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Page last updated at 11:22 GMT, Wednesday, 29 July 2009 12:22 UK

Sport quotes of the week

By Chris Charles

The Beatles
Hey, isn't that Berba down there?

"It's crazy, it's like being in the Beatles! Everybody's screaming!"
Dimitar Berbatov is overwhelmed by Manchester United's magical mystery tour of the far east.

"Liverpool have The Beatles and Manchester have Oasis. I think Manchester has the better band."
Cristiano Ronaldo is not such a big Fab Four fan.

"I don't like John Terry and I never have. He's got funny eyes and he's a cry baby. He's also a Cockney."
Man City fan Noel Gallagher is uncharacteristically outspoken as he list the reasons why he doesn't want John Terry at Eastlands.

"When I heard the news I thought it was 1 April."
Harry Redknapp reacts to Sven-Goran Eriksson's surprise arrival at Notts County.

"The manager's a young lad who I've heard good things about. Charlie McFarland, he's a good coach...."
Redknapp on County's manager....Ian McParland.

"It's just not going to happen. Anything's possible in football, so they tell me. But the Premier League is getting so far away, they'll be playing on Mars soon."
Peterborough director of football Barry Fry on Sven's ambition to take Notts County into the top flight.

"It's not my fault that Milan, Barcelona or Real Madrid wanted to sign me."
Emmanuel Adebayor claims the reason he left Arsenal for Manchester City was because Gunners fans had turned on him.

"When they play the ball looks round - with some teams it looks square."
Glenn Hoddle on why you won't catch Barcelona putting square pegs in round holes ahead of the Wembley Cup.

Jean Alexander as Coronation Street's Hilda Ogden
It's enough to make your hair curl

"I'm looking to spending more time with my family and watching Coronation Street. Corrie's a real favourite in our house - I love it!"
Freddie Flintoff believes retirement is right up his Street.

"I went down there and got called 'Clive Allen' after the former footballer because apparently I've had more clubs than him."
Hampshire's Dominic Cork recalls the day he turned up at his new county this season.

"We are talking about a net amount of about £60m. That's cash that can be reinvested in the squad, doing up the toilets or new carpets."
A spokesman for the Glazer family on why Sir Alex Ferguson is feeling flush.

"David only needed a slingshot and a stone to flatten Goliath, and I'm convinced my right hand generates more power than a stone."
David Haye hopes to live up to his namesake when he faces 7ft 2in Russian Nikolai Valuev for the WBA heavyweight crown in November.

"Haye is a young man with a big mouth. Let him talk."
But 'Goliath' is having none of it.

AND SOME FROM YOU

"Rab Douglas is feeling a calf and that's restricting his work, but he is not causing concern."
Dundee manager Jocky Scott on goalie Rab Douglas...feeling a calf?! (Albert Kidd, Scotland).

"Wolves have brought in six dozen new players this summer as they prepare for life in the top flight."
From the BBC Sport website. Seventy two new players! That's an awfully big squad for Mick McCarthy. (Will, Nottingham) Plus a host of others keen to point out our mistake - Ed.

"There's Eastlands in the distance. Manchester City's ground, or should I say Middle-Eastlands."
David Lloyd talking about seeing Manchester City's Stadium in the distance. (Francis Kyan, England).

"All the players were woken up in the morning with smoke grenades at quarter past six, which was fun. They were then marched out by a physical training instructor who had a neck like two pitbull terriers."
Cheltenham manager Martin Allen sounds amused as his players settle into their first day at an army training camp ahead of the new season. (Dave, Macclesfield).

Tour de France mountain stage
What goes up...

"And the riders will be be going up until they reach the top of the climb, when they'll start going down."
Tour de France commentator - you don't say! (Henry, Chelmsford).

Daughter: "Who's playing?"
Father: "England v Australia."
Daughter: "Where?"
Father: "Lord's."
Daughter: "Why are they playing in France?"
Watching the Ashes in conversation with my cricket-illiterate daughter. (Rob Lantsbury, UK).

"They'll have to get obviously what they want. Not necessarily be overwhelmed, but whelmed, I guess."
Baltimore Orioles pitcher George Sherrill on what it would take for his team to trade him. (David, USA).

"I once dislocated a finger in Derby, but it was so cold it took me three overs to realise."
Michael Holding after Aussie spinner Nathan Hauritz dislocated his middle finger in the second Test. (John, England).

"At the end of the day we got the three points."
Jaime Moreno of DC United describing a win......in a cup semi final! (Stewart Flaherty, USA).

"It would have been a good pass if he got to it."
Liam Bicknell commenting on a pass in Portsmouth's friendly against Havant and Waterlooville. (Frankie Hullett, Portsmouth).

"I thought Cristiano played a lot better in the second half."
Jerzy Dudek after Ronaldo's debut against Shamrock Rovers, where he was taken off at half-time! (Conor, Northern Ireland).

CHANT OF THE WEEK

"Can we play you every week?"
Shamrock Rovers fans to Real Madrid when they were holding them to a 0-0 draw. (Michael Glenn, Harrow).

"That's why we let you go."
Bournemouth fans chant to Jermain Defoe when he put over from 12 yards in the friendly with Spurs. (Chris, England).



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