Wise up for the Cup

By Derek 'Robbo' Robson The Tees mouth

Well there it is. In black and white. The FA Cup final will be between Manchester United and Millwall. No-one likes us? No-one likes either of you!

Hellfire. I'm taking the weekend off. Of course the average footie fan is normally going to be neutral come the Cup Final but you can't be neutral when it comes to these two clubs.

Millwall versus Man U!!! Dennis Wise or Roy Keane lifting the trophy! It simply doesn't bear thinking about.

Robbo's not Keane on Wise

And we'll have to listen to that celeb fan Danny bleedin' Baker - the man who put the prat into prattle - as he chunters on about all things Millwallian. Yawwwwwwn!

And just think how empty London's going to feel on 22 May with these two sets of fans in Cardiff.

Nah. Leave 'em to it, I say. Take a holiday. Chances are if you don't you'll be putting a boot through your TV screen whoever lifts the Cup.

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Hogging the Limelight

Remember Roberts, Holding, Marshall and Garner (not forgetting Croft)?

A battery of quicks to make brown corduroys an essential part of a cricketer's kit. Though why they don't call it a bowlery of quicks I don't know.

Any road, step aside historical figures as we present the new breed: Hoggard, Harmison, Jones and Flintoff.

Hoggard has done well

All right, it doesn't quite have the same ring of fear, and celery's got more spine than this Windies batting line-up, but by 'eck they have done well.

I'm particularly pleased for Hoggard. He's such a rustic sort of bloke, it's hard not to see him in a smock with a pitchfork in one hand and a brace of pheasants in the other.

But his hat-trick was fantastic, especially as everyone else has had a five-for, apart from Giles.

Ah Giles. It's been the perfect series for Ashley - he's got nowt to offer and he's had nowt to do. He's found his role at last. Make it a whitewash boys! Make it a whitewash.

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Stupid Punt

Once again my forays into the wold of turf accountancy have left me empty-handed.

One step into that grimy world of tobacco smoke and misery and I feel instantly at home. Which is why I had to get out of there quick-smart.

Ginger wrecked Robbo's dreams

So I bet on four gee-gees. Blowing Wind got to fence six and could blow no more. Just in Debt was true to his word and left me in precisely that financial position.

But wait, with one fence to jump who's out there in the lead? It's only Robbo's secret fancies, the ones he didn't tell you lot about cos he didn't want the odds to shorten - it's Hedgehunter and Clan Royal.

Oh wallet open and receive your reward! Then, bloody Hedgehunter decides it's time for a nap! And Clan Royal suddenly looks like he's been on the bevvies and starts heading off into the rails and that Ginger McCain is rubbing his hands together with glee.

I feel cheated, quite frankly. Great race, though. Oh by the way, guess who my missus had her money on? That's right, men, the grey horsey. I ask you.

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Bahraining Supreme

Just hand the trophy over now

With all the trauma in the Middle-East going on at the minute, how nice it is of the world of motor racing to put on a Grand Prix in the desert for the poor citizens of Bahrain.

I'd rather watch a camel race meself, particularly as Schumacher is making it another bleeding procession.

I listened to a bit of the race on Five Live and it sounds like the dentist's waiting room of your nightmares. Neeee-owwwwwwwwwww, neee-owwwwwwwwwww, nee-owwwwwwwwww!!! What a racket!

It's like that hard housey-housey music. Boring and noisy. Give it to Kaiser Michael now and give our ears a rest.

Have Your Say: Do you agree with Robbo?