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Page last updated at 19:01 GMT, Sunday, 6 February 2011

Off the Bawl 06 Feb 11

Off the Ball presenters Stuart Cosgrove and Tam Cowan

Greeeeeetings! The most petty and ill-informed show on radio? Don't think so. On Saturday, the listeners ruined Off The Ball's ropey reputation with more than enough football facts to delight any trivia buff.

For example, what was Bobby Lennox's reply when he was asked: "When did you realise your leg was broken?'

Bobby Lennox and John Greig
Bobby Lennox (l) gets rid of the ball before John Greig arrives

Well, according to Andy T from St Andrews, the Celtic legend said: "When I saw John Greig running towards me..."

Also, we all know what happened next when Archie Macpherson uttered the immortal words: "It's Hansen's ball all the way..." But hands up if you know who scored Russia's goal after big Alan clattered into Willie Miller at the 1982 World Cup?

Well, thanks to Neil from Kirriemuir, we were reminded it was a jammy so-and-so called Shengelia.

Oh, and here's one that even foxed Stuart Cosgrove.

Kenny in Perth asked: "What happened to former St Johnstone keeper Lindsay Hamilton the one and only time he wore a shocking pink goalie top?"

Give up? He was chipped from the halfway line by the one and only Simon Stainrod.

We were joined on Saturday by former top referee Stuart Dougal and ex-Hibs number two Brian Rice.

And, as a tribute to Maria Schneider who starred in that infamous scene from Last Tango In Paris opposite Marlon "Butter Fingers" Brando, we talked about memorable cameos in Scottish football.

Lindsay Hamilton in his days at Dunfermline
Lindsay Hamilton has worn a few shocking goalie tops in his time

Bryan Young in Cyprus said: "What about the part played by a contact lens in Wales on September 10th, 1985? Jim Leighton lost one and had to be subbed for Alan Rough on the night we lost the great Jock Stein and Scotland qualified for the Mexico World Cup."

Pete the Hibee said: "There was a lovely moment a few years ago when your studio guest Stuart Dougal flashed a yellow card at a player and the opposition fans started chanting that he'd been booked for being ugly. The player, of course, was Stevie Fulton."

Raymie in Consett said: "My favourite little cameo was when Tommy Gemmell kicked that German player up the bahookie."

Raymie also reminded us of the time a former Scotland and Old Firm player allegedly walked into his local boozer and said: "Anyone want to buy a tracksuit?"

More about him later...


Midway through Saturday's show we were joined, as usual, by Sportsound ringmaster Richard Gordon. This immediately sparked a sneezing fit from Tam, who wheezed: "Do you have a pet dog?"

"Yes!" replied a rather stunned Richard who seemed to think Tam was some sort of Sherlock Holmes rather than just a snottery-faced radio host who's allergic to dog hair.

Anyway, this inspired the OTB listeners to speculate about which other Scottish football figures have pets at home.

John Mitchell said: "Walter Smith has a private collection of over 30 pet journalists."

Lynne Massie in Peterhead said: "Is it El Hadji Diouf or Bob Carolgees who owns Spit The Dog?"

Big Macgregor in Bellshill said: "Mo Johnston probably has a chameleon."

And Rathie the Jambo in Thurso said: "Derek Riordan would have a pet seal as neither of them are fond of clubs..."


The Wales XI (aka Aberdeen FC - defence full of leeks)

Manager: Big Rhonnda Atkinson

Coach: Jim Duffydil

1. Frank Taffey

2. Fernando Wrexham

3. Evander Snowdonia

4. Lorenzo Amoruso (he's got one dragon on the ground)

5. Chris Hoggi Hoggi Hoggi

6. Terry Men of Hurlock

7. Barry Island Lavety

8. Richard Burton O'Brien

9. Kris Boyo

10. Catherine Zico Jones

11. Andy Coal


Valley McCoist,

Frank Abergavenny Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwlllantysiliogogo-Gordon Smith


Aberdeen's Zander Diamond
Grammarian Diamond gets sented off in his early days as a Dons player

On this week's Off The Ball Sunday Supplement - in the company of Scottish broadcasting legend Archie Macpherson - we put the spotlight on football pundits and bad grammar.

And the last word this week goes to Zander Diamond.

A few years ago, the Dons defender was a guest in the BBC studios and, according to Paul in Aberdeen, he said: "After a bad first-half, I don't think our second-half performance can get any badder..."

Ouch! I don't think the boy done well...

To join in the fun on this Saturday's show, call 0500 929500, text 80295 or email:

Want to hear the best bits from the latest programme? Then listen to the Off the Ball podcast.

Or listen to the full Off the Ball programmes on the BBC iPlayer.

see also
Off the Bawl 30 Jan 11
01 Feb 11 |  Scotland
Off the Bawl 23 Jan 2011
23 Jan 11 |  Scotland
Off the Bawl 16 Jan 2011
16 Jan 11 |  Scotland

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