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Page last updated at 12:18 GMT, Wednesday, 13 May 2009 13:18 UK

Sport quotes of the week

By Chris Charles

Frank Lampard

"There was a lot said in the dressing room, but I can't repeat it!"
Frank Lampard on the controversial decisions that robbed Chelsea of a place in the Champions League final.

"You shouldn't put diesel in a Ferrari."
Spurs boss Harry Redknapp gets revved up about the drinking culture in British football after Ledley King was arrested for drunken behaviour.

"We had an interest in Joey (Barton) in January. There are obviously issues but he does play his football for somebody else so we need to respect that. We can't talk about other people's players."
Bolton boss Gary Megson, not talking about other people's players.

"I have asked for three big games and they have given me one."
Newcastle boss Alan Shearer wanders into double entendre territory as his side earn a crucial win over Middlesbrough.

"I won't be watching the Newcastle-Boro game , I will be tearing my hair out in the pub."
Sunderland boss Ricky Sbragia must have been left looking like Kojak following the drama at St James' Park.

"Every day I think 'Wow! I'm leading the Championship!'"
Jenson Button is living the dream.

"I don't think it was simulation, I think he just fell over."
West Ham coach Gianfranco Zola nobly defends David Di Michele's comedy dive against Liverpool.

"I will be watching at home and yes maybe I'll put a blue scarf on!"
Liverpool's Rafa Benitez was a City fan for the afternoon during the Manchester derby - sadly to no avail.

"It's not something I agree with but, at the end of the day, we're little robots and we'll run wherever you want us to run."
St Helens android Keiron Cunningham - not a big fan of the 'Magic Weekend' concept where all the Super League fixtures are played in one stadium over two days.

Wonka Bar
Charlie says, always watch my film before you play football

"I have to watch it before every game. It gets me in the right mood. It's been my favourite film since I was little - it calms my nerves and gives me luck."
Huddersfield's Malvin Kamara on his obsession with Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

"My mind just wanders. I'm thinking about what shoes I'm going to buy, I need to wash my car... "
Golfer Bubba Watson on the concentration span that is an albatross around his neck.

"It's absolutely fantastic - the funniest thing on television. I can't wait to get home!"
Celtic boss Gordon Strachan - Britain's Got Talent's biggest fan.

"I don't know anything about them, I haven't seen them bowl. I have not even tasted Onion."
West Indies skipper Chris Gayle on England's uncapped duo Graham Onions and Tim Bresnan before the first Test.

"If I could take anything away from Crystal Palace it would be Lady Luck. I'd put her in the boot of the car and hope that she can rear her head in the play-offs when you need it."
Sheffield United boss Kevin Blackwell after his side missed automatic promotion following a 0-0 draw at Selhurst Park.

"It should go back to one generation - otherwise you get into that Irish thing of having a pint of Guinness and you can play."
Former Scotland star Richard Gough on the decision to allow Peterborough's George Boyd to play for the Scots because his grandfather was born in Motherwell.

"Any international recognition is great. Playing for England is a bit far-fetched, so this is a great opportunity."
Boyd immediately endears himself to his adopted country.

"If this West Indies team went to Mexico they would catch absolutely nothing!"
Windies legend Michael Holding bemoans the amount of catches dropped by the team in the first Test with England.

AND SOME FROM YOU

Alan Shearer
Is he for real?

"Shearer has already reached mythical status among Newcastle fans."
Matt Smith, after Newcastle's victory over Middlesbrough. What, so he doesn't actually exist? (Simon, England).

"He's been feeling his groin for a week now."
Alan Shearer explaining why Obafemi Martins didn't start the Middlesbrough game. (John Heslop, Tyne and Wear).

"Chelsea were quite literally caught with their pants down."
Alan Parry after Nicklas Bendtner scored against Chelsea, five days after being photographed with his trousers around his ankles. (Kenny Lomas, England).

"I love what he does out there, he's learnt how to focus, how to not interfere with himself...."
Andre Agassi on Andy Murray. (Alastair Logan, Scotland).

"I didn't think I'd come out ahead of Massa and Vettel, but I did and I could just get my head down."
Jenson Button finds the Spanish Grand Prix so easy, he can afford to take a nap during the race! (Pete Cook, UK).

"Stop whingeing and grow up!"
A woman in the crowd behind Cristiano Ronaldo gives her opinion of him petulantly throwing his tracksuit top on the floor after being substituted in the Manchester derby. (David Norbury, Chester).

"Congratulations to Giancarlo Fisichella in the Force India, who made good progress through the field, finishing 14th after starting in last place."
Jake Humphrey praising Fisichella for starting last, and finishing... last. (Dan Ellard, Plymouth).

"As soon as I arrived at Essex I saw him and thought 'wow'."
Andy Flower goes weak at the knees over Ravi Bopara. (Bhav Trivedi, UK).

"The tension is palatable."
Commentary from Matt Jackson on the Hull v Stoke game. Hopefully the half-time pies were palpable. (Dave Porter, England).

Denise and Nana from The Royle Family
Go on, gimme a hug

"Hug the apex like it's your favourite grandma."
Martin Brundle commentating on Jenson Button's qualifying pole lap before the start of the Spanish Grand Prix. (Greg Neville, UK).

"Do you think he's on expenses, Craig?"
"Must be a freebie at least..."
Setanta's Jon Champion and Craig Burley spot former Conservative leader Michael Howard in the crowd during the West Ham v Liverpool game. (Nick K, Leicester)

"If Bremen score next, they lead!"
Jon Champion describing the situation after Werder Bremen had equalised to level the score at 1-1 in the Uefa Cup semi-final with Hamburg. (Mark, England).

"A non-Brazilian touch from the Ukrainian."
Clive Tyldesley describes an unsuccessful Shakhtar attacking move against Dynamo Kiev in the other Uefa Cup semi. (Mark Spivey, England).

"I think five points from our two home games will keep us up now."
Gazza on Newcastle's chances of survival. Are they giving out sympathy points for bottom-of-the-table draws now? (Colin Scully, Glasgow).

"His bat was going down Waterloo, the ball went down Bakerloo."
David Lloyd after Devon Smith played down the wrong line to a Graeme Swann delivery at Lord's. (Conrad Edkins, Halifax).

"That's not his natural left foot."
Tony Cascarino implies a leg transplant helped Michael Essien score his spectacular volley against Barcelona. (Seve Stagg, England).

"No wind at all. Just a little breeze."
David Pleat failing his audition to be a weatherman. (John Harvie, Canada).

"All of Dani Alves' free-kicks have ended up in Craven Cottage!"
Irish commentator during the Chelsea-Barcelona game. (Rob Harmon, Dublin).

Lady Gaga
'Lady Gagging' struts her stuff

"He's a big fan of Bob Dylan, who's just replaced Lady Gagging at the top of the charts. I just don't know where they think of these names."
David Lloyd talking about Shivnarine Chanderpaul's music taste while commentating on the first Test between England and West Indies. (Shaun Sandell, Plymouth).

"It would have been a goal if it had gone in."
Setanta commentator during Torquay v Histon. (Matthew Lawson, England).

"Didier Drogba is limping off the pitch, but I'm guessing he might be OK."
Jonathan Stevenson, Chelsea v Barcelona BBC text commentary. (Kim, Belfast).

"One simple word... batting last, pressure."
Geoffrey Boycott on TMS during the first day's play of the Lord's Test. (Tony Hardy, England).

"Surely that's too far for even Ronaldo to think about?"
ITV commentator during the Champions League semi-final second leg just before Ronaldo lashed home his 40-yard free-kick against Arsenal. (Casey Campbell, England).

"Edwards marches back to his mark with spring in his step, just as a large man in the crowd inserts an entire Magnum ice-cream width-wise into his cakehole. His own cakehole - not that of Edwards."
Typical brilliance from Tom Fordyce in the BBC text commentary on the first day of the Windies test. (Ben, UK).

Jonathan Agnew: "100 years ago today, something very special happened. What was it?"
Phil Tufnell: "Roger Bannister's four-minute mile!"
Agnew: "I don't think that happened 100 years ago."
Tufnell: "Didn't it? OK. But it definitely happened today, May 7th."
Agnew: "It's May 6th today."
TMS banter during England-West Indies. (Shiraz, England).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"Oh Vela, Vela
Our Mexican superstar
He hasn't got swine fever
Oh Vela, Vela."
Arsenal fans singing about Carlos Vela to the tune of Que Sera Sera. (Helen, London).

"The referee's From Norway!"
Heard at Inverness Caledonian Thistle v Hamilton - days after Tom Henning Ovrebo's controversial performance in the Chelsea-Barcelona game. (Tom Russell, Scotland).

Rory Delap
If only he'd been a Tiger

"You should have played long ball!"
Stoke fans to Hull counterparts during their victory at the KC on Saturday. (Michael O'Rourke, Ireland).

"There's only one Iniesta!"
A touch of schadenfreude from Fulham fans at Craven Cottage? (Zoe Parkinson, London).

"Stand up if you're going down."
Sung by the whole of the Valley on the last day of the Championship as both Charlton and Norwich went down. (Sam, England).

"Bees up, Luton down!"
Brentford supporters to Luton, to the tune of Knees Up Mother Brown. (Kevin Boxell, England).

"We're not going home!"
Luton fans when Brentford were getting their League Two winners' trophy and clearly wanted us to go away. (Matt Storey, England).

"We've got Robinho, you've got Sam Allardyce."
Heard at the Man City-Blackburn game last week. (Marvin Speight, Leeds).

"Youv'e got Robinho, we've got Keith Andrews."
Blackburn fans reply. (Simon Lowe, England).

"Lescott- he's a goal machine!"
Bristol Rovers fans after Aaron Lescott scored his third goal in 10 games - shame he couldn't find the net in the previous 250.(Rory Johnson, England).

"There's only one Vince Grella, Ella, Ella, Hey, hey, hey."
Heard at Blackburn v Wigan to the tune of Umbrella by Rihanna. (Matt Mercer, UK).

"At least we got free flags!"
Arsenal fans loving the flags they received for the Champions League semi-final second-leg with Man Utd. (Simon Paice, England).

STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WEEK

"Would the owner of a blue Opel Corsa registered XXXXXX please attend to it. You have left your sunroof open and the birds may relieve themselves on your seats."
From the Sparta-Ajax Dutch Premier Division match last Sunday. (Peter Roberts, Netherlands).



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