Sport quotes of the week

By Chris Charles

Delia, eat your heart out

"Let me go ho-o-ome. This is the best trip I've ever been on."
Hull boss Phil Brown 'sings' his version of Sloop John B at the KC. It's fair to say Brian Wilson won't be losing any sleep.(Hull fans have written in to say Brown should have been singing 'I don't want to go home' - watch the link and judge for yourselves. Ed.)

Phil Brown sings

"We'll be going out for a few beers to celebrate but there's no way we're letting the boss near a karaoke bar!"
Hull's Nick Barmby wisely keeps his manager on the leash.

"I do have a celebration planned - I'm going to strip naked and run round the stadium!"
Manchester United midfielder Anderson reveals his naked ambition if he breaks his goal duck in the Champions League final. (Oh well - at least we were spared that. Ed)

"That was a bit embarrassing!"
Monaco Grand Prix winner Jenson Button, who forgot to drive up to the royal box after the race and had to sprint down the track in his suit and helmet.

"The best thing that happened to us all day was the half-time whistle."
Stoke boss Tony Pulis gives a fair summary of his side's 4-1 hiding at Arsenal.

"There's no middle ground at this place - it's either elation or desolation."
Millwall manager Kenny Jackett after seeing his side lose the Division One play-off final to Scunthorpe at Wembley.

"Do you think Paolo Maldini at 41 is going out on a Saturday night and drinking with lager coming out of his ears and falling over? I don't see it somehow."
Harry Redknapp continues his war on English football's drinking culture.

"Fidel ups it about seven or eight miles an hour every time Jimmy comes in. I don't think those two will send one another Christmas cards."
Stuart Broad on the special relationship between England bowler James Anderson and West Indies' Fidel Edwards.

"Andrew McDonald is more like Ronald McDonald as far as I'm concerned!"
Bob Willis on the little-known Australian named in the Ashes squad.

Give us this day our Daly threads

"I'm like Jesus - I love all of you!"
John Daly milks the applause at the PGA Championship.

"My lad corners me every now and then and tells me what team to pick. He is all of eight. Judging by results, I might be better off listening to him!"
Newcastle boss Alan Shearer ahead of the Villa game.

"One minute I was painting the lounge, the next I'm being asked to manage a Championship side. My wife will have to finish the glossing."
Ian Holloway bounces back into management and the Quotes of the Week page after taking the reins at Blackpool.

AND SOME FROM YOU

"I would think it will be a domino effect - when one goes, one comes in."
Norwich manager Bryan Gunn explains how dominoes don't work. (Stephen Cannell, UK).

"You dirty Rat!"
Jim Beglin during the Uefa Cup final after Shakhtar's Razvan Rat blocks off a Bremen defender.(Daniel Robinson, Luton).

"They wore their socks off."
Scunthorpe manager Nigel Adkins describing his team's efforts in winning the play-offs.(Michael Talbot, England).

"Striker-wise, the middle of the park needs to be freshened."
Murdo MacLeod on Gordon Strachan leaving Celtic. (Dave Cherry, UK).

"It's all or nothing for Sheffield United...they must score in the next five minutes to draw level and if they fail to do so, they cannot blame Carlos Tevez for this."
Jim Proudfoot commentating for Talksport on the Championship play-off final. (Bhavik Depala, UK).

Don't give up your day job, Phil

"That's proof that Britain's not got talent!"
Match of the Day's Mark Lawrenson on Phil Brown's singing at the KC Stadium. (Shiraz, England).

"I've been to Wembley three times and got done in extra-time both times."
Dave Bassett on Sky Sports News talking about play-off finals.(Michael Cowan, Leeds).

"The Premier League is an unforgiving league. If you make a mistake you get punished, whether you're a footballer or a defender, or whatever."
Jamie Redknapp on why defenders aren't footballers.(Vince Coupon, Northern Ireland).

"All three of my teams have been relegated this season. Inverness, Southampton and West Brom. I'm off to buy a season ticket for next season for Portsmouth, Aston Villa and Aberdeen."
'Wayne? We've got Adam!' on the 606 forums. (Anon).

"West Brom have already clinched relegation."
CNN, Sports Bulletin - didn't know relegation was so sought-after in the Premier League.(Gilbert Lewis, UK).

"But if you said when he was a player that this poisoned dwarf who was running around eye gouging, punching people and stamping on their fingers in training would be head coach in 10 years, most people would have had a little snigger."
Ben Kay on new Leicester head coach and former team-mate, Richard Cockerill.
(Ronald, Cheltenham).

"Tendulkar? Well he's just been subliminal."
Nick Compton on Setanta discusses the Little Master.(Andy Pechey, UK).

"He was about to put his head in his hands, but he probably would have dropped that as well!"
Matt Smith on Shakhtar goalkeeper Andrei Pyatov at half-time in the Uefa Cup final. (Ed, Manchester).

"Platini sitting in the stand - don't know who he is supporting, unlike next week."
More from Matt Smith during the Uefa Cup final, hinting that Michel Platini may be biased in the Champions League final. (Tom Store, Cardiff).

Jenson finally emerges from the can

Jonathan Legard: "I just passed Jenson Button on the way to the toilet looking super confident."
Martin Brundle "Let's hope he gets the job done!"
Classic banter at the Monaco Grand Prix, before qualifying. (Graham MacKay, Scotland).

"I think it's the highest honour you can achieve."
Oxford United striker James Constable on his international call up... to the England C squad.(James, Wales).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"Shall we poach an egg for you?"
Aberdeen fans to Rangers regarding defender Kirk Broadfoot, who was ruled out due to an exploding egg in his microwave.(Lee, Scotland)

"You're going down in a minute!"
West Ham fans to Middlesbrough in the 89th minute at Upton Park. The fourth official then indicated there would be three more minutes to play, resulting in a huge chorus of boos by the Hammers!(Peter Bos, Netherlands).

"Roc-ky, Roc-ky, Roc-ky!"
Leinster fans salute flanker Rocky Elsom during the Heineken Cup win over Leicester.
"Adrienne!"
A lone supporter replies. (Simon, Dublin).

"Four goals! We only need four goals!"
Boro fans on hearing Hull were 1-0 down.
"Five goals! We only need five goals!"
Boro fans after going 1-0 down themselves.
"We're all going to Blackpool!"
Boro fans finally give up the ghost.(Sarah Cunnane, Watford).

Liam tells fans how many coats he really owns

"You've only got one coat!"
More Liam Gallagher-baiting from Spurs fans. (Chris Baker, England).

"All we need is..Ravi Bopara...Ravi Bopara...he's better than Lara!"
England cricket fans to the tune of Radio Gaga.And...

"Our Strauss, in the middle of the crease." To England captain Andrew Strauss (Our House).
Heard during the Chester-le-street Test with West Indies. (Lee, Australia).

"We're all going on a First Division tour!"
Inverness Caley fans after their 1-0 defeat to Falkirk which saw them relegated.(Ryan Johnston, Scotland).

"Rock the Gaz-bar!"
Aston Villa fans to skipper Gareth Barry. (Chris, Nottingham).

STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WEEK

"For those of you interested in football, Burnley are leading Sheffield United by a goal to nil, and for those of you who aren't, Burnley are still leading Sheffield United by a goal to nil."
During cricket match at Worcestershire Royals. (Harvey Austin, Worcestershire).

BANNER OF THE WEEK

"Who's the next messiah, Ant or Dec?"
Aston Villa banner aimed at Newcastle fans.(Tony, Birmingham).

Have Your Say: Are there any funny quotes we've missed out?