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Page last updated at 11:12 GMT, Thursday, 9 April 2009 12:12 UK

Sport quotes of the week

By Chris Charles

David Beckham and Fabio Capello
You OK for that English class later, Becks?

"I've had a great week - reaching the milestone of one-o-nine and now one-o-10 tonight"
David Beckham describes the joy of receiving his 110th cap for England in his own inimitable way.

"We prefer just to concentrate on our team but he likes to talk about other teams. It is not mind games, but I think maybe he is a little bit scared."
Rafa Benitez can't resist another little dig at Sir Alex before the Champions League quarter-finals.

"I'm pleased and I might go back to him next time. He was asking a tenner for it but I still owe him."
England captain John Terry thinks Wayne Rooney is a cut above, following the trim he received from his team-mate before the Ukraine game.

"I thought it was an April Fool's joke!"
Mark Lawrenson reacts to the news that Match of the Day colleague Alan Shearer is the new boss at Newcastle.

"Keep my space for me please!"
Shearer promises Gary Lineker he will return to MOTD next season.

"That's the way we were woken up in the morning - banged over the head with a plastic golf club."
Rory McIlroy's mum, Rosie on the early potential of her son.

"The quote from Iain Dowie was that Alan Shearer had 'big cojones' to take the job. I'm not sure what cojones are, but I think I had them in my burrito last night."
Jeff Stelling has a private moment on Soccer Saturday.

Kevin Keegan
It's enough to make your hair curl

"My missus texted me and said 'Bent's out'. I said; 'Don't worry, they'll call someone else up'. Shearer will be back before me - or Keegan."
Bolton's Kevin Davies looks forward to making his England debut on the day hell freezes over.

"I'm doing this for Jack Dempsey, Rocky Marciano, Joe Louis, Muhammad Ali, Joe Frazier and all the other great, smaller heavyweights of the past. I feel as though I've been sent by all the great heavyweights of yesteryear to clean up and save the heavyweight division.''
David Haye aims to strike a blow for the small man after sealing his heavyweight title fight with Wladimir Klitschko.

"I'm a man on a mission to save boxing from this Eastern European invasion of Ivan Drago clones.''
And he's also a Rocky fan.

"The first thing I'm going to tell him - stop acting like a wuss."
Sprint king Usain Bolt plans to take Cristiano Ronaldo to task over his diving on his visit to Manchester United next month.

AND SOME FROM YOU

"We believe he's got a hamstring."
Steve Bruce on Amr Zaki after Wigan's loss to Everton. Really? I'd be more surprised if he didn't have one! (Tom, England).

"We'll have to take whatever sanction they throw at us."
Cardiff manager Dave Jones when asked about the potential punishment Cardiff will receive after referee Mike Dean was struck by a coin thrown from the crowd during the match against Swansea. (Stephen Roake, UK).

"I am not going to single out anybody. I am not going to single out Alex Bruce for example."
Ipswich boss Jim Magilton, following Ipswich's 2-0 defeat to Sheff Utd. (Andy, England).

"The challenge looked worse than it appeared."
David Pleat describing Rooney's wild tackle during the Ukraine game. (Al Hardy, Scotland).

Wayne Rooney and David Beckham
Careful, Wazza, you'll have someone's eye out with that

"Well they've got collars now...they'll have to be careful."
David Pleat casting an analytical eye over the new England shirt during the Ukraine game. Those collars can be dangerous! (Sam Brownsword, England).

"Brad Friedel has had only one thing to do so far in this game. Pick up the pass back and then get the ball out of the net."
Andy Gray commentating on the Man Utd-Villa game. Is that not two things, Andy? (Steven Miller, Scotland).

"I've only got two words to say: Take a bow son, take a bow."
Andy Gray has more counting problems after Federico Macheda's goal for Man Utd against Aston Villa. (Kieran B, England).

"1655: Hugo Rodallega heads into the arms of Tim Howard."
From BBC live text. Good to see opposition players getting along like that. (Tim Fusciardi, Brighton).

"That horse looks as fresh as paint."
5live commentator on the Grand National. (Chris Plowman, Cornwall).

"It was a little difficult moving to the left and a little bit to the right. A little forward was also difficult."
Serena Williams explaining why she lost to Azarenka in Miami. She was stuck in cement. (Timothy, Barbados).

"If it keeps going like this, Roy Hodgson's going to award the woodwork a contract!"
Commentator at Craven Cottage after Liverpool hit the woodwork for the fourth time! (Patrick, Italy).

"We've got to play a lot of those teams above us."

Cheltenham manager Martin Allen, whose side are currently bottom of the League One table. (Dave, UK). That's a lorra, lorra teams - Ed.

Martin Shaw as Judge John Deed
Amauri has a friend in Deed

"I have never been there as such, but it looks nice on TV and I never miss an episode of Judge John Deed."
Juventus striker Amauri sums up the cultural appeals of possibly playing in England. (Anon).

"Every Bolivia goal was a stab in my heart."
Argentina manager Diego Maradona after the 6-1 thrashing. (Ikwasi Nkansah, Ghana).

"They have a very young team out there tonight."
Setanta commentator talking about the England under 21s. (Jamie, England).

"Tymoschuk almost looks anaemic, with his long hair and dimples."
David Pleat, England v Ukraine. Oh yes, those two classic signs of anaemia. (Tom Lee, UK).

"He's got himself into an absolute fankle."
Setanta Sports commentator creates a strange new word to describe Arsenal's defending. (Louis Thurling, England).

"We've got Kazakhstan away and Andorra at home so it's two tough games next."
England captain John Terry. Tough? I think my Sunday league team would give Andorra a good peppering! (Ryan Curtis, England).

"One goal is never enough."
David Pleat during England's game against the Ukraine - should we expunge every 1-0 win that's ever happened from the record books? (Steve EFC, England).

"Glen Johnson supported Lennon well on Saturday, especially in the first-half."
You can say that again Mr Pleat- Lennon was substituted at half-time! (Andreas Liassides, England).

"My head says 3-0 to Holland but my heart says 2-0....to Holland."
Scottish football fan before the Holland game when asked what he thought the result would be. (Robert Best, England).

Barcelona's Lionel Messi after scoring in the 4-0 win over Bayern Munich
Every cloud...

"If we bring the Champions League trophy back to Munich, I promise I will walk naked through the Marienplatz!"
Luca Toni, obviously trying to get the entire female fan-base behind Bayern Munich's Champions League campaign. (Kailyn, Kentucky, USA).

"Jonny Evans does it again! That's his first goal for Northern Ireland!"
BBCNI commentator Jackie Fullerton at his best! (Si, Norn Iron).

"I don't know how to sum it up without swearing."
It's possible that Stephen Maguire is not very happy about losing 5-0 in the China Open first round. (Kim, England).

"It's just a big mess and that's what the spectators need."
Nico Rosberg on the new Formula 1 regulations. (Dan, Watford).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"You're going down with the Charlton."
Charlton fans to Southampton. (Ian, London, UK).

"You're going home in a police car!"
Kingstonian fans to the visiting police officers in the stand for the Whitstable game. (James Smith, England).

"Booo!!!"
40,000 Luton fans to Lord Mawhinney at the JPT final. (David, England).

"He's got a pineapple on his head!"
Saints fans referring to Charlton's number five, Zheng Zhi. (Samuel Dawkins, England).

"Allan, Allan MacGregor, he couldn't handle his Stella!"
To the tune of Abracadabra by the Steve Miller Band. Sung by me and a few mates at our local after the Iceland game, when MacGregor was banned for drinking. (Ross, Edinburgh).

Tadpole
Oi, watch it!

"You've got a head like a tadpole!"
Sung to Frank Lampard by Pompey fans during Portsmouth-Chelsea. (Simon Stewart, UK).

"That's how you take a pen."
Exeter fans after they scored a penalty just 60 seconds after Rochdale missed theirs. (Keiran, England).

"Wembley's too small for us."
Luton fans chant at Morecambe. (Barry, England).

"You're only half as good as last time!"
Scotland fans "taunting" the Dutch after conceding goal number three (score was 6-0 last time round!) (Chris, Scotland).

BANNER OF THE WEEK

"Oyster Card, wife, Man Utd. In that order."
Banner at the England v Slovakia Game. (Nile, England).



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