"Get us a heavyweight manager!" cried the Ugandans. And they got "Blobby" Williamson. Bobby is our Fatties XI manager.
One of Scotland's finest goalies, Andy Goram - the Flying Pig - filled his goals. Fat and with mullet - not a good combination.
The boy who wouldn't stop growing...outwards, Gary Bollan is a first pick for the Fatties XI.
Big John Clark, or is it a fat Edwyn Collins? His thighs could kick-start a jumbo jet; his shots decapitated sweepers.
When Dundee United's Charlie Miller landed after this challenge, seismologists in Edinburgh feared the worst.
Andy Ritchie, Morton's Idle Idol, the Bellshill Bull, played outside-right and left-back to save him changing ends at half-time.
George O'Boyle was never the same after Rumble in the Jungle, but his grills are mighty good.
Celtic fans were aghast when Scott "McDonald's" returned for the new season with a marsupial-like belly.
Our photo research skills have let us down. Derek Johnstone used to be fat as a player, didn't he? Remember?
Fatty Hartson should have played in a towelling romper suit, while sooking on a dummy.
Mixu Paatelainen donates one of his old jerseys to the Hibs season ticket campaign.
As tall as he was broad, rumour has it that Aberdeen's Joe Harper gave Oxo the inspiration for their cubes.
Neil Lennon? Fatties XI? We wish we were as "fat" as the muscle-bound former Celtic star.
It almost defies physics. With thighs like redwoods, how can a guy as big as Mark Yardley get off the ground?
Barry Lavety could be described as "muscular", "sturdy", "robust" or just plain "fat". Take your pick.