Quotes of the Week

Just say what you think, Paul

"Those decisions cost us three points and possibly £50m. Dowd by name, Dowd by nature....the only thing consistent about these fellas is their inconsistency.

We had Phil Dowd at Arsenal last year and we were denied three stonewall penalties so maybe he has it in his Premier League contract that he doesn't give away penalties against Arsenal."
Referee Phil Dowd won't be getting a Valentine's card from Wigan's Paul Jewell.

"No doubt I'll get a letter from the FA, asking me to explain my comments. Maybe I'll show them a video of the game and say, 'There are my comments, you tell me about it'."
Jewell continues to be calm and collected about the whole situation.

"I don't know if Alex McLeish knows whether I'm Scottish or not. Maybe I'll have to put 'Mac' in front of my surname."
Colchester striker Chris Iwelumo comes up with a novel idea to win international recognition.

"You cheat and cheat until you get caught out and then you cheat some more, you've really got to play on that edge."
Wales forward Brent Cockbain on rugby...the gentlemen's game.

"We had three wins in a row - so there were three of us rowing. I was at the front, with Monty behind me, and then Liam Plunkett."
England wicket-keeper Paul Nixon reveals the dressing room celebrations after England beat Australia in the first CB series final. What's the betting a fourth man was added after Sunday's triumph?

"Coming into this interview I was a bit unsure whether to play it down and be sensible. But then I thought no, sod it."
Watford manager Adrian Boothroyd on Match of the Day after the crucial 1-0 win at West Ham.

Watford's training session in full swing

"We've had the snow this week so we've done very little training. We've built an igloo, and had a snowball fight so we might have to put the balls away in future and take the players to a snowdome instead."
Boothroyd reveals his revolutionary training methods.

"I've built a large Danny Shittu-sized snowman."
And he's obviously pretty pleased with his own efforts.

"He was complaining I elbowed him in the head. So I said: 'Look at where your head is, I can't help it if you're so short you only come up to my elbow'. He smiled and said 'You've got a point there'."
Newcastle's new man-mountain defender Oguchi Onyewu puts pint-sized Craig Bellamy in his place.

"We need to score from midfield. I told the players Frank Lampard has got 17 but they said 'perhaps that's why he's on 150-odd grand a week'."
Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp.

"I saw the Barton tackle on TV and I was upset but I was also upset with Andy Cole's yellow card for not walking to the referee quick enough. If those incidents are worth the same punishment, I'm a Dutchman."
Van Redknapp again.

"Every point becomes a prisoner at this stage of the season. We're building a strong squad in a hurry. Half my players are struggling to find hotels, houses, schools for their kids - or even the names of their team-mates!"
Derby manager Billy Davies on his team of strangers. Hang on a minute...prisoner?

Posh 1 England 0

"I watched a bit of the England game then turned over and watched a Victoria Beckham documentary instead."
Reading boss Steve Coppell spices up his Wednesday night TV viewing by wisely changing channels.

"These players won't have heard of me. They'll know me from the last few years at City and that's it - unless there have been some stories handed down by their great-great grandfathers!"
Stuart Pearce won't be relying on his past glories as a player for the national team to motivate his England under-21 players.

"I went through a patch where I felt like I was batting with a stump in my hand."
England hero Paul Collingwood after returning from a batting slump with scores of 106, 120 not out and 70 to earn England victory in the CB Series.

"The only way we will be getting to Europe is on Easyjet in the summertime."
Steve Coppell plays down expectations of European football at the Madejski Stadium next season.

AND SOME FROM YOU

"I have a feeling it's the bottom three who will go down."
Graham Taylor treats us to his pearls of wisdom. (Nick Saunders, Isle of Man).

"We haven't seen Ashley Klein in the second half and that's good to see."
Sky Sports' Stevo during the Huddersfield v St Helens game. (Steve Groom, England).

"I know people expect us to win the league but it's not that easy otherwise Brentford would be top or Huddersfield would be top."
Willy Gueret, Swansea City goalkeeper. Who would be bottom then? (John, Swansea).

"Eyup our kid - me new pad in Stocky's buzzin'"

"Ronaldo, 21, of Stockport, returned a notice of intended prosecution to confirm he was the driver."
BBC News website in an article about Cristiano Ronaldo getting a speeding fine. Surely if he's from Stockport, McClaren should consider him for the England squad? (Joe, England).

"I think he was penalised for being ahead of the car in front."
From one of the commentators on the A1GP race on Sunday. (Matt H, London).

"The Liverpool defence have literally been caught with their trousers down."
Andy Townsend on an Andy Johnson chance against Liverpool. (Tim Wood, England).

"That's your sixth clean sheet away from home and you haven't lost one of them."
Radio Nottingham's Colin Slater interviewing Notts County goalkeeper Kevin Pilkington after their 0-0 draw at Wycombe. (Barry Medd, England).

"You miss someone like Andrew Symonds in your inner-ring."
Ricky Ponting gives away Australia's pre-match motivation tactics. (Rich Lloyd, UK)

"Don't let El Karkouri take it, he puts them over the roof of the stand."
BBC London commentator just before Charlton's El Karkouri put a free-kick in the back of the net from 25 yards! (Dan, London, UK).

Dylan pictured at the start of the CB Series

"Bob Dylan has been on his Never-Ending Tour since 1994. It seems as if the CB Series kicked off around the same time."
Cricinfo website after England beat New Zealand to extend their part in the one-day series by at least another two games. (Dylan Knight, England).

"More subliminal skills from Nakamura."
Commentator for Radio Scotland on the Celtic v Livingston Scottish Cup match. He's fast, but he's not that fast! (Erin, Scotland).

"England need two or three scalps in the next five overs or they're toast. And not toast with a nice thin layer of butter and a generous layer of strawberry jam, but cremated toast with a dead fish on top."
England v New Zealand cricket commentary on bbc.co.uk. (Andrew Birtles, England).

"For England, this is literally do or die."
Rishi Persaud getting somewhat carried away with his warning to the cricketers before their victory over Australia. (Daf Pritchard, Wales).

"If their money speaks and they don't interfere with the manager's decisions I'd take money from absolutely anybody. It could be a butcher, could be anybody. Give me the money and I'll spend it, me old cocker!"
Ian Holloway gives his views on Americans in football in his BBC column. (Mark Stratton, Swindon).

"We've got something out of the game and we fight to live another day."
Steve Bruce fighting for life after Birmingham's draw with Colchester. (PJT, Burnham, UK).

Another order for the Bears

"The Bears defense led the league in takeaways last season - they had 44."
Commentator on the NFL Network during Superbowl XLI. No wonder they couldn't last the pace! (Stephen W, UK).

"It's quite obvious that if there is no tie tonight, one of these teams should win."
Cricket commentator during England/New Zealand game at Brisbane. (Phil, Western Australia).

"Well I'm 28 now and people say you reach your peak at 28, so hopefully I've got my best years ahead of me."
Kieron Dyer. (Rich, UK).

"Puyol must certainly be giving Crouch a few inches there. Must be at least seven or eight!"
Mark Lawrenson when Puyol won a header against Peter Crouch as England played Spain. (Marcus, England)

"Butcher took over in May 2006 after a sting at Motherwell and has a year left on his Sydney FC contract."
BBC website Butcher Sydney story. Are stings really that bad for people's careers? (Max Thompson, UK).

"Liverpool are 1-0 up against Everton with a goal from David Bellamy."
Manish Bhashin on Football Focus during Liverpool's 0-0 draw with Everton. (Phil, England).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"We can't see you sneaking out!"
Mk Dons fans to Bury supporters as a deep fog enveloped the ground. (Sam Willis, England).

"Where are you?"
More fog fun with Wigan fans in the victory over Pompey. (Neil Robertson, UK).

"There's only one Harry Redknapp!"
Man City fans to Southampton fans in response to chants of "Glory, glory, Man Utd!" (Leucha, UK).

This one's for old man Schmeichel

"I Bet your dad looks good on the dancefloor!"
St Johnstone fans to Falkirk keeper Kasper Schmeichel, whose dad Peter starred in Strictly Come Dancing. (Scott, Scotland).

"If Barton can play for England, so can I!"
Portsmouth Fans chanting to Joey Barton on Saturday after his clash with Mendes. (Tom, London).

"Shall we build a roof for you?"
Man City fans to Portsmouth as we got soaked in the away end. (Gavin Batty, UK).

"You're just a small part of England!"
Northern Ireland fans to their Welsh counterparts at Windsor Park during the 0-0 draw. (Peter Girvan, Northern Ireland).

"Yousef's here and Yousef's there, here we go ohhhhhh, Moroccan all over the World."
A chant we sang at Carrow Road to Yousef Safri - (to the tune of Rocking All Over The World). (Caroline Clarke, England).

"What's that coming over the hill, is it the taxman?"
Grimsby Town fans to Boston boss Steve Evans during the 6-0 thrashing. Evans was given a suspended sentence last year after being found guilty of tax fraud. (Mighty Mariner, UK).

"We want five."
Man Utd fans after going 4-0 up at Tottenham.
"We want one!"
Spurs fans reply. (Samsonite, UK).

Have Your Say: Are there any funny quotes we've missed out?