility study proves Seaman does get less effective after 39...
The defenders looked puzzled by the early arrival of the comedian providing the half time entertainment.
Seaman: "All of this criticism goes right over my head."
"What's this and where did it come from?"
He can't even claim his hair got in his eyes.
"If I could....just....bend...down...we'll be ready for the re-start..."
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