Just bec-Aus you're losing!

By Derek 'Robbo' Robson The Tees mouth

Hello Robbo.

Hello son, you all right?

Yes, good -are you?

Fans scupper move

I'm very well. I just wanted to say a quick thing about the Birmingham fans vetoing Bowyer's signing from Newcastle.

I've never had much time for Birmingham fans but on this occasion I feel it's my duty to say how marvellous that is.

If I had my way, I'd force Bowyer to sign for Blackburn Rovers - because if he's going to continue smacking his team-mates around, I think Savage is a good place to start.

And what about Australia getting beaten by Somerset in the cricket?

Well, 'Somerset' is a little bit generous given that it was Smith and Jayasuriya that smacked them about, but it was still very funny.

Particularly as the Aussie players were retiring when they'd got 70-odd to give someone else a go.

On the same theme, Steve from Hertfordshire says: Forget the Ashes - we won the REAL series at Somerset the other night.

Rolf Harris, Dame Edna Everage, Mel Gibson...your boys took a hell of a beating. I think we should get a new bill rushed through parliament declaring us the winners of the Ashes on the basis of that performance and send the Aussies back home immediately!

Australia humbled

Yes, Dame Edna Everage, Rolf Harris - Crocodile Dundee, Jason Donovan, Rod Hull and Emu...it's unfair to suggest that Australia has contributed nothing to to the world culturally.

We should send back Jeremy Beadle, Paul Daniels, Keith Harris and Orville as part of a swap deal - they could be goodwill ambassadors.

But that Twenty20 win was so exciting - we beat them by 100 runs - that's all that matters. We'll forget what tournament it was in a few years time, but we'll certainly remember the winning margin.

They were 31-7 - marvellous! My only fear is that we used up too much luck in one go.

And another thing - why are Bangladesh still here? They call this a triangular tournament and my missus asked me if that meant two teams play against one - which is actually how it should be.

Bangladesh should join Australia to play England and then they can join England to play Australia.

OK they did well to post 180-odd at The Oval but they should still be on the way home.

At a guess I think England and Australia will get to the final - and I think we've got a chance.

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Next up is Andy from Essex who says: I see Sean Connery's been persuading players to sign for Rangers.

Connery lands Rangers star

This could start a new trend - Ken Dodd in charge of Liverpool's transfer targets this summer perhaps? And West Ham should get Ray Winstone at the helm - I bet he wouldn't have bought Roy bloody Carroll!

Well, Pardew wouldn't know a goalkeeper from a goat-keeper. Anyway, I don't know about you but Sean Connery gets on my nerves with his "I'm still Scottish" lark, when he's been in Switzerland for years.

I've been to Scotland more times than he has! All this I'm a Rangers fan, I'm a Scottish nationalist - get out of it!

It's a good point that some of these people who've got loads of money and are top international stars could help out their football teams.

Robbie Williams is a Port Vale fan - if he gave five percent of his earnings to them each year, they'd have a decent team. I think they should put their money where their mouth is, these stars.

Would you let this man run your club?

We've had a few celebrity chairmen, there was Elton John at Watford and Delia's done a good job at Norwich - and of course Mickey Mouse has taken over Manchester United - hey-hey!

As for my club, QPR, I think Pete Doherty's probably our most famous fan but I can't see him running a football club.

I can't see him running a bath to be honest.

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Finally, Johnny in Greece says: Robbo, I've got an answer to the problem of facing the Haka. The Lions should all wear kilts and raise them, just like in the Scotch ads.

Well I don't know about the Scotch ads - it sounds more like Carry on up the Khyber to me. Bernard Bresslaw's fantastically convincing Afghan warlord, if you remember.

I do!

Thing is, you've got to be a confident young man to do that with your kilt, if you know what I mean. You've got to be sure of yourself.

Well at least it wouldn't be cold over in New Zealand, so you couldn't use that excuse.

Exactly! That's the problem.

How to do the Haka How to respond to the Haka

Yes, it could work the other way and cause the All Blacks to fall about laughing.

That's my point. I don't know about you, but when I look at Jonah Lomu, I can't think that he's got anything to be ashamed of. If he's all in proportion, we're in trouble - that's all I'll say.

But the Lions have got to do something - anything but just stand there.

Right, I think that's a good note to close on - before we get ourselves in trouble! Have a good weekend, Robbo.

You too, son. Ta-ta.

Have Your Say: Do you agree with Robbo?