Who's the Daddy?
"I'm a little embarrassed to be named a chief. I'm not sure I'm worthy. It's something to tell the lads - I'm sure they'll be very happy to call me Chief!"
Rio Ferdinand is bemused after being given the title Chief Fiwagboola by Nigeria's King Akiolu during a visit to launch a football scheme for children.
"I've been laughing - I said 'Dad, how do you crash a car at 30mph?'"
Lewis Hamilton after Dad Anthony stuck a borrowed Porsche in a hedge.
"It was unfortunate."
Hamilton not laughing four days later after crashing his car into the back of the unfortunate Kimi Raikkonen at the Canadian Grand Prix.
"I saw the red light and chose to stop. Unfortunately someone saw the red light and chose not to stop."
Raikkonen will be sending his rival a copy of the Highway Code.
"There was a tortoise in the garden, and I had a couple of runs against him and took him quite comfortably - so I'm feeling confident."
Wales wing Mark Jones, emulates opposite number Bryan Habana - who last year raced a cheetah - ahead of the Test with South Africa. Wales got hammered and Jones went back into his shell.
"Neither Tati Phelan nor we are magicians. Harry Potter is just a movie."
New Argentina rugby captain Felipe Contepomi does not have a few tricks up his sleeve.
"The team stopped playing! They stopped working! I could not take this. We lost 8-1 at Middlesbrough! The shame of that!"
Manchester City owner Thaksin Shinawatra
explains why Sven had to go - neatly forgetting the hammering occured after he had already made it clear the Swede was a dead man walking.
Head you lose
"I picked the wrong man to clash heads with. Jerry Collins has a pretty solid head."
England's Charlie Hodgson regrets bumping into man-mountain Collins after it left him needing 13
"Nothing is going to knock Colly's confidence. We know him as a character and we know that a score is just around the corner."
England selector Geoff Miller gives a vote of confidence to Paul Collingwood, whose next score was... nought.
"He's a winner, Wayne Rooney. Sometimes, because he is a winner, you step over the mark. He's got a great character and temperament and let's not lose the
Wayne Rooney that goes round and is a winner."
An assessment of Rooney by Steve McClaren, who knows all about winning.
AND SOME FROM YOU
"Steve Harmison was coming in and bowling at literally the speed of light, but he was no match for Matt Prior - he was batting like God!"
Ravi Bopara on the Darren Gough Cricket Show. (James Hutchinson, Essex).
"He's so laid-back, he's the man you'd want on top if you fancy Casual Conquest."
Cornelius Lysaght on 5Live's Derby preview. (Mike Tawil, UK).
"In many ways, it was a half of two quarters."
Gary Lineker during half-time at the Austria-Croatia game. (Chris Plowman, Cornwall).
"Kubica is always there, like chewing gum on the bottom of your shoe."
James Allen commentating on the Canadian Grand Prix. (Tim Baker, England).
"The Croatians are alive, they're mentally alive."
Gavin Peacock on the Croatian team.
Oi, put 'em back!
"Big shout from Anderson and Ambrose, but umpire Bucknor looks at the bowler as if he's just caught him stealing his pants off the washing line."
From Ben Dirs' fantastic text commentary on TMS during the third Test between England and New Zealand. (Kenny Lomas, England).
"The sign of a good keeper is one you don't notice and we haven't noticed him much since he's come into the side."
Alec Stewart commenting on Tim Ambrose for TMS during the third Test. (Timothy, Barbados).
"Eugene Laverty has managed to get the mountain goat out and find us up here in the commentary box."
Toby Moody during the 125cc MotoGP qualifying.
"The organisers are hoping the footballing extravaganza will bring in a global TV audience in excess of eight billion viewers..."
Seen on BBC website about Euro 2008 - quite a turn-out seeing the world population is around 6.7bn! (Mark Hardie, Scotland).
"The Czech Republic have every player inside the penalty spot for this free-kick."
Commentary on 5Live for Czech Rep v Scotland. They are going for the whole of Prague inside a phone box next! (Pat Mc).
"Jimmy responds with a pearler which swings more than the Crewe by-election."
The BBC's live text commentator Tom Fordyce describes Jimmy Anderson's supreme bowling during the third Test between England and New Zealand. (Nick Yates, England).
"These days you've got to score goals to win games."
Peter Barnes on Talk Sport regarding Mark Hughes' appointment at Man City. (Stevie J, England).
Sorry, lads, you're just too good
"Spain suffer from the same problem as England in that they have too many good players for their team."
Alan Shearer assesses Spain's chances of winning the Euros.
"This isn't football!"
Referee Steve Ganson after sin-binning Jamie Thackeray for dissent in the Bradford Bulls-Hull FC Challenge Cup match. (Rob Laws, England).
"Shane Warne bowling, hasn't got a wicket today but still has two balls...and they could be dangerous."
Commentator during IPL final - Warne having bowled 3.4 overs. (Gary Wallis,England).