Pard luck story for Alan
Ian Holloway gives us the lowdown on the burning issues of the week in his regular column.
This week he voices his disapproval at Alan Pardew's sacking by West Ham, politicians trying to award themselves a pay rise and the world's tallest man.
ALAN PARDEW'S SACKING
I think it's an absolute disgrace. When you look at what he did last season...I'm sorry, but these people don't know what they're doing.
Alan Curbishley's a brilliant manager and so's Alan Pardew. They're both good friends of mine but if you've got a record like Pards had for West Ham there's no way you deserve to get the sack. It's absolute poppycock.
Someone does a good job at a club and makes progress and then all of a sudden his achievements are forgotten.
Charlton stuck with Curbs when they were yo-yoing between the divisions. Did that make him a bad manager when they got relegated or was it just that his team weren't good enough?
Good luck to Pards in his next job. I'm very impressed with what he did in his last one and the same goes for Curbs.
Look at the mess at Charlton since he left. Some of their fans were moaning before he went but I bet they wouldn't mind having him back now. That's the madness of football.
WORLD'S TALLEST MAN SAVES DOLPHINS BY RETRIEVING PLASTIC CAUGHT IN THEIR THROATS
Fantastic. Oh that's brilliant, isn't it? What a brave man putting his arm down there.
How tall is he - 7ft 8ins? If you see him, can you say thanks for saving the dolphins, but can he head a ball and does he fancy a game for Plymouth?
I don't care if he plays centre-half or up front. And what are the size of his feet? Because if he's a size 13 or more he might blow over in the wind.
PUNTER'S QUESTION I
'Plymouth Merchant Navy': "What do you think about MPs trying to award themelves a pay rise to take them to £100,000 a year?"
Yo, Blair - give yourself a rise!
If I was one of them I'd do exactly the same! Wouldn't that be great if you had a meeting with yourself in your office and said 'Right I'm going to vote that I get paid double'? We'd all be doing it, wouldn't we?
I'd make sure the good workers got an increase as well - and obviously I'd put myself down as a good worker!
I'd only give a politician a rise if he could actually answer a question I asked him. And then none of them would get a rise because they skirt round every single issue. It's unbelievable.
If I was a politician I'd find it hard not to give a straight answer to a straight question but maybe they would train me in the fine art of talking twaddle and going round in circles.
PUNTER'S QUESTION II
'Trago Milan': If you're ever in Bristol, my team Trago Milan play Pro 5 on a Thursday night. We could do with some experience in midfield. Any chance of dusting down the boots and doing a turn as our midfield lynchpin?
Absolutely no way! We were up there using the astrorturf the other day when we got rained off. I have a job to walk sometimes now and on that kind of surface I would fold double and never be able to get up again.
I was absolutely pathetic when I made my comeback for the reserves the other week, despite what some people were saying. My standards are obviously much higher than theirs.
PUNTER'S QUESTION III
Pilgrim Green: "Ollie, I think you're doing a great job down here - it's nice to have a manager again who loves working at Plymouth. My question is: You have £2m so spend on three players - who do you sign?
Ha ha! Tell him for political reasons I can't answer that, because it would be unfair on the players I've got. And whatever he's drinking, I'll have some of it! I'd love to have that sort of money to spend. Maybe one day I will.
PUNTER'S QUESTION IV
Dougie: Hi Ian, love the column. I'm a Hearts fan from Edinburgh and would love to know your opinions on the recent goings on at Tynecastle. Would you ever consider working for an owner like Mr Romanov?
I tell you what, it's better than a soap opera up there. That man is making what happened at QPR look boring.
Get me Holloway on the line!
There's some absolutely fantastic players at Hearts and if Mr Romanov wants to loan me some of them, or give me some of them, I'll be happy to take them off his hands!
That's your worst nightmare as a manager, you wake up and you've got an owner who wants to interfere on the management side of things.
When George Burley was there you were winning every week and then the bloke tried to tell him who to pick and George said no, get stuffed.
I wish Dougie and his team all the very best. It's nice to see someone else having a go and almost being able to compete with the giants up in Scotland.
Interview by Chris Charles.