The number of players Jose wants to sign, or something like that
"On Monday I have a £50m player and we don't have to pay to have him."
Jose Mourinho hails the return of goalkeeper Petr Cech, along with a surreptitious two fingers at the 'cash-shy' Chelsea hierarchy.
"I am a club man and because I love the club, I am not the kind of stupid man that says I love the club since I was a child, but for the last two-and-a-half years, I learned how to love this club. The club is important."
It's all about the club for Jose.
"I didn't want to go there at 34-years-old and for people to say he's only going for the money. It's not what I'm going out there to do."
The projected $275m over five years is just an added bonus for David Beckham.
"You want to sell soccer in America? Vend it like Beckham. You want to repair the divide between the millions of Americans who play soccer and the thousands who actually watch it? Mend it like Beckham."
You want a journalist flogging a theme to death? Pen it like Bill Plaschke, who gets a little too carried away with the 'Bend it Like Beckham' play on words in the LA Times.
"I haven't met him yet, but I might just put him in my next Rambo film and chase him round the jungle for a couple of months."
Newly anointed Evertonian Sylvester Stallone has a job for Becks if he gets bored with football in LA.
Tulips from Amsterdam? What position does he play?
"They forget I came to Scotland at a diabolical time. And this is the way they act at the end."
Walter Smith twists the knife after his acrimonious divorce from Scotland to become Rangers manager. Again.
"It's a bit like Amsterdam. They look great in the window, but it's different when you go inside."
Comic Bob Mills debates the perils of football's transfer window.
"The problem was conceding four goals in the first half."
Rafa Benitez adds a contender for the 'stating the bleeding obvious' award after Liverpool's 6-3 defeat to Arsenal in the Carling Cup.
"Welcome to the crease Paul Collingwood MBE."
PA announcer at the Australia v England Twenty20 in reference to Shane Warne's 'you got an MBE for seven runs' sledge during the fifth Ashes Test.
"It that still going?"
"My knee is fine but my neck hurts from watching all the sixes hit by Australia!"
Returning captain Michael Vaughan had to endure 14 maximums from Australia's rampant top order during the Twenty20.
"When I was 6-0 down, I slapped myself on the back of the head and said 'let's go'. I can't say what I called myself!"
Whatever Phill Nixon called himself it almost worked after a heroic comeback in the final of the BDO darts final ended in a 7-6 defeat to Martin 'Wolfie' Adams.
"I've been on the pitch at Bradford City, Rotherham and Doncaster Rovers."
Glamour all the way for Yorkshireman and WBC light welterweight champion Junior Witter, 'bigging' up his credentials for a bout with Vegas-based Ricky Hatton.
"The missus doesn't like it because she thinks I look a right state every time she sees me on the telly or in the papers."
Portsmouth's Gary O'Neil can finally get his hair cut after scoring in Pompey's 1-1 draw with Sheffield United. The midfielder had a bet with team-mate Sean Davies that neither could have a trim until they scored.
AND SOME FROM YOU
"Ching ching" ring the tills of LA
"That adds up to $55m. Multiply it by five and you get well over $275m."
BBC Sport's Mihir Bose forgets to check his arithmetic on Mr Beckham's modest income at LA Galaxy, a quote worthy of the great man himself. (Peter, Switzerland and numerous others)
"After considering several options to stay in Madrid or join other major British and European teams, I have decided to join LA Galaxy."
Becks' geography teacher winces while his economics teacher rubs his hands with glee. (David, UK)
"We will find out in the second leg how good a result it is."
Tommy Smith is asked what he thinks of Nottingham Forest's defeat of Charlton in the FA Cup on ESPN. We'll be a long time waiting for that one... (Paul, Perth)
"It would have been better if I had won, but reaching the final was perfect".
Andy Murray is not au fait with the meaning of the word 'perfect' after losing to Ivan Ljubicic in Qatar. (Craig Winter, Scotland)
"Liverpool were all mishy-mashy, I know that isn't a word, but it should be."
Paul Merson on Sky Sports after Liverpool were drubbed by Arsenal in the Carling Cup. (Dan, England)
Stone-faced Wolfie kisses the bling at Frimley Green
"Look at his concentration - it's like someone's stuck a beard on a lump of granite!"
Darts commentator David Croft on new champion Martin "Wolfie" Adams during his second-round match. (Graeme Strachan, Scotland)
"In order to play darts, you need a dartboard and some darts."
Bobby George points out where the rest of us have been going wrong. (Chris, England)
"Look at him! He's burst that shirt three times already!"
Sky Commentator David Lloyd on rotund umpire Peter Parker, who had a workout signalling the sixes during the England v Australia Twenty20 international. (Richard White, Engalnd)
BANNER OF THE WEEK
'THE BLOKE BEHIND ME CAN'T SEE'
A teenager waves his placard about in the Australia v England Twenty20 match.