Quotes of the week

Don't forget to send in the quotes we've missed using the postform.

Just keep him at arm's length from me!

"He was towering over me and the other players were almost covering their eyes. I'm looking up and thinking 'if he does hit me, I'm dead'."
Sir Alex Ferguson, who is celebrating 20 years in charge of Manchester United, recalls a run-in with Peter Schmeichel.

"I think it's important to work and I'm entitled to work. Some people do not want to work but I want to continue working."
Sir Alex won't be giving up his day job any time yet, just in case you didn't get the gist.

"I was scared to death of him the first time I met him. I still am actually."
Paul Scholes pays tribute to Fergie.

"When I left Fenerbache I would have liked to join a big club. That has not been possible."
Nicolas Anelka is settling in well at Bolton. There's a surprise.

"Nervous? My heart-rate was 189 - almost a heart attack!"
Spurs boss Martin Jol keeps a cool head during the win over Chelsea...not.

"We probably wouldn't be allowed in the Premiership. I can't imagine they would let the likes of Manchester United and Chelsea come here. The ground would fit in the back gardens of some of their players!"
Colchester striker Jamie Cureton on their Premiership dream.

Now where shall I put that rocket?

"!**@!*!!**@!"
Arsene Wenger and Alan Pardew celebrate fireworks night.

"Glenn Roeder has stood up all his life and he will always stay standing up whatever happens to him."
Glenn Roeder doesn't believe Glenn Roeder needs a rest.

"I had a great laugh. I must have made a difference to his form because he hadn't scored for ages and then goes and gets a hat-trick. But it was the wrong time to do it because he did it against my team!"
Bolton fan Amir Khan believes a meeting with Wayne Rooney inspired the Man Utd star to score a hat-trick against Wanderers.

"We were told the side an hour before kick-off and the lads looked round in astonishment when we kept the same team!"
Steven Gerrard on learning Rafa Benitez was to play an unchanged team for the first time in 99 matches.

"It has been retired. It was gelded after last week. I had to knock its rocks off. It was not so much a lucky mascot any more. But my daughter, Chelsea, is glad to have him back."
Stuart Pearce ends the reign of cuddly horse mascot Beanie after the 4-0 hammering by Wigan. City won their next game against Middlesbrough without him.

"We have brought the post in a couple of inches on that side and it has helped us!"
Pearce after City hung on to beat Boro when Massimo Maccarone twice hit the same post in the dying minutes.

"The worst thing about playing Chelsea is having to listen to Mourinho afterwards."
Barcelona defender Edmilson.

Come on, mate, just a little trim

"I do need a bit of a trim but I'm a bit nervous about getting it cut!"
Aussie all-rounder Andrew Symonds on his long locks.

"Everything in England is shut at 5pm, there is nothing to do, nowhere to go. I just got bored."
Jose Antonio Reyes on the best thing about leaving Arsenal for Real Madrid. Has he never heard of a pub?

"Maybe 2006 wasn't our time but if 2018 comes through Europe then we have to be interested. We have massive and great stadiums - there is even a theory Wembley will be finished by then!"
FA Chief Executive Brian Barwick tells BBC Sport Wembley might be ready to host the 2018 World Cup.

"That's the second time I've been sent off for celebrating. I'm going to staple my shirt on in future."
Sunderland winger Ross Wallace.

"When we meet in airports we don't fight. Those meetings are even funny."
Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger on new best friend Sir Alex Ferguson.

"He used to be a submarine commander. He thinks he can run a football club as a Soviet submarine."
Former Hearts chairman George Foulkes on majority shareholder Vladimir Romanov.

"Maybe the guy drank red wine or beer with breakfast instead of milk."
Jose Mourinho after a Sheffield United fan threw a bottle at Frank Lampard during Chelsea's 2-0 win at Bramall Lane.

"Australia's not all it's made out to be. All the Aussies come over and say how good it is, but I'd much rather be back in Bradford. I'd rather be on Blackpool beach than Bondi beach."
GB rugby league star Leon Pryce disses Australia in an interview for the BBC Sport website.

Bondi or Blackpool? You decide

"I went to Blackpool - me and the missus. We got there and the wife said, 'Pick the baby up, I don't want her walking on the footpath'. It's so dirty. And the beach - you've got your sand, but the water's edge is about a kilometre out to sea. It's just a s***house."
Aussie Bryan Fletcher hits back.

"I'd like to put a sticker on my head that says 'Doing fine thanks, don't ask'."
Michael Owen gets fed up with people asking how his rehabilitation is going.

"They have come up with several game-plans for me - probably better than my own, but I guess I will stick with mine."
Charlton manager Iain Dowie reveals his children give him plenty of advice on team tactics, unlike Manchester City's Stuart Pearce, whose daughter lent him a cuddly toy to bring him luck.

"I just think he is like a grandfather to everybody."
Sheffield United manager Neil Warnock on Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson, who celebrated 20 years at Old Trafford on Monday.

"I once rang him up and was on for 10 minutes about players and he told me about every player, their strengths and their weaknesses. I put the phone down and I said 'I bet he even knows the Dunfermline groundsman'. So I rang him back and said 'Hey Alex, I forgot to ask you about the Dunfermline groundsman' and, by God, he did know his name and where he came from!"
Warnock again on Ferguson.

---

AND SOME FROM YOU

No flies on you, Phil

"The man knows everything about you, what your parents' names are, your sister's name, your brother's name."
Phil Neville on Fergie's 20 years. (Lewis Freeth, UK).

"Andy is as honest as the day is long."
David Moyes on Andy Johnson....as the days are getting shorter. (Matt, UK).

"They say that a draw is like kissing your sister; what did you make of it?"
BBC Radio Wales reporter Nick Webb's opening question to Aussie assistant coach Scott Johnson after the 29-29 draw with Wales. (Rhodri, Wales).

"In the cold light of day you go to bed at night thinking about the chances you've missed."
David Platt on Sky Sports (Arsenal v CSKA Moscow). (Graham, UK).

"I see they are wearing the white of Real Madrid - that's like a red rag to a bull."
David Pleat on Chelsea's white kit against Barcelona. (Andrew Wells-Gaston, UK).

"And here comes Crouch, like some sort of rampaging super-spider."
Peter Drury during Liverpool v Bordeaux. (Dave Warder, England).

"We aspire to be where Liverpool are now."
Martin O'Neill, manager of 7th placed Villa, on 8th placed Liverpool! (Scott Craze, England).

"There is very little movement from Manchester City's midfield players. In fact if they are planning on playing Dietmar Hamman in their next game they will have to write to the Council for planning permission."
A local radio commentator during Manchester City's recent game against Wigan Athletic. (John Williams, Stockport).

Another collector's item from Kanu

"Kanu has been fantastic. My God, we've even got him heading the ball. Well, it's not really heading, more like hitting him on the head!"
Portsmouth boss Harry Redknapp on the in-form Kanu. (Kingsley Nwangwu,Tokyo, Japan).

"People ask me about other clubs, but it is as if my wife is dying and you are asking me if I am thinking of going with another woman."
Sam Hammam on whether he'll invest in another club after reliquishing his majority shareholding at Cardiff City. (David, Maesteg, South Wales).

"They're knocking at the door but they can't blow it down."
Trevor Francis on Manchester United's "Big Bad Wolf" assaults on the Bolton goal. (Libby Curran, USA).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"You've only got one ball!"
Spurs fans after Watford officials spent an age retrieving the ball they had been using rather than throwing on another one. (Jules Wallis, England).

"S*** ground, no flags."
Chant from Burnley fans after a corner flag snapped at Luton and the replacement took five minutes to find. (Keith Tempest, England).

"We hate Ipswich more than you!"
Colchester fans to their Norwich counterparts at Carrow Road. (Chris Hoggarth, England).

"300 miles and we missed the goal!"
A chant from some Ipswich fans after turning up late for the kick-off and missing Ipswich's first-minute goal in the game at Plymouth on Tuesday night. (Richard Butcher, England).

Have Your Say: Are there any funny quotes we've missed out?