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Page last updated at 11:58 GMT, Wednesday, 23 September 2009 12:58 UK

Sport quotes of the week

By Chris Charles

Sir Alex Feguson and Gary Neville
Let's all have a disco

"Sometimes you have a noisy neighbour and have to live with it. You can't do anything about them if they keep on making noise but what we can do, as we showed today, is you can get on with your life, put your television on and turn it up a bit louder."
Sir Alex Ferguson refuses to switch off where Man City are concerned.

"They did seem quite excitable at the end of the game. It was reminiscent of Brian Kidd and Sir Alex in days gone by and I saw Gary Neville running on like a lunatic as well."
City boss Mark Hughes is not a fan of Fergie's dad-dancing.

"Maybe it was a good joke."
Hughes has a theory on why Sir Alex and fourth official Alan Wiley were having a laugh on the touchline during the time added on to the added-on time.

"I remember getting beaten at Bolton last year and looking at the bench. I think two of them were asleep with hats pulled down and blankets over them. I said 'I'm sorry to drag you up here, I know it's f****** cold and you could be at home with the missus with a cup of tea. It's hard for 30 grand a week to watch a game!'"
Harry Redknapp on the hard life of the modern-day footballer.

"My wife has never told me who her favourite player is but she did have two pictures taken with Beckham a while ago!"
England coach Fabio Capello knows it will be more grief than it's worth to leave Becks off the plane to South Africa.

"I'd like to find that guy with the drum and give him a big snog - even though he probably wouldn't like it much."
Blackpool boss Ian Holloway attempts to snare Bloomfield Road's resident sticks man.

"I feel like a burglar who has gone into somebody's house, nicked something, chucked it in my swag bag over my shoulder and off I go."
Holloway after Blackpool's smash 'n' grab raid at Nottingham Forest.

"They will make Holloway rock soon."
Tony Pulis believes his old mate will be immortalised in Blackpool's famous confectionery following the Seasiders' electric start to the season.

Nikolay Valuev and David Haye
Here's looking atcha beautiful

"He is the ugliest thing I have ever seen. I have watched Lord of the Rings and films with strange looking people, but for a human being to look like he does is pretty shocking."
David Haye meets his next opponent, 7ft 2in 'Beast from the East' Nikolay Valuev. Rather him than me - Ed.

"He was a lion of a man. Make that three lions."
Gary Lineker's tribute to former England boss Bobby Robson at the memorial service for the great man.

"When Danny Murphy came off the pitch, he shook my hand and said 'I really hope you stay up'. I nearly said 'I hope you stay up too' but bit my lip."
Mick McCarthy after his Wolves side saw off Murphy's Fulham 2-1.

"I'm going to pull the Arsene Wenger - I didn't see it....well, the ref didn't see it, so that makes two of us!"
Crystal Palace boss Neil Warnock finally agrees with a referee after Derby are denied a late penalty at Selhurst Park.

"People talk about momentum in one-day cricket and we're on a roll now!"
Graeme Swann after England finally beat Australia in a one-dayer, after losing the previous six.

"There were one or two things in it that made it difficult to sign, like he wouldn't be allowed to participate in dangerous sports - and he's possibly doing a television series in which he may do bungee-jumping."
Freddie Flintoff's agent Andrew Chandler reveals why the player turned down an England contract. That should put the knee through its paces - Ed.

AND SOME FROM YOU

"I'm never quite sure how far to go with praising young kids because the next thing you will see him probably driving a Mercedes and he'll have his socks over his knees and four earrings in and a Walt Disney hat."
Norwich boss Paul Lambert on his young midfielder Korey Smith. (Richard Moore, UEA).

Cheesecake
The food of champions

"Maybe a cheesecake for my birthday!"
Juan Martin Del Potro's response when asked what he plans to do with his US Open prize money. (Vincent, Harrow).

"Cheesecake. Definitely. Eggs and bacon, English breakfast, I really like that as well. Eggs and bacon for breakfast is great."
Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti on his favourite things about England. (Chris, UK). All hail the renaissance of the humble cheescake - Ed.

In Honduras they call Hendry Thomas El Doctor for his tackling ability, but not because he puts people in hospital! He's like a surgeon, curing things."
Wigan boss Roberto Martinez on his midfielder. (Anthony Ko, UK).

"Branston has got himself into a pickle again."
Jeff Stelling on Soccer Saturday as Burton skipper Guy Branston was sent off. (Mark, UK).

"When you see four minutes put up, you sort of know how long that's going to be."
Gareth Barry on the time added on during the Manchester derby. (Andy Jacott, England).

"Not the tallest, but he can jump."
Alan Smith describing Carlos Tevez's unique skill. (Tom, Norwich).

"If you've just joined us, we are having a long delay, because Bassong's head has bounced off the pitch."
Radio 5 live commentator during Chelsea's win over Tottenham. (Jude, England).

"If the ball is in the back of the net, you can't catch them on the counter."
Johnny Giles with a cutting insight during RTE commentary. (Paul Kelly, Dublin).

"Portsmouth - Still winless, still pointless."
Mark 'Chappers' Chapman questions Pompey's very existence on Final Score. (Johnny Lyttle, Leeds).

Hollyoaks stars Lena Kaur and Loui Batley
Hollyoaks and football - a match made in heaven

"If Hollyoaks is anything to go by, stopping over for the evening may be a good idea."
The travel guide on the Stevenage Borough website for the match against Chester. (Alex, England).

"I've heard Arsene Wenger says nothing in the first five minutes of half-time, Alan. He just says, well, he doesn't say anything."
Mark Lawrenson to Alan Green on 5 live during the Arsenal-Standard Liege match. (David Howorth, England).

"I'm a strong believer that if you score goals, you win matches."
Charlie Nicholas on Sky Sports News talking about Scotland manager George Burley. (John Bleasdale, Scotland).

"Shot."
Michael Vaughan's response on TMS to nearly every shot during the fifth one-day international. I'm not sure he's quite got the hang of this commentating thing yet! (Matt, England).

"Cardiff City's new £50 stadium holds 26,500 and was opened in the summer."
Picture caption on BBC Sport website. I always knew Cardiff were cheapskates! (Callum, England).

"As they were on their way up, they were already coming down."
David Pleat during 5 live commentary of Spurs v Man Utd as Vidic and Crouch went up to do battle. (Garry Hodge, Solihull).

"West Brom are having a bad little spell. They were leading 4-1, but now they're leading 3-1."
Jeff Stelling on Soccer Saturday. (Kevin Connolly, Northern Ireland).

"I guess it was written on the wall."
Sky commentator when Grafite scored his second for Wolfsburg v CSKA Moscow. (Chris Holland, England).

"Grafite has well and truly written his name all over those record books."
The BBC's Jonathan Stevenson on the live text of the Champions League. (Peter Roberts, UK). A pattern is beginning to emerge here - Ed.

Coldplay's Chris Martin
I'd rather be playing football

"That goal certainly put a smile upon his face."
Sky Sports' presenter's half-time analysis on Chris Martin's goal for Norwich at MK Dons. (Connor Stewart, Walsall).

"We were one-paced and sluggish in the first half, but in the second there was only going to be one winner."
Nottingham Forest boss Billy Davies after his team DREW 1-1 with Ipswich. (Andy, UK).

"I was going to hitch the shorts up to my nipples. I thought that would have been a good celebration, but the fans would have thought what the hell's he doing?"
Newcastle's Steven Taylor ditches his planned goal celebration after scoring against Plymouth. (Anthony Ko, UK).

"Since I arrived at the club I've been walking around with my slippers on, but now the gloves are off."
Hibs boss John Hughes keeps his feet warm with a mixed metaphor. (Brendan, Scotland).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"We've got Morten Gamst Pedersen; Gamst Pedersen is what we need!"
A soft rock tribute to the Blackburn midfielder to the tune of Bon Jovi's Bad Medicine. (Matt Taylor, Warrington).

"Hey! Chelsea! Leave those kids alone!"
Villa fans to the tune of Another Brick in the Wall (following the transfer ban for allegedly illegally inducing French teenager Gael Kakuta to sign). (Mark, UK).

"We only cost five quid!"
Morecambe fans to moneybags Notts County during the Shrimps' 2-1 victory on Saturday. (Glen Cooper, UK).

"The Unibond, it has no nails,
The Unibond it has no nails,
And its anti-mould bath sealant
Is very good, it never fails."
From the Stand Band at Marine FC. Should please the sponsors of the Northern Premier League! To the tune of When The Saints. (Barry Lenton, England).

"Jo, Jo, Jo, he's magic, you know."
Sung to the Brazilian forward after he finished off AEK Athens with a fourth for Everton. To the tune of Magic by Pilot. (Jude, UK).

Petr Cech
Petr Cech - serene in green

"Petr, Petr love your socks."
Chelsea fans appreciate Petr Cech's bright green football socks. (Krishan Khatri, India).

"Danny, Danny Coyne! Danny, Danny Coyne!"
Middlesbrough fans at Hillsbrough to Boro's keeper (To tune of Daddy Cool).

And after the teams changed ends...

"You're not Danny Coyne! You're not Danny Coyne!"
Boro fans still sharp as ever! (Ben, North Yorkshire).

"U-N-I. T-E-D.
United fans are from Surrey,
With a nick-nack paddy whack, give a dog a bone,
Manchester is not your home!"
Heard in the Park Lane end at White Hart Lane in honour of our 'northern' guests. (Mark, North London).

"If you all won at Wembley, clap your hands!"
Gillingham fans (last season's League Two play-off winners) to Millwall fans (League One play-off losers). (Julian Hart, Kent).

STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENTS OF THE WEEK

"Oxford United would like to thank the fans for the great support shown. The attendance today is 5688...5600 of those fans being Oxford supporters."
The stadium announcer mocking the lack of Eastbourne Borough supporters during their 4-0 defeat to the U's. (Adam & Jon, Oxford).

"Devastating news from Pride Park...Derby are losing!"
Tannoy announcer at Leicester-Blackpool game, followed by a big cheer. (Mark, UK).

BANNER OF THE WEEK

"Steve, sorry we missed the wedding. We'll make it to the next one!"
Banner seen at the All Blacks v Australia Test in Wellington. (Josh Gardner, Bristol).



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