Holloway column

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The tea's getting stronger

Ian Holloway gives us the lowdown on the burning issues of the week in his regular column.

This week the Plymouth manager has his say on the Big Brother shenanigans, Chelsea's problems and reflects on a good week in the FA Cup.

PILGRIMS' PROGRESS IN CUP

We almost slipped on a banana skin. Peterborough did really well and we went one behind - it was a stern test but we came through it and we haven't been in the fourth round for seven years so that's fantastic.

I said a couple of weeks ago I was like a cheap teabag because I didn't stay in the Cup very long but at the moment I'm percolating in the hot water so I'm going to be a much better cup of tea.

When you get knocked out of the Cup, out you go. I'm normally very wishy washy when the milk's put in, but hopefully I'll make a decent cuppa this time.

Barnet away is another potential banana skin - just ask Colchester - but I can't wait. And I can't wait to find out how old Andy Hessenthaler really is. I'll try and rip his head off to see if that's a mask he's wearing. Is he really that alien I've said he is?

ROEDER'S TOPSY TURVY WEEK

It's not the end of the Roed

Oh my goodness me, that just sums football up doesn't it? You pick the same team that got a fantastic result against Tottenham and then you get absolutely battered at home by Birmingham.

But let's not kid ourselves, Birmingham are at the top of the Championship on merit and their back line on paper is far superior to Newcastle's at the moment.

You've got N'Gotty, Taylor, Upson and Sadler and that's a Premier League back line, whereas Newcastle have got a load of kids and a right-winger playing at right-back. I wonder how much Newcastle would pay for Upson?

It was a bad day at the office for Glenn Roeder but he'll have plenty of good ones. He's a good bloke.

TROUBLED TIMES AT CHELSEA

Basically you can't have your chairman interfering in what the manager's doing - and if that is happening it could lead to long-term disaster. I don't know if that's the case but if it is I'm sure Mr Mourinho will sort it out.

Mr Abramovich might be one of the richest men in the world but he's got to learn that he can't muck about with his manager.

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John Terry and some of the players have backed Mourinho but it won't be their choice - you can't determine who your coach is.

Clubs have to listen to their managers. There's got to be one song and one songsheet.

The chairman cannot be telling the manager who he should pick and who he should buy - it just does not work long term.

No matter how many quid you've got in your wallet it doesn't make you a manager. You pay someone else for his knowledge and you've got to back him to the hilt.

BIG BROTHER SHENANIGANS

My wife made me watch it and I realised the football was on the other side so we had a massive argument, which she won.

Put a sock in it

I couldn't believe Big Brother on Wednesday night. Cleo's been sitting on the fence but if I was in there I'd have said 'Jade, you're bang out of order, love. Shut your big trap, hang on a minute and should you really be arguing about a few Oxo cubes?'

It's all about understanding other people's life and culture and I don't think Shilpa's up herself at all - she just seems to be trying to help people.

What are those three girls like? It's like the Witches of Eastwick. They need Jack Nicholson to come in and sort them right out.

What is it with women? All the blokes get on fine. What the women do, they have a look around and if anyone's different they'll have a little bicker about them and then start picking on them. I can't understand it.

If I was in there I wouldn't try to be everybody's friend I'd have to say 'Excuse me, hang on a minute, I think you're wrong there. Don't raise your voice at her like that, don't get like that. It's just an Oxo cube, we got it wrong and we're all in this together'.

Cleo goes over and sits with one side, then the other, and she's gonna fall in all sorts of trouble soon. She's a lovely person but you can't hunt with the hounds and run with the fox - you can't do it. What you've got to do is say to yourself do I accept that behaviour? No I don't, shut up.

I'd have said 'Jade, shut your big trap, love - go and sit over there because you're getting it all wrong'.

At the minute I like Jermaine, I think he's cool and it should be him or Dirk winning for me. Dirk's a great bloke with a right good personality. I worry about his health with those cigars but other than that he's fine.

PUNTER'S QUESTION

'Graeme Souness' curling tongs':
"Dear Mr Holloway, can I have a trial please? I'm not currently attached to any professional club and I would be prepared to agree to a pay-as-you-play deal.

Absolutely not. No-one who calls himself by a silly name like that will ever have a trial at Plymouth.

PUNTER'S QUESTION II

'Hose':
"Dear Ian, who is your favourite Bond villain? P.S. My mates reckon you look like Dr Evil from Austin Powers.

Moo haha! Moo haha! I'm actually Mini Me. I'm happy with Dr Evil but I think I look more like Mini Me!

Are you Ollie in disguise?

Favourite Bond villain? I like Oddjob, remember him? He was the sidekick of somebody. I like the way he threw that hat and knocked the thing off.

I like the new Bond, I thought he was brilliant and probably the most realistic of the lot. Sean Connery was brilliant, Roger Moore I wasn't really having - he was too posh, Pierce Brosnan didn't really look the part, but this new bloke is absolutely magnificent.

And I liked the new villain with the eye that bled. Fantastic. What a shame they all die in the end...for anybody who hasn't seen the film!

Interview by Chris Charles.