Who you calling Snoogy?
"If Rafa said he wanted to buy 'Snoogy Doogy', we would back him."
Liverpool owner George Gillett tries to get down with the kids by name-checking a rap star. Oops.
"It is very easy to say it is not a suitable stadium, coming from the man that invented the poll tax."
Uefa communications director William Gaillard gives the perfect put-down to former Tory leader and Liverpool fan Michael Howard, following his criticism of Athens' Olympic stadium.
"As long as I'm not taking a penalty we will be OK. But if it's like two years ago I will need a doctor."
Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez ahead of the Champions League final - where Pippo Inzaghi's double ensured the medics were not required.
"The Premiership is going to be tougher than ever next season and if you stand still you end up going backwards.''
Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp not quite grasping the laws of physics.
"I know he's talking about a probable move to Liverpool. He would be a barbarian!"
Liverpool midfielder Javier Mascherano on the prospect of being reunited with fellow-Argentine Carlos Tevez.
"Are you going to start calling me Jose? Excellent."
England captain Michael Vaughan responds to critics who dubbed him 'The Special One' after what they perceived as preferential treatment to rush him back from injury for the second Test. He quickly shut them up with a century.
"Managing a football club is like gardening. At Brentford I took a chainsaw to it. I don't know what I will be doing at Leicester yet."
New Foxes boss Martin 'Mad Dog' Allen gets ready to do some spadework at the Walker's Stadium.
He's the king of the bling
"I'm blinged out. I got bling on my helmet, how cool is that?"
Formula 1 ace Lewis Hamilton on the diamond-studded helmet he wore for the Monaco Grand Prix.
"Imagine being in a car that is spinning for 45 minutes. Or imagine a hamster spinning on its wheel. Except I'm not the hamster, I'm the wheel.''
French golfer Thomas Levet describes the crippling effects of severe vertigo, which almost forced him out of the game.
"Every team we come up against now will be armed with baseball bats to try and stop him."
Wigan assistant coach assistant Phil Veivers on how the opposition might stop big Kiwi prop forward Iafeta Paleaaesina.
"We live in an era where everyone has a mobile and you have to understand that. If you're having a s*** these days, you have to take your mobile with you. If you hear a text message arriving every time you're paying a shot, though, you kind of think it might be one of your opponent's pals in the crowd!"
Snooker star Ronnie O'Sullivan on the curse of the mobile phone, in an excerpt from an interview in this week's Nuts magazine.
"I've got stats coming from everywhere, like this was the coldest day for cricket ever. Next it will be about whether Ryan Sidebottom's hair was the longest of any Test cricketer!"
England captain Michael Vaughan after the crushing defeat of the West Indies.
"My dad used to be a good golfer."
What Paul Broadhurst's son said to a shopper in a supermarket, inspiring his dad's return to form.
AND SOME FROM YOU
You flat *******
"Barney's as flat as a Dutch mountain range."
Sid Waddell during the Sky Sports commentary on the Premier League Darts semi between Raymond van Barneveld and Terry Jenkins. (Stuart, Keele, England).
"When we have four or five players out it's very difficult to get any continuity at this stage in our development. If I pull the blanket over my head my feet get cold, and if I push it over my feet my head gets cold."
The poetic Wales manager John Toshack on his injury-crisis. (Bill (pom), Oz)
"Surprises can come, and they come when you least expect them."
Commentator John Gwynne at the start of the Premier League Darts semi-final between Phil Taylor and Dennis Priestley. (Russell Willis, UK).
"If my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle."
Martin Allen in response to being asked wether he would have gone to Leicester if MK Dons had reached the play-off final. (Anon).
"This is already turning into a historic victory for Wales."
Sky rugby union commentator after Wales went 17-0 up against Australia in the first 20 minutes or so. They lost the game. (Dave, UK).
"England gave possession away, and you could literally just see the air and the energy filter away to nothing."
Matt Dawson commentating in the South Africa-England match. (AJ Price, Japan).
"He makes the simple look so easy."
Ray Wilkins commenting on Kaka.
(Will Potter, England).
"Prior is beaten outside off stump, and Collymore gives him a lingering look. Not that sort of lingering look, obviously."
Tom Fordyce, BBC website live cricket coverage.
(Mike Cave, London).
No, not Roobarb
"The pitch is slow, the ball sits up, and you could hit it with a stick of rhubarb...and that's what Alistair Cook's just done."
Geoffrey Boycott reveals the secret of Cook's success in the first test. (Derek Grange,
"Apparently Hoggard's injury is a 'strained adductor muscle', news which prompts Messrs Botham, Gower and Holding to all stroke their inner thighs on Sky as an indication as to where the injury is. You don't need to see that on a Saturday afternoon I must say, especially with Gower boasting that landed-gentry-style smirk as he gazes adoringly at Beefy. This isn't late night Bravo fellas, calm it down."
One of Sam Lyon's comments on the cricket live commentary in the third day's play at the first Test at Lord's! (Graham, UK).
"Liverpool are going to win the Champions League final - I am absolutely 100% confident of that."
Alan Hansen in his BBC Sport Column. (Mark Wells,
"The Premiership is a lot different to the Championship, and I think I made the transaction quite well."
Rob Kozluk on his season in the Premiership with Sheffield United (quoted on the SUFC website). Perhaps football really is all about money! (Benjamin Clarkson,
"And Inzaghi can't bring that one down, not even with his wand."
Clive Tyldesley, Champions League final. (Adam Pattison, England).
"Now let's talk to a loser - Steven Gerrard, is with Geoff Shreeves."
Martin Tyler on Sky Sports' coverage of the Champions League final - HARSH! (Sean Scurr,
"Its really tipping it down here in Scotland's capital."
ITV2 commentator In Uefa Cup final held at Hampden Park, Glasgow - Edinburgh being Scotland's capital. (Murray Brand, Edinburgh).
Better luck next time
"This time last year I was heading for Paris to see Arsenal take on Barcelona - the most excited I had been since I somehow managed to secure a date with the best-looking girl at college. Sadly, Arsenal lost and all those years ago, the date went badly, too, when a bigger, cooler bloke whisked her away. I'd forgotten about that until I heard the Arctic Monkeys song Bigger Boys and Stolen Sweethearts - 'They've got engaged, no intention of a wedding, he's pinched your bird, and he'd probably kick your head in'. Sums it up well."
Ian Hughes comparing football and love in the Champions League build-up on the BBC website. (Johnny, England).
"Your Grandmother was quite good at cricket wasn't she, Geoffrey?"
Henry Blofeld on TMS after Boycott had said something about his grandma being able to play the shot better than that. (Stuart, England).
"What is he gonna do, rub it better?"
Tony Cozier on TMS when the physio came on to inspect Chris Gayle's injury to his crown jewels. (Maroof, UK).
"Blowers and Colin Croft are on about panties and knickers in the TMS commentary box. Someone's sent some undercrackers in with 'Spank Me' emblazoned on the back. Back in the day they'd get a nice Victoria sponge. And some people accuse me of dumbing down...."
Ben Dirs live commentary on England v West Indies. (Wayne, Grenada).
CHANTS OF THE WEEK
"BBC, BBC, BBC!"
A lone Forest fan to the Sky cameraman in front of the Trent End v Yeovil in the League One play-off semi, second leg.. (Nial, Shepshed).
"We want six!"
Yeovil Town fans were asking for a little too much against Nottingham Forest. (Joanna W,
BANNER OF THE WEEK
"Mum, I'm gay."
Liverpool fan at the Champions League final.
T-SHIRT OF THE WEEK
Been, there. done that, got the t-shirt
"I belong to Jesus."
Kaka Implicated in Tevez-style third party ownership controversy. (Alan Barnewell, Ireland).