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Page last updated at 10:40 GMT, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 11:40 UK

Sport quotes of the week

By Chris Charles

Jose Mourinho
What hope is there for Jose?

"If he thinks he is Jesus, I am certainly not one of his apostles!"
Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti gets into an unholy row with Inter Milan boss Jose Mourinho while appearing on an Italian TV show. (During his own appearance on the show, Mourinho said: "Even Jesus Christ wasn't liked by everyone. What hope is there for me?" - Ed.)

"I lost sight of the official ball and stayed on the red one. I went for the red ball instinctively as it was the closest to me and the other went past me."
Pepe Reina on THAT beach ball.

"I'm world champion, baby!"
Jenson Button celebrates his world title Austin Powers style.

"We are the champions my friend - woo hoo!"
And even finds time to belt out a Queen number as he crosses the finishing line in Brazil.

"(My mum) was concerned and worried for me. I just texted back 'Don't be upset mum, I'm going to go and kick some butt'."
Button delivers on a promise to mum after finishing 14th in qualifying.

"You have to say he was right on the spot and kept up with play well."
Mischievous Mark Hughes praises Alan Wiley's handling of the Wigan-Man City game, following Sir Alex Ferguson's comments that the official was too unfit.

"It wasn't like Carlos Tevez, who played a few games for West Ham and then wouldn't celebrate for Man City. I had seven years at this club."
Harry Redknapp on refusing to celebrate Tottenham's goals against old club Portsmouth.

"I don't know how I got that. Thanks, Brucie!"
David Beckham on being chosen as man-of-the-match by Steve Bruce despite only playing half an hour of the England-Belarus game.

"I didn't give man of the match to Crouchy because he turned me down in the summer!"
Bruce explains the rationale behind his decision.

"Yes, I was a bit surprised. I thought it was like Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize after eight months as President."
England coach Fabio Capello clearly thinks the Sunderland boss was taking the peace.

Steve Bruce and Stan Collymore
Steve and Stan - best of enemies

"It's incredible - I have never known such a carry-on, I have to tell you....then you get that other idiot, Stan Collymore, who I had to switch off on the radio on the way home. I had to say to the driver 'please turn him off'. It is totally embarrassing. He is one person that... don't get me tied on that one."
Bruce is stung by the criticism of his decision - that's Stan off the Christmas card list, then.

"When Bruce chose Becks it saved us more than £3,000 - you could call it a Brucie bonus."
But at least bookie Alan Alger is happy.

"I didn't realise that if we threw the Queen up in front of Jack, we would suddenly get the World Cup."
Gary Neville after Fifa vice-president Jack Warner criticises England's bid for not being high-profile enough.

"He looked like Thunderbird 2."
The Guardian's James Richardson on Diego Maradona's dive to celebrate victory against Peru.

"I have been criticised for not hiring Xabi Alonso or Gareth Barry. But if I signed them, I would have killed Song, Diaby and Denilson."
Wenger on the problem that prevents him from replacing players. (Andrew 'Shandy' Williams, England).

"Everyone's concerned as to where he's disappeared to. We haven't even had a ransom note."
Falkirk spokesman Keith Hogg on the mysterious disappearance of mascot Fergus Fox's head.

"Which is actually the big club here? Forest can point to two European Cups. How many have Newcastle got? I think we all know the answer to that question!"
Nottingham Forest striker Dexter Blackstock after scoring the goal that sunk Newcastle. One of the Newcastle players had allegedly said if Forest won they would celebrate as if they had won the European Cup.

AND SOME FROM YOU

"When a supporter leaves the ground when a goal goes in that late, he's desperate to moan at something or someone. If the cat's out and the wife is at bingo, he picks up the phone to have a moan."
Bristol City manager Gary Johnson's view on why fans moan in post-match phone-ins. (Andy Reed, Wells).

Pepe Reina
Doh!!!

"I thought we'd seen it all from balloons in the news this week when 'Balloon Boy' was found to be safe. I didn't realise Steve Bruce had signed him for Sunderland?"
Chris Bevan, BBC live text, following the balloon/beach ball goal for Sunderland against Liverpool. (George, UK).

"Ashley has told local businessman Barry Moat to offer £80 within a seven-day deadline if he wants to buy the Championship club."
From the BBC Gossip Column. I know the price of Newcastle was going down...but £80!!! (Sam Owens, UK).

"Beth fell from the asymmetric bars but she did reach the final on the floor."
Vasos Alexander, on BBC 5 live's breakfast show about Beth Tweddle. (David Ballheimer, England).

ITV presenter: "So apart from pace, Steve, what does Gabby (Agbonlahor) bring to this England side?"
Steve Bruce: "Well, raw pace obviously."
Bruce before the England-Belarus game. (Jay, Rugby).

"Alan Wiley ambles over to Figueroa."
5 Live commentator during the Wigan-Man City game. Maybe not the best choice of words in a week questioning referees fitness? (Lucy, UK).

"We expect Toulouse to win."
5 live's Nick Mullins. Well, which is it?!
(Richard Bloice, Colchester).

"Tanya, we have to stop meeting like this!"
Martin Brundle, as he manoeuvred the German Sky presenter out the way again during his legendary grid walk.

"Button's overtaking has been as sharp as a sushi knife."
Brundle during the Brazilian Grand Prix. (Both Richard Moore, Frinton-on-Sea).

Andy Gray: "Three-and-a-bit goals the average (per game in the Premier League) so we're due at least one more."
Martin Tyler: "Is the bit the one that goes in off the beach ball?"
During Man City-Wigan. (Tom Griffiths, Wales).

Sam Allardyce
Big Sam celebrates good times

"It's my birthday tomorrow, so obviously that was an early Christmas present from the lads."
Blackburn manager Sam Allardyce, who sounds ever-so-slightly confused after the win over Burnley. (Rob, England).

"He's changed his boots from red to white and it's made a huge difference as he's scored."
Commentator at Charlton v Huddersfield after Izale Mcleod scored a goal... with his head. (Molly Fenwick, England).

"The defender is called... Shitov. If you're going to smirk, you might as well go to bed now."
Clive Tyldesley during the England-Belarus match. (Jarmo Willemse, UK).

''And the biggest cheer of the night is because David Beckham has stripped off... His tracksuit I mean.''
Tyldesley commentating on Beckham coming on at Wembley. (Frankie Hullett, Portsmouth).

"Gloucester hooker Olivier Azam will serve his full 12-week ban for kicking England captain Steve Borthwick in the head following an appeal hearing."
From the BBC website. What did Steve do at the hearing to warrant such treatment?! (Steve Barker, UK).

"In 1910 the Tour witnessed a revolution and invented mountains."
Tour director Christian Prudhomme - did the Tour de France really invent mountains? (Anon).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"Jim Bullard, Bullard
He's worse than Steve Gerrard
He's fatter than Frank Lampard
Jim Bullard, Bullard."
Fulham fans welcome back Jimmy Bullard (to the tune of Que Sera Sera). (Tom Stoddart, England). And that's the censored version - Ed.

"Who needs Mourinho, we have our physio!"
Tranmere fans as caretaker manager/physio Les Parry runs on to the pitch. (Mark Duncan, UK).

Lady Gaga
The lady goes gaga for Marine

"We're your biggest fans - we'll follow you around the country! Marine, Marine FC!"
To the tune of Lady Gaga's Paparazzi. (Francesco Clivey, England).

"Jon Macken whoah-oh-oh, Jon Macken whoah-oh-oh. He used to play for Town... but now he's just a clown!"
Ipswich fans to Jon Macken... who went on to score a 96th-minute winner! (Stephen Bailey, Ipswich).

"His name is Rio, and he should be in the stands!"
England fans in Ukraine after Rio Ferdinand makes another mistake. (Big Jon, England).

"We won it one time, We on it one ti-iime. Intertoto, we won it one time."
My favourite Fulham chant, much like the Stoke fans' Johnstone's Paint version. Heard at all the European games to strike fear into our opponents! (Andy Wagstaff, England).

"You won't get home 'til the morning!"
Heard at Nottingham Forest v Newcastle after an announcement was made that the A453 was closed. (Anon).

"We'd rather have a burger than our five a day!"
Chant heard at Radcliffe Borough v Quorn in the FA Trophy. (Michael Winston, UK).

"We're the right side, we're the right side, we're the right side over here/We're the left side, we're the left side, we're the left side over here!"
Sung by Colchester fans at Leyton Orient, where the Colchester support was split into two sections. (Aaron, Colchester).

"You only sing karaoke!"
Scotland fans to Japan supporters in Yokohama. (Rhys, Japan).

STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENTS OF THE WEEK

"Forest and Newcastle is a late kick-off. You don't see Newcastle on the telly much, do you?"
Stadium announcer at Loftus Road reading the half-time scores. (Duncan Ward, England). Fear not, Rangers fans - QPR are on the box against Derby on BBC2 this Saturday - Ed.



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