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Page last updated at 10:01 GMT, Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Sport quotes of the week

By Chris Charles

Jose Mourinho
How many trophies will United win, Jose?

"If you want me to rule out ever being Manchester United manager, I can't. Special clubs need special managers, so in theory it could work."
The Special One sets his stall out.

"Yes, Manchester United are the best team in England, but you have to ask how good has the Premier League been since I left? If I was at a top club in England I think the title race might have been a lot closer this year."
And he's still as modest as ever.

"It surprised me that they played all the top stars. Disappointed me!"
Coventry boss Chris Coleman after his side were dumped out of the Cup by Chelsea's A-list.

"I've known Ashley for a while but I didn't have a chip at him. He's in enough trouble with the missus when she gets home!"
Coventry striker Clinton Morrison gives Chelsea's troubled left-back an afternoon off.

"He hasn't got a clue. He shouldn't be umpiring school cricket."
Bob Willis sits on the fence after Russell Tiffin fails to give Monty Panesar a plum lbw decision in Trinidad.

"Do I feel now, because we've rested players, we'll automatically beat Stoke? Absolutely not. I wish life was like that. God almighty, I'd never get out of bed, just post me the results!"
Aston Villa boss Martin O'Neill admits resting players for the Uefa Cup will not guarantee wins in the Premier League. He was right.

"They'll have to write it down on their hands - if we get a corner in the last minute, play it short....I need a beer, a couple of beers...flipping hell."
Sunderland manager Ricky Sbragia is a tad miffed about conceding an equaliser to Spurs in the last minute.

"My dad is still a season-ticket holder at Loftus Road and goes there every week rather than come to watch me."
Luton striker Kevin Gallen reveals where his family's loyalties lie.

"Given the way we have been playing, I don't think we ever feel as if we're going to lose by more than one goal."
Inverness midfielder David Proctor - a pessimist is never disappointed.

"If you had said before the game we would get three points, I would have said you'd had too much gin."
Inverness manager Terry Butcher after his team's shock 1-0 win at Rangers - Proctor must have been doing cartwheels.

Vinnie Jones and Wimbledon team-mates
Those were the days

"I remember when we used to play against Wimbledon - the team doctor was far busier stitching my players up than I was sitting on the bench."
Arsene Wenger recalls the really bad old days when voicing his concern about the crude challenges witnessed this season.

"When I finally had the urge to go to the toilet, more than three hours after the game at Elland Road had ended, the drug tester went with me and the taking of the sample for analysis was completed."
Celtic manager Gordon Strachan reveals he was once followed home by an over-enthusiastic drugs-tester.

"Your style of football is ****."
Cristiano Ronaldo's alleged comment to Steven Taylor after the Newcastle player's hands-on challenge during Manchester United's 2-1 victory.

"Well, you are ugly!"
Taylor's reported response.

"The manager has said if I carry on like this they will have to name a stand at Molineux after me. It was nice to hear but they would never fit a name as long as mine on it!"
Wolves striker Sylvan Ebanks-Blake.

"What do I do - go home to cry and pull the curtains?"
Cheltenham boss Martin Allen after a 4-0 hammering at Leicester.

"We haven't defended properly - the scoreline tells you that."
Aldershot manager Gary Waddock takes the week's stating the obvious award after his side are thrashed 5-0 by Bradford.


AND SOME FROM YOU

"You tend to wonder if he actually has a left foot."
Sky Sports commentator on Pascal Chimbonda. (Chris, England).

Jo Brand as Britney Spears on 'Let's Dance for Comic Relief'
Ipswich reveal their Brand new signing

"I thought Argentinians were silky. I expected Jordan, We got Jo Brand!"
Radio Suffolk listener about Ipswich's new signing Luciano Cievelli following a 3-0 defeat to Southampton. (Clarissa Place, England).

"Vidic was engaged in a straight leg race with a round, white ball."
The ball at the Manchester United-Fulham game develops legs, according to Graham Taylor. (Ryan Murphy, Northern Ireland).

"New Zealand Women Innings: 205 all out (1 over)."
From the BBC Sport website - must have been one hell of an over! (Jon Taylor, Tintern).

"It's great to get a positive response."
Dwain Chambers after his gold in the indoor championships. Oh the irony! (Benni Sluckis, England).

"West Indies have reached three figures for the first time in this innings."
Mikey Holding. Will there be a second time? (Roger Hendderson, Trinidad).

"We're up against one of the strongest teams in Europe, domestically."
Chris Coleman on Chelsea. Eh? (Matthew Doherty, London).

''A half in which United have annihilated Inter 0-0.''
ITV commentator at half-time in the first leg of the Champions League tie between Inter Milan and Man Utd. (Christian Muneyi-Cargill, UK).

"If you can't score, you can't win."
QPR boss Paulo Sousa is slowly getting this football malarkey. (Chris Humphris, London).

"Last year Manchester United were going for three trophies, this year they're going for twice as many."
Clive Tyldsley on United going for the quintuple. Oh dear. (Alex Jacques, United Kingdom).

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
At least the standard of WAGs has improved

"In goal for Aston Villa, Brad Pitt."
Local Russian commentator on Cable on the Villa line-up for the game with Stoke. (Ray Tilt, Kazakhstan).

"The Man from Angola, Scores the Goala!"
Local radio presenter David Burns after Manucho scores an injury-time winner for Hull City against Fulham. (Tiger-Nation, England).

"The credit crunch has hit us hard. I'm at my best when I've got the fire underneath my backside."
Has Falkirk manager John Hughes been trying to "curry" favour with the fans?! (Alastair McKenzie, Scotland).

"There are five reasons why Lewis Hamilton shouldn't win the championship: The two Ferrari drivers, the two BMWs, Fernando Alonso and Sebastian Vettel."
Murray Walker on the 2009 F1 preview clip - that would be six, then Murray! (John Stewart, Scotland). You can't keep a good man down! Ed.

"Liverpool are playing 4-4-1."
Trevor Francis puts his finger on why Liverpool might be struggling during their match with Sunderland. (R Denison, France).

"Arsenal have won their last four matches 0-0."
Sky Sports News commentator on 3 March. That won't please Fergie! (David Jones, UK).

"France pick Baby at fly-half."
Headline from Sky - I know they've struggled to find a regular 10 but this seems desperate! (Ed, UK).

"That led to Baby being changed...."
In the BBC Sport report on the France-Wales Six Nations game. (Pritesh Mistry, England).

"He's rubbish, I could bat against him with a stick of rhubarb!"
Geoff Boycott on TMS, talking about Daren Powell. (Eddie Bowers, UK).

Nicholas Lyndhurst as Rodney Trotter
Not such a plonker after all

"Rodney Keane has scored."
5Live commentator about Tottenham's goal v Middlesbrough. (David M, UK).

"This lad has more checkouts than Tesco's."
Sid Waddell talking about darts ace James Wade. (Lee Allen, England).

"Fifth Test, Trinidad (day three): West Indies 105-21 v England 546-6 dec."
Looks like the England bowlers have improved overnight, according to the BBC website! (Shaz, England). We were just trying to give England fans some good news for a change! Ed.

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"Dimi, Dimi, Dimi, Dimi, Dimi, Konstantopoulos - he swam away, to Cardiff bay."
Cardiff fans to the tune of Karma Chameleon, while doing a swimming action. (Scottish Mike, Wales).

"Bo-singwa in the rain, Bo-singwa in the rain, What a glorious feeeeeeling, We're top, top again!"
Chelsea fans at Portsmouth in horrendous weather conditions. (Nick Stefanovitz, UK).

"You only live round the corner!"
Spurs fans to Man Utd supporters at Wembley - a surprising amount had southern accents. (Joe Duane, England). Surprising? Ed.

"What a waste of money!"
West Ham fans after Robinho misses a sitter. (Anon).

"At least we've got the money!"
City fans' instant reply. (Peter Roberts, UK).

"There's only one Spanish waiter!"
Middlesbrough fans to Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez after going 2-0 up. (Anon).

"Love, Love will tear us apart, again."
To the tune of Joy Division's 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' - Aston Villa fans referring to Vagner Love in their Uefa Cup second leg tie with CSKA Moscow. (Jordan, Australia).

Actor John Savident who played Fred Elliot
Come on you Lions, I say come on!

"I say, I say, I say, I say - Ashley, Ashley!"
Millwall fans salute Ashley Grimes with their best impression of former Coronation Street butcher Fred Elliot. (Paul, London).

"Oooh Bentley...He went to Wemb-er-ly! He missed a penalty!"
Arsenal fans during the FA Youth Cup quarter-final against Tottenham, days after David Bentley missed a spot-kick in the Carling Cup final. (Haroon, UK).

"Que sera sera, whatever will be will be, we're going to Forest Green."
Grimsby Town supporters contemplate relegation during the defeat to Rochdale. (Richard, UK).

"Sit down Pinocchio!"
Chant by Spurs fans to Gareth Southgate. (Ashley Brewer, England).

"4-0 and a long way home."
Spurs fans to Boro. (James Donohue, England).

"Walk off, walk off, with your head in your hands, 'cos you'll ne-ver win the league, you'll ne-ver win the league."
Boro fans' adaptation of You'll Never Walk Alone to Liverpool. (Dan B, England).

"You're not famous anyway!"
The classic Forest response to just about every team in the Championship who sing 'You're not famous anymore'. (Jay, England).

"You can't see what you're doing!"
Leicester fans to Stockport after an announcement that the lights had failed in the away section on the way out of the Walkers Stadium. (Matt, England).

"We only sing for Newcastle."
Liverpool fans' response to Sunderland fans questioning the atmosphere at Anfield. (Ian, England).

"Are you England in disguise?"
Cardiff City fans comparing Barnsley to the England rugby union team after a series of fouls and over-hit passes. (Rich, Wales).

BANNER OF THE WEEK

"Man U, kids, wife...in that order."
Banner at Inter-Man Utd game. (Richard, Plymouth).



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