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Page last updated at 12:06 GMT, Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Quotes of the week

By Chris Charles

Rio Ferdinand
Are you chewing, Ferdinand?

"It was nice to get the first session out of the way and get a bit of a feel for each other."
Steven Gerrard on the hands-on approach of the new England regime.

"It was like going to a new school. We were like schoolkids waiting to suck up all the information he's got."
Rio Ferdinand has done his homework on Fabio Capello.

"I thought Poulter was number two in the world."
Tiger Woods when asked about the gap between him and the real number two Phil Mickelson. Woods was responding to Poulter's comments in a magazine that he was Tiger's only serious rival.

"If it came to singing the national anthems, I'd probably sing both of them."
Scotland number two and former England captain Terry Butcher will need some bigger lungs if the two sides play each other.

"I'll have to go low or he could be chucking me into the stands."
Wales wing Shane Williams on the prospect of tackling England new boy Lesley Vainikolo. He needn't have worried.

"If you want to sleep you don't become a football manager."
Steve Coppell won't be joining the Wide Awake Club any time soon as Reading continue to slide.

"There is something wrong when Manchester United get seven bookings."
Sir Alex Ferguson is unhappy with the yellow cards dished out by referee Mark Clattenburg at Spurs - how very dare he?

"I've had one guy, who said he's been watching the team for 25 years, thank me for embarrassing him. Well I've told him I'm embarrassed as well."
Paul Jewell is really relishing life in the Premier League with Derby.

Majorca
Palace have a great incentive

"He told me he wants to be in Europe within 18 months. Whether that means we're all going to Majorca next summer, I don't know."
Crystal Palace boss Neil Warnock on owner Simon Jordan's totally realistic ambitions for the Championship club.

"Darragh was bricking it!"
Peterborough director of football Barry Fry reveals club owner Darragh MacAnthony sent him on a Caribbean cruise for the whole of the January transfer window to stop him selling Posh's free-scoring strikers.

"I was full of it, I wanted to cuddle everyone I could see!"
Fulham's Jimmy Bullard on hugging the ref after hitting the winner against Aston Villa with a cracking free-kick.

AND SOME FROM YOU

"Ashley Cole is getting a good deal of stick, but you would expect that when you're playing away from home."
Match of the Day commentator Steve Wilson during the Pompey-Chelsea game. (Chris Perrott, Wales).

"I didn't mean to handle it and maybe it touched my arm, but it is a goal and I am trying to add that to my game."
Rangers' Barry Ferguson after the CIS Cup Final, admitting that handball is something he is working on. (Jack, Wales).

"He's been picked for one reason, familiarity and stability."
Brian Moore on the one reason James Hook was picked for Wales against England in the Six Nations. (Jack Greenfield, Manchester).

"You look forward to beating...er meeting the Prime Minister."
Keith Wood on the pre-match introductions in the Six Nations. (Tom, England).

Arsene Wenger
Je ne comprends pas

Interviewer: "How do you say screamer in French?"
Wenger: "I'm sorry, I cant speak French anymore!"
Arsene Wenger commenting on Matthieu Flamini's wonder goal against Newcastle. (Ben, Surrey, UK).

"We don't have to play them every week, although it seems like we have this week."
Kevin Keegan after Newcastle's second defeat in a week against Arsenal. (Pete Snelling, UK).

"That free-kick was so wide it nearly hit my car."
Paul Merson tells it like it is. (Harry, UK).

"Harry Kewell is holding his hands in his head."
Merson reporting on the Liverpool-West Ham match. (Jonathan, England).

"The win has boosted our confidence, but there are four other sides in this Six Nations Championship, not just England."
Some poor maths from man-of-the-match James Hook after Wales' defeat of England. (Will Gregory, Wales).

"They like a Brazilian at Middlesbrough."
Commentator on Newcastle v Middlesbrough match - I think he was talking about Rochemback. (Keith Revill, South Africa).

"Scotland are playing a very French style of rugby - like we normally see from French sides."
Co-commentator during the Scotland-France game. (Tom Rosenthal, England).

"I feel as if in buying Derby County we are buying a strong Premier League team."
New Derby owner Alan Appleby shows he has a lot to learn about football. (Ali Sajid, UK).

Cristiano Ronaldo
Ronaldo's unique - sort of

"Juninho's technique is quite similar - I've never seen anything like it."
Jamie Redknapp on Ronaldo's, er, inimitable free-kick against Portsmouth. (Tim, Ireland).

"Chelsea should have Didier Drogba back sooner rather than later, as Senegal are as good as gone at the Africa Cup of Nations."
Andy Harper, Fox Sports Football - that'll be Drogba who plays for the Ivory Coast. (Daniel Dunkinson, Australia).

"I have done everything in my career, but this will be new and different."
Terry Butcher on joining the Scotland set-up. (Bryan, UK).

"He's off the feet with both floor."
Sky Sports commentator describing a Jobi McAnuff volley in the Watford-Wolves game. (Severiano Catindig-Stagg, England).

"The one thing Cristiano Ronaldo has is pace, quick feet and a great eye for goal."
Chris Waddle on Newstalk, Irish football station. (Paul Bishop, Ireland).

"I am reluctant to tell you all I know as I really do not know anything."
Kevin Keegan not being wise after the Wise event, and doing a creditable Sir Humphrey Appleby impersonation to boot. (Bill M, Australia).

"It's a good result for West Ham because it's a very very difficult place to go and play football."
Alan Hansen on MOTD after the Hammers beat Liverpool - at Upton Park! (MC, England).

Harrod's owner Mohammed Al-Fayed and Sarah Michelle Gellar
Oi - get back to Asda!

"I've always said it's no good shopping in Harrod's if you've got Asda money."
Gillingham Manager Mark Stimson, from the Jose Mourinho school of interviews. (Asif Rasheed, England).

"Let's check on how the other league leaders are doing, starting with Watford, who are third."
Sky Sports Soccer Special on Tuesday. (Bishmania, England).

"We hope you kick the winning goal. If you don't, come to Celtic, there's plenty of people here paid a lot of money for kicking the ball over the bar!"
Celtic manager Gordon Strachan wishing Bhoys fan Lawrence Tynes good luck for the Superbowl. (Mike, Michigan, USA).

"If I believed everything I read in the papers in the last week, I would have brought in 365 new players from 14 different continents."
Kevin Keegan hasn't lost his touch for overstatement. (Red Bazzer, England).

"This game is as tight as a tight thing called Tighty McTight."
BBC London's commentator on Everton v Spurs. (Ian, England).

"Prica has scored for Sunderland - his dad is rumoured to be called Pap."
Ian Payne on Sky Sports Soccer Special. (Josh Southall, England).

"Pompey have also inquired about singing Spurs striker Jermain Defoe if Benjani leaves for Manchester City."
Does he only sing when he's winning? From BBC Sport's Gossip column. (Mike Twidale, UK).

Banner at Liverpool
Are you watching Tom 'n' George?

"I don't know if they have a TV."
Rafa Benítez when asked whether Liverpool's poor performance against West Ham would be heavily scrutinised by the American owners. Genius. (Hugo Steckelmacher, Catalunya).

"If anyone's going to get a second goal it looks like Norwich."
John Salako somewhat stating the obvious from St Mary's as Southampton trailed Norwich 1-0. (James Hughes, England).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"Can we play you twice a week?!"
Arsenal fans to Newcastle after Tuesday's 3-0 win at the Emirates, their second over them in four days! (Jim F, England).

"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"
Newcastle fans when Nicklas Bendtner came on for Arsenal, joining Emmanuel Adebayor on the pitch, a week after their on-field tussle. (Reg, England).

"There's only one Kevin Keegan!"
Arsenal fans when they went 3-0 up. (Declan O'Brien, England).

"That was in, that was in, that was in!"
Kilmarnock fans after Airdrie hit the underside of the bar and the goal-line. Appeals for a goal were waved away. (Duncan, Scotland).

"Are you Arsenal in disguise?"
Spurs fans after going 1-0 up against Man Utd. (Luke Nightingale, UK).

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch sign
It's a long story

"Are you Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch' in disguise?!"
Wrexham fans. (Adam, Wales).

"Finland's number two!"
To Antti Niemi by Bolton fans during Bolton v Fulham. (Rob, UK).

"It's Wednesday to-mor-row, it's Wednesday to-mor-row, I think it is, I'm sure it is, it's Wednesday to-mor-row!"
Wolves supporters respond to 'Wednesday till I die' chants from Sheffield Wednesday fans. (James Collier, England).

"You're not even in the squad!"
Wigan fans to Rob Green, in response to West Ham's chants of 'England's number 1'. (Greg Farrimond, Wigan).

STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WEEK

"Ladies and gentlemen, goal for QPR in the 76th minute. I didn't see who scored, sorry, but the BBC Sport website tells me it's Ephraim."
Cardiff announcer after QPR got a late consolation. (Lee Webster, Wales). Happy to help! Ed.

"Substitution for Millwall."
Walsall stadium announcer, announcing a, er, Gillingham substitution at the Walsall-Gills game on Saturday. (Adam Guest, UK).

"Is there a level three referee in the stadium?"
After the linesman fell into a photographers' pit at the Ipswich v Plymouth game. (Stephen Bailey, England).

BANNER OF THE WEEK

"If it's not broke, don't Hicks it!"
At the Liverpool-Villa game. (Ciaran, Ireland).

DJ TUNE OF THE WEEK

"Whoah! We're Going to Barbados."
Played during the Aldershot Town warm up. (Louis Soares and Anthony Straker having both received an international call up to the Caribbean side). (Ben, UK).



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see also
Review of the week
01 Feb 08 |  Fun and Games
Robbo column
04 Feb 08 |  Fun and Games
Holloway column
01 Feb 08 |  Football


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