Gunner be the best

By Derek 'Robbo' Robson The Tees mouth

Henry delight at record Wright salutes Henry

Our outspoken columnist praises Arsenal's finest and has a few choice words for the Australians.

Hello Robbo. How are you doing?

Hello son! I'm very well. It's a chilly autumnal day but, as I've said before to you southern jessies, we don't feel it.

Now Robbo, you've split the nation with your comments about the England football team.

That's usual. You can't expect the whole of the nation to have a common sense response to what I say - half of them clearly have.

Well, Bill's one of your biggest fans and wants to know how we're going to get Sven to read your column.

I don't think Sven is capable of reading a children's book at the moment. He can't read the game!

Many of his decisions don't make any sense to me so I doubt he'll be turning to an internet site.

Moving along, you may have heard of Thierry Henry - the one who's broken that record?

I refuse to bow to this French pronunciation. It's Terry Henry.

It was certainly an amazing comeback against Sparta Prague. You just can't knock him.

He's one of the few players I watch and drool over in a non-sexual way. The wife even drools as well. You have to put a bucket under her lip - it's disgusting.

How do you rate Henry though? Is he one of the best strikers around?

I've yet to be presented with a chest to sign

He can do all sorts of things. Wrighty was a bit of a goal hanger but Henry does it all.

He sets up goals, runs around, tackles back and never gets in trouble. It's a good job he's so exciting on the pitch because he must be a right bore off it.

But I don't think he'll stay long in this country.

What if he goes to Chelsea?

I think he'll go to Italy or Spain. I certainly hope he doesn't go to Chelsea.

Chelsea are in hot form - they surely don't need him?

They don't need half the players they've got. Shaun Wright-Phillips must have been shocked to his core when Jose Mourinho told him he was playing against Real Betis.

But the Premiership is all done and dusted. We are going to need to be talking about something else at the weekend.

What about bowls Robbo?

I've played bowls - it's a fine game. I prefer the outdoors game because I don't like the slippy shoes.

It's a thinking game - and it's also important to hold the ball the right way round. I have problems with that.

The game is designed for people who want to bend down slowly.

On to cricket Robbo. Have you heard the allegations by Aussie Nathan Bracken about the breath-freshening mints assisting England's swing bowlers.

Bracken retracts sweet claim

It sounds like sour grapes. I'd buy him a big pound of gobstoppers and shove them in myself. Minty sweets my backside!

You were thrashed and lucky to go down 2-1 - let's not hear any more of it!

Australia is disappearing as a sporting nation and it's fantastic. Even the rugby league team are losing as well.

They should all travel towards the bush, hide their heads in shame and find themselves some decent sportsmen.

Next up for the England cricket team is Pakistan - have you been out there?

No, I haven't. It will be interesting to see how our boys get on, because it's always very hot.

And they'll be some spinners bowling which is still a mystery to our cricketers unfortunately. But if we can win that series then we really will be number one in the world.

Robbo - what about the green baize? That Ronnie O'Sullivan has been saying some things about being bored with snooker.

Frankly, you get paid enough not to be bored. Get on with it. It's a bit like saying 'Do you want to come for a game of golf? Yeh, but my back's a bit sore'.

He said he'd prefer to be in the garden. What are your thoughts on a spot of gardening?

Anybody seen my secateurs?

I still prefer to be playing snooker. I think Ronnie at the next tournament should turn up and plant some shrubs during the breaks.

I'd be more than happy to give him some gardening gloves from the wife.

Maybe he could swap his cue for a tree?

Maybe he could make his own cue. We'll just see how good he is in the garden. He's got bags of talent though.

One last thing Robbo. Jason Roberts does a column for BBC Sport and he's been writing about people chasing him for autographs - how do you deal with that? He's even been asked by some ladies to sign their chests.

I just say "You go away" in various different languages! Obviously I've yet to be presented with a chest to sign. If people really want my autograph I suggest they bring a chest.

Even a big Geordie man?

Yep - I would sign that. I don't think too many people know where I live but I'll remember to always carry a permanent marker with me.

There you go. Time to go Robbo.

OK - and let's not talk about the Premiership again. You take care now. Ta-ra.

Have Your Say: Do you agree with Robbo?

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