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Page last updated at 13:10 GMT, Thursday, 29 January 2009

Sport quotes of the week

By Chris Charles

Rafa Benitez
Ooh it makes me mad!
"The second half was a crazy game and when it is a crazy game you can't control things. Why was it crazy? Because it was crazy."
Rafa Benitez - not crazy about Liverpool's draw at Wigan.

"I was having an out-of-body experience, it was so hot. I felt I was watching someone play in a blue dress, and it wasn't me."
Serena Williams feels the heat in Melbourne. Looks like Rafa's not the only one away with the fairies.

"I just thought, my eyes, my innocent eyes."
Serena on the moment she noticed a male streaker on court during her doubles match on Friday.

"This is a football club that has been put together by I don't know who and I don't know how. It is a mish-mash of players. It is scary."
Harry Redknapp's Tottenham team frighten the life out of him.

"Hull are the biggest club I've played for."
Jimmy Bullard after his 5m switch from Fulham. Miaow.

"Maybe some people need to go to church on a Sunday for confession."
Reading striker Stephen Hunt suggests the club have been telling porkies after claiming they have received no bids for him.

"I was desperate to swap shirts with Andy Johnson but I didn't know we were allowed to. It's killed me really. I didn't know we were allowed to give our shirts away. I thought it would have come out of our wages."
Kettering striker Craig Westcarr, whose two goals rocked Fulham in their FA Cup tie, neatly crystallises the gulf between the Premier League and the also-rans.

"It was traumatic sharing a room with Pepe at Barca. He snored worse than anyone can imagine and I used to chuck shoes and boots at his head to shut him up. But when I woke him up he used to return fire and I took a few hits too!"
Everton's Mikel Arteta believes Pepe Reina is a shoo-in for Player of the Season.

"The grey jumper is really in at the moment. Everybody has one. Grey is a great colour."
Roger Federer, he of the cream blazer, dishes out some fashion tips.

"You look good, too. Red is a good colour. If you're out in the sun long enough your freckles might connect and then you might get a good tan."
Andy Roddick delivers a withering back-handed compliment to a journalist questioning him on his new, slimmed-down physique.

Sean Connery as James Bond
Shwing when you're winning
"My favourite James Bond is Sean Connery. I don't like the latest, he is short and blond. I think I look more like James Bond than he does."
Spanish golfer Alvaro Quiros, who was inspired to win the Qatar Masters by watching two Bond films before the final round.

"It wouldn't matter who my partner was - I served like a dog."
Jamie Murray tells it like it is as he and partner Eric Butorac bow-wow out of the men's doubles.

"He will be appearing on one of those videos of gaffes."
Wigan boss Steve Bruce on the plus side to Amr Zaki missing an open goal in the 1-0 loss to Manchester City.

"Who is Kris Boyd? This is the first time I have heard this name."
Lazio chairman Claudio Lotito with the ultimate put-down after his side's purported link with the Rangers striker.

"I think a few of the lads will be getting a haircut and getting the fake tan on!"
Ayr United manager Brian Reid after it was announced their Scottish Cup fourth-round replay with Kilmarnock would be televised.

AND SOME FROM YOU

"In the end we lost a bad third goal because of an individual error by the goalkeeper but I'm not going to point the finger of blame at anyone for that."
Falkirk manager John Hughes after the defeat by Rangers in the CIS Cup. (Munro Gow, UAE).

"The goal was not exactly something we've been working on."
Steve Coppell on Neil Collins' own-goal after 61 seconds in Reading's 1-0 victory against Wolves. (Will, UK).

"Real got the three points but it could have been a lot more."
Gol TV commentator on the Real Madrid-Deportivo game. (Ben, UK).

"The one thing you cannot fault is their courage to come from a goal down, their work ethic, team spirit and their desire to come back and win a game."
Forest manager Billy Davies on the game against Sheffield Wednesday. Surely that's four things, Billy? (Patrick, England).

"Can United please stop scoring? I have to text my mate the scores and I'll run up a huge bill at this rate."
Mark via text on BBC live text commentary. (James, England).

Andy Roddick
Roddick about to self-combust against Federer
"Noncombustible? I love you English dudes."
Andy Roddick reacts to an interesting description of his on-court demeanour. (Kim, England).

Simon Brotherton: "How did the referee not see that foul?"
Paul Jewell: "Because it's Rob Styles."
BBC Radio 5 Live commentary during West Brom v Manchester United. (Richard O'Brien, England).

"He was good for that one season at Wigan. Now he moans more than my ex-wife!"
Alan Mclnally about Pascal Chimbonda. (Francis Kyan, England).

"Derby are being led out by their ram, and not being harsh on Nottingham, but it would be hard for them to be led out by a tree."
Setanta commentator during FA Cup tie. (Dave 'Bic' Bickley, Coventry).

"We are in a win-win situation, or a no-lose situation really."
Ricky Ponting at the toss before his side lose the game and the one-day series against South Africa on Australia Day at the Adelaide Oval. (Joe, England).

"Well, his life also changed. Didn't go too bad. He won a couple of Grand Slams afterwards. And me, I got injured."
The ever-quotable Marat Safin, on the changes in his and Roger Federer's lives since 2005. (Kim, England).

"Look at the feet, diamonds in shoes, beautiful by Lionel, he softens the hard corners of our lives just by watching him."
Ray Hudson describes Lionel Messi on Gol TV.(Calum Stewart, Scotland).

"Bath v Toulouse - Ellisalde starts at scum-half."
Sky Sports News ticker. (Nishant Mittal, UK).

"32 winners from Murray and only 10 unforced errors - that's flawless."
Peter Fleming on Eurosport, after the Murray-Melzer match at the Australian Open. (Allan Morris, UK).

Sunbather
Brrrrr!!
"It's quite chilly today with temperatures at 66 celsius."
Commentator in the Murray-Melzer game - I think he meant fahrenheit! (Ruaridh, Wales).

"You said they're lacking juice but I think actually it's oomph."
David Pleat to co-commentator on Spurs v Man United. (David Hardiman, UK).

"Fabio isn't an unfamiliar face, he's the spitting image of his twin brother, Rafael."
Clive Tyldesley on the Manchester United twins. (Chris Humphris, London).

Reporter: "I thought Emnes was going to score, but he lost his feet."
Jeff Stelling: "How's he going to get home then?"
Classic Jeff on Soccer Saturday. (Adam, England).

"It's good to be linked with players all over Europe."
Blackburn boss Sam Allardyce on reports linking him with Egyptian winger Mahmoud Abdul-Razek.
(Daniel Kimber, Preston).

"Where his balls go, you will be quite surprised."
Arsene Wenger on why Denilson deserves more credit.
(gunnersmog, uk).

"Roger Federer, the 13-time grand slam champion. Five Wimbledons, six US Opens and three Australian Opens he's won."
Sam Smith discussing whether Roger Federer will equal Pete Sampras's record of 14 Grand Slams - sounds like he's done that already! (Guy Haslewood, Shrewsbury).

Marouane Fellaini
Oi, sit somewhere else!
"Marouane Fellaini is suspended for today's match, so he is sitting in the stand watching today's game. I'd hate to be the poor sod behind him, though."
BBC Live Text. Liverpool v Everton. (Stephen Tierney, Italy).

"Some of them need a cuddle and the only way they are going to get that is from the supporters."
Micky Adams encouraging free love between players and supporters. He doesn't seem to think his players have much luck with women... (Phil Herbert, England).

"It's all hands on deck."
Georgie Thompson reading autocue cards written by mischievous colleagues on Sky Sports News after it was revealed she's dating Dec of 'Ant & Dec' fame. Lucky Dec! (Scully, London)

"Jamie O'Hara came on at half time in the first leg and he was the catalytic converter for a Spurs comeback."
Sky commentator in the Burnley v Spurs game. (Andy, Leeds).

"It's given me a new fresh start."
Giles Barnes of Derby after regaining his place under Nigel Clough. As opposed to an old fresh start? (Conrad Edkins, Halifax).

"Everton players with their hands in their heads."
BBC Radio 5 Live commentary on Everton v Arsenal.
(Gwilym Lawrence, UK).

"We asked all the players to show a bit of pride in the jersey and I think they showed that tonight."
Brighton manager Micky Adams after the 0-0 draw with Leicester, where a kit clash meant they had the wear the Foxes' away strip. (Liam, UK).

"Liverpool now, who have lost only once this season, to one team; Tottenham, who have beaten them twice."
BBC Radio 5 Live presenter commentating on Liverpool-Wigan game. (Lee Shore, England).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"Viva Da Silva, Viva Da Silva, when they're on the pitch, we don't know which is which, Viva da Silva!"
Man Utd fans on the debut of Fabio da Silva, twin brother of Rafael. (Idris, England).

Commuters on tube train
OK, who's going to start?
"Commuters, commuters give us a song!"
Crystal Palace supporters on a train from London Bridge to Charlton. (JJ, UK).

"Are you watching ITV?"
Chanted by Kettering fans after equalising against Fulham. The game was not shown live. (Gary French, England).

"This stand's too small for us!"
Bradford City fans at Bury after the hosts let in too many travelling fans and they ran out of seats! (Danny Peers, Bradford).

"We're gonna fall in a minute!"
Exeter fans at Gillingham when the away stand started shaking. (Keiran Hutchins, England).

"Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, Howard, Howard Webb, Howard Webb, Howard, Howard Webb!"
Wolves fans singing at Birmingham after Howard Webb provided an assist for the second goal. To the tune of 'Baby Give It Up' by KC and the Sunshine Band. (Ricky Garcha, England).

''Are you watching Merseyside?''
Manchester United fans after Wayne Rooney's goal wins the match against Wigan. (James Daniels, United Kingdom).

"Kaka, wherever you may be
Have you heard of Man City?
Never go there,
It'll end in tears,
They haven't won a trophy in 33 years."
Wigan fans to Man City. (Alex Raitt, England).

"We want five!"
Aberdeen fans while 4-2 up against Celtic. (Mark Watt, Scotland).

HEADLINE OF THE WEEK

"Becks Dumps Posh!"
On the Leeds United official website after a Jermaine Beckford brace sinks Peterborough at Elland Road. (Ross McIntyre, UK).



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