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Page last updated at 09:18 GMT, Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Sport quotes of the week

By Chris Charles

Sir Alex Ferguson and Rafa Benitez
See you down the White Horse at seven

"It is a hard one to take because I thought we were the better team and the score does not reflect that."
Sir Alex Ferguson goes all Comical Ali on us after Manchester United's 4-1 thumping by Liverpool.

"I respect Alex Ferguson. He is a great manager, but I have to defend my club. Sometimes my English is not good enough but I do not understand the Scottish accent."
Rafa Benitez after Fergie dismissed the Spaniard's infamous rant earlier this season, on the eve of Saturday's clash.

"I would need to read more of Freud before I could really understand all that.''
Ferguson suggests he may need a little help getting into the Liverpool manager's head.

"I read about Freud when I was in school and university."
But Benitez has the last laugh, both on and off the pitch.

"I'm very excited about the game because I grew up as an Everton fan hating Liverpool - that hasn't changed!"
Wayne Rooney's off-the-cuff comment that caused a huge stink ahead of the game.

"If Amir can't beat this kind of guy at this point, then maybe he'd be better going off and getting a job."
Amir Khan's trainer Freddie Roach before the Briton's fight with Marco Antonio Barrera. Khan duly avoided the job centre appointment.

"My goal was certainly a much better finish than my darts on Soccer AM. I had 78 attempts and still did not hit the bull. I have got a great excuse for that, though - it is that I don't spend any time in pubs because I am a model professional!"
Peter Crouch comes out with a load of old bull after his well-taken volley at Middlesbrough.

Neil Warnock
Come on Burnley!

"We've got three away games coming up where we cover 1,200 miles in just a few days. If we win all of them, I'll show my backside on Sheffield Town Hall steps."
Crystal Palace boss Neil Warnock. Thankfully Burnley did the good people of Sheffield a huge favour.

"I've bounced back and scored 10 goals since, so I've forgotten about that - but I'm always going to be remembered for it!"
Chris Iwelumo, on target for Wolves but still remembered as the man who missed THAT sitter for Scotland.

"You know, you lose your girlfriend and go out and have a drink and for the next 48 hours you are all right. Then you go home and your girlfriend's not there and that's when it starts to sink in."
Director of rugby Eddie Jones on troubled times at Saracens.

"It might be masochistic but I do enjoy it."
John Lloyd still relishes being Great Britain's Davis Cup captain, despite a third straight defeat in the competition.

"We should be able to compete - we shouldn't be down at Poundstretcher."
Lisbon Lion Bertie Auld hopes Celtic won't be looking in the bargain bins just yet.

Roman and Abramovich and girlfriend Dasha Zhukova
Wonder if they've got any Stilton?

"He came in with his jeans on and had a bit of cheese and left, so I didn't get chance to speak to him. He walked straight past me and that was about it!"
Coventry City chairman Ray Ranson on Roman Abramovich breaking the club's dress code and snubbing him at the FA Cup quarter-final.

"In this job you are either punching the air in triumph or you've got the spade out digging graves for people around you who are feeling so low."
Fulham manager Roy Hodgson can put his shovel away after the 3-1 win at Bolton.


AND SOME FROM YOU

"I haven't seen a Madrid side this bad since I managed them!"
John Toshack on the Liverpool-Real Madrid match. Quality! He's not wrong either. (Richard Chapman, England).

"And over to Ronald McDonald at ringside..."
5Live boxing commentator gets in a bit of a tiz when handing over to Ronald McIntosh after Amir Khan's win on Saturday. (Mark Johnson, England).

"No team in this league frightens me at all, irrespective of their league position. There is a very, very thin line between the top and the bottom - everybody's capable of beating everybody else."
Nottingham Forest boss Billy Davies before Forest's 5-0 hammering at Burnley. (Rupert, England).

"Manchester City plan £25 bid for Chelsea's John Terry, plus other rumours."
BBC Sport Gossip Column. (Phil Jones, Wales).

"He has two chances; slim and none and slim is out of town!"
Don King backing Antonio Barrera to whip Amir Khan in Manchester. (Ivan Mark Radhakrishnan, Malawi). Oops. Ed.

Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau
Do England have a licence for their minkeys?

"France are playing with a game-plan implemented by Inspector Clouseau."
Brian Moore during England-France game. (Ben Skrzypczak, England).

"You had to be on your toes with him. On the coach you couldn't really get away from Jim. If you're having a nap then he'd be flicking your ears - it was carnage."
Bobby Zamora on former team-mate Jimmy Bullard in the London Paper. Flicking ears, eh? sounds like carnage! (Ben, UK).

"Congestion worries Megson."
Headline from 4thegame.com (I recommend Mucinex). (Gavin, USA).

"It's an easy excuse (tiredness) but I won't use it. Today was not Andrew Surman's best game for us and I think he is suffering from fatigue like a lot of our players."
Southampton boss Mark Wotte, clearly not using tiredness as an excuse. (Adam, England).

"Robinho is yet to score this year. That's nine goals without a game."
Commentator on Radio 5Live discussing Robinho's goal drought in Manchester City's Uefa cup game with Aalborg. Surely any striker would be over the moon with figures like that?! (Karl Barr, England)

"The fan, who is not from the Greater Manchester area..."
From the BBC website report on the alleged assault by Jose Mourinho. Of course not, he was a Manchester United fan! (Steve Kershaw, England).

"Must be a tough race weekend if the hardest thing you have to pass is a kidney stone."
NASCAR commentator after learning one of the racers had a kidney stone during the Kobalt Tools 500 race weekend. (Craig King, Somerset).

Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe
Arsenal's secret weapon?

"What a goal by Eduardo..he's hit it with the heel of his left foot! I think it's a magic foot...maybe he nicked it off Harry Potter?!"
Ian Holloway on Sky Sports News after Eduardo scored his second against Burnley. (Owen Sawford, UK).

"We know we cannot let them do what they want to do. If they do what they like to do, we will expose ourselves."
Arsene Wenger on Teletext, speaking about Roma and a new way of winning. (Pat, England).

"It will be a game of football, no question."
Wolves manager Mick McCarthy, ahead of Wolves v Ipswich on Central Tonight news. (Jack Murphy, England).

"It's Diarra's birthday today. Happy birthday, mate."
Clive Tyldesley as Lassana Diarra rolls around in agony during Real Madrid's defeat to Liverpool. (Paul Hazell, England).

"I'd take off Balotelli - not for any tactical reason, I just don't like him."
Alan Green during Radio 5Live coverage of Man U v Inter. (Simon, UK).

"Well, the bell may not quite be tolling for Real Madrid, but there is a man wearing earplugs preparing to climb the tower..."
Adrian Healey on ESPN's coverage of Liverpool v Real Madrid. (Anon).

"Manchester United have not conceded two goals in 12 games, never mind two minutes."
Andy Gray when the fourth official indicated two minutes added time in the game with Inter. (Zubair H, Preston, Lancashire).

"We're just not doing very well at the moment and we've had a run of not doing very well, but before that we had a run where we did exceptionally well."
John Still of Dagenham & Redbridge. (Dan, USA).

"Look at the space Evra has on the left-hand side."
5Live's Alan Green, forgetting he's on the radio. (Alex, GB).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"You're not special anymore!"
Manchester United fans to Jose Mourinho. (Jonny, Manchester, UK).

Woman at Bexhill
Somebody watching Bexhill

"It's just like watching Bexhill."
Brighton fans see the funny side during the home defeat by Southend. (James Blake, UK).

"What a waste of money!"
Fans of the economically-assembled Chelsea on Robinho. (Dan, Watford).

"When the ball hits your head and you sit in row Z, that's Zamora!"
Chant heard at Bolton v Fulham to the tune of 'That's Amore'. (Alex, England). But which set of fans were singing it? Ed.

"Dara, dara, dara, dara, Car-los Cueller,
Dara, dara, dara dara, Car-los Cueller.
He's 6ft 3 with curly hair and goofy teeth but we don't care,
He's Carlos Cueller, the Villa centre-half!"
To the tune of the animals went in two-by-two. (Adam Fletcher Tamworth).

"Tranmere! Tranmere!."
Leicester fans singing a chant for a very quiet Tranmere home support. (Olly Mayhew, England).

"We're gonna win the league!"
Tranmere fans to Leicester, during their 2-0 victory. (Gazza, England).

"Adios, Adios, Adios!"
Liverpool fans to Real Madrid. (Geesyub Kim, England).

"What time's your minibus?"
Tottenham fans to Middlesbrough supporters leaving early after going 3-0 down in the first half. (Kev, England).

"Ab-Dou-Laye my lord, Ab-Dou-Laye."
Heard at Britannia Stadium during Stoke v Bolton, referring to the talismanic centre-back. (Joel, Stoke).

"Can we play you every week?"
Cheltenham fans to Leicester while 4-0 down. (Hitchman, Cheltenham).

STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WEEK

"Arsenal goalscorer, number 27, Arsenal's goal-machine, Emanuellllllllll (crowd) Eboueeee!"
From Arsenal v Blackburn after former boo-boy target Eboue scored his first goal. (John Cunningham, England).

BANNERS OF THE WEEK

"No Totti, no party."
Seen at the Roma-Arsenal game. (Hammerinexile, England).

"Man U, Oyster card, wife...in that order."
At Manchester United-Liverpool game. (Steve, England).

"If there are no Sharks in heaven, I am not going!"
Seen at Super 14 rugby union game between the Natal Sharks and Auckland Blues. (Richard Brown, UAE).



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