"I don't know if he will be captain next season....I joke....I like to joke in press conferences."
New Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti has them rolling in the aisles when asked about John Terry's future during a press conference.
"I felt the love of the people."
Cristiano Ronaldo on the 80,000 Real Madrid fans who love him almost as much as he does.
"There is the clear statement that we want to keep Franck in Munich. I wonder if Real's negotiator Pedro Jimenez knows the game Monopoly? Bayern played it two years ago and bought Park Lane, we have built four hotels on it. We will only let it go if we are broke or in an emergency."
Bayern Munich general manager Uli Hoeness, jokes about Real Madrid's interest in Franck Ribery.
"We haven't got his number yet, which might have had an effect, but we are not expecting a big demand even when that is known. As far as I know, no one has asked for it."
A Manchester United megastore worker reveals the fans aren't exactly going mad for it over Michael Owen shirts.
Andy Roddick apologies to the Great British public on Centre Court after beating Andy Murray at Wimbledon.
"Sorry, Pete, I tried to hold him off for you!"
Roddick is at it again - this time apologising to Pete Sampras after losing to Roger Federer in an epic final - a win which saw the Swiss break Sampras's Grand Slam record.
"Come on Andy, I need the toilet!"
A spectator gets the urge during the marathon final set.
"A guy came and said 'By the way, we just want to give you the net'. I was like 'Anything else, you know, the umpire's chair maybe? Royal Box seats?' I'll hang it in my chalet in Switzerland."
Roger Federer on his net gain at Wimbledon.
"Driving lessons booked in for the end of the week! Stay off the roads, guys."
Andy Murray gets in a Twitter about his driving ambitions.
"Two weeks ago my little lad, Archie, bowled a ball that hit a weed and knocked my off-stump out of the ground. If a three-year-old is bowling me out, it's time to move over!"
Michael Vaughan on his decision to retire from cricket.
"I started at 16 in Yorkshire's second team and there was a can of lager at the table. Now it's smoothies, ice baths and Twenty20 cricket."
Vaughan reflects on the good old days.
He says what he likes - and he likes what he bloomin' well says
"I thought Ricky was crap when he was first captain in 2004 and nothing much has improved since then."
Aussie legend Jeff Thomson gives his verdict on Ashes skipper Ricky Ponting. Just say what you think, Thommo.
"There was no imagination, no flair... I think he was too busy trying to drive his Aston Martin and fly around in helicopters rather than trying to work on his captaincy."
Shane Warne takes a Thommo pill to reflect on Paul Collingwood's efforts in the World Twenty20.
"The Bavarian way of life suits me like a warm coat."
Louis van Gaal on his comfy new role at Bayern Munich.
"I feel like a kid at Christmas and it's going to be absolutely brilliant. I'm very excited. I'm like a child when it comes to anything exciting and I'm bouncing off the walls."
Graeme Swann celebrates his selection in the squad for the first Ashes Test - but risks injuring himself in the process.
"Cricket is the best game in the world but it is only a game. There are far more serious things in the world - like Susan Boyle or Katie and Peter."
Swann appreciates the finer things in life.
"What we must understand here very, very clearly is that rugby is a contact sport - and so is dancing...why don't we all go to the nearest ballet shop, get some nice tutus and get some great dancing going on. No eye-gouging, no tackling, no nothing. Then enjoy."
South Africa coach Peter De Villiers on the eye-gouging incident that saw Schalk Burger banned for eight weeks, following the assault on Lions winger Luke Fitzgerald.
"I knew I was going to do it by going out and playing the way Bopara wants to play, thinking about runs and not any negative stuff."
Ravi Bopara on Ravi Bopara.
AND SOME FROM YOU
Commentator: "Tim Henman, who loves a bit of this, is going to tell you a stat."
Tim: "Well, they've been on court for, er, certainly a long time."
Tim Henman showing just how useful statistics can be during a break in the men's final at Wimbledon. (Chris Addams).
"We don't tend to sign players over the age of 30 too often, but Paul's got a 27-year-old brain."
Bristol City manager Gary Johnson on signing 32-year-old Paul Hartley. A 32-year-old with a 27-year-old-brain - interesting! (Jack Mulhall, Lincoln).
"The leaders have now got an enormous lead and the peloton, frankly, can't be arsed to catch them up."
Eurosport commentator talking to Sean Kelly on the first Monday of the Tour de France. (Duncan, Canterbury).
"To win the Carling Cup would be great for us. It's about putting silverware on the sideboard."
Man City boss Mark Hughes. It has obviously been so long since City have won anything that the trophy cabinet has rotted away, or is being used to store cleaning products.(Chris, Germany).
"This is now officially the longest set in a final in history, and don't forget we've been going since 1877."
From the men's Wimbledon final - I know it was long but not that long! (Tim Spargo, England).
"The only word to describe that is brilliant....just phenomenal."
Darts commentator John Gwynne during the Las Vegas Desert Classic. (Joe Shaughnessy, England).
"This final Test is a chance to wrong those rights."
Ugo Monye speaking before the third Lions Test against South Africa. (Ryan Bahia, England).
"Ugo Monye read that play like his favourite bedtime story."
Matt Dawson on 5 Live Extra. (Matt, England).
"Sean Long is expected to be out for around eight weeks after breaking his draw."
BBC Sport website. (Don Tate, UK).
Pick a cloud, any cloud
"Since he won the French Open he has been on Cloud Seven."
BBC pundit Boris Becker on Roger Federer's state of mind before his semi-final against Tommy Haas at Wimbledon. (Cloud seven must be two clouds less euphoric than cloud nine.) (Swi, Newport).
"Both players throwing in everything but the kitchen sink. In fact I think the kitchen sink was thrown in a couple of times there."
John Newcombe on Hewitt v Roddick. (Elliot, Australia).
"You can see those brown patches there where the players follow through on to the court."
Commentator during the Roddick-Hewitt game at Wimbledon. (Jake Watson, UK).
"And O'Driscoll is lying injured on the ground for a moment, prostate."
Radio 5 Live commentary during the Lions-South Africa second Test. I don't think that was the part of the body that was injured, though! (Chris, England).
"The most important thing is the players get a good pre-season under their belts. The most important thing is that the club has to come straight back up."
Seems that there are two most important things at Newcastle, according to Chris Hughton.
(Tim Gerrietsen, The Netherlands).
"He forgets that if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't be where he is now. He was selling Pepsi to me eight years ago."
Newcastle Jets owner Con Constantine, following coach Gary van Egmond's shock decision to quit the A-League club.
"I am text-commentating on a roof closing. I never thought this day would come."
Caroline "Cheesy" Cheese gets all excited on day seven of Wimbledon. (Dave, Macclesfield).
"I wasn't applauding him tonight, but you do have to applaud that."
Mets manager Jerry Manuel after Yankees closer Mariano Rivera clinched his 500th career save. (Pat, USA).
Apologies to those of you who missed last week's Quotes of the Week. They were done, but did not appear on the site. If you wish to read them, click the link below.