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Last Updated: Tuesday, 30 January 2007, 11:27 GMT
Quotes of the Week
Window cleaner
Psycho's been busy in the transfer window

"I'm thinking of taking a window cleaner's job to fill the spare hour in the evening."
Stuart Pearce believes he has plenty of time to juggle the England under-21 job with his position at Manchester City.

"If it was a boxing match it would be Muhammad Ali against Jimmy Krankie."
Aidy Boothroyd on Wednesday's match with Man Utd.

"We're a deck of cards at the moment - we lose one wicket, we lose four or five."
England captain Andrew Flintoff after their humiliating nine-wicket defeat by Australia in the one-day series.

"I found it funny because the left-back was kicking people and ready to fight everybody. I told Steve Clarke 'he will kill him' and before I'd finished he did. Yes, funny."
Jose Mourinho on the hilarious battering dished out to Andriy Shechenko by Nottingham Forest defender Julian Bennett.

"He's like Dash from that film The Incredibles."
Plymouth boss Ian Holloway after Scott Sinclair's dazzling solo goal against Barnet.

"The tackle from Upson was on a par with the referee!"
Reading's Dave Kitson after an X-rated challenge by Birmingham's Matthew Upson, which did not merit a red card from the ref.

"I've only been to Wembley once. It was about five years ago - Lenny Kravitz at the Wembley Arena."
Fulham boss Chris Coleman is not getting carried away with his side's FA Cup run.

"I'll prepare as usual with a few dances and a few beers."
Alex Marshall gets ready for his World Singles bowls final with Mervyn King.

Serena Williams
I see you baby....

"I was looking in the mirror today and my waist is still 28 inches. I think it's all because I have a large bosom and a large ass. I have a large ass and it always just looks like I'm bigger than the rest of the girls. I could lose 20 pounds and I'm still going to have these knockers and I'm going to have this ass and that's just the way it is."
Serena Williams hits back at her knockers after winning the Australian Open.

"When I read a few things, I smell a few coats."
Jose Mourinho being interviewed by Gary Lineker - answers on a postcard please.

"It's disappointing, but I'll get over it. He says it's for family reasons he wants to go back to Scotland - but he forgot to put that in his transfer request! Whoever wrote it has not quite got the wording right!"
Wigan boss Paul Jewell expressing his unhappiness at Lee McCulloch's decision to hand in a transfer request.

"I have always really liked Tom Jones and I can't wait to see him in action. One thing is for sure, I would rather be singing for a living than getting punched on the head."
Ricky Hatton reveals he has two front row tickets for a Tom Jones concert. The singer rang him up before the fight with Juan Urango, but Hatton thought it was a wind-up.

"I have pain not just in one place - I have it in my famous arse."
Rafael Nadal's Australian Open quarter-final defeat by Fernando Gonzales was a pain in the backside.

"Fergie said I was a Manchester United player in the wrong shirt - I said he was an Arsenal manager in the wrong blazer."
Portsmouth assistant Tony Adams recalls his early experiences of Sir Alex Ferguson ahead of Pompey's FA Cup tie with Man Utd.

"I just remember her dress, that's it. It was a pink dress. I just remember the colour actually."
Anna Chakvetadze describes the first time she saw Australian Open quarter-final opponent Maria Sharapova in action.

Maria Sharapova
Gritty in pink

"Maria hits the ball so hard - especially in the warm-up. I thought, 'She will kill me'."
Chakvetadze realises Sharapova is both beauty and beast.

"There is so much coming out of his mouth, I can't hear it all. It is very motivating and makes you want to be there at the end."
Mike Hussey on England wicket-keeper Paul Nixon's sledging.

AND SOME FROM YOU

"I'm a prince and I'm sort of slaying a dragon, which is something I've never done before, obviously."
David Beckham on his role as a dragon slayer in a new Disney ad. (Adam, England).

"The Dragons are one point away from 50 - 48-0 the score."
Gareth Charles during the Leinster-Scarlets game. (Bryn Jones, Wales).

"Its always good to get a leg over."
Commentator John Part at the darts. (David Halmers, France).

"Rooney's touch is so good it's like he's got velvet gloves on his feet."
Classic Iain Dowie on Match of the Day. (Nick Read, England).

"If it doesn't go right tonight, Wenger has another leg up his sleeve."
Glenn Hoddle in the build-up to the Carling Cup clash between Tottenham and Arsenal. (Rob, England).

"I've gotten 'Snotlicker' before, so I don't think it could get any worse than that."
Brandt Snedeken on the confusion in pronouncing his name, after his 11-under first round performance at the Buick Invitational golf tournament. (Steve Finch, USA).

Microwave oven
Your new centre-half is nearly done, Aidy

"We grow our players at this club, we don't have a greenhouse in the back because we can't afford it, we're more of a microwave club."
Watford manager Aidy Boothroyd. (Simon Buckley).

"Im one of these weirdos that believes in possible impossibles!"
Boothroyd after Watford's first league win since 4 November. (Aidan, Scotland).

"One bus! You've only got one bus!" A chant made by the Aberdeen fans to the very few Kilmarnock fans that travelled up north to see their team get humped.
From last week's Quotes of the Week. You gotta wonder what they were watching! (Adrian Cooper, UK). Ahem, yes, I think it should have actually said 'thumped'! That's a first - getting an entry in our own Quotes of the Week page! Ed.

"I am not sure exactly why the winter break started but I'm sure it has something to do with the weather."
Owen Hargreaves discussing the Bundesliga winter shutdown. (Jamie Gray, Scotland).

"They put on a couple of monsters up front. I mean that in a good way..."
Tottenham boss Martin Jol on Fulham's front pair. (Graham Price, UK).

"Whenever these two teams meet it's always a great game. But it wasn't a great game."
Lee Dixon on the United-Arsenal match. (Richard Green, England).

Lawro: "I'll tell you something, Vidic looks good too."
Green : "Well I didn't fancy him at first but..."
Mark Lawrenson and Alan Green while commentating on Man Utd-Arsenal. (Nathan, UK).

Children ready to play football
Arsenal prepare for their next match

"Look how young they look. I hope the physio has some Calpol in his bag."
Mark Lawrenson on Radio Five Live before Arsenal's kids thrashed Liverpool 6-3 in the Carling Cup. (Jezz, UK).

"Hunt has proved on a few occasions that he's a clever type, and his challenge on Nick Montgomery earlier in the game wasn't clever either."
Neil Warnock's thoughts on intelligence. (Tom, France).

"He has that smell to be where he needs to be at the decisive moment. When there is chocolate to take in the box he is there."
Arsene Wenger lets his sugary metaphors run away with him while discussing Julio Baptista. (Rob Watson, UK).

"To beat Federer you need a big weapon and Gonzales has a big weapon."
Ross Case commenting on Gonzales v Federer in the Australian Open tennis final. (Peter Komander, Australia).

"If this match were being played on water, Roddick would be drowning while Federer would be walking on it."
BBC Sport's Chris Bailey. That really summed it up. (Dominic Bottomley, England).

"The league is all about the league, the cups are the cups."
Ray Houghton on TalkSport talking about Liverpool's form - thank goodness he cleared that up! (Richard Gale, UK).

"He's a typical winger in that he's not brave and tackling's not a strong point - although he's not afraid to go into a tackle."
Les Ferdinand on Ashley Young. (Jack, England).

Badger
Those pesky insects

"Murray spots an insect and some poor kid has to carry it off court. Brave - I've been to Australia, there are bugs over there the size of badgers."
Ben Dirs calls for Bill Oddie during the Murray/Nadal BBC website commentary. (Dom Bottomley, England).

"The only problem for Chelsea at the moment is that they are 2-0 down."
Andy Gray on Sky Sports during the Liverpool-Chelsea game. (Matthew Crumbley, England).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

Newcastle fans to West Ham fans: "Going down, going down, going down."
West Ham fans to Newcastle fans: "So are we, so are we, so are we!" (Sam, England).

"You're not singing anymore!"
Wolves fans to an empty visiting stand when they drew level at Molineux (Cardiff fans had been banned from the game). (Rich Box, England).

"Whinge on the telly, he's going to whinge on the telly!"
Boro fans to Sam Allardyce when El Hadji Diouf was sent off. (Ben, England).

"What a waste of petrol!"
Burnley fans after their FA Cup match with Reading was rained off. (Liam, England).

Garden shed
Welcome to our ground

"My Garden Shed Is Bigger Than This."
Oxford Utd supporters at the Grays match, noting the contrast between the magnificent Kassam Stadium and the tiny and dilapidated Recreation Ground. (Robert Kemp, UK).

"Sell all your tickets! You couldnae sell all your tickets!"
Rangers fans at Dunfermline's East End Park. (Rick, Scotland).

"You might have Steve Jones - but we own our homes!"
Ulster fans to Welsh fans against Llanelli Scarlets at Ravenhill. (Michael Johnston, Northern Ireland).

"Beaten by a franchise, you're getting beaten by a franchise." Sung by MK Dons fans to Barnet supporters. (Paul Maclean, UK).]

BANNER OF THE WEEK

"Shaun Wright-Phillips - 21m
Andriy Shevchenko - 30m
2 European Cups - priceless
Money can buy you duff players, for everything else there's Cloughie!"
Banner made up by Forest fans for the FA Cup tie with Chelsea. (Chris, England).



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SEE ALSO
Pearce can do dual roles - Taylor
30 Jan 07 |  Internationals
Holloway column
26 Jan 07 |  Fun and Games
Greatest darts quotes ever
12 Jan 07 |  Darts


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