Sport quotes of the week

By Aimee Lewis

A not so bovvered Nick Faldo ahead of the European Cup

"Honestly, do I look bothered? I've been bashed by the Irish media but am I supposed to go against what I truly believe just to please them? Am I supposed to put a Viking in the team so I get less criticism from Scandinavia?"
European Ryder Cup captain Nick Faldo takes criticism of his team selection on the chin.

"Becks told me to be a bit more greedy in the box, then afterwards he said I was probably too greedy!"
Teenage sensation Theo Walcott goes Beck to the future en route to a stunning hat-trick for England in Croatia.

"He rang me before he got on the plane to tell me he didn't have a key, so I waited up for him."
Walcott's mum, Lynn, burns the midnight oil waiting for the returning hero to return from Croatia. Bless.

"I was surprised by what I saw from Liverpool. It was like watching the Duracell bunnies - just wind them up and watch them go."
Marseille coach Eric Gerets was impressed by the way Liverpool just kept going and going, and going, during their 2-1 win over Manchester United.

"England is a dream destination for a manager. But I would add that, with all these foreign owners, it's getting into a situation here where the managers are becoming almost like puppets."
Bordeaux boss Laurent Blanc believes Premier League managers are being controlled by the club owners.

Carlton Cole knows how to sweet talk the boss

"I've got so much respect for him. I'm not licking his bum, I'm just saying everyone knows he's a model pro."
West Ham striker Carlton Cole on new boss and former team-mate Gianfranco Zola.

"What happens elsewhere is not important. If I am happy with my house I don't look at other people's jealously. Rich or poor, it doesn't matter to me."
Chelsea manager Luiz Felipe Scolari says he is not envious of Manchester City's new-found wealth.

"This season we haven't started great, but we've played seven games now, and won three, drawn one. OK, two have been in the Carling Cup, but it's not as bad as everybody's been making out."
Derby boss Paul Jewell speaking after his team recorded their first league win for nearly a year.

"I spoke to Jack Warner on Wednesday and told him what I thought about him and where he should go. The man's a clown."
Roy Keane after Fifa vice president Warner accused the Sunderland manager of "callous disregard" for Trinidad and Tobago after reportedly withdrawing striker Dwight York from the national squad.

"Mourinho deserves a smack in the mouth."
Inter Milan boss Jose Mourinho seems to have ruffled a few feathers in Italy already, with his criticism of Serie A rivals Catania prompting an angry outburst from the club's director Pietro Lo Monaco.

"I have listened to you (the fans). You want me out, that is what I am now trying to do but it won't happen overnight and it may not happen at all if a buyer does not come in."
Newcastle owner Mike Ashley issues an emotional statement to say he is ready to sell the club after a series of protests from angry fans.

"As far as the money is concerned, he should take the advice he gives - stop being a cry-baby!"
Former Newcastle chairman Freddy Shepherd sticks the boot into Ashley.

"When I play, the fans will love me again."
Cristiano Ronaldo may have suffered a broken ankle, but his ego has escaped unscathed.

"We gave away two bad goals and you don't expect that from Manchester United. The defending was poor for both goals. When people watch us on television, they will think it was some Conference team defending. It was shocking stuff."
Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson admits his team were not at their best during their Premier League defeat at Anfield.

"Pie-mash? I'm not afraid of it...I'll give it a try whenever I can!"
New West Ham manager Gianfranco Zola insists he can be a proper Cockney geezer. Innit.

"There's no argument that Kerry punched Strevens. But Strevens squeezed his knackers - everyone can see that."
Chesterfield boss Lee Richardson claims Dagenham's Ben Strevens put the squeeze on Lloyd Kerry - is he Vinnie in disguise?

"I'm not surprised because I drove my backside off and you know what I can do in the wet."
A confident Lewis Hamilton after his supreme wet-weather skills enabled him to finish seventh in the Italian Grand Prix after starting the race from 15th spot.

"In only one in 10 of my races do I go all out. Why? I don't know. I think it's a bad habit, not very professional. Since I've been young I've been winning, so I got into the habit. I'm trying to break out of it."
Olympic 100m and 200m gold medallist and world-record holder Usain Bolt informs us he hardly breaks a sweat during races.

"No matter how sick Ricky feels right now, he is going to feel a lot sicker on 22 November."
Paulie Malignaggi's promoter Lou DiBella after a sickly Ricky Hatton fails to attend a press conference in Las Vegas to announce his IBF light-welterweight showdown with the New Yorker.

"We've not had much luck all year. The only luck we've had has been bad luck."
A despondent Steve McNamara after his Bradford Bulls side suffer a 30-14 play-off defeat to Wigan Warriors.

A rare show of emotion on the field from Jonny Wilkinson

"The weather has been so frustrating. When you can't get results you don't get to sing the team song and if you don't get to sing the team song everything gets a bit flat."
Somerset captain Justin Langer admits he has been frustrated by the lack of sunshine this summer.

"This is the new me, taking risks. When the opportunity came along, I thought: 'If this goes over great, because that could be the end of the game. If not, then I'd be giving Northampton another chance to attack.'"
Jonny Wilkinson reveals a new daring attitude to go with his new look. The England fly-half kicked a long-range drop goal which helped Newcastle beat Northampton 32-22.

"That is unbelievable. This is the speech I love to give."
British swimmer David Roberts after equalling Tanni Grey-Thompson's Paralympic haul of 11 gold medals.

AND SOME FROM YOU

"Sasa Papac is playing like a man with body odour at the moment - nobody wants to go near him."
BBC Radio Scotland's Paul Mitchell on Rangers defender Sasa Papac during the Glasgow club's 2-1 victory over Kilmarnock.
(Philip Craig, Scotland)

"I like to get in the shorts of wingers and just give them a little nip."
Cheltenham Town's vice captain Jeremy Gill.
(Bill Keegan, England)

"Andy is playing so well, he is as loose as a goose. I was gonna say Roger is the Wizard of Oz, he's not, he's the Wizard of Swiss. Will it be Andy or will it be Roger? It's the grapple in the Apple!!"
Boxing promoter Don King ahead of the US Open final between Andy Murray and Roger Federer.
(Stuart Williams, Leeds)

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"Are you Scotland in disguise?"
England fans to Croatia.

"We've got Robinho!"
Man City fans taunt the world's second richest club after their Brazilian scores the opener against Chelsea.

"Where's Robinho gone?"
Chelsea supporters have the last laugh after going 3-1 up.

"You're being mauled by the Tigers."
Hull City fans after going 2-0 up against Newcastle at St James' Park.
(Malcolm, Hull)

"Sell the tower and build a ground."
Barnsley fans during their 1-0 defeat at Blackpool on Saturday.
(Fiona, UK)

"Knight Fever, Knight Fever - He knows where the goal is."
Rushden fans serenade striker Leon Knight to the tune of the Bee Gee's Night Fever.
(Sam Sturman, Rushdenshire)

Have Your Say: Are there any funny quotes we've missed out?