Sport quotes of the week

By Caroline Cheese

McClaren looks ahead to a once.. or twice-in-a-lifetime opportunity

"It will be a once-in-a-lifetime experience that doesn't come along that often."
Steve McClaren gets a bit over-excited after his FC Twente side draw Arsenal in the Champions League.

"Naturally we're all absolutely delighted that Gareth Barry will be staying at Villa Park."
Aston Villa boss Martin O'Neill on 31 July.

"There will be no deadline and Liverpool will have all the time in the world to sign him. They've got to the end of the transfer window at the end of the month."
O'Neill three days later, the Villa manager apparently forgetting what a deadline is.

"I feel our fans are behind him, I feel that was more disappointed love."
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger on the fans' reaction to Emmanuel Adebayor after he finally ended doubts over his future at the Emirates Stadium.

"The basics of what Barcelona did were very similar to our own, from the warm-ups to their set-piece work and passing drills. The only difference is the Barcelona lads could control the ball."
Bradford boss Stuart McCall sees only minor differences between his side and the Catalan giants.

"Basically, Stoke wasted the lad's time. They made him an offer, he asked for a bit more and they said 'That's it'. They disrespected him and I'm not happy with it. It was disgraceful. Will I speak to Tony Pulis? No. But football's a small world and what goes around comes around."
Brave Stoke boss Tony Pulis incurred the wrath of Sunderland's Roy Keane after Martin Fulop's transfer fell through.

"He won't be coming to the club, we wish him well. Younes has decided to go elsewhere. It might help if I took him to a casino until 4am. Maybe that might have helped the deal. I haven't been up until 4am for a long time. I'd have been asleep."
Keane has his own theory on why he failed to capture Younes Kaboul from Spurs.

"I think he'd be the first to admit things haven't happened for him while he's been here."
Derby boss Paul Jewell on midfielder Robbie Savage, who has experienced relegation and been dropped in pre-season since joining the club in January.

Radcliffe cannot believe her luck as a spider halts her training

"I was bitten by a spider three weeks ago and ended up being rushed into emergency. I kept thinking I was cursed, that somebody somewhere had a little doll of me and was sticking pins in it."
Paula Radcliffe, already recovering from a stress fracture, thinks someone might be out to get her.

"I'm not much of an athlete, I eat a lot of McDonalds. I'm probably overweight for an athlete."
At 97kgs (15 stone 3 pounds), Canadian archer Jay Lyon admits he's not your typical athlete.

"The humidity's quite fun. It's like rowing through a steam bath."
Britain's Olivia Whitlam looks on the bright side in Beijing.

"Gymnastics is very difficult. If someone slips a little, they are out. Boxing and football are easier."
Egyptian gymnastics coach Nasir Al Harazi dismisses suggestions his sport might be a bit girly.

"I'll have to settle down because I can't shark forever."
British sailor Iain Percy is on the prowl in Beijing.

"It is a fairytale to captain your country but it hasn't had a fairytale ending."
A tearful Michael Vaughan ends his reign as England skipper.

"Vaughan is crucial for England to regain the Ashes next year because he is such a good captain."
Shane Warne does not waste any time sticking the boot in.

"He will believe he can be the best captain ever. He's that kind of bloke."
Andrew Flintoff on new captain Kevin Pietersen.

"I'm not sure about that."
Pietersen straight-bats journalist Derek Pringle's odd suggestion that he might get a new tattoo reading 'skipper'.

"Just how many people play Formula One?"
ECB chairman Giles Clarke struggles to understand the appeal of F1.

"I don't care."
Roger Federer on the prospect of losing his world number one status after a record four-and-a-half years.

"There is no time to be excited and be happy and enjoy. I have Olympics in one week. I have to be very focused all the time."
Rafael Nadal has got far too much on his plate to celebrate being crowned the world's best player.

AND SOME FROM YOU

"I believe it's a big step and a step in the right direction."
Chris Eagles on moving from Manchester United to Burnley. (Kenny, England).

"He's tighter than the elephant man's hatband today."
BBC text commentator Ben Dirs on South Africa all-rounder Jacques Kallis. (Bhav Trivedi, UK).

"He has the hand-eye coordination of a hungry rattlesnake."
Sid Waddell at the World Matchplay darts. (Steve Hayman, England).

STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENTS OF THE WEEK

"Please can I just remind you to keep off the playing area or you will be taken away and ejected from the ground just like that chav in the white T-shirt."
The announcer at Twenty20 finals day. (Simon Davison, UK).

"Coming on for Ajax is number 26...ummm... there isn't a number 26?!"
Stadium announcer at Cardiff City's match with Ajax. (Ryan Davies, Cardiff).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"He's quick, he's red, he talks like Father Ted."
Liverpool fans waste no time welcoming Robbie Keane to Anfield.

Have Your Say: Are there any funny quotes we've missed out?