Sport quotes of the week

By Chris Charles

Take a bow, son

"I've waited 10 years to get the new ball!"
Andrew Flintoff after his match-winning, five-wicket performance at Lord's.

"There was no chance - he was fighting a losing battle there!"
And once he'd got the ball, Andrew Strauss was never going to get it off him.

"With the new ball, I just hold it seam up and try and wang it!"
Freddie explains the technical wizardry behind his success.

"I'm not very good, Aggers!"
Flintoff's reply when asked by Jonathan Agnew why he hadn't taken more five-wicket hauls.

"It's the first round of applause I've got for five days!"
Ricky Ponting after getting cheered at Lord's for sportingly refusing to blame Australia's defeat on a few dodgy decisions.

"I don't think he'll be getting himself out of his bed tomorrow to play with the kids!"
Nasser Hussain after Flintoff put his body through the mill to get his five-for.

"Michael Clarke is an excellent player of spin."
Hussain just before Clarke was clean-bowled by Graeme Swann.

"The Claret Jug would certainly be a nice little trinket to dangle in front of the baby!"
Dad-to-be Ross Fisher after finishing two shots off the lead on day three of The Open. Sadly he'll have to make do with a rattle.

"I have mostly been eating chicken wings. I only stick to things I can spell."
Boo Weekley on his eating habits at The Open.

"Greg (Norman) was kind of in the same situation (last year). Now here comes another old fart!"
Tom Watson on leading The Open after three rounds.

The man with the olden touch

"Golf balls don't know how old you are."
Former Open champion Paul Lawrie's verdict on veteran Tom Watson's amazing week at Turnberry.

"I hope Thor can sleep at night. If it means that much to him then so be it."
Britain's Mark Cavendish after having Saturday's Tour de France points wiped off by organisers following a complaint by main rival Thor Hushvod that Cavendish drove the Norwegian too close to the barriers.

"How do I justify picking Jonny Wilkinson? Seventy caps, two World Cup finals and X amount of points. That's the sort of player you are going to favour slightly."
England rugby coach Martin Johnson on selecting Wilkinson in his elite squad despite the player spending 10 months out injured.

"I don't chase opponents, they chase me."
Boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr on the clamour for him to fight Manny Pacquiao.

"All eyes on K.P..............Nothing daft required........did Phil Collins record that , by the way?"

"Sporting Gods' breakfast... Botham ...bacon roll...Warne.. bag of chips."
David 'Bumble' Lloyd twitters during the second Ashes Test at Lord's.

AND SOME FROM YOU

"Cold, very cold, links golf. Ken Brown used to soak his balls in warm water for half an hour before playing. That did the trick."
Mark James at The Open on Ken's warm-up routine. (Gary, Cambs).

"He's a great chess player, in the game of golf."
Mark James to Gary Lineker on Tom Watson's performance at The Open. (Al G, Aberdeen).

"At the start of the day we had to bat 98x2 overs, whatever that is. So 116...no sorry, 216 overs."
Australian cricket coach Tim Neilsen after day four of the second Ashes test. I'm no maths teacher but I think you'll find he was wrong both times as 98x2 is 196! (Lee Martin, England).

What's for afters?

"Gatt's finished his lunch - in fact he probably finished everyone's lunch!"
David Lloyd upon spotting Mike Gatting at Lord's. (James, Enfield).

"Onions is getting peppered!"
Nasser Hussain on Graham Onions going for runs in the second Ashes Test. (Matt, Newcastle).

"No disrespect to Indian prawns by the way, they are quite magnificent!"
The quite brilliant Henry Blofeld on TMS. They were discussing an incident in India, when Alec Stewart and Mike Gatting fell ill after eating prawns. (Shiraz, England).

"He would have needed Inspector Gadget arms to reach that."
Shane Warne after a wayward delivery careered over Aussie wicketkeeper Brad Haddin. (Steve George, London).

"Boxing is a game where you have to face fighters."
Amir Khan after his win over Andreas Kotelnik - doesn't miss a trick, does he? (Simon Hart, UK).

"Like Tiger Woods and Roger Federer, Usain Bolt is fast becoming the sort of sports star who only comes along once in a lifetime."
Sonja McLaughlan's column - isn't that three sports stars in the same lifetime? (Tim Elliott, UK).

"Michael Owen is an experienced player. He has played at the biggest club."
Cristiano Ronaldo on Man Utd's new signing - nice to see he holds Liverpool in such high regard! (Chris, England). As a few people have pointed out - maybe Ronaldo was talking about Real Madrid! Ed.

"He's one of those players you'll stand naked in the snow to watch."
RTE commentator Martin Carney after Paul Finlay scored a point for Monaghan against Derry.
(John Cassidy, Ireland).

Coming on for Real Madrid...

"Stop preening like a peacock!"
Real Madrid captain Raul's playful shout to Cristiano Ronaldo as he boarded the team plane to Ireland. (Jamie Spiegl, Australia).

"It's painful to watch, it's like taking a cheese grater to the nose."
Sky Sports commentator on the 'Poker Ashes' as Darren Gough gave way to a bluff. (Georgey P, England).

"His philosophy about football was not unique but it was different from everybody else."
Former Chelsea fitness coach Ade Mafe on Jose Mourinho. Surely it was unique, then?! (James Clarke, UK).

BANNERS OF THE WEEK

"Hey Becks. Here Before You, Here after You, Here Despite You"

"Go Home Fraud"
Both spotted at LA Galaxy's 'friendly' with AC Milan, where David Beckham was roundly booed by some sections of the crowd.

Have Your Say: Are there any funny quotes we've missed out?