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Last Updated: Tuesday, 11 September 2007, 09:54 GMT 10:54 UK
Quotes of the Week

Rio Ferdinand
I knew we should have gone for Uncle Ben's

"It was a sense of numbness really - how the hell are we out of this World Cup? It even got to the point where there were weird ideas - maybe if we'd had brown rice rather than white."
Rio Ferdinand reflects on England's 2006 World Cup exit.

"As a player, he was a ranter and a raver. But I think he's taken it back a bit. He's just a ranter now."
Sunderland's Paul McShane on manager Roy Keane, who no longer throws shapes to loud dance music in a smiley-miley t-shirt, apparently.

"Even my sister asked me whether I'd left."
Derby striker Robert Earnshaw on the speculation linking him with a move, a few weeks after signing for the Rams.

"Beckham thought that a celebrity lifestyle, being drawn increasingly into the showbiz world of wife Victoria, was compatible with the regime of a professional footballer. His manager did not."
Sir Bobby Charlton - not a fan of Posh.

"He was never a problem until he got married."
Sir Alex Ferguson concurs.

"In the last two days, people were more congratulating me for the impressions than for the tennis. I was wondering, I am here for the impressions, the entertainment, or to play tennis?"
Novak Djokovic makes a good impression on the fans for his take-offs of fellow players.

"At 4.15 am, my coach and me walked into McDonald's."
David Ferrer gets the munchies after finishing his US Open match with Rafael Nadal at 2am.

"I'm now out there spending someone else's money, which is brilliant! I feel like I've died and gone to heaven!"
Peterborough director of football Barry Fry on the joys of no longer owning the club.

"There's more chance of me flying Concorde to the moon blindfolded than there is of you taking Wales to the World Cup."
What Robbie Savage reportedly told Wales manager John Toshack. At least he's not bitter.

"When I took his wicket I just said a quiet thank you to the man upstairs."
Monty Panesar needed the big man on side to take out the Little Master in the sixth one-dayer.

"Ray Clemence has got more chance of starting a game than me at the moment."
Scott Carson on his chances of playing for England.

Father Christmas
Now where's that ton you promised me?

"Rob Burrow and Danny McGuire bet me 100 I couldn't go eight weeks without shaving - it's the easiest 100 I am ever going to earn."
Leeds Rhinos star Keith Senior does not mind the odd hairy moment.

"I got out of Bolton quick. The weather and English football were not for me. The forwards used to tackle me, a defender. I did not understand."
As Vincent Candela announces his retirement, he reveals why he left Bolton in 2005.

"It was probably good entertainment if you were not on the receiving end."
David Bentley on being booed during his full England debut after pulling out of the European under-21 tournament.

AND SOME FROM YOU

"England aren't the same team as four years ago, they haven't got big Johnsons."
Presenter on Ireland's Newstalk Radio, talking about the Rugby World Cup. (Enda Scahill, Galway).

Chris Waddle: "I would like to see Bentley brought on for the last 20 minutes."
Mike Ingham: "12 minutes left here at Wembley..."
Radio 5live coverage of England v Israel. (Phil, North Shields, UK).

"Not what Northern Ireland wanted. Nigel Worthington had targeted at least four points from this match."
No wonder Northern Ireland struggled in Latvia when set a task like that! (Andy Croft, England).

"Good name for Scrabble."
Mark Lawrenson, commenting on Israel's left back, Yoav Ziv. (Pete Stevens, England).

Argentina players sing national anthem
Scary stuff

"If there's one sight more frightening that the Argentinian front row, it's the Argentinian front row singing."
Welsh language television commentator after the anthems of the opening match in the Rugby World Cup. (Seiriol Hughes, Wales).

"Olly Barkley puts out. And he puts out well!"
ITV Commentator knows nothing about rugby but seems to know Olly Barkley intimately. (Stuart Drennan, Ireland).

"Twiddle the knob around until something new comes up."
Jonathan Agnew when telling listeners how to listen to cricket commentary on digital radio (during the final ODI). (Janiv Patel, UK).

"I dont think it was a high tackle, I just think Dominici was low."
ITV commentator in the France v Argentina game. (Daniel Grey, England).

"God told me to sign for Hull."
Jay-Jay Okocha on why he went to the KC stadium. (Anonymous).

"Antoine Sibierski and Titus Bramble are going back to their old ground, where Sibierski was a cult hero, and Bramble...was not."
Jeff Stelling on Soccer Saturday. (Tom, UK).

"Two unanswered goals from the Galaxy answered by two unanswered goals from New York."
Commentary from America on the LA Galaxy v New York Red Bulls game. (Gregory Bortkiewicz, Brighton).

Raver Tracey from Big Brother
Don't do it, kids

"He's blown his whistle more times than a drunken raver!"
One of the pundits on Final score about the Wigan v Newcastle game. (Dom S, UK).

"Mozart is pulling all the strings tonight."
Alex McLeish in the studio during the Celtic-Spartak match on BBC Scotland. (Jason, Ireland).

"They'll be all right. They'll be safe."
Roy Keane when asked about Man U's prospects for the season. (Jack, Ireland).

"Peter Crouch has such a great touch he could bring down a shot put."
Clive Tyldesley - Liverpool v Toulouse second leg. (Chris, Oldham).

"I don't know what the opposite of divisive is, but I'm the opposite of divisive."
Lawrence Dallaglio responding to Gaby Logan when asked what he thought about criticism aimed at him. (Clair, England).

"How about Zat!"
Match of the Day commentator after Zat Knight scores against Chelsea. (Will B, UK).

"...and now over to the rowing and commentary on the men's cockless fours..."
Gaby Logan on her Saturday morning radio show. (Pete Stevens, UK).

"Sanders came storming down the final straight like a house on fire."
Michael Johnson during the athletics World Championship. (David Armstrong, UK).

Jason Leonard
Who's going to argue with Leonard's Law?

"I think rugby is self-regulating, you don't really need a referee. If someone belts me I'll belt them back, sort of thing."
Rugby legend Jason Leonard on our community radio station. (John Lee, Australia).

"Peter Crouch watches from his seat as The Reds go 1-0 up, something he'll have to get used to this season."
Angus Deayton on TV show Hell's Kitchen as Peter Crouch was a guest in the restaurant. (Patrick Shields, Ireland).

"If you get two points from every game you win it by a street."
Wolves manager Mick McCarthy talking about what you need to win the Championship - he obviously needs to be taught how the points scoring system works. (Conrad Edkins, England).

"I am here to get to get the job done and I'm not making any predictions...I just know that come the end of the fight I will be WBC champion."
Vivian Harris not making any predictions ahead of his fight against Junior Witter. Which he lost - Ed. (Julian, UK).

"For those not too familiar with Luke Wright he looks like the kind of bloke you'd be eyeing carefully if you let your missus out of sight during a night out."
Pranav Soneji on BBC Sport website's cricket commentary. (Dylan Knight, Sheffield).

"Nice start from the leggie, who looks like the model student, the kind of bloke you would ask if you could borrow his notes because your hangover ensured you would have no chance in hell of making your 9am lecture."
A great comment on the England-India 6th ODI from the BBC commentator. (Tom Waring, England).

"He bowled two overs, two maidens, and he's also not gone for any runs."
Charles Colville, struggling to understand a maiden while commentating on Kent v Surrey. (Alex Davis, England).

"What we have to do now is tinkle with the little bits."
Scott Murray, Scotland lock, talking about improving after the defeat to South Africa. (Gareth Godfrey, UK).

Dimitri Mascarenhas
The joy of six

"Danger-anus Mascarenhas!"
David 'Bumble' Lloyd after Mascarenhas hit the fourth of his five sixes against India. (Ryan, Australia).

"It's a nice leg. A little too hairy for my taste, but it's a nice leg."
Commentator Taylor Dent admiring Fabrice Santoro's legs while the trainer was massaging them. (Hesham Mourad, Egypt).

"This is a game Serena could either win or lose depending on how she plays." US Open commentator before Serena Williams v Justine Henin. (Ashley, USA).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"Oh you can freeze 500 million, and you can freeze 500 more, Cos Thaksin's got another billion underneath his bedroom floor, SHIN-A-WATRA SHIN-A-WATRA!"
Chant of the season so far, from Man City fans to the tune of The Proclaimers' "500 miles". Genius. (Denis, Germany).

"Where's your caravan?"
Port Vale fans to long-haired ex-player Danny Sonner at Walsall. (Griff, England).

Three more points to go then we get to zero (to the tune of '10 Men Went To Mow').
Leeds fans on getting to minus three points. (Graeme Garvey, England).

"Zero! Zero! Zero!"
Leeds fans after their two-goal win over Hartlepool took them back to zero points! (Sam Johnston, UK).

Elton John
God save the queen

''Elton, Elton he is the queen of Vicarage Road!''
The Watford faithful take a break from hailing Marlon as the King of Vicarage Road and acknowledge Elton John in the crowd. (David Smith, England).

"We've only got 10 men."
Wigan fans at St James's Park.
"You've only got 10 fans!"
Newcastle fans' response. (Glen, UK).

The Premier League is upside down, The Premier League is upside down, We're in the Champions League with Derby, and Liverpool are going down."
Sung by Reading fans after successive 3-0 defeats. (James Bucknall, Republic of Berkshire).

"Pardew, is a Palace fan."
After Charlton manager Alan Pardew responded to home chants of "Pardew give us a wave" at the South London derby. (Tom Ball, UK).

"Batman is a Kopite."
Liverpool fans in the Kop as two bats circled and darted in and out of the stand during the Toulouse game. (Greg, England).

"They tried to make me sign for Celtic, but I said No, No, No!"
Sung by Rangers fans on Saturday v Gretna about new signing Steven Naismith, to the tune of Amy Winehouse's Rehab. (Boyd Pearson, Scotland).

STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENTS OF THE WEEK

"Mr John Smith your wife is waiting under the scoreboard, it's your turn to feed the baby."
During Leicester Tigers match. (Dennis Blackburn, England).

"Smoking is banned in the stadium but if you are desperate ask a steward for a nicotine patch."
Bristol Rovers stadium announcer before the home game against Crewe. (Ed Blackwell, UK).



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SEE ALSO
Holloway column
07 Sep 07 |  Football
Review of the week
07 Sep 07 |  Fun and Games


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