Oi! Put your pants on!
"When you're dealing with someone who only has a pair of underpants on, if you take his underpants off, he has nothing left - he's naked. You're better off trying to find him a pair of trousers to complement him rather than change him."
Arsene Wenger explains his football philosophy - something about not stifling creativity and taking away a player's flair. We think.
"If I give you a good wine, you will see how it tastes and after you ask
where it comes from."
Wenger (he's on a roll now) defends his recruitment policy at Arsenal.
"I do not think about the national team too much because footballistically it is not of too much interest."
And he's even making words up.
"It really p****d me off that a team-mate should poke his nose in and say I need to think more about the team - especially when it's him who needs to think more about the group! We have the guy considered the best in the world but Samuel Eto'o is also the best in the world. I know he's slagging me off but he should have the b******s to say things to my face instead of stabbing me in the back."
Barcelona striker Samuel Eto'o after Frank Rijkaard claimed he refused to come on as a sub against Racing Santander and was backed by Ronaldinho.
"People think that there is a time bomb in the dressing room, but that isn't true. Rijkaard has got the team under control. Samuel Eto'o has a good relationship with the rest of the group and the atmosphere is good"
Tonight, Matthew, Barcelona captain Carles Puyol is Comical Ali.
"The players said afterwards they were better at penalties than me!"
Middlesbrough boss and Euro 96 penalty fluffer Gareth Southgate after watching his side defeat Bristol City on spot kicks in their FA Cup replay.
Hands up if you like badgers
"I'm like a badger at the start of the pairing-up season."
Plymouth manager Ian Holloway on reaching the FA Cup quarter-finals.
"He's obviously had a mid-season break or the sun bed has been working well. He looked lovely and brown and he is a handsome man."
Ipswich boss Jim Magilton on referee Steve Bennett, whose decisions, Town fans felt, cost their side a place in the FA Cup quarter-finals.
"I get shouted at by the wife all the time for having an untidy bedroom."
Freddie Flintoff reveals his bad habits to the 11-year-old schoolboy who answered questions about the England all-rounder on Junior Mastermind.
"It's just disappointing and it disappoints you."
Dennis Wise on the Leeds United 'snitch' who allegedly passed on team news to opponents Crystal Palace.
Guy Mowbray: "Big Sam and Little Sam are trying to get Bolton back into this."
Mark Lawrenson: "Big Sam, Little Sam? Sounds like a Cbeebies programme!"
BBC commentators talking about Bolton management team Sam Allardyce and Sammy Lee.
"Dear oh dear - that's on the M61!"
Lawro after Gilberto Silva's comedy penalty miss for Arsenal against Bolton in the FA Cup replay.
"He made a few runs in Brisbane and a double century in Adelaide, but I reckon my son could have batted on the first two days there and he is only seven."
Shane Warne heaps praise on Paul Collingwood.
"I try and be good in many different areas, a strong advocate in many areas. But two minutes after people see this interview I'll just be that big gay guy."
Former England international John Amaechi becomes the first former NBA player to publicly declare his homosexuality, during a TV interview.
Who's that with Thierry Henry?
"It was a major honour to come here and meet the Queen and have a look around. When I get home I'm going to say to my little girl that I've been to Buckingham Palace."
Arsenal captain Thierry Henry on his date with Her Maj.
"Me and Johnno lay in the bath and we could hardly get out!"
Leicester's Geoff Horsfield after he and fellow-striker Andy Johnson got the goals that sank Coventry - despite having a combined age of 65.
"Sometimes you want to crack open the champagne and sometimes you want to kick the dog."
Macclesfield boss Paul Ince after the 2-1 win over Peterborough spared Rover for another week.
"I can't wait to meet Roy Keane...I've got a few of his qualities but I would never claim to be half as hard as he is!"
Sunderland fan Paul Collingwood looks forward to meeting his hero.
"What was incredible was going into the Chelsea dressing room to have a chat and swap shirts. It's bigger than my house!"
Norwich midfielder Dickson Etuhu after the 4-0 FA Cup defeat by Chelsea.
AND SOME FROM YOU
"Now that Nos has switched to centreback, he's got much less time on the ball, which is best for all concerned."
A rare moment of comedy from Sunderland boss, Roy Keane, talking about Nyron Nosworthy. (Keith Irving, UK).
It wasn't me this time, ref
"Neil Warnock chopped down Aliadiere in the penalty box and from the replay it looked a clear foul."
Arsenal website has the Sheffield United boss moonlighting for Blackburn. (Uwais Patel,
"Arsenal's first touch and movement is amazing. I hope the people listening are watching this."
Chris Waddle commentating on Bolton v Arsenal in the FA Cup on Five Live. (Chris Alexander, England).
"John Barnes is literally in the eye of the storm at the Bay Arena."
Colin Murray at half-time during Blackburn's Uefa cup tie at Bayer Leverkusen. (Paul Sims, UK).
"Steve Coppell is not no mug."
Ian Wright in the pre-match build-up to Man U v Reading. (A Usher, UK).
"This will be out caught if they catch it."
Cricket commentator Tony Greig, whenever a man is under a high catch. (Steve, Newport).
"There won't be any alcohol for the players in Spain. Maybe a glass of wine for the manager so he can chill out."
Alan Pardew's relaxed view on Charlton's intensive five-day training camp in Spain.
(Tommy Blanche, UK).
"Kitson's pass was that good Sidwell didn't even have to move for it, he just ran straight to it."
Lee Dixon on MOTD2 commenting on Steve Sidwell's one-two with Dave Kitson. Didn't move or had to run? Make your mind up, Lee! (Luke Dearing, England).
2057 - and Bentley's STILL in the under-21s
"I don't want to be playing in the Under 21s forever."
Quote from David Bentley in interview before FA Cup match vs Arsenal on BBC1. Er, does David understand the ageing process? (Jezza, UK).
"The full backs are very offensive."
Glenn Roeder describing his rude team before the Uefa Cup match against Zulte-Waregem. (Iain Macleod, UK).
CHANTS OF THE WEEK
"Chim-chimminy, chim chimminy chim chim cheroo, who needs Steve Gerrard when we've got Marc Pugh?"
Sung at Bury games most weeks!
"We've been singing more then you!"
Gillingham fans reply to Northampton's "You're not singing any more" taunt. (Steven, England).
"Clayton Blackmore......famous once more!"
Chants for former United player, now plying his trade for Porthmadog in the Welsh League. (Chris Rogers, Wales).
"Supercasino? You're having a laugh!"
Norwich fans to Blackpool counterparts in the FA Cup replay. (William Kemp, United Kingdom).
"Here we go, here we go, here we go,
Youssef's better than Junin-ee-oh
Here we go-oh,
Morrocan All Over The World."
This is how the Norwich 'Status Quo' chant about Youssef Safri mentioned last week actually goes. (Harry, UK).
You can't beat a bit of Quo
"Its just like watching The Bill!"
Middlesbrough v Bristol City when the police came up to speak to the crowd about persistent standing! (Chris Russell,
"Oh Michael Ricketts - he used to be a porker but he's all right now."
A song PNE sung to Michael Ricketts this week. (Paul, UK).
"We're not rubbish anymore"
The Barmy Army after England beat Australia in the CB Series at the SCG. (Neil, UK).
"We've got tiny Cox, we've got tiny Cox..."
Brighton fans after 5ft 4ins Dean Cox scored against Leyton Orient at Brisbane Road. (Rupert Hodges, UK).
"You're just a crap English Pub team."
Hibs fans to Gretna supporters after knocking them out of cup competitions for the second time this season. (Hibeebounce, Scotland).
'We'll beat you back to London."
Charlton fans to Man Utd fans towards the end of the game at Old Trafford. (Chris Goode, UK).
"That's why you're going down."
Derby County fans after a Hull player nearly hit the top of the stand with a 'shot'.
"That's why we're staying up!"
Hull fans after they equalised in the 88th minute. (David, UK).