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Page last updated at 11:10 GMT, Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Sport quotes of the week

By Chris Charles

David Beckham
Quick, it's the fuzz

"Well, Halloween's coming up and I was thinking of Wolverine. It's not anything to do with any play-off ritual - I'm just lazy and can't be bothered to shave. And everybody keeps telling me to cut it and I'm stubborn."
David Beckham reveals the real reason for his scary beard.

"I don't get a great reception at Anfield I must say - I'm not their favourite son!"
Astute observation from Gary Neville ahead of Manchester United's trip to Liverpool.

"I suppose we'd rather lose both games again and win the league than beat Liverpool and not win the title."
You sure about that, Nev?

"This atmosphere is hard to handle for a ref. Whether he had enough experience or not, I don't know."
Despite the FA charge hanging over him, Sir Alex Ferguson just can't help questioning Andre Marriner's performance at Anfield.

"Bresi was new to Twitter and he's a Yorkshire fast bowler - putting an electrical gadget in his hand was never going to be a good combination!"
England spinner Graeme Swann after team-mate Tim Bresnan makes a twit of himself for swearing on his networking page.

"If you've been racing bikes all your life and you fall off every second day, it's not such a big deal. But for Jason that was a big shock. He'd been a water polo player - the worst you get there is getting your undercarriage squeezed by a big man."
Sir Chris Hoy on former GB team-mate Jason Queally, who gave up sprinting after an horrific crash in 1996 left him with an 18-inch splinter sticking out of his chest.

"I just said 'it wasn't me'. The referee asked 'who was it?' - and no one-volunteered..."
Fulham defender Brede Hangeland on the refereeing mix-up which nearly saw him wrongly red-carded against Roma.

"He's the playboy world champion with the winning smile."
Former F1 champion Damon Hill on the charm of Jenson Button.

Clive Dunn as Corporal Jones in Dad's Army
Play up Pompey!

"We just have to stick together, put our heads above the parapet and wear our tin helmets."
Portsmouth manager Paul Hart calls for the Blitz spirit at Fratton Park.

"That was for you, Nanny T."
Terrell Forbes dedicates his winner for Yeovil - his first-ever goal in 369 league appearances - to his Nan. Bless.

"It looked as if Richard Dunne had his wallet off him and everything! The referee didn't think it was a penalty. That's fair enough. The fact that he got it wrong is a different matter."
Wolves boss Mick McCarthy believes Kevin Doyle was robbed after failing to earn a penalty against Villa.

"I had come from Man United with the slippers, dressing gowns and heated floors. All of a sudden I was getting changed in a tent, chasing ducks off the training pitch and cleaning up their mess. And they leave a mess like dogs, believe me."
Steve Bruce fondly recalls the day he left United to join Birmingham.

"I pray all the time but obviously the man upstairs is busy at the moment. He's got bigger issues to deal with than our problems."
Roy Keane waits patiently for divine intervention to save Ipswich.

AND SOME FROM YOU

"If I'm offered the job I'll say I wanted it, if someone else gets it I'll say I never wanted it anyway."
Tranmere's caretaker boss Les Parry hasn't applied for the permanent job…or has he? (Dan Brown, Wirral).

"It's been a strange weekend in the Premier League - I've seen Berbatov sprint and Nikolas Anelka smile."
5 live's Mike Ingham during Liverpool v Man Utd. (Matt, Bristol).

"If it stays this way, it'll be the third nil-nil in the Premier League this season...we've had two so far."
Andy Gray during Sky Sports' coverage of Wolves v Aston Villa. (Craig Dickinson, UK).

Fernando Torres
Ain't no sunshine when he's gone

"He's the difference between sunshine and clouds."
Jamie Redknapp on Fernando Torres after Liverpool beat Man Utd. (Darran Oxley, UK).

"No. Why? Do you?"
Liverpool's Jamie Carragher, when asked whether he thought he should have been sent off for a foul on Michael Owen. (Umer Ayyaz, UK).

"Ridgewell should be very proud of his tackle."
Phil Thompson on Soccer Saturday extolling the virtues of Liam Ridgewell's challenge on Theo Walcott. (Eddie & Elliott, UK).

Colin Murray:"Do you think they'll leave that game 'til last on Match of the Day?"
Mark Lawrenson: "Maybe they'll show it on Match of the Day 2?"
Murray: "In fact they might even wait 'til Thursday!"
Murray and Lawro on Hull v Portsmouth A pretty harsh verdict on an admittedly awful game! (Tom Kealy, England). Funnily enough the game WAS last on Match of the Day - Ed.

"The bad news is that the teams have returned for the second-half."
Phil Thompson on Soccer Saturday watching Hull v Portsmouth. (Tyler Jason, England).

"This is one of those rainy days you get during the season where you have to sit tight and stand firm to get the result."
BBC Radio Norfolk's Chris Goreham during commentary of Norwich v Swindon. Are Norwich City the Canaries or The Contortionists? (Rory Chesworth, Norfolk).

"Johnson joined Leeds from Northampton in January 200."
BBC's Gossip Column. I didn't realise he was that old! (Jamie Crane, Haxby and Don Tate, Leeds).

"He is a physical beast of a man. He's so strong and powerful. Daryl Murphy ran into him on the training pitch the other day and just bounced off him!"
Sunderland boss Steve Bruce on The Black Cats' Ghanaian defender John Mensah. (Prince Dornu-Leiku, Ghana).

"I don't regret it. I apologise to the ladies but not to those who talk about football on TV."
Argentina coach Diego Maradona says sorry for his outburst after the Uruguay game and shows he is a real ladies' man. (Steve Rothwell, England).

Pepe Reina
Yep, it's gone all right

"Pepe Reina must be tearing his hair out."
Graeme Souness after Liverpool concede yet another goal from zonal marking against Lyon. What hair? (Quafel, UK).

"Axing him must have felt like slapping a kitten."
BBC blogger Robbo Robson on the sacking of Gareth Southgate. (Fraser Powell, Wales).

"That's the happiest I've seen him all season!"
F1 presenter Jake Humphrey on Eddie Jordan getting kissed by a girl live on TV. (Nirvik Ganapathi, Scotland).

"They're lacking that real streak of bang."
Sky pundit Paul Merson after Arsenal's 1-1 draw with AZ Alkmaar. (Steve Comber, UK).

"If I can keep scoring goals like that, people will be calling him 'John's brother' before too long."
Macclesfield Town's John Rooney (brother of Wayne) on his stunning goal against Cheltenham Town. (Ian S, Stafford, UK).

"..first blood to Harlequins."
Ian Robertson commentating on 'Bloodgate' club Harlequins over the weekend. (Alex Budge, UK).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"Where were you in Istanbul?"
Liverpool fans give Michael Owen a warm welcome on his return to Anfield.

Michael Owen
It's not good to be back

"Once a Manc, never a Red."
Before ramming the message home.

"We only came to see your Willey!"
Chant heard at Kingstonian v Cray Wanderers match to Cray defender Mark Willey. (Jamie, UK).

"One nil to the Blue Brazil!"
Bishop Stortford fans after going a goal up against Lewes. (Ben Thurstan, UK).

"We're not safe till we've got five..."
Heard at Vicarage Road with Watford leading 4-1 over Sheffield Wednesday. (Kim, England).

"Sit Daaahn, Shaaat aaap!"
Bradford fans singing in a Mockney accent at their bemused hosts Dagenham, who promptly replied with a totally un-ironic "Sit Daaahn, Shaaat aaap!" (Paul Smith, England).

"The moose, the moose, the moose is on fire!"
Sung to Nottingham Forest player Moussi at Forest v Barnsley. (Jennifer, Nottingham).

"Scott McGleish McGleish,
He should be kept on a leash, a leash
He may be 35,
It's a wonder he's still alive!"
Leyton Orient fans to their ageing striker. (Elliot Hartfree-Pearce, England).

Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones
Coming on for Villa...

"Dunne Dunne Dunne Dunne, Dunne Dunne Dunne!"
To the tune of Indiana Jones. Aston Villa fans welcome Richard Dunne. (Steve, England).

"We've won it five times, we've won it five ti-iimes, Football in the Community award - we've won it five times!"
Brentford's version of Stoke's Johnstone's Paint Trophy chant. (Benedikt, England).

"We're blue and white,
We're having pie for tea tonight,
Super Steak, Super Steak!"
Sung by St Johnstone fans after losing 2-1 to Rangers at home. (William Start, Scotland). I don't get it either - Ed.

"Hands up, baby hands up, show me your six fingers, show me your six fingers!"
To the tune of Ottowan's Hands up, sung by Blackburn fans to Burnley fans at the derby last week. (Ian, UK, and Wayne Howarth).

NOT-THE STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WEEK

"Ladies and gentlemen please try and contain your excitement as we will shortly be arriving in Wolverhampton."
Train announcer (very possibly a West Brom fan) announcing the train's impending arrival at Wolverhampton. (Michael Dakin, England).

BANNER OF THE WEEK

"We've Got More Points Than Pompey!"
Spotted at Southampton who, despite starting the season on minus 10, are now up to 11 - seven more than Portsmouth.



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