That's us done - might have lifted a few heavy English hearts, that last hour and a half. Enjoy the rest of your sporting weekend.
Elsom's now being presented with the Cook Cup. He looks as happy as a man being presented with a freshly-laid kanga-coil.
Amusing scenes here - they've stuck a mic on the podium, and the skippers are being made to make little speeches. Moody's laughing his head off, and he's being heckled by his own team-mates. I've never seen so many smiles from the England players - even Wilko's beaming.
Stand-out performers? Ben Youngs, Courtney Lawes, Tom Croft, but from 1-15 there was improvement all round.
Rocky Elsom: "Our set-piece didn't hold up so well. We lost a lot of the sting in our defence."
The best performance and result of Martin Johnson's England reign, no question about it - England's first win Down Under since 2003. Lewis Moody's a happy man: "Amazing. A fantastic effort. We've got some great talent, and it's nice to get them some ball to play with."
FINAL SCORE: Australia 20-21 England
Kick to touch, whistle goes, they've done it!
England slowing it up, picking and driving, winding down the clock...
Easter snags the re-start, and England have the ball.
Croft again at the line-out - ill-discipline from Chisholm, and it's a penalty... Wilkinson, it had to be, 30m out, the game there for him to win - missed left! Dear oh dear - stunned silence from the England fans, and there's still only one score in it...
Brilliant work from Tom Croft, stealing the ball off Genia with brutal larceny. With Australia 35m out, how important could that be?
Ah, wasteful. The ball goes through hands along the line, but Ashton's pass is too high and Armitage knocks on.
Hello - dust-up here involving Wilson and Slipper. 90% handbags. Scrum goes again.
Cross-kick from Wilko, and Ashton smashes into Ashley-Cooper. Knock-on, and England will have a scrum 10m into opposition territory.
England struggling with territory at the moment, but Giteau's kicking has let them off the hook - three from seven for the normally supreme centre.
Wasteful kick from Wilko, giving Mitchell the ball. Cooper the dagger, and Aus have a penalty bang in front, 20m out - this will take back the lead. Missed! Giteau's missed it! Incredible let-off.
Thompson can't believe it, but he's been penalised for coming round the side - Giteau has a chance on the angle from the left, but that's awful. England's slender lead remains - Armitage on for Tindall.
Ben Youngs taken off for Danny Care. No obvious injury - work that one out.
England all over the Aussie scrum. They push them back 10m before Youngs feeds Ashton - the ball comes back to Wilkinson, and his cross-kick puts Ashley-Cooper in trouble.
Mature play from O'Connor - there's nothing on for him on the left wing, so he angles a grubber down the line to find great territory. Ioane in trouble here - landed awkwardly on his shoulder, and Adam Ashley-Cooper will come on for him.
Good work from Foden, rock-solid under the high ball and returning with interest with a thumping right boot.
Dan Cole wearing his war wounds around the eye - Shaw will come on for Lawes too. Knock-on from Youngs, and Aus will scrum 10m inside their own half, central.
Danger danger - Genia snipes, Mitchell hammers - great rucking from England to force the turnover, and they'll have a penalty. Lawes looks to be struggling - he's been first-class so far - and Thompson has lost a contact lens. Surprised he's got one left.
Changes in the Aussie pack - Chisholm on for Mumm - as the Wallabies barrel that the right hand corner. Super hands from Cooper, Mitchell then crashing into Tindall - penalty against the old stager, and Australia decide to kick to the corner.
52 mins: PEN Wilkinson Aus 20-21 Eng
England starting to dominate the scrum again - Australia pinged for bringing it down, and Wilkinson's first touch will be a penalty chance from 40m out, to the same end that - well, you remember. Boos and jeers - silenced by a beaut right down the middle. England lead, under half an hour to go...
Roars and whistles from around the ground - yup, it's Jonny Wilkinson coming on for the injured Flood. You don't think...
Much better from England - dynamic phases, Lawes battering holes, Ben Youngs so quick with his pass. Oops - his first error, firing one at Ashton's shoulder as the winger looks to crash through.
45 mins: PEN Flood Aus 20-18 Eng
Now then - chance to close the gap straight away - Flood bang in front, 25m out - yup, down the middle. Flood limps away clutching his ankle though - what's he done to himself?
42 mins: TRY Giteau Aus 18-15
Is that a knock-on from Genia at the base of the scrum? The ref doesn't think so, and Cooper goes right - O'Connor accelerating down the line, draws Ashton, pops inside to Mitchell - Foden is stranded, and another ball inside puts Giteau in for his second try. Beautiful running rugby; conversion for 20-15
The young dasher O'Connor goes from deep, but England cover well and snuff out the sparks.
HALF-TIME: Aus 13-15 Eng
Super 40 minutes of rugby, and a vast improvement from England on last week. There's been ambition, dynamism and a cutting edge - can they build on that half?
Chip through from Flood, and Genia will counter - O'Connor now, head up, and Genia's on his outside - good covering tackle from Cueto. High, to be fair, but he gets away with it and gives Genia a little afters as they wrestle on the deck.
Flood's playing right up on the gain-line - off-load from the tackle to Thompson and the big man's galloping free - nope, forward pass. By a fraction.
Exchange of useful kicks from the scrum-halfs, Genia and Youngs, before Mitchell returns midway into the England half.
England opt to run it out of their 22, which is nice - but that's great foraging from Pocock, and England go off their feet. Giteau again, same distance, other side - off the post!
Poor kick from Cueto, straight down O'Connor's throat, and Australia will counter - Croft makes a big tackle, but there are hands in the ruck - penalty. Giteau, 30-odd metres out on the left - oof, sliced wide. Let-off for England.
27 mins: TRY Ashton, Aus 13-15 Eng
England going through the phases, but with energy and purpose - Youngs pops up a pass to Palmer, there's a cheeky instant pass back inside to the sprinting Ashton - searing pace, angling in and then away again from Ioane to dive over in the left hand corner. Super score - Flood sends the conversion wide, but we have a cracker on our hands.
Wallop - England marmalise the Aussie scrum for the first time, and the pen is given. Flood from halfway - ooh, drifts just wide.
22 mins: TRY Giteau Aus 11-10
Bang - rock-solid Aussie scrum, Cooper faking to Giteau and putting Ioane through (lovely hands) - Foden is drawn, and the pass back inside frees Giteau to canter under the posts. Devastating response, simple conversion for 13-10
Youngs puts a good hit in on the tyro O'Connor, and with quarter of the match gone England are controlling the tempo well - Lawes charging around to good effect, Moody with a bead drawn on Cooper, Foden all vim and vigour.
18 mins: TRY Youngs Aus 6-8
I tell you what - Croft off the top of the line-out, and Youngs explodes - blitzing through a gap, taking aim at Mitchell and stepping round him with sizzling pace. Fabulous try from the 20-year-old. Flood lands the extras for 6-10
, and England are transformed.
Foden almost stitches Cueto up with a quick line-out that leaves him isolated - good work from the winger, getting his team-mate out of a hole.
13 mins: PEN Giteau Aus 6-3 Eng
Thompson pinged for nailing Sharpe, but Foden is dashing with some success. Ach - ball lost in the tackle, and that's another pen for not releasing. Simple strike, and England are paying the price for little errors at the moment.
Good again from England, much quicker ball than last week. Youngs making a difference already, although the ball is stripped away from Tindall with the line just a few metres away.
Dancing feet from Ashton after Hape draws two tacklers - the ball goes right, but Tindall tries an ambitious back-of-hand flick and loses possession. Wasteful.
7 mins: PEN Giteau Aus 3-3 Eng
Payne gets a ticking off for lobbing a fist, although Thompson was involved too - penalty awarded, 30m out, bang in front, gift to Giteau.
Early signs from the scrum? Much more solid from the Wallabies, although Youngs gets up fast on Genia to spoil his pass.
Good beard on Steve Thompson today. Moody all over Cooper like a hungry tiger, and the fly-half hurries his kick - good take from Foden, and he rolls away from the challenge. Ach - Easter coughs it up. Dan Cole off for a blood injury; Wilson on.
2 mins: PEN Flood Aus 0-3 Eng
Big hit from Moody, and Flood will have a dart - penalty to England as Australia fail to release, and that's the easiest of slots for Flood. Feisty start from the tourists.
Cooper gets us under way, and that's a cheeky box-kick from Youngs after a good take from Cueto.
Anthem o'clock - big bellows for God Save the Old Dear, and bigger still for AAF.
Here come the players into the Olympic stadium - smoke flares firing, fans yelling, PA squawking. What do we reckon?
A fair few empty seats inside today - maybe the latecomers are rattling down a final few refreshers. Big day for Courtney Lawes and Ben Youngs, their first starts for England, with the already dazzling Wallabies back line augmented by inside centre Matt Giteau and scrum-half Will Genia. Class acts.
James O'Connor; Digby Ioane, Rob Horne, Matt Giteau, Drew Mitchell; Quade Cooper, Will Genia; Ben Daley, Saia Faingaa, Salesi Ma'afu, Dean Mumm, Nathan Sharpe, Rocky Elsom (captain), David Pocock, Richard Brown.Replacements:
Huia Edmonds, James Slipper, Mark Chisholm, Matt Hodgson, Luke Burgess, Berrick Barnes, Adam Ashley-Cooper.
England: Ben Foden (Northampton); Mark Cueto (Sale Sharks), Mike Tindall (Gloucester), Shontayne Hape (Bath), Chris Ashton (Northampton); Toby Flood (Leicester), Ben Youngs (Leicester); Tim Payne (Wasps), Steve Thompson (Leeds), Dan Cole (Leicester), Courtney Lawes (Northampton), Tom Palmer (Stade Francais), Tom Croft (Leicester), Lewis Moody (Leicester, capt), Nick Easter (Harlequins).
Replacements: George Chuter (Leicester), David Wilson (Bath), Simon Shaw (Wasps), James Haskell (Stade Francais), Danny Care (Harlequins), Jonny Wilkinson (Toulon), Delon Armitage (London Irish).
This from Martin Johnson: "We helped them too much last week. We can be more solid. A lot of it is attitude, and we can't afford to be complacent. Every game is an opportunity."
So. Can England be as bad as last week? Will the Aussie scrum be so abject? Will there be any sporting event this weekend that doesn't leave the domestic viewer sighing with heavy despair?
Right - manually refresh
if you would, and we'll start the build up to Wallabies v England in a mo. Optimism, where is thou sting?
27 unanswered points in that second half. Ouch. Big ask for Wales in Hamilton next week after that, and Warren G's got a job on his hands.
More from Jones "That was the difference between the two sides - they were able to capitalise on our mistakes, and we weren't able to capitalise on theirs.
Carter supreme for the All Blacks, given the platform by the men in front of him, but it's the same old story from Wales "They capitalised on every mistake we made, " admits Ryan Jones.
FULL TIME NZ 42-9 Wales:
Wales hang on, but that's a devastating second-half display from the hosts.
Ryan Jones smashed to the ground, and as the All Blacks forwards pile through he's left helpless - another turnover.
Phillips has a go but is tossed around like a rag doll. House of Pain.
Carter's off - his work is done. Wales look dead on their feet here, and the record defeat of 55-3 in Hamilton seven years ago is within dreadful reach.
71 mins: TRY Kahui NZ 40-9 Wales
Dear oh dear Mk II - Kahui steps inside, and there's gaps all over the place - Phillips can't get close, and Kahui turns on the gas - he's through through through - under the posts, and Wales are on the floor. Carter slots again for 42-9
67 mins: TRY Carter NZ 33-9 Wales
Dear oh dear - Wales have possession, possible overlap on the left - Ryan Jones gives the ball straight to Mealamu, and the All Blacks will break again - Carter, straight through a poor tackle from Prydie, and he's turning Byrne inside out - wonderful score, sliding into the left hand corner, and you have to say that's brilliant. Carter slots the conversion with dead-eyed brilliance for 35-9
Wales cough it up again, and Bradley Davies is blowing like a beached whale. Big shift he's put in, to be fair.
62 mins: PEN Carter NZ 28-9 Wales
Jonathan Thomas pinged for not releasing at the breakdown, and Carter has a straightforward chance from 25m out - easy peas.
Wales need the next score here, or you fear the floodgates could be blown off.
New Zealand camped on the Welsh line - they seem certain to score, but Roberts comes in with a big hit and the ball boucnes backwards - kick through, Halfpenny chasing - kick on, and can he get there again? Nope, Richard Kahui gets across, and when the ball rolls free again it somehow eludes the arriving Prydie. McCusker on for Gavin Thomas.
Carter's getting more and more space here, and he's starting to run the show. Dan Biggar on for S Jones, Yapp on for Adam Jones.
Big trouble for Wales, that physical effort in the first half starting to take its toll. Mistakes starting to mount up, tackles falling off...
51 mins: TRY Carter NZ 23-9 Wales
The All Blacks have suddenly picked up the pace - Rokocoko makes the initial surge from deep in his own half, Jane takes it on - the ball goes right, back inside, McCaw breaks Rees's tackle and Carter snakes through two more tackles to touch down in the right hand corner. The extras? That man again for 25-9
48 mins: PEN Carter, NZ 18-9 Wales
Old-stager Woodcock, on at the interval, puts pressure on the Welsh front row - pinged, and Carter has a chance to stretch the lead from the right - bent in off that sweet left peg.
Near disaster again from Wales - slow pass from Phillips, and Jones's kick is charged down by Read - McCaw picks up and looks to be running free, but Prydie makes a try-saving tackle. The ball goes right - Victor Vito looks certain to score, but Byrne makes a desperate scrambling snag. Escape.
Cowan aims a dabber into the corner, but that's too long - way too long, and it'll be scrum back.
Box-kick from Phillips for Halfpenny to chase, but Carter dinks one back the other way - super gather from Byrne, crashing through at pace, and he smashes through three tackles before being wrapped up.
Jones with the re-start, and Carter will kick to touch. Great physicality from Wales in the first period - can they keep that and the aggressive defence going?
HALF-TIME: NZ 15-9 Wales
Decent effort from Wales, but those two mistakes that led to the tries have hurt them. They're in touch, though - what's left in the tank for the second period?
Super kick to the corner after the All Blacks collapse the scrum. McCaw goes off his feet - yes you did, you old rogue - but Jones sends the penalty from out wide skimming across the nose of the posts.
Carter dances through half a gap, but Wales are defending fast and flat - Bradley Davies rips the ball away, and Wales will have a scrum just inside their own half.
34 min: PEN Jones NZ 15-9 Wales
The tourists needed that - lovely slot from out on the right touchline, Jones's idiosyncratic kicking style reaping dividends.
32 min: TRY Jane, NZ 15-6 Wales
Disaster for Wales - turnover ball on the NZ 22, and Jane picks up the loose ball and sets off - burning down the right wing, Prydie coming across - oh, sweet step inside, only Ryan Jones left to beat - another step, and he'll dive over for a fabulous finish. Carter blows the extras.
Exchange of kicks, Byrne's distance outdoing Carter's, and Wales will go through the phases.
Shame - Wales go through the phases, Bishop dancing through a tackle or two, but S Jones spills it with gaps just starting to suggest themselves. Up in the Welsh box, Warren Gatland utters an understandable obscenity.
Injury to Bishop, I think, but he'll live. Wales had a bad 10 minutes there, and they need to re-gain a measure of control here.
23 min: PEN Carter NZ 10-6 Wales
Low-down run from Mealamu, ended by a thumper from Phillips. Wales are pinged at the ruck, and Carter's not going to miss that slot from 25m out.
All Blacks picking the tempo up now, Cowan tap and going again - spill by McCaw from a solid crunch from Lee Byrne, and Wales have a scrum midway inside their own half.
19 min: TRY Mealamu, NZ 5-6 Wales
Penalty under the posts, but Cowan will take the tap - wriggle and drive, and Mealamu will crash on - an arm comes out, the ball is touched down on the line, and the All Blacks are back in it. Carter converts for 7-5.
Turnover from McCaw, and the kick from Cowan over the top - ooof, good covering from Prydie, with a pack of All Blacks hunting him down. Line-out, 5m out.
15 min: PEN Halfpenny NZ 0-6 Wales
He's given that the mama and papa of all thumps - it's on target... it's over!
The All Blacks go through the phases on halfway, but the defence is solid - penalty for not releasing, and Halfpenny will have a crack from the halfway line.
Hello - decent chance for Carter's first three points, 35m out, just to the right of the posts - nope, he's pushed it wide. Five men in the crowd dressed as daffodils sway with delight.
Decent start this from the tourists - they win a second line-out, and there's another cross-kick - great take from Halfpenny, and he's almost through - ball lost again in contact. All Blacks back three being targeted in the air, and it's working nicely at the mo.
Here come Wales again - cross-kick from S Jones to Halfpenny, and this is great pressure - AWJ will have a rumble, and then - no, Adam Jones spills it with Wales five metres out.
4 min: DROP-GOAL Jones, NZ 0-3 Wales
Early call to Phillips from the old pro, and that's a super slot - deep in the pocket, crashing it inside the right hand post from 30 metres out. Wales lead!
Hold up - great charge down from Andrew Bishop on Carter's kick, and Phillips dashes onto the loose ball - ach, he opts to kick ahead rather than gather, and Israel Dagg can scramble back under his own posts to prevent the try.
Stephen Jones gets us under way, and the All Blacks will drive up the middle - Dan Carter coughs it up, and Bradley Davies will have a little rumble.
Stirring. but not as stirring as this - the haka. Wales's reaction? Standing, arms by side, looking as bothered as men waiting for the 8.14am from Casnewydd to Cardiff Central.
Here come the players, and we'll have the formal sing-songs. Silence at the back please.
Super night for rugby - dry, cool, spicy in the stands. 57 years since Wales beat the All Blacks, and the first bellows of "Way-les, Way-les..." echo round the famous old ground.
Last ever match at the House of Pain, first up - they're tearing Carisbrook down soon to build a new stadium for the World Cup, and if Dunedin doesn't shed a tear or two, it'll be a bigger shock than a 50-point Welsh win.
Apart from that performance in Cape Town last night, obviously, but there shall be no more mention of those horrors. Instead, let there be bish and bosh, ruck and roll, dash and daring.
A summer Saturday, front-loaded with top drawer international ding-dongs - what's not to smile about?
Israel Dagg (Highlanders); Cory Jane (Hurricanes), Conrad Smith (Hurricanes), Benson Stanley (Blues), Joe Rokocoko (Blues); Daniel Carter (Crusaders), Jimmy Cowan (Highlanders); Ben Franks (Crusaders), Keven Mealamu (Blues), Owen Franks (Crusaders), Brad Thorn (Crusaders), Anthony Boric (Blues), Victor Vito (Hurricanes), Richie McCaw (Crusaders, capt), Kieran Read (Crusaders).Replacements:
Aled de Malmanche (Chiefs), Tony Woodcock (Blues), Sam Whitelock (Crusaders), Adam Thomson (Highlanders), Piri Weepu (Hurricanes), Aaron Cruden (Hurricanes), Richard Kahui (Chiefs).
Wales: Lee Byrne (Ospreys); Leigh Halfpenny (Cardiff Blues), Andrew Bishop (Ospreys), Jamie Roberts (Blues), Tom Prydie (Ospreys); Stephen Jones (Scarlets), Mike Phillips (Ospreys); Paul James (Ospreys), Matthew Rees (Scarlets), Adam Jones (Ospreys), Bradley Davies (Blues), Alun Wyn Jones (Ospreys), Jonathan Thomas (Ospreys), Gavin Thomas (Newport Gwent Dragons), Ryan Jones (capt).
Replacements: Huw Bennett (Ospreys), John Yapp (Blues), Deiniol Jones (Blues), Rob McCusker (Scarlets), Tavis Knoyle (Scarlets), Dan Biggar (Ospreys), Jonathan Davies (Scarlets).