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Last Updated: Wednesday, 9 May 2007, 10:24 GMT 11:24 UK
Quotes of the Week
Steven Gerrard
Gerrard wasn't that bothered about beating Chelsea

"Two finals in three years - not bad for a little club.''
Liverpool skipper Steven Gerrard twists the knife after his side, branded a "little club" by Jose Mourinho, reach the Champions League final at Chelsea's expense.

"I guess when you've invested 500m it's a fantastic season to win the League Cup."
Liverpool chief executive Rick Parry sticks the boot in.

"We do not need to give away flags for our fans to wave - our supporters are always there with their hearts and that is all we need.''
Liverpool boss Rafael Benitez has a dig at Chelsea ahead of the game.

"I am not interested in what he says so don't tell me what Rafa has been saying.''
But Mourinho's not listening.

"We were the best team today, even against a team only playing for the Champions League."
Mourinho can't resist one last pop at Liverpool.

"If you've had three years at Chelsea and spent that kind of money and not got to the Champions League final, you might be in trouble from the owner!"
But Jamie Carragher has the final say.

Floyd Mayweather
He changes his mind like the weather

"Right now Floyd Mayweather is officially retired. If the fans demand a rematch what can I say, I don't know what the future holds."
Floyd Mayweather calls it a day after beating Oscar de la Hoya...unless someone comes up with a huge wedge of cash to force him into a rethink.

"In some countries, they help teams to prepare for European games.''
Sir Alex Ferguson can't understand why the Premier League didn't help Manchester United into the Champions League final.

"The 1982 team's position in history is well and truly entrenched and I'm sure they will say it will take this team four million light years to get near them."
Aston Villa boss Martin O'Neill could run out of time if he wants to put the current side along the 1982 European Cup winners.

"Their first one... for the life of me I do not know what that was for. Wayne Thomas must have sneezed on him.''
Burnley boss Steve Cotterill bemoans the performance of referee Trevor Kettle, who gave three penalties in Sunderland's 3-2 win at the Stadium of Light.

"If it was Sheffield United, Watford or Wigan I think there would have been points deducted and I think everyone knows that.''
Neil Warnock on West Ham's 5.5m fine for fielding Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano.

"I'm just glad I don't have to pay it.''
Alan Curbishley on West Ham's record fine.

Paul Whitehouse as Rowley Birkin in the Fast Show
And all the players got very, very drunk

"The booze ban that I've had on the players is now officially lifted!''
Manager Simon Davey after Barnsley's Coca-Cola Championship survival is confirmed.

"He looks aggressive but he's as scary as a kitten."
Comment in Steven Gerrard's autobiography about AC Milan's Genarro Gattuso after the 2005 Champions League final. Could be interesting when the two meet up again on 23 May.

AND SOME FROM YOU

"And here is Boupa Diop, his wife had a baby yesterday and he's given it away...the ball that is."
Setanta Sports commentator during the Fulham-Liverpool game. (Marcus Chew, Ireland).

"Drogba, the strength of a Bull, but the pain threshold of a lamb."
ITV commentator Clive Tyldesley during the Champions League semi-final when the Chelsea forward was rolling about on the floor injured, for the seventh or eighth time. (Ian Nenna, UK).

"Normally when we do changes for the last part of the game, other people are tired but he has just finished his warm-up!"
Mourinho on Michael Essien's amazing energy! (Adil, Leytonstone).

Kaka with wife Caroline Celico
Dirsy's on the money again

"Anyone seen Kaka's wife? Funnily enough, she's a complete sort. She's the sort of woman who, if she looked you in the eye in a bar and asked you where the fag machine was, you'd start giggling and snort."
Ben Dirs commentary on AC Milan-Man Utd for BBC website. (Tom Merritt, England).

"He is like a kid with a packet of sweets and can't get the wrappers off!"
Terry Griffiths commentating about Mark Selby trying to get into the game against Sean Murphy. (Scouse Mick, Liverpool).

"Mark Selby is not only the World Pool Champion, he's also one of the best pool players in the country."
Willie Thorne during the World Snooker final - stating the obvious as only he can. (Laurence Shaw, England).

Michael Owen: "I've worked my nuts off to get here."
Sky Sports interviewer: "How are you feeling now?"
Owen: "My groin is a bit sore."
No wonder really! (Stephen Adey, Cornwall).

"If I caught him in bed with my wife, I'd probably tuck him in."
Mike Stephenson on the size of Warrington Wolves prop forward Paul Rauhihi. (Rob Gregson, England).

"I just can't take my eyes off Pascal Chimbonda's leggings."
Radio Five Live summariser Dean Kiely being distracted by Chimbonda's increasingly questionable attire. (Sukhpreet Aujla, United Kingdom).

David Jason as Del Boy Trotter
He who dares, Jose - he who dares...

"Mourinho is the funniest thing to come out of London since Del Boy and Rodney."
Liverpool's centre-half Jamie Carragher in the Echo prior to the Champions League win over Chelsea. (Bill, Sydney, Oz).

"Birmingham will be promoted today if Derby lose tomorrow."
Over-excited local radio commentator during Birmingham's 'promotion-clinching' victory over Sheffield Wednesday. (James, Birmingham).

"I dont know why he's called me an elephant seal... except for my changing room party trick where I shuffle along on my stomach and catch fish from the other players!"
Trevor Benjamin responding with a touch of sarcasm when asked on local news about Walsall manager Richard Money's comparison of him to an elephant seal. (Craig 'Snozzleberry' Stevens, Walsall).

"This will be worrying for John Higgins, and his supporters - and for him."
Worrying times for John Higgins and for John Higgins, as described by John Virgo in the second session of the World Championship final against Mark Selby. (Ryan Reid, England).

"Call me old fashioned, but I like that."
British Eurosport commentator during World Superbikes trophy presentation, when the skirt worn by the flower girl rode up on the breeze. (Gary, England).

Alan Hansen: "Classic Berger."
Mark Lawrenson: "Coming soon to a BBQ near you."
Food fun with the BBC double act. (Tom and Clay, England).

"It's like deja vu all over again."
Baseball comentator on NASN - when a pitcher was striking out a side for the second inning in a row. (Ian Sargent, UK).

Take That
Take That - massive Luis Garcia fans

"Luis Garcia, Liverpool hero the last time these two met in the Champions League semi-finals, is sitting near the press box watching a DVD of Take That live in Manchester."
BBC's Phil McNulty talking about the semi-final of the Champions League. (Sean, England).

"The only thing bigger than his leg drive is the word score you get from his name in scrabble."
Terry O'Connor commenting on Wigan prop forward Iafeta Paleaaesina. (Dave Williams, England).

"We didn't win our individual battles collectively."
Falkirk manager John Hughes on Radio Scotland after defeat to St Mirren. (Alistair Kerr, Scotland).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"Taxi for Roeder!"
Newcastle fans to Glenn Roeder after they lost 2-0 at home to Blackburn. Roeder's taxi out of Toon duly arrived the following day. (Davy, Newcastle).

"You're supposed to be at home!"
Warrington Wolves fans to Salford at the Reds' 'home' fixture at the Millennium Stadium as part of 'Millennium Magic'. (Claire H, England).

"Stick the rugby, stick the rugby, stick the rugby up your a***."
West Ham fans at Wigan v West Ham. When the same chant was continued by the home fans, the Hammers seemed bemused! (Robert, Wigan).

"Who's the midget in the suit?"
West Ham fans to Sammy Lee during the 3-1 defeat of Bolton at Upton Park. (WHUFC 4 LIFE, London).

New Bolton manager Sammy Lee
Who're you calling short?

"We're going up with the Swindon!"
Walsall fans at Swindon when both teams were promoted. (David Hickman, England).

"Were going down with the Hammers!"
Sung by Wigan fans during the awful performance against West Ham. (Martin Gaskell, England).

''Scunthorpe, Scunthorpe here we come!''
Spirited Charlton fans after going 4-1 down at Blackburn. (Henry Baker, London).

"Hes got a dead fox on his head!"
Sheffield Wednesday's chant to a Birmingham steward who had a ginger ponytail. (James , England).

"Steve Dobbie, Dobbie, we don't care if your overweight, your finishing's ****ing great, Steve Dobbie, Dobbie."
Queen of the South fans to fans' favourite Stephen Dobbie. (Luke Leslie, Scotland).

"We survived an Earthquake!"
Folkestone Invicta fans To the tune of "I Predict A Riot" by the Kaiser Chiefs following the recent earthquake in Folkestone. (Folkestone Invicta fan, UK).

Leyton Orient v Forest:
Leyton fans: "You're not famous anymore!"
Forest comeback: "You're not famous anyway!"
(Chris Frost, UK).

HEADLINE OF THE WEEK

"Acropolis Now"
The Sun marks Liverpool's feat of reaching the Champions League final in Athens at the expense of Chelsea.

BANNER OF THE WEEK

Liverpool banner
Does what it says on the flag

"For those of you watching in blue and white: this is what the European Cup looks like."
On a banner with the picture of the Champions League trophy at Liverpool v Chelsea. (Browny, England).



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SEE ALSO
Reds chief mocks beaten Chelsea
02 May 07 |  Liverpool
Mourinho the deluded one
02 May 07 |  Europe
Holloway column
04 May 07 |  Fun and Games


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