OFF THE BALL, SATURDAYS AND SUNDAYS ON RADIO SCOTLAND Off the Ball is petty, ill-informed and fronted by two Scottish football fans who really should know better.
Stuart Cosgrove and Tam Cowan have endured more highs and lows than Michael Fish, but, erasing the memory of the last-minute defeat and focusing on the flukey winner, they stick on the headphones each week and make us laugh about our national game.
OFF THE BALL, SATURDAY 1200-1400 BST RADIO SCOTLAND 92-95 FM
Colin McCredie and Stephen Purdon were on the show on Saturday. Yes, it was murder.
Last week it was Taggart v River City as the lads were joined by Colin McCredie and Stephen Purdon to get tore into striking refs, the weather and the Christmas XI.
Listen to the programme on demand or treat your ears by downloading the very best bits in the Off the Ball podcast.
ELVIS TEXTS TO OFF THE BALL ON SATURDAY 21 AUGUST
"Rock around the jock" - Brian in Aberdeen
"I can't help falling in love with ewe" - Peter in Ellon
"Jail croft rock" - Andrew, Inverness
"Don't be gruel" - Tam, Renfrew
"Blue suede coos" - Dons fan Gayzer
"Jail house cock-a-leekie soup" - Dave Currie and Scott Dixon, fishing on Loch Venechar
"Crying in the wee free kirk" - Pat, Edinburgh
"Heartbreak overpriced B&B" - Johnboy in Coatbridge
"Hi lads, my pal tours with an Elvis tribute band called 'Elvis Prestwick and the Ryanairs', Viva Tarbolton etc" - ToshC
"The Wonder of Uist" - Brian, Kilmarnock
"It's wan fer the money, twa fer the show" - Joe Keelan, Bellshill -
"Walk a mile in my wellies" - Norrie
"Viva Las-mahagow" - Michael O'Rourke, Clermiston
"Mhairi's the name of his latest bint" - J-Bo
"For all Scottish neds in town centres, All Puke Up" - Kenny Duthie
"The first time ever I saw your plooks" - Franz Grimley
"You're the Devil in Milngavie" -Jake in Sauchen
OFF THE BALL INCIDENTS
We're currently trawling through the archive from the programme to bring you some of our favourite clips. Here are four to whet your appetite:
Film star Dougray Scott gets quizzed on his Hollywood history by Tam.
In a risque clip, Tam reveals his desire to collect underwear from Elle, Gus and Archie MacPherson.
Tam, in his own inimitable style, reads out a rather risque song on the charms of the women of Brechin.
A caller's blagging reminiscences lead to Tam advocating breastfeeding in football grounds!
OFF THE BALL MYFARSE PAGE
As promised, here are a selection of the photographs you sent in featuring celebrities:
Colin Rae sent us this photo of him with hairy rock star Alice Cooper. Jeez-oh, Alice looks like Gnasher! Or Terry Hurlock?!
He says: "It was taken a few years ago when I was sporting a Graeme Souness moustache, which I no longer have. In fact, I no longer have any hair!
Paula sent in this snap of herself with actor Danny Glover, perhaps most famous for his role in the Lethal Weapon films.
Regular e-mailer and St Johnstone fan Paula has become well-known to listeners as the 'Scary Saint' but Glover shows no signs of fear in this shot.
Amanda Harrigan took this pic