The other Holloway Road
Ian Holloway gives us the lowdown on the burning issues of the week in his regular column.
The Plymouth boss tells how he spoils his wife, what to do about diving in football, Beckham's fortune and why Elton John is better than Celine Dion.
MRS HOLLOWAY ON THE ROAD
I took in three games in two days this week and my wife came with me. We went to Oldham against Crewe, Barnsley reserves versus Stoke City reserves and Wigan's youth team against ours, so she's been thoroughly spoilt.
We knocked Wigan out of the FA Youth Cup which is brilliant. It was a fantastic game and our boys did me proud.
I'm not sure my wife enjoyed all the football but she enjoys being with me. Mind you, any more very long weekends like that and that might change!
HOW TO STOP THE DIVERS
There's too much of this in football
What they need for these blokes is a pool of water and a load of people on the touchline holding up little cards with 9.8 and 8.6 on.
It's a joke isn't it? I think it's very poor. You don't need it. It's cheating. You're deliberately deceiving someone to try and get an advantage and I don't want to see that in the sport I've loved all my life.
It wouldn't be acceptable on a golf course or a cricket pitch so why should we put up with it? Why should we allow cheats on our football pitches?
I have to say it's a bit of a foreign trait. I love all the amateur dramatics on Soccer AM when they do the Platoon thing, but it's not very funny when a penalty's given against you.
I would use video evidence to suspend players and if they do it three times, ban them for a very long time.
BECKHAM TOPS FOOTBALL RICH LIST WITH £87m
I'm not on there yet. My earnings are a bit more modest than that. Twenty per cent of everything I earn goes to charity, which I think is very important. But goodness gracious me, what would you do with £87m?
I think I'd have a great big party for all my friends and family and then I'd go to a deaf school and help them out as much as I possibly could.
Some guys have all the luck
All of us see that figure next to Becks' name and think that would be nice, but maybe it isn't. Maybe he's a prisoner of his own fame - who knows?
All I know is that I can walk up the town whenever I want and I won't get badgered like he does. I'm sure he's made enough money from his perfumes and all that to be comfortable and he's a lovely kid, I've got to say.
When we played Man United there was a young fella waiting for his autograph and he took the book and the kid in their dressing room. He's different class.
TURNER PRIZE GOES TO A PAINTER
About time too. Somebody won it for having a light going on and off one year. I wish I was on the committee that decides who gets it.
Hurray for paintings!
We all admire artists who can draw and paint something exactly as it looks to us. But that must get really boring for them so they move on to something that excites them.
All the best artists in the world could paint something that looked so real you'd want to touch it, but then they went a bit weird. Look at Picasso and Van Gogh. They saw things in a different way to us which is marvellous but I don't think turning a light on and off is art.
If that's the case I'm a fantastic artist because I turn the lights on and off and sometimes I turn them on and forget to turn them off and my wife goes mad.
ELTON JOHN TO PLAY HOME PARK GIG IN JUNE
That'll be fantastic. I hope he sings Candle In The Wind, that's my favourite - that and Daniel. He played at Watford last season and gave them the royalties so they could go out and buy two players. I hope he's that generous with us!
Fancy a duet, Ian?
Anyone who can last that long in the music business is an absolute legend. I take my hat off to anyone who can sing and play like that - well I would if I had a hat.
Someone asked if I was planning to do a duet with him. Me? You're having a laugh, you're having an absolute chuckle. That's one of the things I can't do, singing. I'm hopeless.
'Hard to Beat': "What goes on at these League Managers Association Awards bashes they have every year?"
I don't know, I've never been to one mate. I'm hardly gonna win an award, am I? I'm not sure what goes on. What are a load of old managers going to get up to? There must be minute steaks on the menu because they might have all popped their clogs by the time they've cooked the real ones!
ANOTHER PUNTER'S QUESTION
Les Willis: "What are your views on Celine Dion - does she do your head in as much as she does mine?"
She's written one of the best records ever. "You were my eyes when I couldn't see, you lit me up when I couldn't reach." I can't remember the name of the song. *
But she does get a bit dirgy at times and goes on a bit. I bought a Sade CD the other day and after listening to it for a while I thought "Christ, no wonder she isn't famous any more".
You need a bit of life in your songs. Celine has got a wonderful voice, but I blame the songwriters for giving her dirgy material.
That particular song I really like is very sentimental because my wife bought it for me when she was ill so Les better be careful if he's having a go at Celine, I'll find out where he lives and come and have a pop at him!
* (The Celine song in question is 'Because You Love Me'. We had to look it up, honest ).
Interview by Chris Charles.