They could all be characters in the plot of a trashy, low budget movie.
Kauto Star, the athletic Gold Cup champion, and Denman, a tank of a horse, who is unbeaten over steeplechase fences, and probably the sole serious challenger.
Battle lines are drawn, allegiances sworn, tactics cooked up, and then the unlikeliest of twists: they are not only both trained by Paul Nicholls in Somerset, but in neighbouring stables.
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Kauto will take some beating... but we don't know how good Denman can be
Paul Nicholls on Kauto Star, right, and Denman
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I can hear the cheesy American voice-over on the trailers: "Amidst the peace and tranquillity of England's ancient apple orchards and peaceful pastures, two horses, one goal..."
And we haven't even got onto the owners and jockeys. In the Kauto Star corner again there's old pro Ruby Walsh riding in the silks of quiet, thoughtful businessman Clive Smith.
Denman, meanwhile, is partnered by Sam Thomas, a jockey with a similar up-and-coming profile to his mount, a horse partly owned by the irrepressibly noisy professional gambler Harry Findlay.
Nicholls, looking for his third Gold Cup success after last year and after See More Business (1999) smiles at the thought of this, frankly, extraordinary scenario.
"It's amazing really that both horses came from different backgrounds [Kauto Star from France, Denman from Ireland], but ended up where they are," he told me.
"As for living next door to each other, that's just a co-incidence, and the way it's worked out."
Some people, I suggested, might fear that meeting as they will for the first time in competitive surroundings at Cheltenham they might now know what do.
Shaking his head, Nicholls said: "No, they are professionals - mates but also proper racehorses- and they'll know exactly what's required.
"Actually, one part of them being so good is that they are highly intelligent, so don't worry about them knowing their jobs when they are out there."
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606: DEBATE
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Pressed on which one he believes will win, the ex-jockey demonstrates tremendous qualities of diplomacy.
"Kauto is the champion, who's been there and done it, and will take some beating," he said, "but we don't really know how good Denman can be."
It promises to be a genuine "I was there" or "I saw it" encounter.
Other things to look out for on Gold Cup Day...
There has been considerable discussion about the pronunciation of Kauto Star: the BBC has taken advice and is going with "Korto".
Exotic Dancer will try to beat Kauto Star for the first time at the sixth attempt.
Trainer Alan King has won two of the last three runnings of the JCB Triumph Hurdle, and is fancied to take a third with Franchoek.
Retired TV pundit and former amateur jockey Lord (John) Oaksey heads the syndicate that owns Carruthers, a leading contender for the Albert Bartlett Novices Hurdle.
Jockey Mick FitzGerald rates Chomba Womba his best Cheltenham Festival mount in the David Nicholson Mares Hurdle.
Noisy scenes of joy will be sparked off if
Forpadydeplasterer justifies his position at the head of the betting for the Ballymore Properties Novices Hurdle.
Colourful Dublin publican Charlie Chawke heads a 20-man syndicate based at his Goat pub that owns the horse, which faces perhaps Tony McCoy's best chance of Festival success Aigle d'Or.
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