England's finest!

By Derek 'Robbo' Robson The Tees mouth

Hello Robbo.

Hello son. You all right?

Yeah - you sound a bit rough though.

I am - I got a bug off me grandson.

Robbo's feeling under the weather

Oh dear.

They keep going on about this MRSA but my grandson's a superbug all by himself - every time I see him I seem to catch summat.

You remember that puddle you had to walk through when you went swimming with the school to stop you getting verucas?

Yes.

Well they should do an all-over body spray version for kids before they go to nursery to stop people like me getting bugs.

It's a good job I didn't see much of me own kids when they were growing up - I'd have been ill a lot more.

I don't believe that for a minute! What I do know is that you've got to praise Liverpool for the seond week running.

I know! They were great though weren't they - did their job really well. And the fans did well to just stand there when things were being thrown at them.

I can't criticise anyone - well done everybody. If they can pull out another performance like that you just never know.

Lawro on Liverpool-Chelsea

And a Liverpool-Chelsea semi-final.

Yes I know. Chelsea seemed a bit laissez-faire towards the end of their quarter-final but it was very comfortable overall.

I wouldn't like to play Frank Lampard on a pinball machine, mind. Blimey, he rattles them in off everybody.

But whatever happens, we've got an English club in the final so that's good.

Yes, I don't particularly like Chelsea, but the thing is if all our clubs got knocked out in the first round, Uefa would take one of our Champions League places away.

Well that's right. We all grew up hating Liverpool because they were so good, but when they get to a European final you're like "come on lads!" So I wish the likes of Gerrard and Terry all the best.

And what about those silly beggars throwing flares during the Milan derby?

Well I think Uefa should ban all Italian clubs from Europe. Maybe not for that long but enough to really make them wake up.

AC Milan haven't caused any trouble but if they're banned along with everybody else it might make everyone sit up and take notice, because there's some pretty dodgy characters going to football matches in Italy at the moment.

Liverpool get harshly treated

Ban them for two years and let teams with nice fans have a go.

Amid all the chants and objects being hurled by Juventus fans, there was one funny banner which read: "You are more ugly than Camilla" - which I thought was quite funny.

Yes - and it's true!

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Now Alan in Scotland says: Robbo, I agree - it was Grrrrrreat! to see Tiger win another Major, but I have to disagree about the red t-shirt - I thought it was a great move - a big two fingers up to the establishment.

If he was an ordinary black golfer trying to get a game, on many courses he'd have been turned away whether he was wearing a t-shirt or a dinner suit.

Well that's a fair point. Mind you it's only a t-shirt. But if he really wanted to big himself up he should wear lots of bing like the gangsta rappers on the covers of my son's record collection.

Er, it's bling Robbo.

Should Tiger wear this?

Oh right, all that big jewellery. And he should get himself some diamond encrusted drivers, that would stick it up the establishment.

Trouble is, he clearly doesn't like that sort of thing. He probably likes REO Speedwagon by the look of him.

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Now, Georgia in England is not very happy with you.

Right.

She says: I would like to express my digust at what Derek 'Robbo' Robson put in his article about the Women's Cricket World Cup.

Oh dear.

For a start his facts were untrue and he ended up being very sexist.

As a female cricketer hoping to make it big myself, I was upset and somewhat bewildered by what he wrote, considering even the men would have struggled against bowling of that class - whatever pace.

I would like a formal apology for this.

I'm not very good at apologies, Georgia. And that's the first time I've heard of a Georgia in England by the way. I knew there was one in Russia and one in America...

But truth is my business, Georgia. I can only say what I see. It's a bit like Catchphrase.

And what I saw was a bunch of lasses trying their hardest but not being very entertaining.

Quick, Fireman Sam's on the other side!

It was a choice between watching that and Fireman Sam with the little lad and Fireman Sam won hands down.

Good luck to you and I hope you make it but my point about the fast bowling was that it wasn't very fast. And you can't deny that. Brett Lee 98 mph, that Fitzpatrick lass 65 - which is not that fast.

But what Georgia's saying is never mind the speed, the men would have struggled against bowling of that class.

Maybe. But they wouldn't have been blitzed. Most of them would be just pushing down the line, if it was on a length, and dealing with it comfortably. The best players, that is. I'm sure she'd get me out no trouble.

What I'm saying is the women need to get better before I'll watch it.

So basically you're saying sorry for causing offence..

...but I can't help it.

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Now finally, Simian in Wales says: Robbo speaks a lot of sense. He's a bit like Gandalf the great. Have you got a white beard?

No, Simian - if indeed that is your name. I haven't got a white beard, I think the likeness on the website is pretty good don't you, Christopher?

Robbo looks nothing like either of them

I do, yes.

I think that was taken from an identikit picture in 1987 when the police were after me. I haven't changed much since then. So that's what I look like.

But you do talk a lot of sense?

I do - although coming from Simian I'm not sure whether that's a compliment really. I'm sure he'll be voting for the Yogic Flight party in the coming elections...or whatever they're called.

But good luck to you, Simian - I appreciate it.

Right, that's it. Look after that cold of yours.

Will do.

And try and enjoy the weekend - QPR have nothing to play for now and if Middlesbrough carry on like they have been they soon won't either.

No, we're winding down gently. I think everyone's got their minds on the Ashes now - we're all looking forward to that.

Absolutely. Speak soon.

Ta-ta, son.

Have Your Say: Do you agree with Robbo?