I don't know what to say. I played some of the best golf of my life and still couldn't shoot par.
Mickelson's rictus grin was broken by the malevolent seventh
The brutal "Shinnecock Hell" set-up tests even Phil Mickelson's ability to smile through adversity.
I turned on my television set this morning and saw what was going on and realised that it was going to be a bit on the comic side today.
Jeff Maggert gives the USGA a new idea - cartoon golf.
I didn't say anything that players on the practice tee haven't been saying for weeks.
Butch Harmon tries to take the heat out of his row with former protege Tiger Woods, and fails miserably.
It's going to be a bunch of car wrecks. It's going to be like there's oil on the track at Daytona.
Fred Funk sounds a sinister note ahead of Sunday's final round.
My girlfriend asked me yesterday what's the highest score I've ever had on a hole. I told her eight. Now it's nine.
Joakim Haeggman gives a brief insight into life chez Haeggman.
If it is an examination paper then they are asking a question there is no answer to.
Golf philosopher Lee Westwood offers his answer to the riddle of the seventh green.
From 1 to 10 in difficulty, it's an 11.
Ernie Els explains how the USGA uses the Spinal Tap approach to setting up a course.
Something could get ugly out there and you want professional security to be dealing with it.
USGA executive director David Fay tells Woods' caddie Steve Williams off for taking a photographer's camera.
I hung in there. I grinded my tail off.
Woods explains the grimace that was sewn into his face for most of Sunday.
I played all right, nothing great. So many times I'm just one yard off, but that one yard makes a big difference.
Woods has the last word on the great "Is Tiger out of form?" debate....until next month's Open.
There's some kinks to work out and some rust to get rid of.
David Duval after carding a 13-over-par 83 in his first round of competitive golf since November.
If he had played how they rooted for him, he would have done very well.
Playing partner Scott Hoch struggles to find something charitable to say about Duval's round.
It is not the first time (the USGA) have done this and it won't be the last. And on that note I need a beer.
After all the belly-aching and griping, Mark "Homer" Calcavecchia finally puts the course set-up row into perspective.