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Page last updated at 11:27 GMT, Thursday, 16 October 2008 12:27 UK

Sport quotes of the week

By Chris Charles

Roy Race and Steven Gerrard
Never see 'em in the same room

"Being Roy of the Rovers was a criticism from Rafa, although he didn't use that exact phrase - his English isn't that good yet!"
Steven Gerrard gets carpeted for trying to be a one-man team. As for Roy Race - ask your Dad.

"You can only bring in kids from a certain radius and a lot of our radius is in the water. Any good fish out there?"
Sunderland boss Roy Keane carps on about the geographical restrictions placed on him.

"They are conceding more goals than you would expect them to and they are letting them in at the other end."
Former Tottenham keeper Ray Clemence on the double trouble afflicting his old club. Apparently they're having a few scored against them as well.

"Father and son is a very touchy subject and we'd have to cross that bridge when we came to it."
Ricky Hatton waits for the right moment to ask trainer Floyd Mayweather if he can wallop his boy in a rematch.

"I can't think of anyone who has a better job. You get to go to these games, sit in good seats and see all these interesting places. You even get to come to the BBC offices and see where Blue Peter is filmed."
NBA supremo David Stern reveals he's a massive fan of sticky-back plastic, ahead of the Miami-New Jersey game at the 02 Arena.

"Paolo Maldini can say he has done it all now."
Portsmouth striker Peter Crouch after the news that Maldini and his AC Milan team-mates would be coming to Fratton Park in the Uefa Cup.

"I'm not going to buy Ferraris and that sort of thing. I'll probably just put it under the bed - that's where money is safest at the moment!"
Paul Collingwood has a cunning plan to beat the banker if he gets his hand on the 570,000 being paid to the winners of the England-Stanford All-Stars match.

Beatles' Magical Mystery Tour
To Hull and back, please driver

"We were the no-hopers, just up for a brief visit. A magical mystery tour to Old Trafford, The Emirates and Anfield, then back to where we belonged. Now they say we've caught six out of seven sides at the right time - long may it continue!"
Hull boss Phil Brown is enjoying life on the magic bus.

"Of course you always worry about it going t*** up!"
But he's not taking anything for granted.

"I'm not a great singer, but now I've got the choice."
England's Aussie rugby league boss Tony Smith finally gets to sing the national anthem against Wales after being made a British citizen.

"I saw a hammer competition on TV and I got a blanket and some electrical cord and wound it round making a ball pretending to throw the hammer in the garden."
New UK Athletics 'heavy-throws coach' Bob Weir on how he fell in love with the hammer. A blanket?!

"There is always a fight in Heineken Cup week."
Wasps head coach Shaun Edwards dismisses the training-ground dust-up between England team-mates Danny Cipriani and Josh Lewsey.

"It seems that in the English team there's some kind of communism going on with all his banning this and banning that."
Belarus midfielder Alexander Hleb is convinced Fabio Capello has some reds under the bed.

AND SOME FROM YOU

Pele
Coming on for Airdrie...

"That's great, tell him hes Pele, and get him back on!"
Airdrie manager Kenny Black when told his concussed striker Stephen Maguire did not know who he was. (Joseph, England)

"What was I supposed to do - unroll the red carpet and give him the corner?"
Sebastian Bourdais after being penalised for colliding with Felipe Massa at the Japanese Grand Prix. (Kevin, UK)

"I think everyone's human."
Rio Ferdinand makes a profound observation while justifying Ashley Cole's mistake against Kazakhstan in a BBC post-match interview. (Jamie Adams, Glasgow)

"Obviously Sky gets its money from prescription payers."
Martin Keown on Football Focus. (Will, UK)

"Holyfield would be a massive underdog against Valuev, who is more than 300 pounds heavier and stands a towering 7ft tall."
From the BBC website - has Valuev been on the pies? (Marc Trafford, England)

"You've got to give the Kazakhstan players credit, they're attacking with four players and defending with eight."
Graeme Le Saux at half-time in the England game. (Deji, London)

"That's just him blowing off."
Jimmy Greaves on Joe Kinnear's four-letter outburst. (Adam, UK)

"We scored three today and 99 times out of 10 that means a win."
Brighton assistant manager Dean White commenting after their 3-3 draw at home to Cheltenham. (Max, UK)

"The most important space on a football field is the one between the players' ears."
Watford manager Aidy Boothroyd. (Big Mack, UK)

"He's a clever guy, but he's obviously not that clever, because he's still playing rugby at 34. I'm planning a bank robbery so I can be on the beach by the time I'm 34!"
Bath prop David Flatman talking about his veteran team-mate Justin Harrison. (Joe McCall, United Kingdom)

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

The Incredible Hulk
What do you mean I'm on the bench?!

"He's going green in a minute!"
Sang at Arsenal v Porto whenever Porto's Hulk touched the ball. (Mike Dean, UK)

"We love our Itsy Bitsy,
Teeny Weeny,
Baldy Headed,
Warren Feeney,
Plays in Dundee and he can't score a goal!"
To the tune of Yellow Poka Dot Bikini. Northern Ireland's Green & White Army in Slovenia. (Mike Walkingshaw, Norn Iron)

"He's fat, he's round, he swears like Chubby Brown, Joe Kinnear, Joe Kinnear!"
Latest chant at Newcastle. (Bobby Dazzler, UK)

"We can see you sneaking out!"
Southend fans to Yeovil after Southend score to make it 2-0.

"We can see you coming back!"
Southend fans after Yeovil promptly pull one back to make it 2-1. (Andrew, Essex)

"He tackles and he passes, He hassles and harasses, he gets up people's asses, He's better than Zidane. Grant McCann, Grant McCann, Grant McCann, Grant McCann, Grant McCann."
To the tune of the Addams family. Green & White Army in Slovenia. (Mike Walkingshaw, Norn Iron)

"We're not Real Madrid,
We're not Barcelona,
We are Reading Football Club and Madejski is our owner."
Reading fans. (Martin Evans, England)

"We're only here for the shot put."
Leeds fans while 4-1 down to Rotherham at the Don Valley Stadium (originally built for athletics). (James, England)

"We all want a telly!"
Chelsea fans after a half-time competition to win a television. (Ben, England)

"Are we Tottenham in disguise?"
Wycombe fans during the 7-0 defeat to Shrewsbury. (Tom Parsons, UK)

STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WEEK

"Half-time scores from the Premiership: Man United 1, Blackburn 0; Sunderland 0, Arsenal 0; West Brom 0, Fulham 0; Wigan 0, Middlesbrough 0...that'll make for interesting watching on Match of the Day tonight."
Yeovil Town stadium announcer. (Felix Yoosefinejad, England)

SPURS JOKE OF THE WEEK

"What's the difference between Spurs and a triangle? A triangle has three points."
West Stand wag at Stamford Bridge. (Andy McGovern, UK)



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see also
WAGs quiz special
15 Oct 08 |  Fun and Games
Review of the week
14 Oct 08 |  Fun and Games


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