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Page last updated at 14:40 GMT, Tuesday, 30 September 2008 15:40 UK

Sport quotes of the week

By Chris Charles

Joe Kinnear
Listen 'er guvnor, I aint no Cockney geezer, geddit me ol' China?

"I've only been here five minutes and I'm a Cockney. How the hell am I a Cockney? I was born and reared in Ireland."
Joe Kinnear gets a kick in the market stalls after landing the Newcastle job.

"Newcastle are in a bigger mess than the US economy."
Former Magpies striker Micky Quinn puts the worldwide credit crunch into perspective.

"Joe Kinnear? More like Joke In 'Ere."
A Geordie messageboarder welcomes the new gaffer.

"Yes I did receive a two-match ban for calling a ref Coco the Clown but I'm down to one after today."
Caretaker Newcastle boss Kinnear starts his reign with a touchline ban, held over from four years ago.

"The gaffer thinks that going into his War Room is sometimes better than going on to the training pitch. And at 32 I have to agree with him."
Hull skipper Ian Ashbee reveals the Churchillian methods used by Phil Brown to plot the downfall of Arsenal.

"I'm sure the boss will have found something to moan about by Monday, while we'll be there rolling our eyes."
Ashbee gets ready to come back down to earth with a bump.

"I'm sick of the sight of him!"
Blackpool boss Simon Grayson won't be sending Freddy Eastwood a Christmas card after the Coventry striker scored against the Seasiders for the third season running.

"I'd go home and kick the cat if I could - but I haven't got one."
Doncaster boss Sean O'Driscoll is feeling a little ginger after the 2-0 home defeat by Southampton.

"I'd have paid whatever price they wanted to see a win like that!"
Derby manager Paul Jewell discovers the best tonic to ease the QPR ticket price row is to win on their own patch.

"I still have the original Superman pants... I have upgraded them so they will make an appearance when it's the right moment - and the new ones are much, much better!"
Manchester City midfielder Stephen Ireland threatens a repeat of last season's winning streak. Don't do it, Stephen - please.

"We've already got as many points as Derby had all last season and there are 32 games left. Not bad for whipping boys."
Hull boss Phil Brown revels in the Tigers' ram-raid at Arsenal.

"I don't think any team in the world would want to face Berbatov, Rooney, Tevez and Ronaldo. Unfortunately you must add the name Rob Styles to that list..."
Gary Megson lets rip after his Bolton side were well and truly Robbed following a dodgy penalty decision at Old Trafford.

"I used to promise my wife I would retire at 55. Then I got to 55 and said 'Make that 60'. Now I don't speak about it any more."
Mrs Wenger won't be going on that six-month cruise any time soon.

Carol Vorderman
Vorderman - it works for Peter Alliss
"I was watching Carol Vorderman on Countdown and I got aroused… seven letters wasn't a bad score I thought."
Peter Alliss shows off his wordplay skills on the BBC's coverage of the British Masters.

"He plays the ball better with his hands than his foot - its fantastic!"
Big Phil Scolari joins the Rory Delap fan club.

"That's 1-1 between us now, although I'm sure his mother was cheering for him and not me."
Steve Bruce gets one over son Alex as Wigan knock his boy's Ipswich side out of the League Cup. Bruce Jr was in the Tractor Boys team that beat his Dad's old side Birmingham last season.

"I like the smell in my dressing room right now - and I'm not talking about the liniment."
QPR manager Iain Dowie enjoys the sweet smell of success following the shock Carling Cup win over Aston Villa.

"He's very focused and very determined, but he's also still very young. I don't think he even shaves yet!"
Arsene Wenger on 16-year-old Jack Wilshere - one of the stars of the Arsenal 'youth team' that walloped Sheffield United 6-0 in the League Cup.


"Boxing is not brutal, it's an art - God has gifted me with incredible handspeed as a tool to be used - what else am I supposed to do but fight? There ain't no hand-racing competitions?!"
Roy Jones Jr's reply on BBC Radio 5 Live when questioned about the conflicting nature of boxing and religion.
(Wayne Campbell, UK)

"You can't miss them, you can't miss them! Except you can and we've just seen it! Who knows? I don't know."
Graham Taylor's take on Nicolas Anelka's sitter against Manchester United.
(Paul Curtis, UK)

"It wasn't really down to bad play - it was just a couple of silly mistakes."
Oldham's Richie Byrne gets confused about the definition of "bad play" after the Latics throw away a two-goal lead at Hartlepool.
(Mike, Oldham)


"Chairs from Ikea, You got your chairs from Ikea!"
Birmingham fans to Bristol City fans at Ashton Gate.
(Chris, England)

Manchester City fans
A Man City supporter gets in the mood against Chelsea
"Next year, you'll be City fans!"
Supporters of the newest rich boys in town Manchester City taunt Chelsea at the recent home game.
(Disco Dave, UK)

"Forty quid? You're having a laugh."
Derby fans after QPR were forced to back down on putting up ticket prices.

"Forty quid? You're having a laugh."
QPR fans concur.

"One-nil to the Golden Boys!"
Watford get carried away with the 'goal that shouldn't have been' against Reading the previous week as their first shot against West Ham in the Carling Cup goes five yards wide.
(Karen, UK)


"And here's the 14th team in the Premier League..."
The Chelsea announcer at Stamford Bridge introducing Manchester United.
(Tom Lowen, England)

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see also
Who will win Sports Personality?
15 Jul 08 |  Sport Homepage

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