Oh well, there's always next year
Ian Holloway gives us the lowdown on the burning issues of the week in his regular column.
This week the Plymouth manager tells how his New Year's resolutions have gone down the pan, why he's rubbish in the FA Cup and why Pete Doherty's a lucky man.
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
I've broken them all already! I wasn't gonna swear this year and I ruined that on New Year's Day by swearing at the fourth official.
I was devastated at the end - not because we didn't win the game or that the ref cancelled out our goal, or that he should have cancelled their goal, or that he sent my centre forward off for deliberate handball which wasn't deliberate at all.
Nothing to do with any of that - it was the fact that I swore at the fourth official about the linesman on the other side. So that's one New Year's resolution gone and the second one went that night when I was a bit down and had one glass of wine too many.
So what a terrible New Year I'm having! I wasn't going to drink for at least a month and I was going to get fit and all that and I've blown it.
FA CUP THIRD ROUND DAY
You can never be confident of avoiding an upset, that's the beautiful thing about the Cup. I've got some horrendous injuries at the moment, so who knows? But I'm confident my team will go up to Peterborough and give a good account of themselves.
The result is sometimes in the lap of the Gods. But I will prepare to try and win the game.
Are you Ollie in disguise?
My record over the years has been shocking. I'm like a cheap tea bag - I don't stay long in the Cup!
I've either been with a team where we've got a small squad or we've been in administration, so by the time January comes we're absolute desperados, we're down to brass tacks.
On Saturday I've got a 21-year-old and an 18-year-old and a 17-year-old on the bench. That's my strikeforce.
It's a very, very tough fixture like every single January game always is. You feel the cold steel on the back of your neck as a manager in January.
But the FA Cup is a wonderful competition and we should never underestimate it.
ANDY HESSENTHALER PLAYING IN CUP FOR BARNET AT 42
I'm not tempted to put the boots on again, ever. But then Hessie's a lot fitter than I am. He never used to be but he is now.
We should check him to make sure he's not an alien because that bloke's just superhuman.
I reckon if you cut him up the middle there's going to be a little alien holding up a stick like on Men in Black! Steward's inquiry on Andy Hessenthaler - is he human?
WEST HAM'S DRUBBING
I sympathised with Alan Curbishley after that 6-0 hammering West Ham got at Reading but it's not sympathy that anyone wants. I've got empathy, I know what it feels like.
What you're looking for is for your team to have character. They had it last year but they've probably all got a bit too bloody big for their boots.
I lost 6-1 at Leeds a couple of seasons ago when I was manager of QPR - and that was after going 1-0 up. I think we got them angry. You feel embarrassed for all the people who've driven up there - it's just humiliating.
And I lost to Vauxhall Motors in the Cup on penalties - now you don't get much more embarrassing than that because their name's atrocious isn't it?
It sounded like we were beaten by a car. We didn't get into first gear and were automatically knocked out of the Cup.
It meant that much that a taxi driver who is now a good friend of mine came in and spoke to me for two hours about what I should have done.
But then I looked at the team he would have picked and I said "They're all bloody injured, you complete pillock!" He didn't realise how hard it was being a football manager.
KATE MOSS AND PETE DOHERTY 'MARRYING'
Some guys have all the luck
They're tying the knot in Thailand are they? What day's that - does he know what day it is?
I think that'll be a very good catch for him. All I can say is there's hope for all of us ugly b****rs!
I've got a lovely woman and so's he - fair play. She's multi-minted as well, which always helps.
Interview by Chris Charles.