The saviour of American football...er, soccer
"After the family the most important thing is the foot... is the soccer."
Old habits die hard for LA Galaxy new boy David Beckham.
"He's got two legs and two arms just like everybody else."
LA Galaxy supremo Alexei Lalas makes some startling observations about Beckham.
"It's meant to be low key."
An LA Galaxy spokesman on the arrival of arguably the most famous footballer in the world.
"He is clearly showing up, not as an athlete but as a celebrity... folks are viewing him not as a leader of men but as the husband of Posh. Beckham's appeal is as a tourist attraction, the latest Disneyland ride."
LA Times columnist Bill Plaschke sticks the boot in.
"Most people were too drunk to notice me."
Bradley Wiggins on his experiences of late-night practice runs for the London leg of the Tour de France.
"It is nice to be recognised for actually achieving something in life as opposed to spending seven weeks in a house on TV with a load of other muppets."
Wiggins has a pop at Big Brother after finishing fourth in the Tour de France prologue.
"When I had to sing for my initiation into the group I did my Crazy Frog dance, which went down really well."
Chelsea new boy Florent Malouda passes his first test.
"I wasn't worried when I saw Deano go down because I think he milked it a bit!"
West Ham manager Alan Curbishley is unconcerned after seeing striker Dean Ashton chopped down during his comeback game against Dagenham.
Brosnan left Henin shaken and stirred
"I saw Pierce Brosnan in the crowd and he's one of my favourite actors so I just tried to play a little better."
Marion Bartoli reveals the success behind her shock victory over top seed Justine Henin at Wimbledon.
"The fans, everyone, needs to just chill out and relax and let me do the job."
Sunderland manager Roy Keane - always the epitome of calm in his playing career - asks for fans to be patient as he plans his summer signings.
"99% of the letters and e-mails are supporting us and that's not bad. That's as good as Saddam Hussein did and he was fiddling the figures."
Ken Bates after winning his battle to retain control at Leeds.
"I put the tape in and we all found ourselves watching He-Man Masters of the Universe."
Former world snooker champion Joe Johnson finally decides to watch a re-run of his 1986 triumph on video and finds his kids have taped over it.
"The facility is just a hard floor, carpet, cameras all over and mirrors. A bit kinky really when you say it like that - I didn't get a very good roll on the silk sheets!"
Golfer Lee Westwood recounts his interesting trip to a putting
laboratory in a bid to sort out some problems on the green.
"I have a young family, and I also have a farm to manage." Julian White gives his reasons for not being available for England's Rugby World Cup defence.
AND SOME FROM YOU
You say it best when you say nothing at all
"Manchester United's spending is something that we don't control, we don't want to control - we don't comment, we don't want to comment. But when we spent some millions, everybody pointed at us as the team with more responsibility to win."
Jose Mourinho "not commenting" in his own traditional style. (Paul Gorrie, France).
"The umbrellas are going up and the kagouls are going on. But there are no scotch eggs coming out, so we definitely know that we are still at a race and not at a rally."
Martin Haven from Eurosport commentating on the French GP2 race. (Kayleigh, Brighton).
"I'd love someone to take me out in one, one day".
David Beckham on his desire to be driven round in an F1 car. Who's going to tell him they're single-seaters? (Mark Evans, England).
"I've been a bit of a useless tosser up to now."
Paul Collingwood commenting on Radio Five Live after winning the toss against the West Indies in the one-day series. (Chris Huff, Bologna, Italy).
"They say money talks. This is obviously untrue, because if money were capable of speech we'd hear it shrieking 'How much? You must be joking'."
Des Kelly writing in the Daily Mail about the absurdity of Darren Bent's recent £16.5m move to Spurs. (Wayne, Grenada).
"The Maze Prison and the great stadium debate is one of the first political footballs the new devolved administration in Northern Ireland will have to deal with - and it has just bounced right into the DUP's court."
Gareth Gordon, BBC Northern Ireland's political correspondent, gets his sporting analogies in a twist. (Andrew Raeburn,
Mike is no muppet
"Mike is not just a 'yes' man. He is not just a Muppet that nods his head every day. He will have an opinion and I like that."
Leicester manager Martin Allen on Mike Stowell's appointment as goalkeeping coach. So, not just a yes man but also an opinionated muppet who nods his head every day!
(Paul Haynes, UK/Spain).
"He needs more balls under his belt."
Chris Gayle commenting on the need to have Chanderpaul in the one-day team. (Roger Henderson, Trinidad).
"People keep asking me, how is this possible? Who knows? Maybe it's the radiation left after the Nato bombings."
Janko Tipsarevic tries to explain the success of Serbian players at this year's Wimbledon. (Dragan Savic, UK).
"Looks like even the coach driver's going to get one."
TV commentator on the number of people getting medals at the Copa America final. (Junaid, UK)
"In the last four holes, Mickelson hit bogey, birdie, birdie, birdie, bogey."
BBC Five Live Golf summariser ahead of the play-off at the Scottish Open.
(Brendan Tinsley, UK).
"He did his cycling with his legs today."
Cycling commentator Phil Leggat about Tour de France leader Michael Rasmussen. (Ian B, UK).
"He is like the ideal father-in-law. He told me that I would be challenging with six other players for four positions."
Ryan Babel commenting on Rafa Benitez. Is the Liverpool manager lining up potential husbands for his four daughters?! (Nick Green, England).
Two Jags and Two Bats
"I'm surprised Monty's got two bats!"
Ian Botham after Monty Panesar called to the dressing room for a new bat during the last England v West Indies ODI.
(Jo Hill, England).
"Despite the global warming, England is still not warm enough for him."
Arsene Wenger on the reasons it is likely Jose Reyes will leave Arsenal for sunny Spain.
(Alessandro Amasanti, England).
"It's better to win than to lose."
Sven-Goran Eriksson announces his return by stating the obvious after Man City's friendly win at Doncaster. (Walid, London).
"I could run for 45 seconds all day long."
Iwan Thomas describing the differences between football and athletics after taking part in a fund-raising match at Dean Court, Bournemouth. (Paddy, England).
"He is not going to be running around like a lunatic, but he never did that at the height of his career. With players like that, their feet never leave them."
Scott Hiley talking about Matt Le Tissier before he plays in his testimonial. So which players' feet do leave them? (Barry Arnold, UK).
"We're confident in ourselves that we can get a good run together and get the wins that we need and hopefully qualify for the World Cup."
Ashley Cole speaking to ESPN Press Pass in LA. Which competition are England trying to qualify for at the moment? (Will Shaw, Canada).
More great length from Cabrera
"We got a taste of Cabrera's length at the US Open."
The Swing Doctor at the Scottish Open.
(Billy Onions, UK).
"He is on for a podium finish or maybe even better."
James Allen (ITV) talking about Lewis Hamilton's race chances. (Brian Chambers, England).
"Rossi's bike looks like it was painted by a chimpanzee."
MotoGP Commentators on the awful colouring of Valentino Rossi's bike. (R Williams,
CHANT OF THE WEEK
"You must have come in a dinghy"
Warwickshire fans to Worcestershire rivals at Twenty20 cup game, following the recent flooding. (Tom, England).